Reading Reviews for You Are Beautiful
  
6 Reviews Found

Review #1, by darkkid You Were Always Loved

14th October 2012:
This made me cry :(

A very emotional story, I feel for Sirius at the end during and after everything happens. It made me sad for him to have to go through something so tragic.

I did notice a few errors that you might want to correct (like in this line: "Her brown eyes pierced him, but he does didnít falter.) Just minor errors like that (there was one more I noticed, but I can't find it now!)

And I really wish we could have had a scene through Taylor's eyes. Her emotional turmoil with her father and what she was thinking, perhaps, before she took her life. What sort of inner monster was she struggling with?

Your writing was good for the most part, sometimes there was a bit to be desired in your descriptions, but nothing a few adjectives couldn't fix!

Overall, though, I really like it. You really captured Sirius' emotions and that's what needed to be done. It tugged at my heart at the end when he is at Taylor's grave. This line, especially, made my heart break:
"He waits patiently, as though he would get an answer. He waits for her soft voice to come to him, carried by the soft wind, but nothing does."

Lovely (and heartbreaking) story!

Author's Response: You are such a kind, lovely reviewer!

I appreciate you and every single moment you gave me to read my stories and review! I genuinely appreciate your kindness and I'm flattered by your wonderful compliments.

I appreciate you. *hugs*

xx

Ever


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Review #2, by Cherry Bear You Were Always Loved

23rd August 2012:
Hey there! Sorry it's taken me a little while to review this. I'm so glad I found the time today, even if this was a little bit depressing. And, in response to your author's note, I don't think anything's wrong with you for writing something depressing (: That might just be because I enjoy writing angst, too, though hahaha.

I really liked how you structured this. That's a little bit of a weird thing to comment on, I guess, but I like that you wrote this in present tense. It's not all that common and I think it's a little difficult to pull off, but you did a good job and it fit the story very well. I also like how you started the story sort of in the middle of the action...it really grabbed my attention, because I immediately wanted to know why her lip was bleeding and what type of relationship she had with Sirius.

I do wish that you could've explored Sirius and Taylor's relationship more. I would've liked to learn more about why Sirius loved her so much, beyond just him reiterating that he did, if that makes sense? I hope this doesn't offend you at all, but I was intrigued by their relationship and wish you would've shown more of how it came to be and the happy times they had, however brief and sparse they were. I did really like the strength of their love for each other and the way you demonstrated that, though, with Sirius' devotion to her even after her death and how Taylor was unwilling to make Sirius sacrifice everything for her because she loved him so much. It was really sweet and made the ending and their separation all the more sad...so I guess good work for messing with my emotions like that? ;) Hehehe.

There were a few nit-picky things I noticed:
- I think you're missing a word or a phrase or something in the sentence: "She squeezes his hand tightly and her brown find his."
- In the sentence, "The rest of the tam was had been hard at work practicing, but their encounter hadn't gone unnoticed," I think "tam" is supposed to be "team," and I think there's an unnecessary "was" in there (;
- In the sentence, "Replace them all with happy ones; ones with him," I think a colon would be more appropriate than a semicolon. Semicolons generally replace periods to connect two complete sentences. Colons, in contrast, can connect a complete sentence with an incomplete phrase, such as in your sentence.
- I think your tenses are a little mixed-up in the sentence, "He came here everyday, but it never has became any easier." Since you've written the rest in present tense, it seems like it would only make sense to write this in present tense too, like this: "He comes here everyday, but it never has become any easier." I could be wrong about this, but something about the way you've written it just seems...grammatically off?
I'm not sure I'm very good at explaining any of these things, so if you're at all confused you should definitely check out the Grammar Guidelines section of the forums. Or you could get a beta, because it's always nice to have a second set of eyes to read things over (:

I thought your integration of the quote from the challenge was really interesting and definitely not what I expected...I think because you used it a lot more literally than the novel did? Not that that's a bad thing, of course! I liked that you used it to make it your own. It gave their relationship an interesting dimension. Maybe I'm just interpreting it wrong, but Taylor expressing her inability to live for him in her suicide note made it kind of seem like she didn't love him enough to stay alive for him. Is that right...? Sorry if I'm completely reading into this the wrong way!

I enjoyed the last line of this. I think it was a really unique way to end this, especially considering how their relationship was so influenced by her father's obvious lack of love for her. I saw that last line almost as Sirius' attempts to make amends for her father, as if to say that his own love for her overshadowed the love her father lacked. Again, I could be reading too much into this or interpreting it wrong, but...I don't know, I thought it was a sweet ending.

I can't really think of anything to say. Even though this was incredibly sad, it was incredibly sad in a good way. Thank you for submitting it for my challenge! I really enjoyed reading it.

Cherry Bear

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Review #3, by Jchrissy You Were Always Loved

21st August 2012:
Ever you are a mean, mean girl right now.

First of all - I have to point this out because I feel like our brains are currently connected from it. I just submitted a song fic to Carrie Underwood's 'Blown Away' and it revolves around the same topic with Astoria's father and Draco.. anyway. I had to say that because it was a funny/sad/creep coincidence. Don't worry, I'll badger you for a swap or request a review when it's validated ;)!

Back to your story.

You have no idea how much I LOVE Sirius being the good guy, the savior - because he is! And his desire to help Taylor, I can feel that he honestly would do anything for that girl.

You did such a great job touching on how much destruction really was eating at her soul, not only with her father's abuse, but her own self inflicted eating disorder.

And with the way you ended it, my heart broke for Sirius. He really believes he could have saved her, and that maybe be the worst part.

Blah :(.

I'm a gooey mess of feelings now :(.

Beautiful, heartbreaking one shot.

Author's Response: I know, I'm sorry!

OHMYGOSH OUR BRAINS ARE CONNECTED! HAHA! I love that song, it's heartbreaking!

Sirius IS the good guy! He is so often portrayed as a player. I love Sirius too, haha! He's just so...fangirl worthy. And there I go again, fangirling.

I'm so glad you think I did good, I was so, so worried! I honestly thought this may come off as cheesy and I am so relieved!

It was sad, I think I cried for quite a few hours after this. Thank you for such a wonderful review! You are my favorite person ever! *hugs*

Thank you so much! Your review make my day, but they also make me tear up, in a good way! Thank you, Jami. Honestly, you keep me writing.

xx

Ever


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Review #4, by slytherinchica08 You Were Always Loved

21st August 2012:
Oh this was so sad, and right there at the end I really thought I was going to start crying with Sirius! I liked being able to see this from different perspectives, first Taylor's then Sirius's and for a bit Dumbledore's as well! I thought that this flowed really well and was a good but sad read.

I only found a couple of errors in this chapter. The first of which is here, " She squeezes his hand tightly and her brown find his".. i'm not really sure if its supposed to say her brown eyes or what but I guess thats what I'm assuming its supposed to say. And then here, "Her brown eyes pierced him, but he does didnít falter" I'm not sure if here the word does is just extra or if there is supposed to be something else. Here, "The rest of the tam was had been hard at work practicing," the word team is missing its e. And then here, " She doesnít respond but she wishes she would." the second she i think is supposed to be he.

Other than those small mistakes the chapter was absolutely wonderful, not that these mistakes really took anything away from the story because I could really feel the emotions from Sirius as I was reading this. I feel so bad that she had such a horrible family life and that while she was loved by Sirius, she just couldn't see past her pain. Great Job!

~Slytherinchica08~

Author's Response: Erica! I'm sorry for leaving this review unanswered for so long!

I'm really grateful for such a kind and helpful review! I was so, so nervous about posting it, but then I just decided to throw it to the wind and let people rip it apart if it needed it! Thank you for the CC, I'll definitely use it!

Thanks for such a sweet review! *hugs*

xx

Ever


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Review #5, by Viikidaviking You Were Always Loved

21st August 2012:
Calling here for a review swap!

This...was...beautiful :'( Brought a tear to my eye. I loved the way you wrote this and everything was wonderful. I loved the characterization of the characters and I think you set the scene perfectly. I really loved everything about this little gem of a one-shot. Please just write more like this!

That last light, uggh! I almost died! You took it one step furthur to make everyone that little more attached to the one-shot. Now I just want to go back and read it all over again. This was a beautiful one-shot and I loved every second of it.

-Calling x

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I was so worried this was cheesy, but apparently not! You are so sweet, thank you! I really enjoyed writing this, no matter how much I cried, and I'm glad you enjoyed it!

thanks! I really did aim to make it stand out from other one shots like this and I'm glad to hear I accomplished this!

Thank you for such a sweet review!

xx

Ever


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Review #6, by daretodream You Were Always Loved

29th July 2012:
Hello!

I really, really loved this one shot. I think that the quote that you were given was really beautiful, and that you did a magnificent job of intergrating it into your story. I would imagine this quote would be difficult to put a situation to, but I think you did a really good job, and that it all fit together really really well.

I also loved the last line of your story. Though you had already expressed the notion that he would love her forever, I think that the last line is something different and far more beautiful. Instead of just that he would always love her, as most authors would have left it at, you went a step further. He always had loved her. I think that, at least to me, the addition of that makes it so much deeper and makes such a meaningful piece even more beautiful.

You did a wonderful job, and I'll be adding this to my favorites! 10/10

~Cassie

Author's Response: Hello to you!

Thank you, thank you, thank you! The quote was beautiful, and it was really quite hard to write something for! I struggled for some time to write something! But this just kind of came to me out of nowhere! I really did put some thought into the last line, I was hoping to avoid the typical last line, so I'm glad to hear I did just that! Thank you so much for the lovely review!

xx

Ever


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