Reading Reviews for Task One Challenge - Illusoire
  
15 Reviews Found

Review #1, by nott theodore Illusoire

27th April 2013:
I've discovered a love for founders era stories recently, so this one caught my eye when I was looking at your author page.

This was actually really original, and I certainly can't recall having read something similar on the site. I enjoyed your characterisation of Helena; her conflicting emotions were so clear to the reader and I felt like I got a good handle on her personality and her troubles. The two seem to be an odd match and they know that they're completely incompatible. Salazar was a little sinister in this story and doesn't really seem to care for Helena at all.

Having read the prompts that you had to use to write this story, I'm really impressed with what you managed to come up with! I know that I would have a lot of difficulty creating anything so compelling or unique. This could be a very plausible explanation for what drove Helena to run away from home.

I noticed a few little errors with grammar, but nothing that detracted from the flow of your story. Overall, a very riveting one-shot and I really enjoyed reading it.

nott theodore :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review. I'm sorry for the late response.

Cleo


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Review #2, by Roots in Water Illusoire

10th February 2013:
Hello! I'm here in response to the response that you left on my status. Sorry for the delay in delivering your review!

This was definitely an interesting and original story! Though I haven't read too many of the stories written for the House Cup challenge, it's always fascinating to see the different stories people have come up with that include the same prompts.

The dynamics between Helena and Salazar Slytherin were very interesting, particularly as the story progresses. Their relationship is certainly very strange, for though Helena says that he doesn't love her, there is still affection between them, as can be seen by the kiss he gives her in the beginning and the fact that he goes after her.

I wonder what the catalyst, the breaking point in this relationship will be. Salazar Slytherin eventually leaves Hogwarts, we know that much... I wonder if that is the action that pushes Helena into her gruesome fate... Or if her fiance will become bored and frustrated by her actions long before then.

I noticed one small thing as I was reading, that I'll quickly point out. With the phrase "throw him for a Chinese Fireball" I think it would work better if it was phrased "throw him to".

I liked your characterization in this story. You could see the hints of her mother in Helena, as she was very upfront about her situation. She's aware that it's not something that will lead to a "happy ending" and she frustrated by the illogical-ness of her emotions.

Salazar was well done as well. It was particularly interesting to see him in this story because it never brushed upon his feelings about muggleborns once, as so many Founders stories do eventually. It was nice to see him in a more humanized version here, even if he doesn't love Helena. :)

All in all, I think that you did a great job with this story. It was very well written and you weaved in the prompts so that they didn't feel awkward or forced in the story. Great work! :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review. I'm sorry for the late response.

Cleo


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Review #3, by Toujours Padfoot Illusoire

13th December 2012:
House Cup nostalgia for the win! It was fun to read this and recognize the prompts - but at the same time, they were subtle enough that they didn't draw too much attention to them. Helena and Salazar definitely remained the focus.

I really liked this pairing! And I've never read it before, or heard of it, or really even thought of it. And now I'm wishing that you would write something longer about this pairing, because it sounds so interesting. Rowena's daughter, running after Salazar. I've written a Helena/Baron and a Rowena/Salazar, but never thought about having Helena with Salazar.

Helena's thoughts and frustrations were striking. I found myself frustrated with the Baron as well when she mentioned how he treated her internal conflicts like a childish fancy. I suppose it's easier for him to believe she's just being immature and flighty than consider that maybe she actually just doesn't love him. He sounds incredibly arrogant. I don't want Helena to be with him, but I also don't want her to be with Salazar because he seems so unwilling to give her more. The blank mask, the indifference - it's a mind game. It's manipulation. He knows she wants him and they both know he's not going to give her what she deserves. She ought to run away from both men while she still can.

Lovely one-shot!

Author's Response: House Cup nostalgia definitely for the win. I can’t wait to see what they are going to do this year. ;P Well glad to hear that as that was my intention. I had difficulties incorporating the prompts, but yet I did not want them to overwhelm.

Thank you! Well to be honest with you I don’t think I have ever read it before also or heard about it for that part. All of the sudden I was just writing it. Perhaps I will later on. It is quite an odd pairing and extremely minor. But those are the pairings I enjoy writing about.

Well I’m sure he was really arrogant. A baron in that time period, would surely be. He knows she wants him yes, but he is a Slytherin ;p. He can’t help it. Well anyway I do agree with you she should but yet she didn’t. She always ended up staying in Hogwarts, with the Baron there and Salazars memory everywhere around here. Poor girl.

Thank you!


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Review #4, by Remus Illusoire

11th December 2012:
Heya! Perelandra here from the forums! :)

I love Founders fics so I had to pick this one out of your bunch. And then when I read that it was part of the House Cup 2012, I got thrilled!

I've never seen Helena being pared up with Salazar. Godric perhaps but never Salazar. I like it though! It's definitely very different to what I'm used to reading. It's usually Helga/Salazar or Salazar being a lone wolf and hating on everyone.

One of the things that I enjoyed in this one-shot was the imagery. It didn't help reading about snow and cold weather when my apt itself is cold. You managed to pain the picture very well with your words making it very easy for me to imagine everything in my head.

The view the Baron has towards Helena is very interesting. She sometimes does come across as an immature brat who will throw a fit if she doesn't get her way. However, your Helena seems to be mature enough to realize that she is being weak every time she leaves and comes back. She knows her mistakes and what she needs to do but she accepts her faults. That, I think, is what makes your Helena more mature than the other Founder fics I've read about her.

I also really liked the fact of how Helena seems to hate Salazar. Nice touch there!

And then this story just hit home for me. When she starts ranting "Salazar, you're like poison,..." that entire section I related to her because I was once in that position and it sort of made me teary eyed because I know how it felt. So when I got to the end, her last paragraph, made me happy with what she said considering that Pride is something i can relate as well and that entire situation.

Overall this was a fantastic one-shot! There were no grammar or punctuation issues that I could see. I really enjoyed reading this! :D

Until next time

--Rosie

Author's Response: Hey Rosie! Thank you so much for taking time to review this and I’m glad you thought it was a fantastic one-shot as you love founders fics! There are some founder fics I like but I admit I haven’t read many so your opinion on this was really valued.

I really like minor pairings so I knew I had to try it out. The things you wrote I have also seen. They are kind of the stereotypes/clichés or whatever you want to call it if this era, aren’t they? So I wanted to have a romance but not with Rowena or Helga. I imagine them to be more friends with him than lovers. But hey that is my opinion.

It is quite cold, isn’t it. But I do love the cold and I wanted to incorporate this particular scenery as I’m not a really descriptive writer so I wanted to try it out. Glad to see it worked out!

Glad you mentioned that. Everyone has faults and weaknesses and I’m sure everyone has atleast one fault or weakness that they are aware of and accept. My fault being laziness whaha.

If I were in her situation I would probably hate him too in a way.

Glad to see you could relate to it, as it means I wrote it fairly realistic. I also appreciate the fact you mentioned this in this review as that takes a lot of bravery ( even though this site is anonymous) and if you ever wish to talk you could pm me.

Thank you once again and hopefully till next time!


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Review #5, by fayeswonderland Illusoire

10th December 2012:
Hey!
I really like your one shot and the pairing you chose. Helena and Salazar together is really interesting and you showed her internal struggle in a nice way. I really felt for Salazar - but I may be biased, I always love him ;) - and at times I truly slipped into your story.
What I found though, is that some of your sentence structures get a bit repetitive and boring. You often start a sentence with the name of the person, or she or a noun - try using other words, linking words for example or "While she was doing this and that..." or "Because of the heavy falling snow..." etc - it makes the story flow a bit more and the reader's interest doesn't decrease with the words. (:
I really liked it though!
Keep it up!
-Sally

Author's Response: Thank you so much for taking time to review this and I’m glad you liked it! So do I! I really love the guy for some reason whaha. Thank you for pointing that out! When I have time I will read it through and I will look at other reviews to see if they agree with it. But personally I have also noticed the patron when I have to write something for school or something.

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Review #6, by Ginny45 Illusoire

3rd September 2012:
Hey!
The first paragraph is lovely. The image that is provides is amazing and every reader understands how annoying a ticking clock can be. With founders I think it is quite important to give the reader something small to start the connection. So excellently done.

You showed the personal struggle she is having really well. Torn between two people is such a popular plot but I really love the way you have done it.

The little bits of description you give make sure the reader still has an idea of where they are. Like her winter boots sinking into the snow. It is so simple, yet it conjures an an entire image into my head.

Emma

Author's Response: Hello!

Thank you so much for reviewing. I’m glad you thought the first paragraph was lovely as I had no idea how to begin seeing I never wrote a story based in the founder era before so I needed something I could connect with before getting into it. It’s nice the same apparently goes for the readers.

Thank you! I hope you enjoyed it and once again thanks for the review!


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Review #7, by shadowycorner Illusoire

12th August 2012:
This was fantastic. I'm growing into a fan of yours. I got to your page this time around through the Review Tag. I read and reviewed The Harbinger, but then I noticed it was Abandoned (No, whyy??), so I read this as well. I love the way you write!! I might've said this already with Chasing Lightning, but I have to say it again. You really paint the picture. Your descriptions are so pretty and not overdone. Also, this piece really grabbed me. I liked the entire idea of Helena putting herself through so much struggle and hardship just so she could be close to Salazar, even if he doesn't love her, truly. It's that kind of passion that engulfs many people in all eras, whether in fantasy world of books and stories, or even in real life. Love and obsession can lead people to cling to other people even though it's slowly killing them. I think that was portrayed fabulously in this one. I liked Helena's voice. I could feel the urgency and desperation, but anger, too. Salazar was cool and calculated, just as he's expected to be, but he seemed so much more intriguing to me than ever before. This was a wonderful one-shot. It had all the elements of my favorite kind: it was simple but poignant, dark and well-written, and it took a spin on the darker side of the passions of a human character. Great great job.

Aaand, also congrats for using all those prompts. Although the dragons distracted me a bit, that was the one thing that seemed a little forced in the piece, but still, it doesn't matter, it was for a competition.

I loved it. 10/10

Author's Response: I'm glad you also enjoyed this! *blush* It means a lot to me you saying that. Wow you really think so? With Chasing Lightning I had been really focusing on being descriptive ( while here I focused on not being corny and using the prompts to be honest with you). Thank you! I prefer writing ( or atleast try to write) types of love which are realistic, while fitting the plot I have in mind, and which means that my characters don't always get their happy endings. I liked the way you described both of them because it fits. I'm glad Salazar was able to intrigue you. I always had the feeling there is more going on with him then people know or he had shown. *blushes* I'm glad you enjoyed it!

I'll admit the dragon part was a bit forced I was changing it around till the end till I had enough and realized I couldn't do better in that time span.

Thanks once again!


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Review #8, by Cassius Alcinder Illusoire

5th August 2012:
review tag!

This is definetely one of the more unique takesI have seen on the challenge, but it still maaged to mak good use of the prompts. It was interesing how the dragon sort of serves as a metaphor, but I would have liked to have seen that expanded little more so the ending would hae been a little less abrupbt.

The decriptions of the landscape in the opening were very well done, and it's always a challenge to capture the medieval era in foundrs stories. You did a really good job of capturing the complxities of Helena's relationship with the Baron, and foreshadowing that it won't lead in a good direction.

Author's Response: Well thank you *blush* I'm glad you think that! Well I didn't have any much words left I tried to add more but I always crossed the allowed amount so I thought it was better to leave it like that.

Well I never wrote a founder story before so I'm glad you think that. Well I always imagined them to have such a complex relationship. Even after their dead


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Review #9, by Jchrissy Illusoire

3rd August 2012:
Wow, this is so dysfunctional and messed up that I love it. I don't really know what's going on between these two other than they have some kind of odd, chaotic feelings for one another.

I don't feel like Salazar loves her, but most definitely desires her. Is that because of his Slytherin nature or because of who she is? It sounds like the Bloody Baron may possibly even love her - and she in some odd way seems to need that sense that he will take her back when again and again.

Yet, going back seems like everything she despises.

Very creative entry, I loved the way you included the prompts and think you did an amazing job with this!

Author's Response: I have to agree with you this truly is messed up and dysfunctional. That my friend is the question we all ask ( even me the author) what exactly is going on there,

Well that is the way you interpreted it, some thought he had it really bad for her. As for me I let everybody think what they want I kept it open for a reason. Well that I will tell you I also think he loved her. After all he let her come back over and over. I completely agree with you on that part she has mixed feelings on that part ( even if she doesn't realize it)

Thank you I'm glad you think so!


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Review #10, by LunarLuna Illusoire

3rd August 2012:
Personally, I like the summary, I think it's nice, and really does work with the story :) I really liked this fanfic. I thought it had an interesting concept (a little weird to me since I've always shipped Salazar with Rowena, in my head-canon, so having him with Helena is... special...)It was a little confusing tough. I was never sure when she was talking about Salazar, and when she was talking about her fiance...

Other than that slight confusion though (which is probably only me and my being tired xD) I thought it was wonderful. I liked how you wrote this story, and especially how you wrote Helena. She seemed perfectly in harmony with the way i picture her from the small snippets we've seen of the grey lady. I also liked how this was written, from what we know of Helena, she really did keep coming back. even after the Bloody Baron killed her... I find the internal turmoil of emotions you've portrayed here were well written and fascinating. Well done!^^

xxx

-June

Author's Response: First of all thank you so much for taking time to review! I'm glad you thought the summary fit especially as I had concerns about it. Well to be honest with you in my head canon it's also Rowena/Salazar but I wanted to write about these two characters and all of a sudden it turned into a romance, which wasn't the thing I had been going for. I had more of a friendship like idea in my head and then BOOM Romance. Hmm if more people have the same feeling I will definitely change that.

Thank you! Yes she did come back, even as a ghost! Thank you once again!


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Review #11, by academica Illusoire

16th July 2012:
Hey! I'm here from review tag :)

This is pretty good! I don't think I've ever read a Salazar/Helena before, but I kind of like it, and I like how you've characterized the Bloody Baron (I'm assuming it's him)/Helena relationship, too. I like the way you described the Scottish landscape, too. The ending seems a little odd to me -- maybe it just felt too abrupt, or had too much metaphor in it. I liked the story as a whole, though :)

-Amanda

Author's Response: Thank you! Neither did I it just happened ( if you could call it a Salazar/Helena atleast). Yes it's the Bloody Baron and I glad you like their relationship. Hmm I had some doubts about the ending too but I decided to leave it there I like open endings and the readers themselves could decide what happened next

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Review #12, by adluvshp Illusoire

16th July 2012:
Here for Slytherin tag!

This was a beautifully written story. You used the prompts so subtly too! I really liked reading this. Salazar and Helena, a queer pair indeed. I could feel Helena's feelings - the emotions came across quite well. There were a few grammatical errors here and there, but nothing too major. Anyhow, it was a super story. I loved it.
9/10
Cheers!
AD
(AditiDraco95)

Author's Response: Thank you so much! A queer pair indeed, if you would name them a pair that is then. I will read it through perhaps I can see some but I doubt it ( I can't see my own mistakes if I don't see it the first time) Glad you enjoyed it!

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Review #13, by luvinpadfoot Illusoire

14th July 2012:
This story was so good! There haven't been a lot of romance stories for the challenge and it was a nice change of pace to read one. The relationship between Salazar and Helena was sweet, but at the same time we could tell it wasn't quite right.

I loved Salazar's character! He seemed like the perfect Slytherin, which fit him well since he was the original Slytherin!

The summary looked good. It wasn't at all misleading and it was one of the most important quotes from your story. I think it was great.

Slytherin House Cup 2012!

Author's Response: Thank you! There weren't many romances but I had to kinda write one. Well they have a really dysfunction relationship ( that even me the author didn't get it completely )

Thank you! That´s like the best compliment you can give to me (blushes like mad)

I thought also so myself but I also thought perhaps that only goes for me as the author and I´m misleading people!


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Review #14, by Dark Whisper Illusoire

12th July 2012:
Cleopatraa,

Oh, my. You wrote a romance? Between this story and the photo of our champion, I might have to read more Founders. LOL!

You did a great job on his Slytherin-ness. His smirk, his expressions and inability to speak on such serious issues. He didn't profess his love and ask her to stay. Yep... he's probably bad for her. :( But I really loved it!

I found it highly romantic that he allows her to come and go in and out of his life. He is there for her no matter what, even if it seems he doesn't care, he does. You know?

You did an excellent job with this and I'm so glad that you did it. Good for you.

Go Slytherin!
Dark Whisper

Author's Response: Whaha. I just had to write one. Like you said the photo of our champion kinda inspired me.

Thank I'm glad I was able to keep him a Slytherin. Maybe he had it bad for her, maybe he didn't who knows :D

Now you said it it is kinda romantic.

Thank you and you congrats on being chosen!

Go Slytherin!


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Review #15, by TyrannicFeenix Illusoire

10th July 2012:
Great job. You can feel the emotion in the piece coming out. It's extremely well written. Top work.

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm glad you think that way especially considering the time limit I had written it

Cleo


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