Reading Reviews for Bonds of Blood
9 Reviews Found

Review #1, by fwoopersong8 Brothers

16th October 2015:
Hey daliha, this is Songs here for our review swap. :)

Aw, this is a sad story! :'( At first, I thought that Thorfinn was a "good guy" and that Egil must have gone over to the Death Eaters. But then I realized that it was the other way around... :(

I must admit that Thorfinn confuses me a little. How does he feel kind of bad about killing his brother, but then leave him to bleed to death? Is he another Draco Malfoy in that he cannot kill outright?

Ok, CC. During the fight scene I was a little confused about who was who. Since the MC wasn't named in the beginning, at first I thought that Thorfinn was some Death Eater whom the MC was fighting, only to realize that his brother Egil had been disguised as this mysterious evil Thorfinn. (I know...I read between the lines and come up with my own subplots really fast...sorry.) I quickly realized this was not the case, but it did throw me for a bit.

I also caught a few typos. "The man took a seat 'did you kill him?'" "the image of his little" (did you mean little brother? Maybe you can just call them littles? I don't know. In my home littles means toddlers, but that's just a family word we've been using for a while.) Finally, "You Thorfinn it's the best thing for him." I'm not quite sure what you meant to say here.

But Thorfinn! How can you be HAPPY that you did that? I hope it's just the firewhiskey and when you wake up you are tortured by pain and guilt. (Which will only aggravate the problem. But...oh well.)

Anyhow, nicely written! It's so sad to see how Voldemort's regime twisted these people into monsters. :'(


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Review #2, by shez Brothers

8th February 2015:
Hey there! Horror/Angst is my OTP so I was instantly drawn to this.

BROTHER FIC. YES. And I think this piece was very successful for how short it was, capturing the cold Death Eater mentality. Thorfinn is a deeply disturbed individual – he feels no remorse in wounding his own brother. I think he’s surprised and horrified with himself a little – but being in service to the Dark Lord, he sees it as an inevitable part of his duty.

‘The man took a seat “did you kill him?”
His stomach gave a violent lurch, and his heart sank.’ So their feud isn’t really PERSONAL. It’s just a matter of conflicting loyalties. You get the sense that Thorfinn still, to a degree, cares for his brother, when he gets disturbed by the thought of KILLING him (and he should be). Though then, later on he goes to say-

“Thorfinn had warned him not associate himself with the likes of those mudbloods, and while the thought was sickening, it was also slightly satisfying.” Now this is really sick, and also really believable – He DOES think his brother deserves to suffer, even to die. It shows the brutal extent of Voldemort’s brainwashing/manipulation.

There are some missing words, missing commas – so I’d maybe give it a once over.

All in all, a lovely read, and one I very much enjoyed! Thank you so much for the swap!

Author's Response: Hey! Thank you for reading this fic, I love it and wanted to turn it into a short story but I haven't the time :( Thorfinn is disturbed, to think Voldemort could have such power over people is astounding, but then again we see that kind of stuff in our own history. I'll give it a once over, thank you for the swap :)

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Review #3, by TidalDragon Brothers

22nd December 2014:
Howdy Daliha!

This story was dark indeed, but I thought it captured one of the horrible realities of war perfectly. Brother against brother really drives the brutality home. You helped it go further than that by opening with his Thorfinn's immediate return and then ending with his eventual reflection on the murder in a positive light. Book-ending it that way didn't telegraph anything from the start so we stayed on the edge of our seats, but then made the final conclusion all the more intense.

I also thought you did a good job with the post-duel descriptions of Egil's suffering and his few pleas cut off cruelly by Thorfinn's Cruciatus Curse. The way you described it felt authentic and the way you showed us the calculation behind the use of that particular curse - so his brother wouldn't have a chance to truly dissuade him - was a great touch.

It's tough to say one truly "enjoys" a brutal piece like this, but I thought it was really well-written!

Thanks for sharing!

Author's Response: Thank you for the awesome review, sorry I took so long to respond but school and RL have been driving me up a wall XD. Again thank you for the review.

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Review #4, by crestwood Brothers

16th September 2014:
What an interesting one-shot this is! I feel like there's so much backstory here that you have to read between the lines to find. I have quite a bit to say about this.

So, we get dropped right into the aftermath of some kind of action here. I do wonder who this injured man is who would rather get drunk than be properly healed. And then we dive into his thoughts and find out that this man is a Death Eater. Thorfinn Rowle, to be exact. I have not seen anyone write this character before, so I am interested to see how you decide to characterize him.

We're dropped in the middle of a duel and apparently the site of Gideon Prewett's death! That's something that you don't read about every day. Although, that doesn't seem to be the focal point here, as it is just added as a side note. And then the bomb is dropped! Thorfinn is actually facing off against his own younger brother. It was at this moment, I knew this was about to get grisly.

To turn and face a Death Eater and exclaim that there will be no more death that night takes an awful lot of courage, which plays off of Thorfinn's first thought about the running man being a coward. It seems that most of Thorfinn's reservations about dueling to kill with his brother stem from how he'll break it to his mother; who evidently still loves Egil his mixing in with the "wrong side."

It's amazing the way Voldemort has brainwashed these people. Just.. the hold he has over these people's minds and decisions is appalling. I think you've touched on that so well. Even with his brother recognizing him, he looks him in the eye, just as determined to kill him because it's his Voldemort given "duty." He seems to feel some level of guilt as he looks at his portrait in his home, but then he shrugs it off as Egil's fault and derives some kind of pleasure from the entire ordeal. I think this line "There was no higher pleasure than proving his loyalty to the Dark Lord." summed it all up perfectly. Chilling to really explore the mind of a Death Eater, it is.

I really wasn't planning on making this review so long with all of the other's that I have to do today! I suppose I just like rambling.. in any case I really enjoyed this story. Thank you so much for the swap!

Author's Response: I love Thorfinn Rowle, he's such a minor death eater but since I use him in Building Dollhouses in the Sand I have a lot of headcanon involving him. It is amazing how Voldemort managed to brainwash his followers into believing in his ideals. It is chilling to explore the mind of a Death Eater. Thank you for the swap.

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Review #5, by marauderfan Brothers

5th September 2014:
Here for our review swap! Sorry I'm the slowest reviewer on the planet :p

This was so dark and I love the way you explored the mind of a lesser known Death Eater, particularly his struggles with loyalty. The way he injured his brother and left him to die was really awful, and even for a few moments Thorfinn seemed to think so as well, but he still went ahead and did it.

Most interesting of all, I think, is the way his loyalty to Voldemort never wavers, he never doubts that what he's doing is the 'right' thing to do, and in his mind Egil is clearly on the wrong side - but he loves him, and regrets that he has to take these actions. It's so twisted, in areally sad way - he laments that he has to harm his brother, but he also wants to do it.

I also like the way you framed it going back and forth between the flashbacks and Thorfinn's haunting memory as he orders his house elf around and drinks firewhisky and wants to be left alone and not having Selwynn interject with his opinions. What an interesting note it ends on, as well - how this horrible memory still follows him, but in a way he is proud because he showed that his loyalty to Voldemort was above his loyalty to his family, as he knows Voldemort would be pleased by that. The way you showed the two sides of his mind in conflict was really great.

Nice work on this one-shot! Thanks for the swap!

Author's Response: Hey thank you for the swap! Thank you Thorfinn is my favorite Death Eater, I have a lot of head canon surrounding him, it is sad Egil after all is still his younger brother no matter what side f the war he's on.

Thank you again for the swap :)

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Review #6, by Lululuna Brothers

9th January 2014:
Hello! :) Here from review tag.

This was a really powerful little story, and really left me with this feeling of sadness and regret. I really liked how you portrayed Rowle as this really elite and pampered young person - like how he is rude to the house elf and has it fetch things for him, but is hiding his activities from his parents. It's interesting how he's involved with the Death Eaters but still hides how deeply involved he is from his family.

I thought the action scene was quite well-written to, and quite frightening and tense. I could really feel the fear and adrenaline from both sides, and it was wonderful to see the Prewetts. I quite liked the style of moving back and forth between the flashbacks and the present as it increased the style of nervousness and building of tension.

It was quite heartbreaking to see how cruel Thorfinn was to his brother, and how he even opened his wound further. I suppose he was afraid of Voldy's wrath, but it did seem very evil to do that to your own brother even if he did spare his life. I found it really interesting how Thorfinn was sad about having to break the news to his mother - doubtless she would be even more upset if she found out one son had done that to the other. The idea of his sort of satisfaction in being right after warning his brother showed his more selfish side as well and really added a lot of depth to his character.

One thing to think about if you come back to edit this story sometime would be adding more details about the relationship the brothers had. When Egil called his brother "Finn" that showed their former closeness in a way I think could be expanded on. Maybe if you added some childhood memories or reminders throughout the story it would help the reader connect even more to the brothers and make Thorfinn's choice all the more tragic. :)

I thought the summary in reference to the plot was really interesting as well, especially in the wording. I'm not sure if this is what you intended, but I liked how "others like him" and the ambiguous pronoun "him" could be read to mean either Thorfinn or Egil. It was interesting that Thorfinn might feel it is his duty to kill others like himself (aka Egil) in order to prove his worth. And then the sentence could also mean it was Thorfinn's duty to kill others like Egil. So the way that could be read in multiple ways was quite cool. :)

If you go back and read this carefully, there were quite a few missing words and grammar errors which could be easily fixed. I would recommend reading it out loud to yourself, it's really helpful in catching those things which we miss when skimming over the story! :)

This sentence:
With a loud POP he appeared in the large study, the young man pulled down his hood and ripped of his mask. The two clauses aren't joined together properly. I would recommend making them either two sentences, or adding an "and" after the comma. Or, you could change the sentence around to something like this: There was a loud POP and a young man appeared in the large study, pulling down his hood and ripping off his mask. I noticed a similar sentence in the first sentence of the next paragraph and in some other places of the story.

he shouted running up to the large man These two verbs (shouted and running) should be separated by a comma. I noticed this in a few other places as well: he croaked struggling to walk, began the elf worried his hands shaking (I actually think this needs two commas on either side of "worried").

He aimed another killing curse at the man who skillfully dodged, he stopped turning to Thorfinn. This was a little confusing about who the second "he" was. You should maybe substitute "he stopped, turning" for "the stranger stopped, turning..."

It might help to have a quick beta give this a look over- I offer quick beta services on the forums so you're very welcome to ask me if you'd like! :) (or someone else!)

Anyway, overall I thought this was very well written and really interesting, and some quick edits could really bring it to the next level! :) Well done! :D

Author's Response: I don't mind you being nitpicky quite the contrary, I like to know what I do wrong so I can later fix it. I really appreciate the quick beta service you offered me. I love this one shot and I plan to make some changes in the future. Thank you for you're thoughtful review.

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Review #7, by Phoenix_feather123 Brothers

2nd October 2013:
Well, this was an interesting story. At first I thought Thorfinn was on the good side, but when I continued reading I saw that it was the other way around. It was probably obvious to most people, but my brain and the fact that I haven't read the hp series in a long time made it seem kinda confuing at first XD You did good with this though. Good job!

Author's Response: Thank you for the review, this one-shot needs some editing, which I'll hopefully get around to soon. I'm happy you enjoyed it :)

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Review #8, by Jchrissy Brothers

14th October 2012:
Happy Birthday darling!! I was looking of who to pair you with, but then I wanted to review all to myself, mwahaha.

This is sooo creepy! I had chills all the way out. It also really made me feel like a this was possibility of where Sirius and Regulus could have ended up if Regulus didn't die so young.

I really like that, despite being able to feel some sort of.. not regret.. I guess just pain from Thorfinn, I don't think he would have done anything else. One of my biggest dislikes is when Death Eaters are portrayed as too sympathetic. They signed up to kill people. They aren't secretly softies. And you showed that really well in this. Even though leaving his brother to die didn't seem like a piece of cake, it also didn't seem like he was going to kill himself slowly because of it.

Your flashbacks were very powerful. They enhanced without making me feel like I was disoriented.

This story was really just awesome. I hope you had a wonderful birthday!!!

Author's Response: Thank you sorry for responding this review sooo late (almost a year after actually) I love this one shot, I wrote it to try and understand Thorfinn more (I feature him heavily in another fic.) I did have a good birthday last year, thank you for the good wishes :)

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Review #9, by adluvshp Brothers

28th August 2012:
AditiDraco95 from the forums here with your challenge review. (I am reading and reviewing all the challenge entries before I judge).

You have a nice little story here. I like how you took my challenge guidelines and created this scenario. Your plot was interesting. The characterization of Thorfinn was nicely crafted too, though I'd have liked to see more depth in his character. A little more insight into his personality would have been nice. Same goes for Egil. Perhaps a flashback or something highlighting on Egil and his relationship with Thorfinn would have been nice. It would have added more substance to the story overall and to the emotions. Besides, your grammar was a little off too.

Apart from that, I liked this. I am sorry I hope I wasn't too harsh, but I think you definitely have room for improvement and if you work on it, you can bring this story to top notch. Over all, this was a well-thought out and quite nicely written piece. The flow, narrative, and pacing was good.

Best of luck for the challenge results, I'll notify you once I release them.

AD :)

Author's Response: Sorry for taking so long to respond this review. I appreciate the CC and I agree this piece with a little work could be amazing :)

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