Great chapter again! I hope you will continue this soon. I saw on your page that you are focusing on another story currently.
I think Nathalie and Albus seem to have better luck with friends in their own house so far than the other two. I liked to see the new characters again and more of Scorpius and Nathalie.
Only critique I really have this time is that the first paragraph was a little bit unclear for me at first. It does say what you mean, but I had to read it through several times until I figured out which was about who, like who was more charismatic and who wasn't.
I love to read about the lessons. I always loved to read that in the books too as they give a bit more of the magic side and you write them well.
I'm really intrigued by the main plot as well. Scorpius was a little sneaky so he might have deserved to get into a little trouble, but let's see what happens. :) Report Review
Ooooh! Hogwarts is starting to crumble! Yay! I love how you are little by little both introducing characters here and getting the plot to start to unfold.
I liked to see the new, possibly more minor, characters here. Hattie and Nydia were a nice addition although Nydia didn't seem that nice. And like I said in my previous review I was expecting Rose to turn out a bit nicer later than she was in the first chapter, which happened here. It was nice to see more of both her and Albus and I like hw you write them. :) Albus's new friends also seem really nice and fun. They make me smile!
I like the little glimpses here of the four main characters getting together at some point. Rose and Nathalie sort of meet and Rose notices that they could be friends. Rose feels a little lonely too and needs another friend and Albus thinks of both her and Scorpius and misses them. I like it how that sets up some seeds for their friendship.
This was another enjoyable chapter and I will continue reading. :) Report Review
I'm loving this so far! There are so many things to love, actually. Firstly I love the character Nathalie and how you introduce her here. I like it how you show all her insecurity about going away and about going to a school and world she doesn't know much about and where she down't know anyone. Almost anyone would be nervous and a little afraid. I would anyway. And I would probably do the same as she did and pass the compartment with Rose, Albus and Scorpius and go for one with no one or just one person or other people who look like they don't know each other. ;) She however goes on bravely and tries not to show her nervousness. One thing about her thoughts though, that I noticed. As it's from her point of view I thought the word "muggle" seemed a little out of place when she was at the station as she hasn't known about magic for that long and has maybe heard the word "muggle" once or twice. She's probably think of them as something like "ordinary people" and the "ordinary world" at this time. But that's just a tiny tiny little thing.
I liked the beginning of the story. It pulled me right in and made me curious. I wondered first if we were seeing a time when a character did not yet know she was a witch as she was maybe going to a school in London. But then it turned out that she was going to Hogwarts after all. Your writing flows well too and it's a pleasure to read.
It's really a difficult sort of chapter to write, as it's a kind of chapter many attempt and things that happened to Harry too. But I think you did really well as it was still interesting with the train ride and the sorting. I was afraid that Nathalie would sit in the train with the people she would become best friends with and I was happy she didn't and I think the jump from there to the lake was good. We didn't need to know more about what she did in the train and who she talked to or didn't.
Haha the lake scene was fun! I think I'm not so fond of Rose so far, but I liked the boys. But probably she had a reason to be so snappy about people seeing her as famous. I can imagine that some magazines would have written about some of the trio's kids getting to Hogwarts that year, so everyone would have known they were coming. And Harry would probably have been mad about it too. (and now I'm starting to imagine that scenario and sort of want to write about it) Anyway, I loved to see you write about the characters we sort of know (or at least know their families) from another person's point of view. They'll probably seem a bit different when we get to know them more and see them more. It's great that everything is coloured by Nathalie's background as muggleborn, just like Harry too wondered about everything. But still it's in many ways different from how Harry saw things. Oh and I loved to see Neville too!
So a great start! :) I liked the story summary too by the way. It made me chose this story more than for example characters or era.
Happy Holidays! :) Report Review
Oh my gosh! This is getting really good! I love the way you're incorporating all these different story lines and characters with a bit of humor and mystery. It's really great and so captivating. I just want to read more! I hope you update soon. :)Author's Response: Is it really? I'm never good at planning out stuff, especially stories, so most things are usually flukes but I'm glad you're enjoying this! :D Report Review
This is so adorable! I don't normally read stories about when they were all young, mostly because I kind of feel like a lot of the time it's just retelling the originals, but this is really different and good, and I love it already! I just had to say that before I continued reading. :)Author's Response: Thank you so much! That's really sweet, and usually I don't either but I couldn't resist the idea of trying it out :P Report Review
LINN YOU UPDATED!
When I saw the story at the top of my favorites I was like, yeah, whatever, it was already there yesterday. Oh wait. It's a NEW CHAPTER.
I'm very angry at you now. Mean cliffie, mean, so so mean. And you say I'm a horrible person. Tsk.
Anyway, I loved this chapter and I'm of course expecting more soon, because otherwise I will die of frustration and annoyance because I want to know what happens for Merlin's sake!
I must leave, my mum is screaming that I need sleep and should go to bed. But I'm still happy you updated, and I took the time to review because, yeah, I love you and this story that much.
:) xxAuthor's Response: I wanted to wait to put chapter two's ci in until I had chapter three written, but I couldn't wait and I thought it would look nicer already at the top of pages :p It was fruitless anyway because the minute I shoved the edited chapter two in the queue, I finished chapter three a good twenty minutes later. Mwahahaha. Consider it revenge on all of /your/ evil cliffies.
I'll try to get chapter four up just for our sakes and curiousity. Thanks for reviewing, I always, always look forward to them whenever I put up new chapters *squishes* Report Review
AH! The Cliffies! Can't handle it!
But that was a great chapter. The disappearing river, I'm feeling some foreshadow! and why is everyone so secretive about spells and things?? Are they all in some muggle-born club? Ah! The things I want to know!!
I can't wait to see how this plays out! And I still love the little firsties and their confusion about everything :P So cute!
But little Scorpius! How will he escape?! He doesn't even know spells to get himself out!! I hope someone comes back for him! Can't wait for the next chapter :DAuthor's Response: Well, you better get used to them because there's going to be plenty in River Sea ;)
Yes, foreshadow! I wondered if anyone was going to notice that, but for now it won't crop up too much. It's frustrating me too, knowing why and not being able to say, but just because I love giving out little hints in my responses, Cami's not a Muggleborn ;) Chew on that as you will. Someone will definitely come for poor, trapped Scorp, though you'll have to wait until finding out. Thanks again for reviewing! Report Review
Really Love this story so far!!! I haven't read any Original Character stories and I'm in love with it!
And I just love how you portray the firsties. Shy and confused, and not knowing who their friends are going to be. It's really great!
I must say I am really happy with your housing choices too. It's a slight shock that Rose wasn't in Gryffindor, but I can't say I mind! Takes after her mom in the intelligence department I suppose :)
You're a great writer, above all else, and I can't WAIT to continue reading your story. I've never started a novel with only 2 chapters out though... I guess we're in for a wild ride :PAuthor's Response: Thank you! River Sea is seriously fun to write, as is all of its characters, and I'm honestly seriously pleased you liked reading it :)
Starting from scratch, I know :p It's a challenge, since I usually write when they're in their seventh year, about to leave and confident with everything, but so far I'm pleased how well everyone and everything is turning out and the good response it's getting.
It was hard, picking those houses -.- The quartet could fit any one of them, although eventually I gave up and shoved them in my original idea. Rose is the hardest because Ron and Hermione are genuinely quite different but the same at the same time so honestly, she could be in Ravenclaw or Gryffindor but I wanted to even things out so put her into the former.
Yay, thank you! I hope to see you around, too ;) It's amusing to see how many people tell me that, though lucky for you the third chapter's in the queue so you don't have to wait for long. Yes we are, aren't we? :D Thank you for reviewing, I really appreciate it! Report Review
*challenge-master sneaks in*
Albus and Rose! Yay! I liked seeing them, and I'm looking forward to seeing how you're going to bring the four of them together. 'quartet' :P
This was a sweet chapter. I haven't read very many things about first years- mainly because I was a pain at eleven and I don't particularly want to read about annoying children. However, this is a pleasant surprise, and I really liked how you're describing them. They're shy, they're not good at magic, they're all a little unsure, even Rose and Albus, which I particularly like. Characterisations are definitely something you excel at :)
Well done, this is another great chapter! :DAuthor's Response: It's going to be tough, unfortunately they are actually good kids and won't settle for a detention together -.- Still, it's going to be fun, not to mention interesting!
Ohmygosh, I was a pain at eleven, and even more at twelve :p Still, I always kind of find it a little adorable to be reading stories like this - first years. Everyone's unsure, let's face it :D Poor wizards, their confusion's about magic, at least we've got normal stuff. Anyway, enough rambling, thanks again, Jenny!
I love characters, they're so squishable even if some are jerks :) See you around, Jenny, and thanks for another lovely review! Report Review
I had to blink once or twice, just to make sure you really did have another chapter up! I loved this chapter - get used to that sentence, you'll be hearing it quite often!
Ooooh, so it starts! I can't wait for the next chapter...
I absolutely adored your portrayal of Rose. She just fits the image I have of her - not wanting to be helpless, I think, sums her up as Ron and Hermione's daughter and the way I've always imagined her. Nothing to say here.
Albus - loved him, duh. Just wondering though: his best friends are one slightly reckless boy and a smart girl. Is that done on purpose or did it just develop out as such? The similarities with his father are interesting in any case.
More Nathalie around in the next chapter? Perfect.
You'll be seeing me around! :)Author's Response: Me too! I found it so ironic that you reviewed right when I was almost finished with the next chapter, so this was definitely a treat for you :p Same... I haven't even started it yet, but I know already it's going to be epic and a challenge and I can't wait for you to read it.
Thank you! Some people kind of write Rose as evil or something but I do honestly like her and I think out of the four she's most like me, so yeah, glad you still like her! Albus is adorable and I love him in every story so I definitely wanted to do him justice in this :D
Dang. I knew there was something off about Claire and Jem - it wasn't until you pointed it out that I realised that they were kind of like Ron and Hermione :p I can say, however, that it just developed that way, but I do hope that they won't turn out too much like the trio because I'll probably butcher them :)
Thanks again for reviewing, and see you around next time!
--Linn Report Review
OOH. What went through my head, clicking on a WIP story that only had one chapter? I'm currently actually bouncing on my chair waiting for the next chapter now, and trust me it's not a good idea for my ego. But whatever. Too late now.
So. Why do I like this?
Well, because it's amazing, duh. Tantalising plot (but that might also be the summary's fault), loveable characters in just one chapter and, for the crazy person I am, flawless grammar and spelling!
Toss into the equation that I love your Rose as much as I enjoyed reading Nathalie - but that goes without saying - and you are going to have to face me every time from now on. You have no idea what you got yourself into. Update soon please?
10/10. Definitely. :)Author's Response: I often do that myself, but I'm certainly glad you clicked on River Sea! I'm pretty proud of this story, I did work hard on it :p
Ohmygosh, seriously? I can't believe it! Yeah, the summary hints of a plot, but that won't be officially coming in until the second or third chapter. Thank you! A couple of days after this was validated, I cheerfully went back and wrote down every single mistake I could see and fixed everything, so that's probably why it looks absolutely flawless :)
Did you? I was so worried people wouldn't like Rose for the way she overreacted on the boat, but that was just the way she was so I'm glad you liked both her and Nathalie :) You'll be the first I say this to, but luckily for you, some of the next chapter is held through Rose's eyes - more is through Albus', but Rose's was essential for part of it. Definitely I'll update soon! I'm almost finished the next chapter, so expect to see it soon :D Thanks a bunch for such a sweet review!
--Linn Report Review
Wow!! This was a really exciting first chapter!! I love that you didn't skip anything from the sorting hat to the fact that the giant squid liked to swim along side the boats.
I really love your OC so far and I think it's so much fun you've got the four of them in different houses. Nat seems realistic and relatable, and her nervousness was completely perfect. I'm curious as to her and her mothers relationship after you mentioned that her mother was showing obvious affection and it seemed rare..
This is one of my very favorite ways for a story to start. There's so much that could happen and the feeling of being 'back' at Hogwarts is one of my favorites.
Your sorting hat song was so creative, love it!
I think the only thing is suggest is to up the imagery :). Really make me see what Nat does. This is my hardest thing, I feel like I'm constantly working on it.
JamiAuthor's Response: Really? It makes my heart jump to hear you say that, because may I just say, you have incredibly exciting first chapters, yourself! :) The temptation to skip everything was overwhelming, but I'm glad I didn't and that you liked it *hugs* OCs are fun to write, I admit, and Nat is surprisingly easy - though, heads up, Jami, it's not always going to be from her eyes. We'll have to switch between the quartet, so you're the first I said that to!
The Sorting Hat song was a pain to write out, but it was so much fun and sites which give you rhymes when you type in a word were really helpful :p Most people don't have songs in their Sorting Hat scenes, but I wanted one so I'm pretty overjoyed you liked it!
Imagery and description is one of my weaker points, so I'll definitely pay more attention to that as the story goes on, so thanks for pointing it out! Oh, and personally, I think your imagery is lovely ;) Thanks for reviewing, Jami, I'm not kidding when I say it means the world to me :D
Linn Report Review
*squishes Linn back* A great first chapter! No less than what I have come to expect from you :)
All the elements of this chapter were really well-written, from the car-ride to the train-ride to the boat-ride! The Sorting Hat's poem is amazing too, well done.
This is a wonderful first chapter, the introductions and the first sight of all our main characters was superb. Can't wait to see more! :)Author's Response: You are crazy fast! :p That poem was a pain to type out -.- Still, I'm glad you liked it! Most people don't have Sorting Hat songs in their stories, but I wanted one in mine, so here we are! I'm totally excited for the next chapter, too, so I'm glad you enjoyed this! :) See you there, Jenny *squish* Report Review
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