Reading Reviews for Chasing the Storm
  
10 Reviews Found

Review #1, by starryskies55 Prologue

11th September 2012:
*sets herself out to reawaken muse*

I really enjoyed this, and I wish there was more. I feel like you're building up to a big scene (with a storm). You've set the scene without really detailing Lily's character, or that of her friends/brothers- it's just facts, not personality.

Saying that, I really liked the last line, it was every powerful- 'caught in a cage of freedom' :P

Hope I've helped reawaken your muse! I really would like to see the rest of Lily's story- it's quite clearly not finished :P

Author's Response: Thank you!

That was my aim--to start the build up in the prologue. Hopefully I can flesh out her character a bit more in the next couple of chapters :)

That closer took me a while--I'm glad you liked it!

Thanks again, you've certainly got me thinking about this again and turning ideas over in my head!


 Report Review

Review #2, by CambAngst Prologue

4th August 2012:
Hi, there! Thanks so much for doing your part to help Gryffindor take the cup! Here is your review.

This piece was such a nice contrast to so much of the teen-romance-angst-drama stories that are written about the Next Gen characters. It was really pleasant to imagine, at least for a while, young Lily Potter just being young and carefree and not caught up in some tormented, drama-filled, off-and-on relationship with either Scorpius Malfoy (who belongs with Rose, by the way ;) ) or one of the Scamander twins. Next Gen authors have a terrible tendency to age these kids way too fast and rarely allow them to just act their age. You took the complete opposite tack and I think it worked brilliantly for you.

One thing I did notice was a little slip-up around "break up", which is a verb form, and "breakup" which is a noun. "Although, at the moment he seemed to be ready to breakup with his current one." In this case, "break up" should be the verb form. Otherwise, I thought your writing was terrific. The formatting was just a tad rough in a couple of places, but I have plenty of my own struggles with the HPFF editor, so I completely sympathize.

The ending definitely suggests that Lily's life is about to change. That's too bad, in a way, but also consistent with the never-ending romantic struggles of the poor, afflicted, Harry Potter Next Gen fan fic characters. I guess we all have to grow up sometime. ;)

Author's Response: Thanks for being so generous in offering this review!

I'm glad it came off differently! It seems like the majority of Next-gen teen stories are focused on romance (including my novel XD) but in real life, romance just isn't that common. I'm a teenager and I've never had a boyfriend, and I am perfectly happy with it! Life is so much more than having that dramatic school romance!

Oh, thanks for pointing that out! I'll make sure and fix that straight away. I'm convinced that HPFF editor hates me, but I'll keep working on the formatting.

Well, this IS being written for a summer romance challenge. I have to put some romance in there don't I? Anyway, hopefully Lily won't get too cliched. I appreciate your feedback so much, thank you!


 Report Review

Review #3, by LunarLuna Prologue

26th July 2012:
First off I wanted to say that your writing is beautiful :) The concept of the chapter was simple, yet the way you wrote it made it particularly interesting. Maybe all the more interesting since I can relate to Lily xD And that's precisely why I liked it. She sounds real. in only 500 words or so I can already get a good feel of her personality and that's great!^^

You did a great job writing this! :)

xx

-June

Author's Response: Thank you! I worked a lot to get it the way it is :) Lily's a great character, I'm glad you like her! Thanks so much for dropping by!

 Report Review

Review #4, by TenthWeasley Prologue

22nd July 2012:
Hey! Here for your requested review, and I'm very sorry it's taken me this long. It's been quite the hectic summer!

This is a very interesting prologue, and you've definitely set it up to where I'm interested to read more. Who is the mysterious 'he' and how did he yank Lily from that freedom-cage? I didn't find the writing awkward at all, so no worries there, and it sounds pretty natural on my end.

You did ask me to examine emotions, and (forgive me for saying it) I didn't see too many here -- which isn't uncommon, given that this is a prologue, and a brief one at that. If anything, your Lily has come across to me almost as apathetic, nearly free of emotions about her situation. I'm not sure if this is what you were going for, however, and it's a bit of a tricky thing to explain into words. Lily just doesn't seem to have a whole lot of emotion where her plight's concerned, and sometimes she almost seems to contradict herself -- saying she should have seen the romance coming, and then saying her entire summer was based around the prospect of independence and solitude. I think maybe something to work on is grounding those emotions, either tilting into full contentment at being alone and ensuing surprise at the evident romance, or discontent with solitude and I-should-have-seen-the-romance-coming. (If you're still confused -- and I wouldn't blame you! -- you can ask me for clarification on this bit, and I'll do my best.)

There was one line I really liked:

Mum said she knew she loved Dad from the moment she saw him. -- That's such an awesome thing for Ginny to be saying about Harry, and I love it when people tie next generation-stories back to Hogwarts era. I'm not huge on next generation in general, so that's something that makes it supremely appealing to me. :)

Nice job on this! I think after you maybe polish up Lily's emotions a bit more (and again, if you want me to have another stab at explaining exactly what I mean, you're welcome to ask), this'll really be something to hook people in. Thank you for requesting a review from me!

Author's Response: Thanks!

Great! I'm usually more of a humor writer so I didn't want it to sound bad.

I think I understand what you're saying...

I guess what I was trying to show is that Lily does want romance, but she "tried not to care too much, and succeeded". She hid her desire under solitude. And when I say she should have seen it coming its not that she should have seen it coming in general, but that once she met him she should have seen it coming. I'll work on making that clearer. It should become more apparent in later chapters I hope!

I love seeing the random little Hogwarts era connections, they make it so much more fun to read!

Anyway, I really appreciate your review!



 Report Review

Review #5, by CharlieDay Prologue

21st July 2012:
Hi! It's me, with your requested review!
The imagery and description in this is absolutely wonderful, it's very artistic! For a prologue, this is wonderfully descriptive and definitely gives the reader a good idea of the story, as well as keeping the story very open to different manners of developement. I remember an English Teacher of mine once said to me 'The most Important part of the story is the first chapter- it must hook the reader in. This story certainly did that for me.
I noticed very few problems with this chapter, however, I don't think that the way you said 'my friends wrote me' reads quite right. Also, and this is a very small thing, I don't really think 'going steady' is really a term used in England.
Another great thing I noticed about this story was the flow of it. It was very smooth, and all the paragraphes seemed to fit together like puzzle pieces.
Lastly, I'd like to say that it was a very realistic characterisation of a 15 year old, in my opinion. Though I'm not one myself, I think that her thoughts were very like mine at that age!
Feel free to come back and re-request, as I'd definitely be happy to read any future chapters!
Thank you so much for being my first requester,
Charlie

Author's Response: Thanks!

I'm glad you think its artistic--I'm usually more of a humor writer so it was hard for me to be more serious! I definitely agree that chapter one should hook people in!

Hmm okay I'll see if I can fix those.

I'm a bit older than 15, but its recent enough for me to remember pretty well I think!

No problem :) I'll let you know when I get more chapters up


 Report Review

Review #6, by Jchrissy Prologue

18th July 2012:
I think that ĎSummerí should be bolded and italicized, thatís completely a stylistic preference, though.

I actually think this felt very natural. You moved through her feelings and thoughts on love at a very steady pace. You had enough descriptions to set a wonderful scene and really give us a taste of what she was feeling.

I also like that her friends are pestering her about boys, it seems like a regular fifteen year old thing to do.

One thing, she sounds a bit too old for her age. Not because she doesnít want to be with someone, but just the maturity of her feelings. I canít say whether this is believable or not because this is only the prologue. If you continue this story with her having that beyond her years sense of maturity (which isnít unrealistic, some people do) then you should be fine. If you donít plan on continuing that, then I think this should maybe be her looking back.

You are doing a great job with first person! It seems to be a very natural style for you, and a lot of people struggle with that, so good job!

All in all I think you have a strong start and really put a lot into this prologue! Please feel free to re-request once you continue!

Jami

Author's Response: Thanks!

I think she'll be keeping that sense of maturity, but I'm still working out the details honestly. Thanks for the input ;)

Actually, I find first person much easier to write for some reason! I struggle more with any other POV.

Thank you, I probably will :)


 Report Review

Review #7, by manno_malfoy Prologue

18th July 2012:
YAY! A different perspective on romance!

Hi there! I'm here with your requested review. I was so happy to see a request on another NextGen story; I just love them!

Anyway... As I was saying! Although I can expect from the way you've sealed the chapter, this is not going to go on for long. Nonetheless, it really is refreshing to see a story that starts with a such thoughts about love and boyfriends, and that a summer romance is not a necessary aspect in summer and that you could pretty much have a really good summer without a love interest.

I especially liked the part where she said that she couldn't bother with chasing boys around. I mean, a girl could indeed chase a guy and get him to care for her, but it certainly wouldn't be like having the guy caring for you first, right? It surely would be very touching to find that someone has formed feelings for you when you haven't even been trying to do anything! It seemed very realistic, touching, and emotional -and you said you're worried about emotion.

I don't think you should. You've portrayed Lily as this strong girl who longed for romance but didn't care enough in order to get it and you've done that very well!

I don't think the writing is awkward and I don't think I've spotted any typos or technical mistakes either, so well done!

This is such a short prologue -there certainly isn't anything wrong with its length; in fact, I think it makes things interesting and makes us wonder about what happens next and how/if Lily is going to change her thoughts about love and romance after that summer. Anyway, what I wanted to say is that its length makes it a little hard for me to offer much critique; I don't know why I keep on digressing!

Anyway, I really would like to see more of this story! Keep on writing and good luck!

-Manno

Author's Response: Me too! Next gen is just so fun

I wish I could tell this to the girls in my school! Summer is more than hanging out with a guy! Grr! I'm glad you agree. :)

This is something that's kind of personal to me, so I'm glad I was able to translate it into Lily's emotion. She was hard to write, but fun.

That's ok, I just wanted your opinion on if it was a solid start to a story!

Thank you so much!


 Report Review

Review #8, by louise_loves_hp Prologue

18th July 2012:
I love it. Just all about Lily's thoughts on love, its like I would see a 15 year old to be thinking. She just wants to understand it, to get her answers. This chapter has really drawn me in because I feel like you are going to take me along for the ride with Lily to get her answers about love. You have great flow within this prologue that really adds to that pulling in I feel.

Author's Response: Thank you! I hope I'll be able to pull it off. She's hard to write but fun :)

 Report Review

Review #9, by VioletBlade Prologue

18th July 2012:
Hi there! Finishing up my popsicle so I thought I'd go ahead and review this one right away! :)

So let me mostly touch up on what you were asking, since there isn't too much to actually go in depth about plot, characterization, grammar and all that that I normally do for all my reviews! In fact, actually, grammar looked spot on, I didn't see anything that I thought needed fixing so congrats on that!

As for what you were saying about whether it seemed natural, I think it does, especially if it's an older Lily Potter looking back on a summer romance when she was just fifteen. The prologue, especially the style in which it is written suggests a more mature narrator. She describes things in ways I don't necessarily think a regular fifteen year old girl would say unless she was a more mature fifteen year old girl. I like your Lily-- I like that she's not chasing after every boy that breathes, like in some fics. I like that she's strong-willed, like her mother, but at the same time patient for the right timing, like her father. Best of both worlds! :) I'm definitely interesting in reading more!

Well, that's all I have! Feel free to re-request when you have another chapter up or for a different story! Hope I helped some! :) Thanks for requesting your review from me!

~VioletBlade

Author's Response: Mmm popsicles...

Great! I'm always paranoid about my grammar :p

Yep, she is a bit older, looking back on her summer. I'm happy that you like her! I'm trying to give a little of both parents--a lot of time she seems like a mini Ginny. Which isn't always bad, but I wanted to get a little Harry in there!

Thanks! When my next chapter comes up I'll re-request :)


 Report Review

Review #10, by angel_speaks Prologue

17th July 2012:
Hiya!
Emesias here with your requested review!

Grammar/ spelling: You are definitely good on this part. I didn't spot anything that would raise an alarm. No weird writing at all. Keep it up.

Reader's Interest: Definitely. I think it was the emotion that the story itself gives off is what kept pulling me in to see it through until the end of the chapter. This is a definitely good way to start. Oh and ending it with a cliff hanger was a good way to end it. I'll definitely be tuning in to see who he is ^_^

Considering this is the prologue to the actually story, just a few words of advice, be sure the amount of dialogue that you put in is equal to the amount of description (to both characters as well as their environment). It one of the things that I've seen authors doing a lot. One of the reasons why they do such things is because they assume (emphasis on that word) that their audience have read and have the same information on the canon as they do. I personally think that as an author, you should never assume and give your audience enough description for their minds to indulge in ^_^ That way they could get as accurate as they can on how you picture things.

Ok, enough of my rambling. Good job! I hope to see more of this!

Happy Writing!

Author's Response: Hi!

Great :) I really don't like grammar issues to mess up my stories

Thanks! I'm usually more of a humor writer so I'm glad that the emotion was right.

I'll keep that in mind, thank you!

I should be getting more up soon :)


 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login