I really like where this story is going. I really like her relationship with Albus (even though it wasn't touched on /much/ in this chapter. I still feel as though I'm going to love it).
I still think that Scorpius is the father - is he the father?
Just one grammatical thing that I picked up. When using exposition (?!) there doesn't need to be a capital letter after it. For example, this:
Erm... Ron... can I stay here tonight?' He asked his voice full of pleading.
Would be this:
Erm... Ron... can I stay here tonight?' (he) asked his voice full of pleading.
Apart from that it was really good. I'm really excited to see where this goes!
Jasmine, x Report Review
Is the father Scorpius? Is the father Scorpius?! *is guessing he's the father until proven otherwise (which I probably will be in the next chapter :P*)
This was really good. I enjoyed the way that you didn't mention the father's name in the first chapter; keeping the reader guessing (as you can see by guessing).
This story can be set apart from other teen-pregnancy fics because this chapter, unlike others, keeps us guessing: who is the father? why is she pregnant? how will Ron and Hermione react?
Gosh, I can't wait to read Ron and Hermione finding out she's pregnant.
Summer, this is really good and I can't wait to see what happens next!
I will be watching this story and will wait for chapter three
Jasmine, x Report Review
Here with your review!
Characterization: While this introductory chapter was short, I feel like I learned a lot about Rose. Her personality seems to be a strong one, and I think you portrayed it well.
Reader interest: Maybe this is just my cup of tea, but I had to read the next chapter before reviewing. I think the panic and frenzy that Rose experienced really kept me anxious so I honestly couldn't read it fast enough. Not revealing who the dad was really set the whole thing on edge! It's wonderful!
Believability: Very believable. I love that it wasn't cliche and all that she had always been a smart girl but sleeps with someone without protection, on a whim. Adding that they had been careful, but apparently not enough made this far easier to believe.
Repetitiveness: Okay, that seriously cannot be spelled right, but oh well. There was some when she was fretting, but I think it's expected. That's quite the situation to be put in, you'd definitely be running laps.
Grammar/Spelling: This was fine, I didn't see any errors!
Flow: This was good as well, I think you smoothed the seams well.
I really am looking forward to the rest of this wonderful story, so do feel free to rerequest!
Ever Report Review
Well, with a rather short introduction chapter I really can't say much about plot or the characterization in general but I think that the worry and thoughts in this chapter were well placed. I only found one mistake and it was in this sentence, "I must have has low blood pressure or something, pregnant?" the word has is extra. Other than this one small error everything else looked good. I feel bad for Rose in this and hope that her parents are somewhat understanding and wont just kick her out for being pregnant. This was a good beginning! Great Job!
~Slytherinchica08~ Report Review
I like this story so far! I haven't read many teen pregnancy stories, but I'll give it a try. ;-)
I can relate to Rose's feelings of horror or even guilt. I remember how I felt exactly like that many years ago when I thought that I might be pregnant (which I wasn't). I had thought that every one else could get pregnant by mistake, but not me. I thought (quite stupidly) that I was too smart, well-behavied and studious for that. And I remember telling my mum, who wasn't upset about the possibility of me being pregnant, but she was upset because I thought that I was too smart to be pregnant by mistake. :-) She said something like "It happened to me and to your grandmother. Do you think we are stupid then?"
I wonder if Rose would say anything to Hermione? And I doubt that Herminone would react as my mum did.
It will be interesting to read the next chapter! :-) Report Review
Excellent start. I thoroughly enjoyed this chapter and all of its little sections of Rose's paranoia.
the only bit of constructive criticism that i could give is: try to compliment the paragraphs of detail with a bit more dialog. I was missing that just a bit.
Otherwise...FANTASTIC JOB. I do truly love this so far.
10/10 Report Review
Hey! Pass the parcel~
So I've read quite a few pregnant Rose fics, and usually they are pretty good, even if slightly cliche. This is just a first chapter so I have no idea where you're going to take it, but so far it seems pretty intriguing! Of course, I can't help but wonder who the father is - I see Scorpius in the character and pairings list so I'm strongly inclined to believe it's his. Also, it'd be interesting to see how Hermione and Ron will react..
Rose's denial feels like such a realistic reaction and I really liked that you showed that. Also the idea of dirty and pregnant really worked here. An interesting first chapter. Nicely written :)
- Charlotte Report Review
SUMMER! I absolutely loved this start! The way you were writing Rose's complete shock and almost betrayal, at how she was being let down with this truth, was completely brilliant and really put me in Rose's place.
Already, we can see so much of her character and personality; the way she's stuttering and disbelieving and trying to deny it, the way she reels backwards through the events because she's been careful. The tension is building up as the Healer isn't denying it, and already Rose is thinking of her parents and family.
Already, I'm really excited to know what's going to happen to Rose, and where the plot will go! Her comparisons between her and her cousins are hinting at some of the gossip and worry to come, and the secret that we already know is almost making me feel guilty! :P
I think you've got a wonderful start here, and can't wait to see where it goes :D
~Lottie (Ravenclaw) Report Review
Saw your status and figured I'd pop by to look at this. As far as the grammar goes, I'm a little suspicious of your use of semicolons in the opening paragraph. Also, Rose claims that she's been sleeping with her boyfriend for two months (which is typically 8 weeks, maybe 9 weeks) yet she's thirteen weeks pregnant. Unless she's seeing somebody else on the side, you may need to correct something. Other than that this seemed like an interesting enough opening chapter. I'm curious to see what you plan on doing with this story.
Good work.Author's Response: Yay thank you!
I've changed that little discepancy now thank you for pointing it out!
The semi colons are gramatically correct though they may not look too great but I'm sure it's not too bad!
Thank you for the review Report Review
Hello! Here to give your new prologue some love :)!
I really like the fast paced tension you have going on here. As well as the obvious empathy the nurse/healer felt for her. I'm sure it would be very hard not to feel hurt for such a young girl.
Now onto the most important question.. Who is it? Scorpius?? Scorpius Malfoy?
I love the way you jump into the plot, also. It makes for a really fast read and an intense prologue! You had my heart going out to poor Rose. And the instant denial was perfect!!
Interesting prologue that makes me want to see where you take it :)!Author's Response: Yay Prologue love... I love it!
I have a lot of fast paced tension going on because I remember how I felt being told I was pregnant I was like what! I'm glad you saw the healers empathy though as the healer will be appearing quite a lot.
All I'm going to say is that it is ScoRose but not a traditional ScoRose and after that my lips are sealed completely!
I want to know more. This is a very catching story and I hope that you have the writing bug like many other authors on this site. Please update soon and alert your avid readers (aka, me) to whom the father is!
This is very good and while it is quite short, I am pleased with it as a sort of prologue. And, I have some ideas brewing as to who the dad is. If you are going the normal way then I definitely know who it is, if not, well I guess I'll be in for some surprises right?
Anyway, great start on what seems to be a wonderful story. Lovely job really. Thank you for writing this! I loved it!
10/10Author's Response: I love your name b the way!
I don't have too much of a writing bug but I think i'm starting to get it back a little so I'm working on it I promise.
I always try to keep prologues short to intrigue people into the story!
This is a ScoRose but not a traditional ScoRose so keep your eyes peeled! Report Review
Me too ;) I love the beginning. This is going to be one of those stories you know, that people keep and eye out for. I love the beginning and the ending more than that. There's so much tension and curiosity? MAN :D
There were no mistakes in grammar or vocabulary. Everything was just fine. :D I love the way you've used such a small amount of words to create a big bang question...
Sorry, I'm blabbering. I really really like this story and I'll keep and eye out for it ;)
*Hugs*Author's Response: Yay you love the beginning! I hope people do try and keep an eye out for it as there will be a lot more tension and curiosity throughout it as the father of Rose's baby is going to be a closely guarded secret until the very end I think!
I'm glad you liked it! Report Review
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