O M G! OMG! This is absolutely fantastic! Completely mind-blowing! Amazing!
Hehe sorry about that. But hey, your story did that to me ;)
I'll comment on everything separately.
Beginning : The beginning is absolutely amazing. This story starts off with a new perception of Voldemort, giving us a glimpse of the core of the child that seemed evil incarcerate. It sort of justifies his thoughts as a child. Even the fact that Dumbledore laid the foundation of the creation of the terror Dark Lord was to be is totally justifiable. I mean, seriously. What was he thinking? No no, I'm not blaming Dumbledore. who'd show fire to a child and think that the child is thinking the science of its existence and not the pretty colours its making?
Person : You've written this in second person I see. I wouldn't have wanted it written in anything else. It totally fits! The plot really goes hand in hand with this style and you've chosen it correctly. You've even used it flawlessly.
Grammar : There were no grammar errors whatsoever. So go you!
Spellings : There was only one mistake. you've typed "became" as "beacame". hehe minor error. You can just edit it :D
Punctuation : There wasn't a major issue here as well, but I'd liked it more if you had used more commas to separate phrases. It would have made it more mysterious and exciting. :D
Plot: They say that your life flashes before eyes before your death (Quote from elainesilva's story) and this really justified that quote. I believe it too, so I love the fact that you've gone through his life in his last minutes. I love the way you've done it, not just in detail, but in emotions, desires and fears. It's not like he regrets anything, which I don't think he ever would. I love the way he tries to fight even when all hope is lost, the way he clings on to life because he's afraid of non-existence. Whoa!
Expressions : I can't even quote my favourite! You've used so many expressions from the beginning to the end, and all of them are amazing! They are not overdone or overused, but... just right!
Ending : If the beginning was amazing then the ending has no word. O M G! The way you've expressed it, the choice of words, everything... is just amazing. I really really like it :D
Overall, this is story is one of the best I've read in my fanfiction life. I'm not even kidding! I love this, and if you ever write anything of this sort, please PLEASE let me know.
Thank you so much for submitting this story Liz. You make no one regret ;)
*Hugs*Author's Response: Hey Ashi :) (sorry for the delayed response, I'm usually better than this, but RL has been crazy lately)
Thanks so much for the amazing review :) I'm glad you liked it. It was definitely somethind different to write being that Voldemort is sorta a really big character. I felt like I had to put it in the second person because I needed to make the reader empathize with Voldy, and there really wasn't a better way to do it then by making my reader Voldemort (hope that makes sense).
I'm going back and fixing the typo right now, and adding some commas. The no comma thing is a bad habit, so I'm really not suprise that you found that I lacked a bunch of them.
But thanks so much for the contest I wouldn't have written this if it wasn't for you :)
Anywho thanks again for the lovely review
-Liz Report Review
Beautifully written and extremely well done. :)Author's Response: Thanks for the review. I really appreciate the feedback :) Report Review
Well done. Keep writing!Author's Response: Thanks for the review :) I'm glad you liked it Report Review
Wow, this was a really interesting take on Voldy. I'm not really a fan of second person POV, but it was really effective here. I like the way you portrayed his horror and fear of death, the thought he'd be a rotting body someday just like everyone else, that he sees death on the faces of everyone he looks at. Fascinating idea. And that he thought himself the handmaiden (as it were) of death - wow. He's so fascinated with death, it makes murder sort of the next progression for him - I see the logic behind it and I think it's a really smart way to look at his character. Insane yes, but somehow logical. His transition to feeling mortal after losing his final Horcrux is very well done.
This is amazingly well-written! You have a lot of talent. :)Author's Response: Wow, thanks a lot for the nice review.
This is actually my first story with the second person POV. I usually don't write like that, but I thought that it was the most effective way to make Voldemort seem more human. I mean what better way to empathize with him than if you were him. If that makes sense.
I'm glad that you liked the entire thing about his relationship with death. (if you could call it that) I figured that Voldemort might have viewed everything that way since he spent his life running away from the grave. I was a bit woried I didn't do it justice though, but its good to hear that I did
Anyway thank again for this review. The feedback really means a lot :) Report Review
Hi! I'm finally here with your review and I just realised how long i took... wow! Sorry! I hope this somewhat makes up for it.
I thought the use of second person was very good, and it's very unusual so you certainly did well there.
There were only a few issues throughout the piece, but nothing a quick read-through wouldn't fix. The only really nagging issue that I thought I'd point out was the fact that you constantly capitalised 'him.' Now, I'm pretty sure that the only time it is generally done to capitalise 'him' is when referring to God, and even then rather than being correct, it's just the way it's done.
I very much liked your wording in this piece. It was quite ethereal, and I can really see the idea of it being in Voldermort's moment of death. I think the way you made him know he was going to die was wonderful, personally. It was just sort of amazing.
I also thought you got well into Voldermort's head without really making him out of character, which is quite unusual. You kept that evil, but at the same time made him just a little more human.
Thank you very much for giving me the chance to read your wonderful story,
CharlieAuthor's Response: Hi thanks for the review.
I'm glad that you liked the second person. I really wanted to make Voldy seem more human, make you empathize with him. I figured what better way to do that than if I made you Voldemort.
I've gone through and fixed some errors since you've read this, so hopefully the little minor errors have been cleaned up a bit.
On the capital H in Him. I did that on purpose, I realize that in the real world only Him as in God is capitalized, but I wanted to stress that to Voldemort he might view death as a sort of god. If you think about it he wouldn't really relate to God all that much. I mean being a mass murderer and all, but everything about his life seemed to relate in some way back to death. Him being an orphan, killing his grandfather, him becoming the Dark Lord. I wanted to kind of spin it so that the reader got that Voldemort sort of had an idolized view of death, but at the same time he never really knew him at all. That's sort of very out there, but it was what I was going at.
Again thanks for the review
-Liz Report Review
Wow... That was intense... It felt like a interior monologue that was actually a letter to the person having the monologue. Such a weird concept. Really great though. It was very unique, and at first it was hard to get through because it was like ok i know this okay i know. Then though it was like boom total AU while being the real universe. Totally great. Well done
Am.GinnyAuthor's Response: Thanks a bunch for the review, I'm glad that you liked my story :)
-Liz Report Review
Holy cow. I don't know what I was expecting when you had requested a review for this - sorry for being such a slow-poke, by the way - but this just exceeded far beyond my expectations, whatever they were. I was surprised, at first, to see that you were portraying Voldemort, because not often do people dare to dive into his mind, but you actually pulled him off really well - perfectly, in fact, so well done :) I didn't spot many - if any at all - mistakes, though I did see this:
In return you took years from theses supposed sins - I suppose 'these' isn't meant to be plural, because this sentence kind of confused me a little. Other than that, however, your grammar and spelling were picture-perfect.
This was a lovely read - I really enjoyed your imagery, because you have such a talent for it, and how Death had bright green eyes really just... wow. That is seriously all I can say. Absolutely zilch complaints from me. Voldemort was Voldemort through-and-through, and his fear for dying and his last thoughts before the Killing Curse rebounded - gah. Speechless, that is what you have made me.
Anyway, thanks for requesting, feel free to re-request on another story, and good luck with the rest of your stories! I really enjoyed reading this one :)
--LinnAuthor's Response: Hi so thanks so much for this review. It totally made my day. I'm glad that you thought I portrayed Voldemort well because personally I feel like there are two characters that you just can't mess up the characterization for -Voldemort and Harry because the story revolves around the two of them.
I'm going back right now to fix that typo.
Again I'm really happy you liked this. Thanks again for the review
-Liz Report Review
This is just amazing, I literally cannot find the words to describe this wonderful piece of writing. The whole concept was really fascinating - like the complete other side of 'neither can live while the other survives.' You went through the various stages in Voldemort's life with brilliantly fluid paving and it was very interesting to see how he always thought about death, even from a very young age.
Something else I thought was extremely interesting was how he continually referred to death as 'Him' rather than always just saying the actual word. This, for me, created an interesting parallel with Voldemort himself, and so reinforced the idea that he was so concerned with death; like the two were connected, which of course they were. Also, I loved how it seemed that Dumbledore setting Riddle's wardrobe on fire in the orphanage was what might have started his quest to immortality. It's a slightly harrowing thought, but fascinating nonetheless!
I could literally go on and on here, but to cut a long story short, this was absolutely wonderful!Author's Response: Awww thanks for the lovely review, this totally just made my day. Writing Voldemort was definitely a different experience. I wanted to really showcase how close he has been walking to Death through out his life, as being like a mass murderer and all, he was constantly facing the concept that he was putting out lives. Then the fact that growing up he held the believe that Death had taken away his parents and all. It just seemed like the natural way to write it.
Anyway thanks so much for the review. I really appreciate the feedback :)
-BW24 Report Review
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