Reading Reviews for The Hungarian Flame
  
4 Reviews Found

Review #1, by AdeleShare Hungarian Flame

8th September 2012:
Wow, thanks to the Review above topic on the forums, I had the pleasure of discovering this story. It is something I may have passed over normally, but I am so glad I read it. I love the analogies! Oh analogies galore! So powerfully written and done with so much emotion. I loved reading about what the students left a Hogwarts were feeling and experiencing. I think you did an amazing job with this one-shot! I may have to favorite you and come back and read some more :D

Author's Response: :P Hi! Thank you so much! You have no idea how happy this review made me! I'm so pleased that you enjoyed this piece and i've been grinning like a fool all day since you've added me as a favourite :D Thanks!! I'm strangely happy that this was emotional and that you were able to connect to it that way! Thank you so much for choosing to review this one, i appreciate your review very much! *hugs*

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Review #2, by maskedmuggle Hungarian Flame

20th July 2012:
"Isn't this beautiful?" YESSS! This was a beautiful one-shot! The majority of stories in response to the prompts involve action/adventure/dreams so to read something as reflection-y and quiet/peaceful like this is really different but fantastic. I just thought it was really well written and just really beautiful. I really liked the comparison between the light of the Bones and the flame of the Hungarian Horntail - it was also really clever - you managed to incorporate all the prompts in such a flawless way.

I also liked Susan's characterisation - she was very interesting and the thoughts and emotions that came from her felt very real. So, I don't really know how to comment on stories like this - there is just something special about it I can't quite explain - and your writing is pretty amazing. I really enjoyed it :)

- Charlotte

Author's Response: Hey Charlotte! Wow wow wow! I don't know how to respond to a review like this! bahhh! I'm trying not to just flail about in happiness but it's not working so well.

I'm happy that you thought it was different, i didn't really want my story to revolve around the prompts, but rather, i wanted them to seem as if they were made for the story. (does that even make sense?) I'm pleased beyond reason you felt like they fit there so well, whenever i read it back to myself it just seemed like the prompts were glaring at me so obviously.

I've really enjoyed writing about Susan as i feel like she's so underloved and unrepresented in many fics (maybe not now since there were quite a few pufftastic stories on her) and i'm glad you connected with this quite strength of here.

Thank you so much for stopping by and giving me a review, i really appreciate it!!

-zayne.


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Review #3, by Jchrissy Hungarian Flame

18th July 2012:
Hello, darling!

Okay, your concerns related to the flow, if it can stand along, if the star and father references make sense, and general feedback :). Iím going to start by saying I wonít point out grammatical errors as youíve said youíll have it beta-d.

This sentence sounds off to me:
Her dadís words still rang in her ear as melodic as the Common Welsh Greenís roar and it gave her a strange sense of security because she felt like she had an excuse. mainly because I canít put melodic and dragon roar together. Maybe as fiercely as the Common Welsh Greenís roar?

Besides that, I think this is a very strong opening paragraph!

The 4th paragraph, I think the very last line, ďyou must not go out.Ē should be italicized to strengthen the intensity of it.

The 7th paragraph is such a good one, but it starts feeling too redundant with the repeated use of actually. You may have been going for that repetitive feeling though, if so ignore this ;).
It was as black as†their†souls, black as sin, all of them, the Carrows, Deaths Eaters,†him,†this war. I love this line!

I donít think the line about Firenze fits. Weíve heard what tiring work reading the stars is, and that the centaurs are confident only they can master it. I think it may be better for him to have said something along the lines of, ďThe stars held secrets that could only be discovered by those strong enough to seek them.Ē may feel more Firenze-ish.

Hannah had been the strength she lacked but when she stood up Hannah had collapsed. wow, very, very powerful line.


Okay, now to the review part!
I actually didnít find this confusing at all. It was vague, but in more of an abstract way. I knew enough to be very connected to Susan, and extremely pained by her self doubt mixed with fear. The writing is gorgeous. The CC I mentioned above are all only suggestions, but without them this is still an amazing piece. I was a bit confused about her father, but nothing that hurt your story. It was just up to me to decide what he was talking about, what had happened to make him tell her to keep her head down. Iím thinking he had said that before she left for Hogwarts in regards to the new situation the students were in; she hadnít listened and ended up getting Ernie hurt?

But, if anyone is actually confused, you list right under it in you note that this is connected to another story, so they can go and read that one if they donít like the abstract feeling of unanswered questions.

I think this was a great challenge piece and very original, I also like the ending when something finally clicks inside her that it has to be every single one standing together to make the whole.

I really enjoyed the emotions in this piece. Iím extremely curious as to what happened to Hannah now!

Also, the prompts were included beautifully! It was clear that they were part of this story, and that this story was not just built for them. There are so many entries that revolve only around the prompts, that this is a wonderful contrast!

Great challenge entry, I hope this review was helpful!

Jami

Author's Response: Hey Jami! Thanks for stopping by!

I actually looked up the common welsh and it says their roar is strangely melodic... so i'm just going off that, as odd as it sounds. :D (well, as melodic as a raging dragon can actually sound anyway :P).

*headdesk* Definitely not going for the repeated actually... that just sounds awkward now that you've pointed it out! Can't believe i missed that :D thanks! :D

I'm pleased that you liked the vaguness, i'm always plagued with doubts of whether i'm being clear enough but i don't want to be that writer who is making everything so painfully obvious to the reader that they can't figure things out themselves and sort of let their imaginations go a little wild. I just never know where that pesky line is so i'm pleased that you felt connected to it :D

to answer you question about Ernie, he had already been sort of taken by the Carrows and she tried to save him but since it was just her the Carrows Crucio'd her and it didn't help him really. I'd see that her little act probably made it worse for both of them.

If you are interested in Hannah... and please forggive this plug, but i have another story on her called The Cloud Dancer. :P It's her after the war but it explains what happened to her.

Thank you so much for your lovely comments and your advice! I appreciate it so much! I didn't want the story to seem based on the prompt's, but wanted them to just be there as if they belonged, which is why I tried to give it a more abstract feeling so that she wasn't actually dealing with any of those things, it was just a running narrative in her thoughts. Thanks again :D

-zayne


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Review #4, by Violet Gryfindor Hungarian Flame

18th July 2012:
It's fantastic that you were able to tie the prompts into pre-existing stories - the very fact that you've written about Susan Bones before is astounding, as things go - but that backstory, only hinted at here, gave added depth to Susan's portrayal. I've always enjoyed stories where I feel like there's more going on beyond the story - it encourages the reader's imagination and more firmly grounds the characters in their world.

What I'm loving about the Hufflepuff entries so far are the complex portrayals of Susan that are emerging, mainly the tension between bravery and fear, loyalty and a desire not to stay out harm's way. It captures Hufflepuff's strange position in Hogwarts as the house that's more difficult to define; its occupants can be all or any of those things - brave, loyal, timid, quiet. I like that your Susan is also a dreamer with a poetic sensibility who takes pleasure in the outside world, no matter what terrible things are going on beneath her feet. She's able to see beyond the horrors of the war even though they've scarred her deeply, and I think that's an admirable, even enviable trait.

Your descriptions are also fantastic. How you used the dragon's names for similes really stood out, and my favourite part was that last amazing paragraph, especially the line They were all single drops that when added together they pulsed with untold meaning. It's a beautiful image to leave the reader with at the end. You did a wonderful job with with the prompts you included and with the story as a whole. I'm surprised that no one else has reviewed this so far - it deserves much more attention!

Author's Response: Ok, i'm going to try to put words to my feelings now and hope that i don't do a bunch of blubbering and senseless keyboard smashing to get them across :D I'm still flailing though inside and overwhelmed by your lovely comments.

I was really excited when we all chose Susan as our champion because i've always loved her and wanted her to have some more face time. She's really interesting, considering how her family was basically picked off by Voldemort and his little minions. There is a lot to explore in her and in the Hufflepuff house involvement in the war in general. I think they were the second house to have the most people involved. Some reason, they never get credit for that.

I was worried that no one would get this Susan though, at least, not without reading the other story. I wanted to give enough background so they'd have an idea of if it but i'm never sure how much is enough. So i'm pleased you got it and felt like it actually added to the story. I think it's important too to have more to the character or story your telling than the reader knows.

I know right? I felt like all the stories were showcasing different Puffy traits and it was great to see because the house typically seems to be portrayed as a house full of duffers. It was lovely to see such support come for it and giving a voice to them.

Thank you again so much for stopping by and leaving this review, it means a lot to me! I think it's so great that you're stopping by many (if not all) task 1 challenges entries and it's great that you're giving them your support. I'm going to stop rambling now because i think this response has gotten longer than the review itself. :P


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