Reading Reviews for Lykis' Gift
  
6 Reviews Found

Review #1, by kz Wood's Family and Friends

19th October 2012:
Cok kotu olmus bok gibi olmus jameste bok gibi ahhahahahahah :D

Author's Response: soory i cant understand you. Please translate it :)

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Review #2, by Lady Asphodel Lykis' Helpers

10th September 2012:
Okay... chapter 3...

The only thing I can say is recap of what I said in my last two reviews.

Bring more depth to the story. The story is too simple. Bring emotions into your stories and I'm pretty sure you'll be able to bring emotion out of a reader.

Work on the grammar and punctuals. Don't worry, I still struggle with that myself (and I'm an American - shame on me.)

Try reading stories that has plot, depth, emotion, and great grammar. You can learn a lot from them.

Personally, I'm not a fan of the next generation. Never was and never will be.

But I came here to read to return the favor.
I really appreciate you taking the time to read my story and reviewing.

Keep on writing!


-Asphodel

Author's Response: ı know i need some grammer lessons, sorry :/ I'm absuletly going to improve it :) I love next generation cause i feel like it didnt :) Thank you so much for reading i really love you :)

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Review #3, by Lady Asphodel About Lykis

10th September 2012:
Hm, this chapter was better than the last one, I must say.

I can see the development, but again, the story seems to snobbish and a bit kiddish.

You have to bring emotion to this fiction too, otherwise, to readers, it feels like they're reading... everyday stuff... or nothing of importance.

You want to make your readers feel that they need to come back and eager to read more.

Also, what really turns off a reader is seeing so much parentheses. Try to leave those out as much as you can.
I say you only use parentheses once, and that is not even recommended.

Again, not trying to sound harsh.
Just giving you constructive criticism.

-Asphodel

Author's Response: thank you again for reviewing :) I'm going to use your advices in the other chapters. I dont want it to be boring maybe i tried a lot to make it fun. Gonna try do it better :)

-Melis :)


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Review #4, by Lady Asphodel Wood's Family and Friends

10th September 2012:
Hey... hm. This is a nice chapter.
You need to work on description and punctuation.

The thing is with the story is... I think your description went about the wrong way...

Do you know what I mean? Like... I believe the many reasons why you're not getting much reviews is the story is... way too snobbish.

And I don't want to sound cruel or anything like that.

Just, when I'm reading this story... It's like I'm picturing your character standing in front of me, saying the same thing that you have written while rolling her eyes, popping bubblegum, and flipping her hair in a flitatious way.

I believe that's what other readers see too. Maybe you weren't trying to go for that aim... but you did. And this is where you want to work on the description. You need to go in depth of your story, to draw more readers. I read your summary, but it seems like I'm reading a fic with no... purpose, no plot. And again, I really don't mean to harsh.

I'm really sorry if this review comes off to be mean. My intention is not to do that. Please don't let this comment discourage you.

I was a bad writer myself. I had so many fanfics and stories with so many errors that it's not even funny. I had to delete them because I want to write them back over since I have improved on my writing. I still need to improve.

Overall, I'm saying take what I said up there into heart. Learn from it. Think to yourself, what is the point of the story? Not everyone wants to read how hot or beautiful someone is.

By writing out your character in a well thought out story, the reader will have to be the judge of the character.

If you don't understand, you can message me on TDA. Do continue your story though. Never let anyone stop you from writing and being creative.


-Asphodel

Author's Response: thank you so much for reviewing :) I'm going to try to write a better summary. I want to describe that it isnt just a romance or friendship story there is some other things going on. Thanks again :)
Melis:)


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Review #5, by megthechef43 Wood's Family and Friends

7th September 2012:
melis1907,

This is definantly different from the norm on this site. That is not a bad thing though. Sometimes it can be a little monotonous to read the same thing over and over. I didn't notice your English being bad in this chapter. I think you did a good job getting your thoughts across to your readers.

Mel is an interesting character. She is confident and strong willed. She has zip and attitude that is fun to read. I think she could be a fun character to write about and have fun with. I like that you introduced everyone in this chapter.

I hope you re-request.

Megthechef43 aka Meg

Author's Response: thanks a lot for the review :) I'm trying to make it more enjoyable in the next chapters. And i really love Mel too. First i create her like me but then she became much cooler than me :D Thank you so much reviewing, hope you keep on reading and reviewing :)
-Melis :)


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Review #6, by melis1907 About Lykis

28th August 2012:
it is amazing :) Keep on writing...

Author's Response: hahahahah yeah thanks :p

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