1 Reviews Found

Review #1, by SlytherinLily3170 The Family, The Boy and The Friends

25th July 2012:
Well, this isn't too bad at all! For the fine points, Charlotte is most certainly coming off as a nowadays teenager, all with the total "un-self-confidence" and whatnot, so that's good. It's great to have a realistic character, as you can relate to the character and his or her problems in life (well, maybe not all of them, considering that in this story, Charlotte is a witch!)
I do have a few tips, however. For one, it would be very nice if you made your paragraphs a tad bit smaller. Hopefully I'm not coming off as insanely rude by stating this, but it often makes the reader's eyes hurt when one is staring at a huge, fifty-line paragraph. Trust me, I know from experience. ;)
Also, another thing. Whenever you've finished a setence within quotation marks, the correct thing to do is to put an end mark. For example, here's one of your quotes:

"Sorry, Quidditch team"

It should have been:

"Sorry, Quidditch team."


"Sorry, Quidditch team!"

Get what I mean?

Another awesome thing about this story; it seems to me that, so far, at least, Charlotte isn't best friends with Lily Evans-In my opinion, and I don't mean to offend anyone by saying this, having the OC of a Sirius/OC story best friends with Lily is slightly annoying, and, in my mind, a tad bit cliche. So, awesome job with Charlotte having friends that don't include Lily, or Alice and Marlene, as they're pretty popular in the "Maruader-Era Friends" Archive as well! :)

I really hope you update soon, as this story really interests me. I'm curious as to where this is going. And, come on, who doesn't love a story about Sirius Black? ;)

-Lily the Slytherin

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