Hey! This is Becca from TGS. I've been meaning to read something of yours for ages, so it's really great that you requested a review. I may not have got round to reading anything by you, and that would have been a real shame. This is absolutely wonderful.
I may be a little biased when writing this review, because I LOVE this kind of one-shot. I think some of the best ones I've read are ones like this where it is more about emotion and atmosphere than plot - long stories kind of need a plot, but one-shots are perfect for playing around with imagery and tone. Anything more than the kind of gentle, soft atmosphere in this story would ruin the depth of emotion in it.
I honestly don't know why you're worried about this! Your mastery of language is superb, and your descriptions are simply gorgeous. I thought your description while they were in the garden was particularly good. I'm afraid I'm not really going to be able to offer much in the way of critique, because I really loved this, and I think you did a brilliant job.
The characterisation of Perenelle is perfect. I haven't really thought before about how I'd imagine her, but if I have, this is what I would have imagined. She seems so rounded a character, even in such a short space. I also want to say that I love how you've written the relationship between her and her husband.
Okay, my thoughts on the ending. I thought some of the lines here were absolutely gorgeous, such as "I hear him gently turn the pendant indefinitely, sweeping past decades and centuries and millenniums, back to the beginning of Time." You managed to make it both moving and completely, absolutely fitting with what you'd writen before. The last line was one that I wasn't so sure about on first read, but now I think does work. I think that's more to do with the fact that I'm reading late at night than your writing!
Overall, I think you have nothing to worry about. The descriptions were beautiful, the flow was perfect and it was just really, really lovely. I really enjoyed it, well done! Report Review
First of all, thank you for being so specific in your areas of concern- you have no idea how helpful that is. I just hope I'm able to help you!
The wording of this was just beautiful, it was so ethereal! It did seem some how wizened, but it definitely didn't come across as dull. It was more like... delicate. Very, very lovely.
I also thought it was great that you used Perenelle and Nicholas, it's so rare for them to even be mentioned in fanfic, so to write a whole story based around them was just lovely.
I found it slightly confusing, and had to read it over twice, but I'm quite tired, so I think it was more the fact that the plot was quite complex that the fact that it was confusing.
I think you did a wonderful job at portraying Perenelle and Nicholas' relationship, it was just how I think a couple their age's should be, not to wild, but so close. Perfect.
The ending was so perfect, as well, it was open ended, yet it seemed like a definitive finish. Just how endings should be, really.
You asked whether I thought you should continue this. Well- I would love it if you continued, because your writing is wonderful, and it would be fascinating to read more about Perenelle and Nicholas' lives, however I think this story also stands alone beautifully.
I actually had a lot of difficulty reviewing this without keyboard slamming, because your writing so perfect. It's completely magical, and you are probably a famous author in disguise. Possibly a resurrected Bronte. Your writing is so so so wonderful.
Thank you so much for the chance to discover such a brilliant, wonderful, amazing, story.
Charlie Report Review
Oh, oh, OH. Alrighty. OK. Where to begin without making this completely unintelligible and useless...
Obviously, I thought this was brilliant, and for so many reasons. Maybe I'll list them to keep myself organized.
1) The last line is just... I always try and make sure my last lines are solid, that they sort of pack a punch so that the reader doesn't just drift off the page once they've finished. You've done that magnificently and I cannot even begin to wrap my head around how you even came up like a line like that. It is gorgeous, but it also furthers your story; it's not just there for beauty reasons, or anything. Gah.
2) The originality (and I had to spell that four times, for whatever reason) is just incredible. I'm beginning to see a lot of the same thing on the archives, which isn't necessarily bad because everybody sort of has their own take on it but THIS was just astounding. I have never, in my "career" as a reader, read anything that featured these two lovely and ephemeral characters. And speaking of characters...
3) I absolutely adore the way you've characterized them. They are tired, but they seem content. For whatever reason, I especially liked the quip about her memory going. It just made -sense- to me. And this line: "My soul feels a little tired, my blood a little too warm for all that I have lived through." Gah, it's really gorgeous, but I think you also paint a very vivid picture of the character(s) you are describing.
This was lovely, and I can definitely see where you found your inspiration in that picture. It's a very subtle inspiration, but it's there. Thank you so much for trying the challenge; this is a piece of art.
xx Rin Report Review
Ugh. This was just honestly really amazing. I lovr how there was a poetic tone to this and how you managed to dive straight into this without it being rushed or anything.
I love the premise of this story, because no one did stop to think that in having the Philosopher's Stone at Hogwarts would mean the death of two very accomplished, but very human people. It was really humbling to think of seeing as everyone knows what happened to the Stone afterwards.
Your writing is just...ugh, to die for. I love it so much.
I looove the sentimentality of this all but also how its realistic. They understood they needed, and fully embraced it, to let go of the materialistic things they had. They understood that even memories didn't need to be bottled up and kept in a cabinet for a rainy day. They understood that it was time to go.
Its just so peaceful and sad in the way that you wish there was something else for these characters, but that you wouldn't change what happened either - it is absolutely perfect the way it is and had to be.
After all that gushing I must now thank you for all the lovely reviews that you've left me over the past few weeks. I'll be replying to them soon and I didn't want you to think I was ignoring you.
Thank you for being so lovely and thank you for writing such a wonderful piece!
Hanzi xx Report Review
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