Looove this story!!! I wasn't sure what to expect when I clicked on it but I have been pleasantly surprised. You've done a good job with these characters and I'm intrigued to read more so please update as soon as possible =) Report Review
I love the last few lines! I really do love your story. I can't stop reading it! Report Review
I like all the dramatics. And I really like how Bellatrix and Joslyn become friends; it is cute in a brutal way. Lolol. Report Review
OMG! I love this soo much! Good job. Report Review
This is great! Good job, update please. Report Review
The summary hooked me in completely. The whole two sides of a story thing. And it's true. Every side of the battle does have it's evils. It's a war, and wars are rarely nice. I loved the idea of another perspective on this. Another glimpse. We naturally see Death Eaters as evil and the Order of Phoenix as good, but it's bound to be different looking through another window, yes? And so far, I really liked it. Following this sweet Hufflepuff through Hogwarts during this War is something I'm looking forward to doing.
I really adored your portrayal of the Marauders. A lot of stories don't keep in mind that they wee likely a little bit of bullies once upon a time. They changed, yes, but they were slightly bullies. They were immature. While them teasing the poor girl was not out of character, in fact, it was very within character, when they continued after she started crying - I don't think that would've happened in the books. They're good people. They might have been immature, but they should've known better than that. The Marauders are more likely to give her antlers than to make her cry by doing this.
I just have to note how you wrote Remus. I liked how you did it. Looking back to it, Remus often acts as a bystander. I would have had him glance at James or Sirius meaningfully or try to shake his head rather than not doing anything at all, but I do like the general concept of him.
Keep updating! :3 Report Review
asghhsvajqy please please please write more!! your story is just so good!Author's Response: Thank you so much (: I'm glad you like it Report Review
please update soon i love your story so muchAuthor's Response: Thank you! Right now I've been editing the chapters that I have done, but I've already thought about what I want to write in the new chapter. Report Review
Excellent work. Please continueAuthor's Response: Thank you (: Report Review
Again, I think the chapter goes a little bit fast...we don't really get to see how Evan and Joslyn's relationship forms or plays out, and a month is a little soon to be best friends. Men especially, are usually more guarded than women, and their relationship is a little strange so far. I would definately like to see more of Joselyn and Narcissa's friendship..that is one I can see chemistry with, simply because the two characters are quite alike.
This also ties in with the pacing, but after being taunted for six years, I think it's slightly unrealistic that over just a month Joselyn's character would flip so completely, from one day allowing everyone to bully her, and the next for telling Sirius off for it.
I think these last two chapters could've spanned out over four or five, with more filler in between the important events. As a reader, we need to really get a feel for the character..get attached to them, get to know them, laugh with them, cry with them, etc. and as things are moving so quickly, we haven't really had any chance at all to get to know any of the characters.
Keep at it, and I'm sure you'll do great :)Author's Response: Thank you for all your help! I have been editing it (not done yet). Let me know if it is any better. Report Review
Very interesting concept, and not a bad start.
First off, I believe it is LeStrange, not LaStrange. A common mistake, and obviously not something that detracts from the story.
Second off, a half-breed, is generally used in reference to someone like Hagrid or Professor Flitwick. Someone who is half magical creature, and half magical person. A mudblood, half-blood, or muckblood are generally used to degradingly refer to a person's blood status, be it muggle born or halfblood.
It seems you have taken creative license with the ages, but incase you didn't know Lucius, Bellatrix, Andromeda, Narcissa, etc. are not in school with the Marauders, save for Narcissa in her seventh year when they begin their first(I believe).
The last paragraph, when Joslyn talks about how she knows her year will be different, you typed "sick" instead of "stick."
I think for this being a first chapter, the relationship between Joslyn and Evan seems a bit rushed. We learn about her family and school life a little bit, but it doesn't seem that we as the reader get a true sense of who she really is, or more importantly, why she lets people walk all over her and degrade her. I think her character could've been delved into a little bit deeper in the first chapter, and possibly her meeting Evan pushed to the second or third as far as the pacing of the plot goes, but hey, it's your story, and that's just my opinion.
A beta reader can often help with things like this..spelling, grammer, syntax, and offer helpful suggestions to improve the story as far as pacing, plot, and character developement. The Harry Potter lexicon or wikia are also very helpful as far as character names, dates, spells, locations, etc. As we can't post links, if your type either of those into a search engine they should pop up. I myself prefer the wiki as it has an easier search engine, but the lexicon is more comprehensive and has more material.
Regardless, I think you have the makings of a brilliant fan fiction here, and I can't wait to see what you have in store for us! Report Review
love this. :)
good job.love her tranformation from quiet hufflepuff to pureblood queen! Report Review
How interesting! I've never really read a Rosier story so this should be intriguing to read. I already like the beginning and I like how the plot moves along and doesn't drag out. I'll definitley continue reading, great work (:Author's Response: Thanks! I'm really glad you like it. It moves fast, and mostly that's because I'm trying to get them out of Hogwarts so fast and out into the "real" world. Lol. (: Report Review
I love this! I love how its from the Death Eaters point of view, and how they truly think they are on the right side! Update soon please!!! :)
~limwenAuthor's Response: Thanks so very much! I love reading other fanfics, especially the ones with characters on Voldemort's side, however they usually see the light and switch sides. And I'm left wondering what the story would have been like if they hadn't. Lol. Report Review
I've never read a story about Evan Rosier. Hmm... This seems interesting. Gonna go read the next chapter now!Author's Response: Thank you (: I don't know why, but I have always liked Evan Rosier. Lol. I hope you like it. Report Review
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