Hi :D its kjp, I know you requested a review ages ago (like ages ago, 8 months or something) and i'm only just getting round to them. Again so sorry
On with the review...
The plot seems quite simple so far and i'm intrested to know where it'll lead and i seemed to be able to get into the story quite easily, with some fanfics it takes me awhile to be able to know where I am and stuff but yours was perfect and it flowed well.
One thing I did notice that it was only half way through the chapter did I realize who actually was talking (which I realize is Lucy) i'd advise perhaps making it clearer at the beginning :D but it wasn't that big of an issue.
The flashbacks were fine, they're an important part of the story so they do need to be kept and I didn't see any problem with going back into a flashback :D
Be careful not to make the chapter too long, some readers may get bored and stop reading if a chapter is too long. I would perhaps shorten this chapter a little, i'll be honest I did find myself skipping over some parts but the length isn't really a big thing to worry about it can easily be sorted out :D
Again sorry for how long it took me to get this too you :D Its a great story so far :D
- kjp Report Review
Oh no, I caught up and now there are no more chapters to read! :O
Man I love Teddy and Lucy together! I've never heard of them being a pairing before this story and I just can't get enough of it!
I love how raw you make the emotions seem in this story. I seriously get chills when I read your writing! I'm hooked onto every word and my emotions are effected by your characters emotions and that truly says something! It takes a very good author to do that :)
Hahaha, Rose was so funny! I can't believe she's trying to get with Scorpius even though he's clearly gay... and hopefully she'll be able to help out Lucy! I want her and Teddy together again soo bad :(
Ahh your flashbacks got me again! I wanted to cry with this last one, both out of sadness and happiness! he's leaving her, but then again he broke up with Vic and finally kissed Lucy!
I really hope to find out what happened between Lucy and Teddy soon. Even though this story only has 4 chapters right now I feel like I've been through so much with her yet know so little about what really happened! I guess I'm sort of like Scorpius right now, aren't I? :P
Anyways, awesome chapter as always! Please, please, please update soon!
-Amanda Report Review
hahaha oh my goodness, what a great way to end a chapter! I know it's weird that I'm reviewing about the end right now but I seriously loved it :P she's gonna cause some trouble with saying he's her boyfriend but hopefully she'll be able to use it to her advantage?
I liked how you introduced the family little by little in this chapter. It can be hard sometimes because there are so many Weasleys/Potters but I wasn't overwhelmed or anything :) I really like Lily and James. It seems like the Potters are definitely more understanding about why she left than everyone else. Albus also leaving probably had something to do with that and I hope we get to see him sometime in this story too! It would be interesting to have the two who ran come back :)
I loved all the flashbacks, especially the motorcycle one! They gave me such Lucy/Teddy feels and I want them to get together like ASAP!
Ahh Pippa... I really don't like her already! Why was she so overly happy after meeting Lucy for the first time? That just spells out 'Evil Character' to me and I'm kind of excited to see some Lucy/Pipa scenes... they should be interesting :P
Wow Teddy... what is up with him? he kind of annoyed me in this chapter actually! Those god awful nicknames and him being super sweet to Lucy bugged me for some reason... lol. I think I would've liked to see him mad at her but I don't really know what they really went through so I guess I'm just going to have to wait!
Anyways, great chapter! Super excited to read the next :D
-Amanda Report Review
Gah, I really want to know what happened all those years ago! What could make her run for THAT long? & I can't believe she hadn't contacted anyone for that long... I hope she can find a way to reconnect :)
I really liked your depictions of James and Darren. I felt like James wanted to forgive Lucy as he was bringing up old memories and joking around but I bet it'll take awhile for him and the rest of the family to let go of all of that.
Darren and Lucy seem like they have a lot of history together. I'm really interested to see what happened between him and Dom almost as much as between Teddy & Lucy... :)
I'm seriously loving all of these flashbacks. They provide the reader with a bunch of background info but it's not in an "all at once" way that's overwhelming or anything.
so excited to meet the family and most importantly... TEDDY! hopefully we'll be able to figure out what happened between them in the next chapter? :D
-Amanda Report Review
Oh my goodness, this was such a great first chapter! I felt so connected to Lucy right from the beginning and I really love her characterization :)
I'm very curious to find out what really happened between her and Teddy. They seemed like they had a really good relationship going... what could have changed? I like how you kept it a secret though. It's definitely keeping me very interested!
I also really like the plot you're working with. Lucy having to go back to her family whom she hasn't seen in forever and is expected to (dare i say it?) spy on her family for her job? very clever and I love it! :D
Ahh, Scorpius is so cute! I would totally love to have him as a best friend :) You've given him quite a unique personality and I'm in love with the fact that he's rocking a ponytail... I don't think I'll ever picture him any differently now ;P
Great, great, great first chapter! so excited to read the next one and eventually catch up!
-Amanda Report Review
Oh good, he is jealous!
Hehe. Scorpius's comment about her. Cracking up. Perfect.
Did you mean to change it from ďQuick-Quotes QuillĒ to Quick-Spell Quill??
My stomach was flip flopping when Ted finally kissed her!! Gosh, I'm so glad he finally left Vic. Oh and he said he loves her. SO SWEET!!!
Clem is an interesting figure and I like her and her honesty alot.
Meg Report Review
I like how you have portrayed the family in the first part of this chapter. It is very tight-knit-but-you-abandoned-us-so-you-are-not-welcome sort of thing. Lol. I like how you had everyone staring down Scorpius and his ponytail. It was a bit of humor in a very tense situation.
I like the insight into Ted and Lucy's past. I dislike Victoire from the first flash back. I glad that Ted isn't going to marry Vic.
If my family was like that I would be gone too. Her family is something horrible and I want to slap both Molly and Victoire. At least she has one nice relate, lily.
Yeah!! She is going to wreck the wedding and win back her one true love!! I hope. :)
I'm not sure this line is correct. ďJames shits behind me but I pay him no mind.Ē HAHA
I love the ending. I hope it makes Ted jealous.
I'll be reading onÖ
Meg Report Review
Hi darling! Iím going to do a running review for this chapter, I hope you donít mind!
This first section. Oh. My. Gosh. Youíve made my day. Pippa is insane. Ted is insane for marrying her. If we donít see something else about her.. Iím going to start thinking the manís a lunatic. Even he canít think a pretty face is worth her annoyance. Poor poor Lucy. And Scoprius is terrible!! But I guess thatís what she gets for saying that heís her boyfriend :P
I loved that you started that first section right where we left off, because it was just such a humorous note to begin on.
For some reason I really like Rose, haha. Iím excited to see more of her.
Thereís so many left over emotions, so much tension in this section with Teddy. I feel so sad for Lucy, because we know what itís taken her to try and forgot him. The line about her knowing heíd be okay without her, how sheíd always known, was so awesome in itís sadness!
I really loved this flashback. I see that Vic and Ted are still together, and I really feel myself disliking her. Sheís so beautiful and conniving, it seems Teddy has a fault for loving gorgeous faces and forgetting about the personality flaws underneath. The way you described Lucyís hurt was perfect. It felt so raw and real, poor girl :(.
Okay, this section at Clemís house did kind of confuse me. I might just be missing something.. only because I canít figure out how Clem is Andromedaís sister. Unless sheís her sister in law from Ted Tonks side.. but her last name is Black. Again I totally just might be missing something, so feel free to tell me to shush if I am ;). I loved the remarks about Lucy painting though. Again, it goes a long way to show what kind of heart break she suffered because she no longer paints.
Ah! He broke up with her and everything can be okay but we know itís not! I really loved the ending!
I think this was a really strong chapter, mídear. Again, my only critic was the scene at Clemís house because I was just trying to piece together whose who in my head. But the flashbacks didnít jolt me, and it seems completely natural that she would have so many covered in the town, then the home, where all these memories happened.
I think the plot is moving at a decent pace, letting us to get to know our characters and piece together what happened so many years ago.
Iím looking forward to chapter 5! Report Review
hsudhfsuhksf this was beautiful. i've been waiting so long for this one. i wish there was more scorpius :D
rose? pinning after dom's guy?
how did lucy agree to that? aren't she and dom 'tight' ?
UPDATE SOONAuthor's Response: YAY! Review-time! Thank you so much for reviewing! :) Dom and Luce are... they're not tight anymore. They used to be, but their relationship has crumbled, which will be explained soon :) Thank you so much for reviewing! This really means a lot. Report Review
What a great ending. What a fabulous, marvelous, FANTASTIC ending.
But seriously, who wouldn't just want to duct tape Pippa's mouth shut? I certainly would. I mean, sugar muffin, really? REALLY.
But that ending is absolutely magnificent. Scorpius is going to love this, I'm sure. I can't wait to see the reactions that everyone has. Oh my gosh, this is going to be marvelous!
Anyways, I also liked the flashbacks, once again, especially the one in which Ted said that he didn't think that he could fill Remus' shoes, not really. I can only imagine how hard that must be for him, not sure how is expected to live up to the legacy his dead father left behind.
I can't wait for the next chapter, especially to see what happens with this new "boyfriend" business.
~CassieAuthor's Response: Pippa is horrible. So, so horrible. I know hahaha sugarmuffin and teddybear... bvr.
Thank you so much! I'm so happy you liked this! And I'm pleased you liked the flashbacks again, I've been so worried about those! And exactly, Ted's life isn't easy, having to live up to his dead parents' fame.
Thank you so much for reviewing! This really means a lot. Report Review
And so it begins!
She didn't even contact home for 5 YEARS? Wow Lucy, that's an awfully long time. I can only imagine how worried they all must have been about her, especially with no word from her.
I like your depiction of James. Especially the note about his hands being covered in scars. I thought it was a nice touch, and one that seemed especially fitting of Harry and Ginny's oldest son.
I also love the flashbacks. They're some of my favorite parts, with the young Lucy, showing her whole life. They really do help the reader get the background in a context that isn't completely overwhelming.
Keep up the good work!
~CassieAuthor's Response: Yay! I'm so happy you liked James! He's one of my favourites. And the flashbacks; I'm so happy you didn't find them boring. I've been so worried about this. Thank you so much for reviewing! It really means a lot. Report Review
I could come up with a million excuses for why it took me so long to get here, but I think what is most important is that I am SO sorry, and I'm here now.
So, this was really intriguing to me. I'm so used to next generation being all fluff and joy, so this was kind of unexpected. I also don't think I've ever read something before where Ted wasn't with Victoire.
I like Lucy. She's strong and different and I LOVE that she is friends with Scorpius, though I'm not pleased with him, throwing her under the bus like that, even though it will advance everyone's careers. I mean, I can understand why he wanted to, I just feel badly for Lucy.
This is going to end horribly, isn't it?
All I can see is her reporting on the wedding and losing the relationship she had with all of her family members. Tearing her whole life apart. Oh no.
I can't wait to see what happens next! And again, sorry for being so late.
~CassieAuthor's Response: That's quite alright, dear! :) I know how life can sometimes catch you unprepared, so no worries at all.
I'm so pleased that you liked Lucy! and it was kind of a rubbish move on Scorpius's side, I agree. But oh well, he doesn't know half of it. I'm really pleased that you liked my take on it - and that it was different to anything you've read before. That's great! Thank you so much for reviewing! It really means a lot. Report Review
Hi darling! Sorry this review has taken me awhile! I think that the meeting with Audrey was awesome. I donít blame her for being upset! Just the tension we felt in those first sections was absolutely perfect. Though I donít think you need the small -- page break between section one and two, but thatís obviously a completely stylistics comments so feel free to ignore it.
Oooh I absolutely loved the memory! Itís given us a first solid look into what Lucy really feels toward Victoire. And now I find myself really curious as to what kind of person she really is, and how Teddy didnít realize then how much that Lucy cared about him. I mean I know sheís still a child at this point, but I think you teeter that line between best friends and more with her very well.
Which brings me back to my curiosity if Vic is that bad or if Iím seeing her through tainted eyes. I do wonder why Teddy stays with her, when he himself admitted that sheís manipulative and untrusting. Those are some pretty serious character flaws, and make for a terrible relationship. But sheís also gorgeous and Iím sure very sweet to Teddy, and manipulative, so maybe she finds out how to make it seem like the good outweigh he bad? Regardless I am really curios :P!
Ah! Ah! Memory number two! My heart!! It canít handle the feels! Phew. Must continue.
Okay so whatever issue Vic and Lucy had as children mustíve not been too bad. We see Vic has moved on and married with kids, Lucy seems comfortable with her, and I really just loved that bit of girl chit chat.
THE feels are killing me again. I really love these memories. I can feels so much innocent love between them and it just makes my heart ache. Also, with the headboy and you said like father like son. Iím curious about that. Remus wasnít head boy, is he referring to Harry as his father? And maybe Harry went back his seventh year and made head boy?
I HATE PIPPA. I wanted to punch her out of annoyance. Is she really this stupid or is she playing the - keep friends close and enemies closer, game?
And I really loved the introduction of Scorpius as Lucyís boyfriend! Jealousy is a funny thing, but I would have probably done the same thing myself.
This chapter didnít seem too long what so ever, and I think you ended it at the perfect place. I really wouldnít split it up if I were you. It all fits really well together, itís awesome.
And, your plot is moving along perfectly! I am really getting invested in this, and do hope you plan on updated!!!
Thanks for requesting, mídear!Author's Response: Hi there!! No worries about the delay, I think I'm even more behind on my own reviews, so no hard feelings at all. Thank you so much for writing this wonderful, long review! :)
I LOVED that you picked up on the difference in the relationship between Vic and Luce! It's not a great relationship, but it's definitely a right sight better than before. Pippa is horrible, I agree. Thank you thank you thank you! I am so happy you liked this and didn't find it too long. Yay! I'm almosttt finished with the next chapter so I'm hoping to update soonish. Thank you so much for reviewing! This really means a lot. Report Review
Write more plzz I dying. Now reviewing. 4 the first 3 chaptersAuthor's Response: haha thank you!! I'm updating soon, hopefully :) Thank you so much for reviewing! Report Review
Hi there again!
I really liked all the details and flashbacks in this chapter. I felt that it added well to the intrigue I have as this story builds. I was really able to get some insight on Lucy's past. Her past has affected her in so many ways and it is nice to see the past play along with the future here. Esepcially her mother. The plot is really starting to come more alive and unfold. Even though this chapter was super long, it held my attention throughout.
The characterizations of all the characters are spot on. I can't break it down to all of them because there are a lot in this chapter, but you did do a brilliant job! I also really enjoyed the give and take of the flashbacks here. They mixed well between now and then.
Keep up the great writing! I look forward to finding out what is going to happen next and what will unfold as the story continues!
-SR17Author's Response: I LOVED THAT YOU LIKED AUDREY. She's terrible and I hate her and love her at the same time. She's a bit like my own mother, actually. So yeah. This was great. Thank you so much for all your kind words. I'm so glad you liked the flow and give and take of the flashbacks. thank you so much for reviewing, this really means a lot. Report Review
Hi there! I am finally here with your review! I am sorry that I haven't gotten to this sooner. Life has been crazy still.
I am really enjoying the plot and seeing it slowly unfold. I really like Lucy and am intrigued by her friendship with Ted and what happened those five years ago to make her run away from it all. The characterization is really well done. Each character I can see here has been handled with great care. I love the way you have Scorpius characterized. He is different than I have ever read. Lucy is an ongoing character that I find thrilling. She has so much mystery to her. Darren is a breath of fresh air and I am curious to learn more about him too. James is as I would always imagine him to be...James. :)
The flow of the chapter is great. I don't feel that it is messy anywhere especially when it transitions into a memory. It is great to get a glimpse into the past through these flashbacks and they flow nicely too. The length of the chapters shouldn't worry you. You have a lot that you are trying to convey and if it takes an entire chapter and 5000+ words to do it and do it right then I wouldn't worry. If you are worried and that is your main concern then I would suggest possibly splitting the chapters. I don't think that is the case though.
I am really enjoying this story so far and I think you have done an amazing job with your characters, description (which I am highly jealous of;) ) and keeping intrigue. Keep up the awesome writing! Always remember to write what makes you happy. If you do that the others who read your stories will know how much you love what you are writing about as well. :)
-SR17Author's Response: Hi there! No worries! Life gets so busy sometimes. I am so, so pleased you liked the characters! I worry about that constantly. I love Scorpius, he's my little gem. That's great advice, by the way. I know it's so much harder to write something I don't like than something that I like. So yeah. You're so right. Thank you so much for all your great points. this really means a lot. :) Report Review
I cackled like a mad woman at the end of this chapter. I love this story, the way you write and how you portray the characters so, so much!Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm happy you laughed haha I'm so bad at humour so this is awesome. Thank you so much for all your kind words, this really means a lot. Report Review
Very well written! Please continue, things are just starting to get interesting.
Pippa is horrendous, I want to strangle her!Author's Response: Thank you so much! Yes, Pippa is terrible! Thank you so much for reviewing, this really means a lot! Update coming up soon :) Report Review
First off, apologise for taking so long. For a moment, life caught up with me *shudders* but here I am! To review this amazing story!
You asked about the plot. I think that you don't need to be worried about the plot: you have a wonderful storyline with really good characters to follow it up.
I think that the flow is fine and you have managed to contrast the two timelines brilliantly. The flashbacks give the story more depth and I like how you haven't put them all in one chapter and that they're giving the reader one small insight at a time about Ted and Lucy previous relationship.
I enjoyed the characterisation. They are next-gen characters so they're pratically canon OCs because we only saw them in one chapter (and even then they were children). But the characterisation was really good. I like how not everyone greeted Lucy back as though she hadn't left them for years.
THE ENDING! WHY ARE YOU WORRIED ABOUT THE ENDING! THE ENDING WAS BRILLIANT! It was, I fully recommend that you leave the ending the way it is. I laughed when I read the ending and kudo's to you because I never laugh in stories! (I'm an emotionless dalek)
Jasmine, xAuthor's Response: Hi there!
No worries! Life gets like that for me too, so I completely understand :) I AM SO PLEASED YOU LIKED THE ENDING! yay. That'd awesome. Thank you so so much I'm so pleased and you've eased my mind about so many things. Thank you! Report Review
This chapter went by so fast! I started it, then boom! In my head I wondered if it was even over 2,000 words, then I double checked the request and realized itís just about 5,000! Which means, not only did it hold my interest, but it completely engrossed me!
Okay, phew, onto the review time. Well, Iíve already answered if it help my attention ;). Onto the flow. I didnít find anything that seemed off/jolted me. The flashback, as well as the smaller memory, all slid in very nicely and I think that they really enhanced the chapter. It just made Lucyís pain so much more real, like it was sitting at the surface able to blow at any second.
I think youíre doing an awesome job with details, as well. Not only in description, but with plot. I find myself really stuck on trying to figure out just what happened, which is perfect because that makes me want to continue reading. So that kind of ties into your plot question; youíre introducing new details with every chapter and getting me more attached to the relationship these two had and what made it crumble. So I think that definitely counts as your plot moving along nicely. I want to keep reading, and thatís the most important part of all this.
I think James was perfect. Perfect! Lucy not only hurt him, but she hurt their family. I see all the Potter (and Weasley) children as being very loyal. So Lucy causing so much pain by taking off and never stopping by really wouldnít be something James could quickly get over. Especially if heís half as brooding as his paternal side ;).
Darren really interests me so far. So he dated Dom, heís close with the family.. and honestly thatís plenty for now. I hate having details about new characters shoved down my throat. It makes them seem unrealistic and I think itís very important to introduce them slowly and naturally. Like you did with Lucy asking if heís talked to Dom. That fit perfectly with the conversation and now we know he was a seriously boyfriend of hers. So, although I donít know much about him to really pin his character, I like what I do know and am excited to find out more :).
This really just feels like a very solid second chapter. I really donít have any CC to point out in this. There was plenty of detail, the dialogue was natural, grammar was flawlessÖ and again (most importantly) Iím still investing with these characters.
ALSO! Thank you so much for the featured reviewer nomination ♥Author's Response: haha you're very welcome! I thought you were an obvious choice, so there :)
You have no idea how happy this review made me. I'm a wobbly mess right now... There a just so many things that you got. I'm so, so pleased with this. The way i left out details, only fleshing out a little - I agree, it gives a much more natural feel doesn't it? Plus, it keeps the reader interested. And you have no idea how glad it made me to hear that you didn't find the length too much - I was so worried about that. And most importantly, I'm so pleased you liked Darren! It's always tricky introducing original characters to people and getting them to like them, so this just made my day. Just, overall this was such a comfort to read. SO thank you so much for this amaaazing review! This really means a lot!
Emma xx Report Review
NO! Oh LUCY! no no no haha this was so good! update soon, plsAuthor's Response: Thank you so much! I'm happy you liked this! Report Review
Hello! It's True Author with your requested review! =]
Yay! Finally a nice Teddy Lupin fic! :D Seriously, you rarely find something good about him. Anyways, I loved your plot and the way you're writing it. you are writing this in present tense which is a risk as many people don't like reading it, but I must say you did it very well. this story has a catchy starting. readers wonder why she's freaking out like that haha. =] I found no grammar mistakes.
but still, you need to work on Scorpius. if he's supposed to be an understanding and nice boy, you need to write about his nature. then this story will take another step towards perfection.
otherwise, this was great! :)Author's Response: Hi there! I actually didn't know people don't like reading present tense. I love writing in it and I actually almost never write in past tense. Oh well.
I'm so happy you liked the story so far. I haven't read any Ted Lupin fics before, so this is just my own assessments of the guy. It really means a lot to me that you liked him!
About Scorpius. Well, he isn't supposed to be an understanding guy or a nice guy. He's a broken guy who gets Lucy's situation but doesn't know how to express himself adequately. He's very British, coming from a very proper home where emotions were not discussed. So he's not really going to be expressing all of that in the first chapter. He's complex, and the story will take him on and flesh him out more as the story proceeds. He's snappy, guarded and puts on a front.
Thank you so much for your review! :) Report Review
I love the story so far! Can't wait to see what happens next, haha ;)Author's Response: Thank you so much! Hopefully I'll get to update soon :) Thanks for reviewing! It really means a lot. Report Review
oh no, no, no, lucy! he bats for the other team! jealousy is a bitter beast, ain't it just.
wonderful chapter, as always!Author's Response: Yup... Lucy being a bit silly/stupid and jealous. Thank you so much for reviewing! It really means a lot. xx Report Review
PIPPA IS SO ANNOYING.
AND AHAHHA I THINK ITS HILARIOUS THAT LUCY WOULD MAKE PEOPLE THINK THAT SCORPIUS IS HER BOYFRIEND. i sort of expected that, i suppose.
BUT THIS IS GREAT. PLEASE UPDATE ASAP.
also, where will rose be, in this story?Author's Response: Yay! I'm so happy you liked this! And yeah, this is not going to turn out well in any way...
Thank you so much for reviewing! It really means a lot! Report Review
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