This is a really nice first story, and I loved the fact that you based it around the Silver Trio, opposed to just Neville. The House Cup seems like so long ago now- I can't believe that I hadn't stumbled upon this sooner.
I think one of the main things I like about this story is that it COULD have been from one of the films. It's a part of the storyline that I've not really considered before, but that's what I love about this story. Yyou've taken an event and really made it come to life with this, so well done for that :)
I did notice a couple of issues in this with typos or slightly unnatural syntax, but it was pretty minor stuff and the general flow of the story was good. Those small mistakes are something that I beta would be able to clear up for you pretty easily.
Your characterisation of Ginny and Neville really stood out to me as well. The quarrel between Ginny and Neville was great in allowing you to show off her hot-headedness and his unwillingness. Great story, well done :)
-ScottAuthor's Response: Scotty! I am so sorry it took me longer than a month to reply to this :( but I'm here now!
I love how the Silver Trio sounds. I never thought about them like that but you're right. In the absence of Harry, Ron and Hermione, they were the ones to take up the responsibility of keeping the school safe.
I'm so happy you liked my take on this little missing moment. I felt it was a big part of the book's storyline, so I decided to explore it further and see how it could have happened.
Characterization is definitely one of the most important aspects in a story for me, so I always pay special attention to it. I'm relieved that you found theirs an accurate one. I'm always very anxious about characterization, especially concerning characters that are pretty well established in the series like Neville and Luna.
I have edited part of the story in the lookout for typos and funky syntax since it's been pointed it out to me before and I'll be sure to finish it soon enough.
Thanks a million for stopping by! It warms my heart to hear from you *hug* Report Review
That was beautifully done, Debra! Full marks! Though now I just REALLY hope that I don't think too much of your version when the time comes for me to write this scene. I think you did a great job, though. You really captured Ginny's hot headedness, Neville's reluctance (yet acceptance that he is in fact the right person for the job) and Luna's slight dottiness - the Moon Frogs were inspired. :) And just asking for the Sword outright when Snape appeared? Brilliant. Ballsy, sure, but brilliant. I really liked your take on this, Debra. Make sure you write more! :)
cheers, MelAuthor's Response: Mel! I think I squealed for half an hour when I saw that you reviewed me as well. It was one of the best surprised I ever had on this site. It meant so much to me!
Of course I'd feel flattered if you think of my version when you reach the moment to write this missing scene haha. But as talented as you are, I am not worrying that you'll find a very original way of depicting it ;)
I can't tell you enough how much it means to me that you find the new Trio IC. Characterization is one of the aspects of a story that I take most care of because to me it's one of those things that can unhook you from a story faster than blinking. If you feel that a character is not how he should be (or close to the original version) the plot means too little. You just can't go on. Or at least I can't for sure.
Again I thank you so, so much for taking the time and visiting me. You made my day! Report Review
Ooh, look, a story about the Sword of Gryffindor! I think you're going to be pretty popular. ;)
You did a really nice job with this. I remember this challenge from the House Cup and it wasn't easy at all to work in all the different prompts and mentions. I thought you did it pretty elegantly, without really breaking the flow of the narrative. It was no easy task, especially with things like the wand particulars and the silly dark detectors.
This was an awesome missing moment to pick for Neville. I don't imagine there were many other times in his life where he had to do something that frightened him as much as breaking into Snape's office. Your characterization of Ginny was brilliant: hot-headed, angry, impulsive and out to hurt Snape and the Carrows any way that she could. Neville came across as more level-headed, but he wasn't willing to let her go it alone, which sounded a lot like him. Luna... well, Luna is really, really hard to write. I always have a terrible time getting her to sound just right. She was definitely the logical choice to get the particulars of Neville's wand into the story.
I liked the way you brought Snape into the narrative. In retrospect, we know that he was trying to get the sword into Harry's hands anyway, although Ginny, Neville and Luna would have been a very risky way to go about that. I imagine he thought about it, but probably thought better of it. And having Dumbledore be there to remind Snape of his promise to try to keep the students safe. Not to mention the fact that if the Carrows had learned that students were trying to steal the sword, Snape's mission would have been all but doomed.
I saw one typo that you might want to take a second look at:
His heart was thundering in his chest, making him feel quite dizz. - dizzy?
Overall, you did great justice to the challenge. Well done!Author's Response: This reply is so late I'm almost ashamed. Sorry for taking this much to come back to this. I assure you that I loved everything you said!
Indeed my story has been quite popular during the review battle haha. I never intended it to be like that of course, but I can't say I'm complaining :P
Your praises for my characterization really warmed my heart. You can't imagine how much that means to me. It's one of the aspects that I fret most about when planning and writing a story. Since OOC-ness is an instant turn off for me, I strive to do the best I can when using canon characters. I do as much research as I can to be able to be as close to their original selves as possible.
That was exactly my thought about Neville when I thought about this missing moment. He was the first character that sprang to mind when I set out to do this House Cup challenge. I wanted to do something about and with him. And I definitely agree with you. Breaking into Snape's office, which he avoided like the plague during his previous years, would be the height of terrifying. We see that Neville changed into an almost different person in Deathly Hallows, but there are some aspects that you can never change out of. And I thought that his fright of Snape is one of those things. He didn't feel that level of horror any more, but he couldn't quite be comfortable with breaking into his office either.
I'm happy you liked how I played Snape in this. I thought about how I was going to do it, but from the first moment I imagined this whole story, I knew that I wanted him to discover them. Since we know from canon that they escaped with just a petty detention with Hagrid, I wanted to use this prompt to highlight a bit of Snape's character and the incredibly difficult mission he had: make Voldemort believe that he was on his side but also keep the students at Hogwarts as safe as possible.
Thanks so, so much for the review. It means a great deal hearing from you! Report Review
I really enjoyed this one-shot! It was an excellent fill in for a missing moment in the books.
I thought your characterisation of Neville, Ginny and Luna were spot on. The beginning part with Ginny lecturing Neville in particular was great. I just loved it when Neville stood up to Snape though haha! His line was perfect. The explanation as to why Luna had the sleeping draught was great too! It was believable and just felt very Luna.
There were a couple of typos and you seem to change from Neville's POV to Ginny's POV in the middle of the story which was a little strange but neither take away from what a great story this is!
I look forward to reading more of your work in the future!
Lauren Report Review
Oh my, this is really good! I can't believe I haven't read this before. All the characters are in canon and there's just so much minor details in it that make the story all the more interesting. The fact that Luna brings a Sleeping Draught around made me smile and frown at the same time; I found it strange but then again Luna is all about strange! And I could so easily imagine Ginny giving Neville a lecture like that! It certainly gave Neville a boost of courage. Well done on the characterisation of the characters. ♥
I've seen the previous reviewers say the same thing so I won't specify it so much, but I did spot more than a couple of comma and full stop misplacement. It didn't take a lot away from the story, but it's still worth fixing up. :)
Overall, a lovely, well-written one-shot that totally made my night! Everything worked so well and it was just a really pleasant read. I'm glad I got the opportunity to read this.
~Izzy Report Review
Wow, this was a nice story indeed. Usually, Task one challenge stories tend to be a little repetitive due to the prompts, but I was pleased that you incorporated all the prompts well, and yet managed to make your story unique.
I liked that you picked this certain moment of Ginny, Neville, and Luna breaking in Snape's office to centre your story around.
The way they did it almost seemed to easy though, I'd have perhaps liked to see more action. Also, you had a couple of missing/misplaced commas and periods. For instance, a lot of your dialogues did not end with a period/comma which is not grammatically correct (as far as I know). So, I'd suggest giving this a thorough re-read and fixing them, or getting a beta.
Those are the only CCs I had for you. Apart from that, I think you wrote this brilliantly. I felt that Neville, Luna, and Ginny were all very in character. I loved the explanation of why Luna carried a Sleeping Draught with her, it made me chuckle. I also liked how Neville was very nervous about the whole ordeal throughout but managed to gather his courage. That was all nicely shown. I also liked the note you ended the piece with. Good work =)
(AditiDraco95) Report Review
I was really curious when I saw this story, because it's a scene I've always wondered about. :) On to the CC -
One thing that I think the chapter could use is a bit more description. I have trouble with it myself, but it helps me to try to think from the character's pov - what he/she might notice during all the action.
All of the characters are nicely in order and seem to fit the canon pretty well, so points for that! Your dialogue is mostly well written, but Luna's seems a bit awkward in places. Reading dialogue out loud always helps me, so I suggest that if you'd like to edit, you go over Luna's lines out loud.
Great chapter. I'm always impressed when people can capture a lot of feeling and action in a one-shot. I think the scene has special significance because we know that Snape is Neville's greatest fear (at least as of his third year), and he manages to conquer it to try and get Harry his sword. A Gryffie through and through. :)
Faux Report Review
This was so fun! I love ‘missing moment’ stories, and I really enjoy a glimpse at what was happening during the war outside of Harry’s sphere.
This story is short, fast-paced, and packs a lot in, but you do an excellent job with the characterization. I don’t think I’ve read many things from Neville’s point of view but you did a good job of portraying him.
I particularly liked the way you made his trademark fearfulness perfectly reasonable. The part about his fear of breaking rules and of getting caught really attracted my attention - I can’t help but draw a comparison with Harry who is, according to Snape, a notorious rule breaker. Does it make one braver or better than the other? I think not. In fact, I’m inclined to think along Dumbledore’s lines, that it takes a real sort of courage to be afraid of doing something but doing it anyway because you know it to be right. Typing that, I’m a little confused as to whether that was Dumbledore or my dad... oh well, the point still stands!
Your depiction of Luna is great - you do an excellent job of conveying a canon-based image of her. She’s dreamy, far-off, and yet also really very intelligent and rather kickass. The way Ginny and Neville react to her, as if they think she’s a bit nuts and yet trust and respect her, really reminds me of the way JKR wrote Harry’s opinion of her as he gets to know her.
Ginny is so much fun here. Intense and a little scary, but with a heart of gold and good intentions.
I do have a couple of CC’s for you:
* A few lines come out somewhat ‘clunkily’, and could do with being refined. The flow of this story is really important as it’s action-packed, so when I found myself tripping over a couple of odd phrases I felt the flow was interrupted slightly. Things like “ rather too well known voice”, which might benefit from being something like “horribly familiar”; “ A flow of renewed hope flooded his body.” which sounds off, with the two ‘fl’ words in close proximity (maybe “renewed hope flooded his body”); and “ Shaking her head to shake the images away”, which sounds a little odd with the repeated ‘shake’.
* The main character seems to shift from Neville to Ginny in the final lines, and that’s a little confusing. We start with Neville’s thoughts and feelings, and end with Ginny’s, with no obvious changeover anywhere.
*There are a few spelling and grammatical errors, but they’re minor and definitely didn’t detract from the piece as a whole.
Other than those little things, I thought this story was really well-written and imagined. You’re particularly strong on characterization, particularly considering the restricted wordcount! I’d definitely like to read more of your work.
Oh, and that line about Snape’s password being ‘Dumbledore’ was such a lovely touch (if a risky one on his part!), and it made me so sad - particularly Neville’s reaction to it. Poor Snape. He went through so much alone. (And I normally have little pity for the man, so well done!)
Athene xo Report Review
Yea! I loved this. I have always wished that JK Rowling would have have given us some insight to what was happening back at the castle the 7th year. I love that you showcase Ginny's determination and "Weasleyness" in her disregard for the rules for what is just and right. The best of this was Neville, however. This story just showcases his final resolve to overcome his greatest fear (Snape) and I feel completely his long journey at Hogwarts where he started as a sniveling scardey-cat and ends it as the hero who kills Nagini. Awesome job!Author's Response: Hey Holly! Thanks for taking the time and reading my little one shot!
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows is a HUGE missing moment in itself. Not only we don't know much of what's going on at Hogwarts but we only hear snippets of the outside world as well. You could write novels upon novels while focusing on the events in that year solely. I agree that it would have been nice to know more about what was happening behind the closed doors of the castle (maybe we will when DH is released on Pottermore?) but in a way I'm glad that JK didn't offer us more. It leaves more room for our own stories ;)
Aww, thanks for the compliments regarding my characterization. I feel a great relieve hearing that more and more people find my take on the characters accurate. It's hard writing characters that were pretty central to the books. You have that pressure of keeping them as IC as you can.
Neville is a sweetheart isn't he? He has grown so so much on me throughout the books, that at the end of DH he was definitely one of my favourites, up there with Snape!
Again I thank you for the feedback! Report Review
This was a very well written one shot. I enjoyed it immensely. I didn't even know this was a challenge story until I read the prompts at the bottom. I love the details of how the school had changed since Professor Snape had taken the Headmaster's job. I also love the few lines with Dumbledore's portrait, a great touch. I didn't see any misspelled words or grammatical errors. I love reading stories like these, missing moments that you know probably happened but never had the opportunity to read. I usually don't read stories with the Gryffindors has the main characters but I love your portrayal of Ginny and Neville. Adding Luna in the mix was a great touch, she is one of my favorite characters and you wrote her very well in character. Again, a great start to your writing career her at the archive. I hope to read more from you in the future.
~Celtic~Author's Response: Celtic! I squealed very loud when I saw that you left me a review. It means a lot to me! Thank you very much for taking the time and reading this.
Oh wow...I clicked preview and all my review response is gone. And it was the perfect review response *cry* Let's see if I remember how I phrased everything...
I don't usually get people commenting on my details so it was a very pleasant surprise to see you pointed out Dumbledore's portrait. I had a real emotional moment when I wrote that because in my mind the only one that knows the password is Snape so this was like a reflection of his feelings towards Dumbledore. I don't think for a minute that Snape never felt remorse for killing the Headmaster. This was a perfect opportunity to show that he still thought about him. And now I'm sad again...
I feel very honoured that you read my story, especially since you said you don't read stories that centre on Gryffindor characters. Luna is a character that's very dear to my heart and I was really nervous not to ruin her character. I'm relieved I didn't :D
Thanks again for stopping by and for the encouragement. I hope to have other stories up soon enough ;) Report Review
I can't believe I never reviewed this during the house cup!
Well one thing is certain, I want more stories from you! This was such a wonderful piece. You mixed anxiety with a bit if dry humor so well and your characterizations were superb.
I loved that Ginny was the one to get it all started and how pushy and fiery she is in this. That really fits in so well with her character. And Neville's reluctance to sort of acceptance it all. His suggestion about what to do with the sleeping draught was so funny, and Luna! She's such a difficult character but you captured her so well in this.
Oh gosh. I wanted that entire end scene to be a movie so much. Watch it play out on my head was awesome as well, and I just couldn't get the look Snake must've had on his face when Neville told him what they were looking for out of my head.
This was such a fun piece, I hope you write more works eventually ♥Author's Response: HEEY! You can't imagine how happy I was when I clicked my account and saw that you left me a review. Yours is the first random review I ever got. It's made me squeal in delight, more so because of the praise you've given me :D
I never get tired of hearing that my characterization is right. You can't believe how much I fret about that. I think that everything else from grammar to spelling and punctuation marks can be easily learned or corrected, but a good characterization when you write in an already established universe is not so easy to fix. So THANK YOU for helping me improve my confidence in my grip of the characters.
I've always imagined that it was Ginny who first sparked the idea of reviving Dumbledore's Army, so it wasn't hard to imagine that she had been the first to make the proposition of breaking into Snape's office and stealing Harry's rightful sword.
I felt that even though Neville grew so much in all his years at school he would still be somewhat afraid of Snape. This is SNAPE we're talking about! His worst nightmare, his perpetual torment. I couldn't have him waltz into Snape's office too casually, like it was nothing. I am sure he must have been anxious and more than doubtful if the idea was any good at all.
It's funny you should mention the end scene because that's how it played in my head as well. The whole piece had a sort of action type of feeling and pace and the end was the climax of everything that had been built up until that moment. I'm glad you imagined it like that because that's how I intended it to be ^^
I will get around to writing more, I promise. I'm already planning two WIP's ;)
Thanks so so much for making my day perfect Jami. You are a sweetling! Report Review
Oh, wow! This was fantastic! Short, yet so eloquent! I'd always wished to read about Neville, Luna, and Ginny's attempt to steal the Sword of Gryffindor! And yay! This was really nice!
I think you did really well capturing each of the protagonist's personalities. I could see the bravery in Neville, yet still sense some of his hesitance - like he hadn't quite grown comfortable with being a total badass yet, but was still getting there! Those aspects of Ginny's personality, where she's so loyal and supportive of her friends also really shone through. And can I just say that I adored your Luna? She's one of my favourite characters, and I've read stories where her unique brand of Luna-ness is portrayed as being dreamy and weird, but without those flashes of intelligence and insight that only Luna has. I'm really glad that this Luna didn't have that - the Sleeping Draught thingo being a case in point.
So yes, this was wonderful, and I can't wait to read more of your stuff!Author's Response: Hullo! First of all, thank you very much for taking the time and stopping by my story. I am very happy to see you here!
I'm pleased you liked how I portrayed the characters. Characterization is definitely one of the more important aspects of a story to me. I always strive to capture the essence of the characters as close to their originals as I can. So hearing that I did it well is music to my ears :D
Having undergone some personal alterations to my personality from the time I was young, I have realized that in truth we don't change 100%. So naturally, I couldn't see Neville changing completely either. I imagined that despite being a lot braver, more determined to do what's right, he would still retain that hesitation that characterized him in the past every time he had to do something against the laws.
Luna was a major worry for me because of her personality. She is SO original and stands out in such a wonderful way in the books that I was terrified of ruining her. I'm glad I didn't :D
I'd like to thank you again for taking the time to review this! Report Review
Hey! I'm here from the review tag! This is awesome really!! I loved the characterizations!! It was truly mind blowing :)
There were a few grammar errors but besides that this was a great one shot!!
Awesome work!Author's Response: Hey there aquabluez17! Thanks a lot for stopping by and taking the time to review my story. I'm glad you enjoyed it and I'm very happy you thought my characterizations were good. I always pay careful attention with this aspect ;)
Also, thanks for pointing out the grammar errors. I have been meaning to go back and revise the story and I will do so very soon-ish. Thanks very much again! Report Review
This was very well written. I loved the pacing and flow and characterization! Great job. Will there be more to this story?Author's Response: Hello. I'm very glad you liked my little first experiment. Unfortunately no, there won't be a continuation to this story. It was intended as a one-shot :)
Thanks for dropping by! Report Review
Haha, but seriously, Debra, your characterisation is amazing. Honestly, this is one of the best portrayals of Ginny I've ever read. She's incredibly in-canon (is that a word?) and absolutely wonderful. Neville is perfect, (my God, my baby is all grown up!) and I can't get over how well you've written him. He really has developed as a character through out the HP series, and you've really kept with that. I can totally see the boy that grew up without his parents, had self-esteem issues when it came to friends, and slowly, slowly grew into himself, becoming this wonderful man that destroys snakes while wearing cardigans. I've always imagined that Neville went on to win Witch Weekly's Most Eligible Bachelor Award for years in a row after he left school. He'd be all, 'what? Again? ME?' and everyone around him would be swooning, and he'd be completely oblivious, because he's gorgeous. Oops! I'm ranting again...
Your structure was also great, and it flowed really well, considering the number of prompts you managed to include. Good job on that, by the way. Still on a high from our House Cup win! Go Gryffindor!
I can't believe you only have one story posted to this account. Seriously - your writing is amazing.
Meep. I'll stop now, haha. But I will be back!
Merry Christmas again!
- SS.Author's Response: Hey Santa! I'm so happy you made time to stop by my little story. It means a lot to me :)
I'm so relieved you liked my characterization. It's one of the aspects I strive to do best when starting to write anything, especially in an already established world like Harry Potter where many of the characters have well grounded voices.
Neville had the best evolution in my opinion. But even if he was a true Gryffindor now, I couldn't imagine him being brave all of a sudden. After all, he has been pretty mellow and scared of doing anything against the rules for so long, it would be only natural for him to doubt what they were about to do. Especially since Snape was involved.
I am very happy we won the House Cup too. It was a very nice surprise. My first win since joining the forums :D
I promise I'll write more stories. I want to get more involved too ;)
Merry Christmas to you too! Report Review
Congratulations! You are the lucky recepient of my 100th review on the archive!
I'll let you take a minute to compose an acceptance speech. :D
That should do, now back to the story. I enjoyed this very much, seeing as so little information is provided in canon about the year the Trio spent away from Hogwarts. It's lovely to see Neville come out of his shell and grow into his parents' son. After all, he was named in prophecy as being a potential candidate in vanquishing the Dark Lord. He did his piece in the end.
Luna was so funny, it's so typical of her to think of some made up creature when they are about to steal from Voldemort's right hand man.
What I liked best is Ginny's part. JK described her character as being so strong and the movies don't do her justice. She had as much a role in the Hogwarts resistance as anybody and her determination as shown in this story is amazing. After all, she would do anything in her power to help Harry.
All in all, I loved your style of writting and I'm hoping to read more stories from you in the not too distant future *wink, wink*
RalAuthor's Response: HEY there! I was so happy when I read your review. Yours was the first truly random review I ever got. Glad to be of help as well (since you say it was your 100th :D)
The seventh year is the murkiest of them all in regards to what we know happened at Hogwarts without Harry being there to guide us through it like every other year. So because of all of that it's also the ripest for missing moments and original stories just waiting to be written ;)
Neville did grow up so much throughout the books. For me, he had the best evolution of them all when he changed from this bumbling little fool to this brave lion capable of going against his worst fear (Snape) to help his friends.
I'm especially glad you liked Ginny. I was not exactly sure how to portray her since she was not the character to really draw my attention in the books but I imagined her as being very determined about what she wants, fierce and passionate. Happy that transpired :D
I will definitely write more. Thanks so much for reviewing! Report Review
Hi there! it's Courtney from the review tag:)
I really liked this one shot. You have a nice flow of writing-I noticed a few grammatical errors but those are probably just typos.
The best thing, however, about this piece, was the characterizations. Neville was absolutely perfect as was Ginny-I can imagine her being that fierce and determined in the seventh book. I especially liked Luna's line about moon frogs. What can I say, it was very...Luna-ish!
Great first fanfiction! I hope to see more of you in the future.
Courtney:)Author's Response: Hey Courtney. Thank you for taking from your time and leaving me a review. I am always excited to read new reviews!
I'm glad that you liked my flow. I was trying it to be a little more fast-paced since I envisioned the whole story as very action-y. And thanks for pointing out my mistakes. I will go and re-read the whole thing again and polish it a bit :)
I feel like I'm receiving candy every time someone compliments my characterization. I can't stress enough how important characterization is to me. I consider it being one of the basic sustaining pillars of a story and I'm always pleased when someone tells me my pillar is holding!
Thank you again for the lovely review. Hope to see you back soon again :) Report Review
Hello, KCKibbles from the review tag.
Not as I imagined it would have played out, but interesting nonetheless. There were only a few typos such as punctuation or a misspelling, but they weren't too noticeable.
Neville seems a bit more cautious than what we see of him in the seventh book. It really makes you think about how the year changed him. I like that he isn't suddenly brave and confident. You sort of put him in-between those two personalities of his.
Why didn't you hear Snape, Neville? Because you were so busy touching everything and talking about it. I found that funny.Author's Response: Hey there Kibbles.
I've had other pointing out some typos so I should definitely go back and look over the story again and correct them.
Yes, Neville is cautious in my story and I think in his seventh year as well. Being put through everything that we know happened at Hogwarts in his seventh year is no little thing so even though he breaks free of his flinching, stuttering self and transforms into a brave Gryffindor, I've always imagined there will always remain something of the old Neville. The bravery has been inside him, buried deep down in his being, but most of his childhood he has been a shy boy, never putting up a fight or standing up for his beliefs and as we know (much to our sorrow many times) it's hard to discard your old self as much as you'd want to and despite anything that comes across your way :)
Thank you for the review! Report Review
Hey there, I'm from tag, and currently upset that I missed the House Cup. XD
First off, your characterisation of Neville, Ginny and Luna are all spot on. Neville particularly stood out to me as being on the line between awkward and awesome, which is great, since a depressing number of authors choose to characterise him as having been tough and confident from the beginning and that simply isn't true.
You've also used your prompts very well - they all fit naturally into this fic and didn't feel as if you'd put them there as an afterthought, so well done.
There are a couple of technical mistakes - missed punctuation, Americanisms, that kind of thing - but apart from that, I can't think of any improvements.
I hope you write more in the future! ^.^Author's Response: Ahh you made me a really happy teddy bear tonight. I'm thankful for taking from your time to read and leave a review. It really means a lot to me.
I'm very happy that you liked the characterizations of the 'new formed' trio. I'm always terribly worried about characterization so it's always a relief when people point out that I've handled it well.
I haven't really read many Neville centered fics but I always imagined Neville to be a late bloomer. We saw this throughout the series and at the end of the day this is Snape we are talking about. I imagined he wasn't nearly as terrified of Voldemort as he was of Snape. That's why I pictured him as being doubtful about breaking into his office.
I'll give it a re-read one of these days and correct some mistakes that have been previously pointed out to me. Thanks again for reviewing! Report Review
Lovely! What a wonderful first fic! I'm so happy I had the pleasure of finding it in the Review Tag in the Forums!
My biggest thing when it comes to fanfiction is characterization and I feel like you were spot-on for all the characters, including Snape. He pretty much hates all the students but he would have known that he couldn't do anything worse than detention if he was going to keep his promises to Dumbledore and I also think he is strangely proud of them for being braver than he has ever been. Great ending!
Neville is one of my absolute favorite characters and I really liked your portrayal of him, plus I loved that line: "But how would you reason with a hot-headed Weasley? No one has found a way yet." Little lines like that are such a joy to read. They seem small but they really add something to the story.
You're a great writer! There were a few typos, but other than that I was very impressed. I hope you post more stories :)
*Officially putting this one in my favorites*Author's Response: Oh dear...It's been TOO long since I left an author's response for this review. I'm very very sorry but here I am now!
I'm a pile of goo on the inside now. I am SO happy when I read someone liked my characterization. It's one of the most important aspects in a story to me and hearing I've done well...well.I just feel like I've been given an early Christmas present :)
I promise I will go back now and take another look at my story, see if I spot the typos. Thanks so much for stopping by and leaving a review! Report Review
ok first off I know there was a limited word count on the entries for the challenge but i felt it was a little too fast paced. I think you had a little too much going on at once.
Second: The characterization of everyone was done really well and I enjoyed Neville's nervousness at the beginning and his Spunk at the end. I never would have guessed Neville would willingly attack a teacher like he did. and I agree that all three were very lucky with only getting a detention when it could have been so much worse.
Third: As i've already mentioned i felt it was a little too fast paced but overall the plot development and flow were written very well and the events flowed together seamlessly.
Great Job for your first ficAuthor's Response: Hey there. Thanks for stopping by and having the time to leave a review.
The fast pace of the story was kind of intentional. I know it felt like everything was too rushed but I wanted it to be that way to transmit a feeling of urgency that I felt the moment had. They had to get the sword and fast. Thank you for pointing it out though. I will be more careful with future works so as to slow it down a bit, maybe mix a bit of imagery more.
I'm glad to hear you enjoyed Neville's characterization. This aspect is one of the most important for me and I always fret over it. So it's a pleasure to hear that it came across as real and believable :)
Thanks for reading once again. You made me very happy! Report Review
I must say, this is TOO GOOD for a first try. I told you right, my first one went horribly wrong :'( But this is great. I don't know how this idea came across your brilliant brain because it never came across mine. I love the beginning, love the ending. It's very captivating :D Job VERY well done.
*Hugs*Author's Response: Aww! Thanks for stopping by, reading and leaving a review dear. I'm terribly sorry it took me so much to respond. I almost forgot I had a story posted on the archives haha
I'm glad you liked it. I'm sure the same idea could have come to you as well. It's a missing moment that I have been wondering about ever since I read the book, so the task provided me with the opportunity of exploring it further. Report Review
That's amazing! I really like how you interpreted this and wrote about this! There's another story entry which uses this event but they're so different from each other which makes it even more special!
I love how you tried to show the angst within this and even explore some of the punishment some of the students were subjected to whilst the Carrows and Snape was in charge. I also feel you got Ginny's fieryness and Luna's personality spot on in this
Well done!Author's Response: Heya! I'm so glad you liked my take on this specific event from the book. Everything just started with an image and slowly expanded.
The character's voice just came natural to me. I'm happy to know that you think my characterization of Ginny and Luna are accurate enough.
Thanks for the lovely review! Report Review
Man that was really excellent. Great work bringing that moment to life, a minor passing reference in the books was not enough. Top stuff.
'There are more than one things that can go wrong' should be 'there is more than one thing that can go wrong'
Love when Luna pokes the Slytherin kid. Nice image, and so Lunaish.
Loved it, really can't wait for more of your great writing.Author's Response: Hey there! Thanks for pointing that out. I shall edit it at once :)
Yes. Luna will always be Luna and I'm glad that you think I captured her essence in this entry.
Thanks for reading and reviewing! Report Review
Hello, fellow Gryffindor!
I love the premise of this! I've never read a story that explained what happened when Neville, Ginny, and co. ransacked Snape's office looking for the sword. I thought you told it very well, weaving in suspense and action and all of the prompts. I especially thought that your use of the Sleeping Draught prompt was well-done; it blended in seamlessly with the story. I think my favorite thing, however, was Dumbledore's portrait and your portrayal of Snape. Ginny probably attributes getting off with only detentions with Hagrid to luck, but of course it must be more than that. Ahh, Snape, putting up with hatred hitting him from all sides when he can't tell anyone that he's actually working on Dumbledore's orders.
Great job! Gryffindor ftwAuthor's Response: Sarah! It feels great to have you read my little entry!
I'm very glad you liked how I used my prompts. I'm actually very surprised by how every scene struck me. They came one by one which is most unusual because I always felt I had to 'prepare' all the story. This one was more spontaneous :)
You don't know how happy I am that you enjoyed my portrayal of Snape and the others. It means a lot to me because characterisation is one of the things I worry most about when writing a story.
Thanks a bunch for the wonderful review! Report Review
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