Aw such a cute start to a story!! :) I decided to review you back since you reviewed mine for the Ravenclaw game. There isn't much out there about Charlie (poo, right?) so it's really up for interpretation of his character. I really like how you've got this started and the baby dragon is so cute >.< The one thing I keep messing up on is Dominique is also the name of a fellow Weasley cousin, so that threw me off a little bit. But I think once you get going more and start referring to her just as "Nikki" that'll help. I feel like the abandoned baby dragon will bring Charlie and Nikki together in the end and they will fall happily in love and get married and have little ginger french-speaking children. :) I'll definitely keep my eye on this one, it's really quite good! xxAuthor's Response: thank you so much for reviewing- your review makes me want to update this story asap (even though I've been terribly negligent due to work, life, and my other fic- No Second Chances). As for the Dominique-confusion: with all the Weasley children being named after somebody or the other, I figured it would be fun to speculate who Bill Weasley would name his second daughter after. :) As far as the baby dragon goes, Bacon is my favorite character, but a lot more trouble than he's worth!
Thanks again for reviewing!
~M Report Review
I LOVED THIS!
I thought it was super heartfelt and emotional, but not to much. I especially liked the little backstory woven in there ;) . The only thing I have to say is maybe a little bit more of the quidditch scene. Overall, this was a great chapter and it really left me hanging.Author's Response: thank you so much for this lovely review! you make me want to continue writing this story :) I worked on this for a while and then got too busy to continue, but I think I'm going to start working on it again!
I hope you continue reading!
~M Report Review
Wow, you've changed it loads since I last read it! It's really good, and great how you've taken time to develop a character's background, particularly a new character like Nikki. It helps to make her have a strong character that makes her instantly recognisable and creates light and shade within her personality, and a clear reason for the actions she is going to take in this story. On that, you were brilliant!
The only thing I would say is that you introduced a lot of characters in this chapter without giving them any noticeable personality trait to distinguish them. If you introduce them through dialogue or appearance, it would be a lot easier for the reader to remember them all. Other than that, it was brilliant and I will definitely read the next chapter!Author's Response: sorry for the way overdue response! i thought i replied to this earlier, and then i went MIA. thanks so much for the feedback- i'll be sure to incorporate it when i edit (which should be soon!). hope you're well and thanks so much for the review!
-M Report Review
Really nice start! I like how you have already shown a contrast between their personalities, and I think you have the dialogue bang on. I'd love to see how you develop them, because you've created some firmly established characters with some great dialogue.
My only small criticism is if this is destined to be longer than a one shot, you could have moved the last section (the bit where Nikki goes to see Charlie at night) to another chapter, as it felt a little quick. Other than that it was a great start!Author's Response: Thanks, I'm so glad you like it! You're right about the last part- I'm never sure where to transition between chapters. I'll go back over it though! Thanks again!
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection