Reading Reviews for Today
  
18 Reviews Found

Review #1, by AlexFan One Leap

18th July 2013:
Oh my God you have no idea how excited I am! Lily has finally realised that she likes James! Heck, who wouldn't like James, there should be more James's in the world!

Now I've just got to see what's going to happen now that Lily has realised that she's got a crush on him! Is she going to be awkward? Is she going to ask James out? Is she going to get James to ask her out?

Author's Response: We definitely need more James's in the world! I totally agree and I want my own James LOL.

I'm smiling reading this because as you'll see in the next chapter, she's definitely very awkward and nervous in asking him out. But in the end, James finally gets the answer he's been waiting ages for :)

Thank you for reading and reviewing!


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Review #2, by AlexFan Let It Go

18th July 2013:
I love James and Lily so any time that I find a good story or series of one-shots of them I get really excited. I an already tell that this is going to be good an I can't wait to keep reading. They've become my all time favourite couple as well.

Anyway, I absolutely loved this and I can already tell that it's not going to be too much longer before Lily finally admits that she likes James. She already knows that she's fallen for the guy but she just downright refuses to acknowledge that. I guess you can't really expect any less from Lily Evans.

James going after her was incredibly sweet though. He just never gave up and kept going on after her. I didn't expect Sirius to be the voice of reason though. I thought it would be Remus who told James that he can't just corner Lily in the girl's washroom.

Anyway, the point is, this was awesome!

Author's Response: Oh gosh, thank you so much! James and Lily are my favorite, favorite couple. I love them so much which makes me really happy to hear that you like this story! :)

You're definitely right--you can't expect anything less from Lily. She's already falling for him but she's strong-headed and I loved writing how she battled with her feelings for him.

Remus would usually have been the one to talk to James and I actually didn't realize this until you pointed it out. For me I felt that by this point of James pursuing Lily, Sirius understood how sincere James's feelings for her were and just wanted to do his best to support James.

Thank you so much for starting to read this and for leaving a lovely review! I hope you'll like next chapters :)


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Review #3, by sour_grapes_snape Closer

29th September 2012:
This story is just too cute :) Jily fluff is my favorite. I say it every time, but it really is. To be honest, it almost doesn't even matter to me what you write, as long as it's James/Lily, I'm going to love it! But I am excited that you're going to have some darker, war-related parts. I think it will really give this story depth. Can't wait to read it!

-Laura

Author's Response: Aww, haha I love Jily fluff too and I probably can't say it enough but I'm so glad you like it :D

Again, I'm sorry I haven't updated but the more serious/war-related but still Jily cute moments will be up soon!

Thanks for reviewing! :)


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Review #4, by Selma Here's Where We Begin

29th September 2012:
So good! Really wonderful. It was all I ever hoped for. I loved the charachters. Please, please continue!

Author's Response: Aww, this is really sweet :) Thank you so much for reading and reviewing!

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Review #5, by Opalpixiechick Here's Where We Begin

19th September 2012:
Awww. Great job. I loved this chapter. I can't wait to see what happens next. :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much! :)

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Review #6, by sour_grapes_snape Here's Where We Begin

17th September 2012:
They are just so cute! I love the way Lily told James she liked him - it was just so awkward and adorable. I also feel like it was a very realistic interpretation of what would have happened. I always imagined that James' pursuit of Lily would be common knowledge, so naturally everyone would freak out when they started dating. I just love this story.

-Laura

Author's Response: I'm so sorry I took forever to reply!

I wanted that part with Lily and James to be cute but at the same time awkward to make it more realistic, as you said. I'm glad I did it justice and it makes me so happy to hear you like the story!

Thank you for reviewing! I'm sorry for not updating in so long--updates should be more frequent once the queue opens up again :)


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Review #7, by classicblack One Leap

14th September 2012:
Hey there! It's Ali with your review!

One of the things I like best about your story so far is that you slip in tiny hints about characters' feelings instead of just coming out and saying them. You show what's going on in their heads by describing minor actions. Like when James's eyes had a flash of disappointment when Lily explained why she asked him to Hogsmeade. It's little things like that that really keep someone reading closely and add to the story.

One of really the main things you have a bit of trouble with is giving a strong reason for why Lily is falling for James. I get that he's handsome and smart and kind and gentleman-like and that he's matured, but I really would love to read a flashback or some other tidbit on why/when Lily's feelings towards James started to change. It could be as simple as he was kind to a first year or didn't joke around when they were introducing Heads duties. Or maybe her feelings could have started to change in sixth year when he did something mature and/or stopped asking her out. It would add wildly to the reader's understanding of Lily's true feelings for James. We know she was conflicted up until the end of this chapter and that she's attracted to James physically and mentally, but there needs to be a little more meat there for it to really connect to a reader. The journey is one of the best parts.

I liked reading some of the possible foreshadowing (or me just reading way too much into things) that you put in the story. Like when Lily was eyeing that Potions book and couldn't buy it because it was too expensive, I thought that James might purchase it for her as a gift in the future because of little details you described. It always helps to have the reader thinking ahead and asking questions, so good job!

When Lily is in the library and Sirius finds her, it would be better if you mentioned that she was in the library before Sirius and Lily actually leave the library (wow that was an odd sentence, wasn't it?). It left me confused for a few paragraphs as to where Lily was. It can be better writing to not reveal the location until after a few paragraphs, but especially with scenes as short as the one of Lily and Sirius in the library, it's important to describe the setting. A setting helps the reader better imagine what's going on around the characters and why they're reactions make sense. Define the setting!

Since this is a short story, the pacing is great. It goes quickly enough that you'll get to all the vital information in the few chapters that you have, but it's also slow enogh that a reader won't get totally lost and just ask why?

Wonderful chapter! I've loved reviewing. Have a nice day!
Happy writing,
classicblack from the forums

Author's Response: Hi again! :)

I think I said this in responding to your first review but I really love just leaving little hints about the character's feelings instead of being really blatant about it. And again, I love when the readers pick up on the little actions like that so thank you for pointing that out :D It really helps to know that I am able to do that in my writing!

I am kind of read between the lines again as to why Lily starts liking James, such as maybe the fact that he stopped asking her out and having the chance to actually be friends allowed her to see, like you said how handsome and mature he is, as well as the things he's done in the two chapters, such as showing that he's there for her. But after reading your review I think I will have a part in the coming chapters as to exactly why her feelings for him changed, whether it was a really pivotal moment or it it was just little things that added up. Thank you for that advice!

I actually was thinking something along those lines with the bit about the book. The main point of it though was to show how obviously James likes her, and how confused it is making Lily as she tries to figure out her changing feelings for him :)

And thank you for pointing that out! It was a little abrupt and I can see how it's confusing. I'll go back and change it a bit and I'll make sure to pay attention to that next time!

Thank you so much for leaving such an amazing review! I really appreciate that you took the time to leave me such helpful criticism. Thank you again :D


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Review #8, by classicblack Let It Go

13th September 2012:
Hi it's Ali with your review! Sorry I took so long, coursework doesn't seem to want me to do other things I'd rather be doing :/ But never fear, I've finally arrived!

Honestly, there really isn't much to criticize about this chapter. It was really good.

For some people, the sort of abruptness with which you charged into this story would be too...well, abrupt. But I really liked it. You didn't start out with the typical beginning of 7th year James/Lily pairing scenario of them boaridng the Hogwarts Express and having some wretched fight, but just jumped into the school year and a rather cordial James/Lily relationship. It felt like it would be a second or third chapter, at least, but it was really attention-getting.

I also really enjoyed how you got straight into Lily's denial that she's beginning to like James. She makes up all these excuses in her head for why she's having a positive feeling towards James, which are actually very funny.

That being said, it didn't really tell me all that much about how Lily got to the point of being friends with James. I would like to know why she's finding him attractive now and what her thought process was when she agreed to be friends. Did she still heavily dislike James at that point and was just being practical because they're Head Boy and Girl or...? You don't have to write all that in the first chapter or even the second, but in future chapters ensure that you add a little more background for how Lily went from scenes like Snape's Worst Memory to the scenes in this chapter.

I did really enjoy how you hinted in the beginning of Lily being jealous of James's attention of other girls (mentioning how he was probably patrolling with Lucy, who'd been eyeing him). It was a rather subtle bit of characterization and plot and I really liked it.

When Lily talks to herself, you should specify which parts of the sentence are Lily actually talking to herself. For example, in the third paragraph where it says "I'm not jealous I told the voice in my head..." you should either put the part that Lily is actually telling her head ("I'm not jealous") in quotes or italicize it just to show that Lily is speaking to herself. I'm fairly certain it's gramatically correct that way you wrote it, but it just helps for a clearer chapter for the reader (although the reader can figure out which parts Lily is actually telling herself).

I really enjoy James's character. I like his cheekiness (telling Lily she'll never get rid of him- can I say awww?) but also how gentlemanly and mature he is. He gives Lily good advice and he's serious when he needs to be serious and brings her blankets when she's out in the cold. It's all very fantastic. I also loved how James is slightly embarassed now by admitting to Lily that he fancies her. Like when they were speaking by the fire place and "his cheeks reddened slightly." It's a great contrast to OotP and from how fanfic writers usually portray James. It shows that James had matured and grown-up since his 5th year.

However, definitely ensure to include why James matured in future chapters. It's not enough to just describe him as wiser, but I'd like to know what caused him to change (other than the fact that he's older). Why is he so calm around Lily? Why is he able to be such a gentleman and give great advice? You know what I mean? And also watch out for making James too mature. Remember: he's still a teenage boy!

I aboslutely adored when Lily talked to Snape! You really showed how Snape was tormented by how he was forced to treat Lily without actually mentioning it. How Snape couldn't look at her when he called her a Mudblood and then how Malfoy was watching! Great way to show that Snape was really completely in control of the Death Eaters at the time, despite his love for Lily. He really regretted every moment he spent insulting Lily. Snape gave up Lily and that allowed James to move in and become the perfect match for her. You've got a fantastic hold on Snape's character. And I know this after only a few paragraphs! Wonderful!

I aboslutely loved this chapter! You've got a great story so far! Well done!

Happy writing,
classicblack from the forums

Author's Response: Hi! No problem, I totally understand. Thank you for taking the time to review!

I love Lily and James's relationship but I really didn't want to do like the usual story, like where you said they start on the train and have a huge fight. So I'm glad you liked it despite it being an abrupt start!

Lily's side comments as she tries to deny her feelings for James was kind of my first attempt at having my characters be humorous so that makes me really happy that it was actually funny lol :)

I am pretty read between the lines for the characterization for this because I don't want to be super obvious about it so I love it when the readers do pick up on those little hints! As for not being specific about how her feelings for James changed, I did want to make this focused on what I saw as the focal points or important points of their relationship. I do point out things like how she is starting to be attracted to him, like how catching his smile brightens up her day, but I guess aside from the physical factors I don't really show why her feelings for him changed emotionally. I think I will bring it up in one of the next chapters just to clarify since it is such an important part of their relationship.

And thank you for pointing that out! I wasn't sure if I should italicize it or not so thank you for clearing that up :)

I loved that little bit when James blushes when talking about her. I love to think that for all his confidence and bravado, he is very obvious in how much he likes her but also still nervous about talking to her about it at this point in their relationship. And oh, thank you for that advice! I definitely need to not forget that about him and everything that makes him a marauder. And I think I do want to address why he matured since you pointed that out. I think as a reader it would add a lot to the story.

I always get sad when I think about how Snape chose to stick with the Death Eaters at that point and how much he regretted treating Lily like that, so I'm really really happy I was able to show that in that part of the chapter!

Thank you so so much for leaving such a long review especially while you're so busy with coursework! I really appreciate it :)


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Review #9, by AlAndAl One Leap

7th September 2012:
James and Lily They are amazing! I love this ship so much, because it's absolutely adorable.

You've done a great job writing that awkward phase between dating and friendship, which is a key turning point between Lily and James. I think you've captured the dynamics in the relationship well and the scene with Sirius and Lily was truly genuine. She really realizes that James is different.

You've done a fantastic job here!

-Allie

Author's Response: I'm still not over my newfound love for James and Lily lol. Definitely my OTP :)

I'm glad you liked it! It was so much fun to write their relationship at this point. I didn't realize how important, at least for me, the part with Sirius and Lily was until after I finished writing because it's when she finally admits to herself that he's changed and I'm so happy I did it all justice!

Thank you so much for the review! :)


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Review #10, by AdeleShare Let It Go

6th September 2012:
This was very cute James and Lily one-shot. I liked how you aren't rushing the relationship and are focusing on their developing friendship. I enjoyed it a lot and I am looking forward to reading more :D

One little consistency error I noticed:

' “Padfoot, I don’t think cornering her in the girl’s bathroom is going to help much.” Sirius sighed.'

I think he should have said Prongs, since Sirius is Padfoot.

Anyway, great job :D

Author's Response: Hi, thank you for reviewing! I love James and Lily so much and for me, I'd find it hard to believe that Lily would just wake up one day and decide she fancies James--I really didn't want to rush the progression from like strongly disliking to saying yes to him. So I'm glad that I'm doing okay on developing their relationship! :)

Oh gosh, I can't believe I missed that. Thank you for pointing that out! I will definitely never make that mistake again lol

Thank you again for reviewing! I really enjoyed writing this and I'm so happy you liked it :)


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Review #11, by Clo One Leap

5th September 2012:
Loved the way you built up the relationship, just wish you could extend, so we hear lily talking to james about her change of feelings. Still really enjoyed it :)

Author's Response: Thank you for reading! Don't worry--we will definitely see Lily tell James about her feelings for him in the coming chapter :) Haha usually I try to be really evasive about the next chapter but we all know whats coming :P

Thank you again, I'm glad you liked it! :)


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Review #12, by Opalpixiechick One Leap

29th August 2012:
I loved this. Great job. I so can't wait to read the next chapter. :)

Author's Response: The next chapter should be a good one. *hint, hint* lol. I hope you'll like it!

And thank you for reading! :)


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Review #13, by Opalpixiechick Let It Go

29th August 2012:
Awww. I love this. Great job. :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much! :)

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Review #14, by Cami One Leap

29th August 2012:
Aw James is so sweet

Author's Response: He is, isn't he? LOL, I'm glad you like him!

And thank you for reading :)


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Review #15, by CloakAuror9 One Leap

26th August 2012:
You never fail to make my day, even if this is only the second time. (:

I really love how tight James and Lily are gripping that string of friendship between them. Things just keep getting more and more awkward between the two of them.

You do a really good job explaining both of the characters' feelings to the readers. From the start of the story, why James isn't asking Lily out anymore was very clear to most, if not all, of the us.

You have such a way with imagery. I think it's one of your strongest points, and you should definitely 'harness' -for lack of better word- it more. Great things could come out of it!

I did spot a one or two typos along the way, and I'll just quickly point them out to you. :)

He tiled his head, his eyes curios and nodded.
- The word 'curious' is missing the letter 'u'.

"...There wasn't must to talk about anyway."
-I'm assuming by 'must' you meant 'much', right? Ignore this if I'm wrong.

Again, another lovely one-shot. I cannot wait until the two of them get together! :D

Looking forward to number three,
Izzy xx

Author's Response: Oh gosh. Your reviews make me smile so much :)

It's so much fun writing James and Lily at this point in their relationship. I almost want to draw it out even more and make things even more awkward. But I won't because I'm so excited to write them together! :D

Thank you for that advice! I love writing imagery--I've been making more of an effort to include it in my writing and it makes me so happy to know that it's appreciated. :)

And gah, I admit I'm horrible at proof-reading. But thank you for pointing those out! I'll definitely work on being more thorough when I do a last check before posting.

Thank you so much for such a lovely review! The next chapter should be up soon! I hope you'll like it :)


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Review #16, by Jessie One Leap

25th August 2012:
I absolutely LOVE this! Your writing is so amazing! Jily is just the best couple ever :)
Please update soon cause this is a great story! I'm also a big fan of your other story too! :) Great job! :)

Author's Response: Gah, thank you so much. Honestly, I'm so in love with Jily right now. I don't know how it took me so long to realize how amazing they are lol

And aww, I'm glad you like my other story! I'll be updating both soon. Thanks so much for reading and reviewing :)


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Review #17, by CloakAuror9 Let It Go

23rd August 2012:
*fan-girls*

Aww! That was such a well-written, cute and awesome one-shot! I'm so glad you're planning to have a collection of James/Lily one-shots published! I have something new to stalk. ;) (That was not meant to sound creepy, by the way!)

I love how you characterised James as a very determined character and despite all the pushing Lily did, he still stood by her no matter what. I think you have a really great talent when it comes to writing James/Lily! This one-shot is just so sweet. I thought the fact that you ended this not a kiss, but a trip to the kitchen was very refreshing. It was very surprising too.

I did spot a tiny 'error' (not sure what I should call it!) though.

"I've had the best years here. All the things I've done with Sirius, Lupin, Peter, all the Quidditch games...,"

When it came to Remus, James called him 'Lupin'...I mean, shouldn't it be 'Remus' because they were best friends and he called Sirius and Peter by their first names too.

Anywho, I thought this is a really great one-shot and I sure am looking forward to the next one! :D

I love James Potter.
Izzy xx

Author's Response: Aw, you're so sweet! I'm happy to provide you with something to stalk :P Haha no worries, it didn't sound creepy at all!

Actually, it hadn't even occurred to me to end it with a kiss. I think its because I felt like at this point in their relationship, James wouldn't have wanted to ruin their new friendship by doing that, and that he would have felt like he was taking advantage of her while she's at such a low point. I like to think that (despite his past history of asking her out) he wants to wait till he's certain/somewhat confident about her feelings for him :)

And oh gosh, thank you for pointing that out! I was too excited about posting to notice lol.

Thank you so much for your review! I hope you'll like the next chapters :) Also, I love James Potter too. I need to find me one in real life :P


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Review #18, by sour_grapes_snape Let It Go

20th August 2012:
Lily and James are, by far, my favorite ship in the entire Potterverse, and stories about them are always very dear to my heart. That being said, I think this one will be a great addition.

James is so sweet and caring. I know in the past he's a bit of a prat, but I always imagined him this way once he matured. I do hope you continue to show his mischievous side in later chapters - James isn't James without his pranks!

I really loved this and I hope you continue with this story!

-Laura

Author's Response: I love Lily and James so much. Ahh, I feel slightly pressured now haha. I'll try to do my best with them!

I've always pictured James as really sweet to Lily after he matured, but you're right--I need to make sure I don't neglect his prankster side! Thank you for pointing that out :)

I'm definitely continuing with this--I actually think I'm gonna have trouble not turning this into a full fic instead of a short story :P Thank you for such a lovely review!


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