This is a really thought provoking story! I never really think much about the founders, but the idea that Gryffindor (great etymology for his name, by the way) raised Slytherin's son is inspired. I also liked the sorrow Salazar had on news of Godric's death, as it shows that even though the two men had their differences, they were still fond of each other right to the end. They way the younger Slytherin went about seeking his father was also interesting,and I particularly liked the way Salazar chastised him for not using every weapon at his disposal, even the killing curse. This really demonstrates the influence Gryffindor had in raising the boy. A really well thought-out piece and one that has impressed me no end. :) Report Review
Hi, Sarah! Back again for another entry in the Review Battle!
I thought this story was really, really clever. Especially consider the time pressure that these challenges were written under and the relative awkwardness of some of the prompts. My hat is definitely off to you for finding a very natural-sounding way to work them into the story.
Saxulf was a very believable character. His nobility, his determination and his thinly-veiled disdain for the common folk made him an interesting mix of his birth father and his adopted father. He had some of the qualities of a knight errant, in my mind.
You wrote some very lovely scenery in the forest. The battle with the dragon was gripping to read. There was a very real sense that Saxulf was not going to survive their encounter. And I had half a mind to believe that Saxulf had been the one to take the Killing Curse, not the dragon.
I really, really liked what you did with Salazar. He seems genuinely remorseful about the life he left behind in Scotland. It pains him that Godric has passed without the two of them mending their feud. At the same time, there's that strong note of magical superiority and malicious intent toward the non-magical folk that makes it pretty clear that he and Godric wouldn't necessarily have reconciled even if Salazar had been able to see his former friend one last time. Aside from the core, Salazar's wand sounds a lot like Tom Riddle's, which I thought was a nice touch. On a side note, I'm also glad that he never found the Elder Wand.
And like that, I think I'm out of things to say. I can't really offer much in the way of constructive criticism, not that it matters much for a challenge entry, anyway. Nicely done! Report Review
I really enjoyed this! I think you did a great job in incorporating the prompts of the challenge as well as maintaining an originality with your story and plot.
I really liked that instead of focusing the story on Salazar, you started out with his son. And then as things unfolded, and it was revealed that the man is Salazar (which was very unexpected for me) and that Saxulf was raised by Godric who is dead, it just became so interesting. I think the way you revealed it all was very clever.
The ending was the most powerful though, with Salazar "returning", and also hinting at the Basilisk being at Hogwarts (that dialogue was a little scary to be honest).
The only little CC (if you can call it that) I'd give you is on the style of writing. Since this is set in the 934 AD, it would have given a greater sense of "reality" if the narrative had been a little more formal and old-timeish.
But apart from that, I think you did a great job writing this and I liked it. Salazar was characterised in an unusual way, but believable nonetheless, and so was his son, so good work =)
And of course, I am glad you mentioned the locket of Slytherin xP
(AditiDraco95)Author's Response: Hi AD!
Aw, I'm glad you enjoyed this!
I quite like Saxulf and the backstory there, which I'm considering writing separately one day.
Thanks for pointing that out about the narrative. I made their speech patterns and some words slightly more archaic, but in terms of the narrative I didn't want to overwhelm it by making it *all* along those lines. If this hadn't been a time-restricted piece I might have altered that a bit more.
Haha, you scavenger!
Thanks for the review :)
Athene Report Review
Hello darling! Review Battle time! :D
I am in love with your writting style. It is so gripping and impeccable I could have read this forever and not get bored.
You managed to incorporate canon and wizard lore so perfectly, with the war between the worlds and the school and of course Salazar's legacy, which we all know now to be the Chamber.
It's very hard to write founder era, in my opinion, since they even had a different way of speaking back in the 10th century, but you did it perfectly.
The story flow was perfect, I found no spelling or grammar mistakes. I also love the name you picked out for the son of Slytherin. It has a very medieval sound to it, which I'm sure was the purpose!
Good job! I enjoyed reading this a lot!
RalAuthor's Response: Hey Ral!
Oh my GOSH is it hard to write Founders! But it's also so much fun once you've got yourself in the mindframe, because we know so little about it and you can really just spread your wings and be creative in a way that other Eras may not permit.
Thanks so much for the review and for picking out the bits that you liked :) I love Saxulf's name too - I really want to write more about him one day!
Sarah xo Report Review
Completely awesome. That's all I have to say. I love how this was written in an old English kinda way. "The last thing he heard before the darkness embraced him was a guttural cry of ‘AVADA KEDAVRA!’; there was a flash of green light, and then nothing more." -My favorite line in the whole piece. This piece kept me captivated until the end, the flow was great and the descriptive narrative really described the surrounds well. You have a talent for this style of writing. I really didn't realize this was a challenge piece, great job on that. I think the bickering between father and son was very well written. My favorite element is how this read as an old story from an ancient book about medieval times. I felt like this was something that truly did happen and we never knew about. Great work.
~Celtic~Author's Response: Celtic! Ahh thank you. I love that line too! I'm really glad you read and enjoyed this... I intend, one day, to write more about Saxulf Slytherin!
Thank you so much for R&Ring!
Athene xo Report Review
Hey there! Well, you gave me lenience in picking whatever to review and I chose this- it just attracted me ;) This is a beautifully written one-shot and I truly felt that I was transported back into a distant past, but it was done so subtly and I loved that. I also liked Saxulf and Salazar and their story- you made it believable. There are quite a few stories of the children of the founders, but sometimes they can be a bit far-fetched, whereas with this, I could just imagine it being canon- Salazar taking flight, young Saxulf entrusted to Godric as a ward... And the description was lovely too! I felt I was in the forest, and I did get that sense of foreboding that you get when you enter wild places that people tend not to traverse.
Great job :DAuthor's Response: Thanks for picking this one! It needs a little attention ;) It wasn't Orlando Bloom that attracted you, was it? :P
It's great that you found this believable - I read a lot of historical fiction so I ripped off as much of that as I could, haha!
I'm very, very tempted to write a fuller version of Saxulf's history as Godric's ward.
Thanks for reviewing!
Athene xo Report Review
So, a long long time ago I had promised that I'd get around to reading and reviewing this, and tadah!! Here I am at last.
This was a gorgeous story! I loved the archaic feel of the language and mannerisms, truly it really did bring the story to life. I feel that all to often potentially great founders era stories are sullied by anachronisms, but (not that I'm anything close to an expert) this felt very organic and natural.
And what a lovely story to tell!! The dragon and the deathbed promise and the reunion of father and son. Salazar searching for the elder wand, the subtle references to the chamber of secrets. It was all spectacularly done!! The prompts you chose to work with highlighted this story well and fit very naturally into the course of the narrative.
Great read! Thank you for sharing.
MelissaAuthor's Response: Tadah! Here's an author response!
Thank you, I tried to avoid anything that seemed anachronistic as I think that's important when it comes to Founders! 'Organic and natural' is nice, I like that... thanks!
Wow, I like the way you summarized the story- I may have to borrow that for the actual story summary :P I'll PM you :)
As for the prompts, thank you very much for that comment. I used the minimum of 5 prompts, and I could probably have shoehorned more in but they wouldn't have been right and it would have cost the story something I think. Other authors really succeeded in mentioning more, but I don't think it would have worked in my narrative!
Thank you again for reviewing :)
xoxox Report Review
This was great! I never thought about what kind of father Salazar would be before. I wonder if he thought his son too weak to know of the basilisk.
The friendship between Salazar and Godric, though not physically in the story, was very touching. It seemed realistic of how two former friends would act in their respective situations and it still showed that they cared.
The flow was great! I couldn't take my eyes off the screen because I was so anxious to know what was coming next. It was truly wonderful!
Slytherin House Cup 2012!Author's Response: Thanks for R&Ring! I think you might be right about him thinking Saxulf too weak, not enough of a Slytherin, to know of the basilisk. I think, as well, that it's just him being arrogant again!
Thank you for your comment about Salazar and Godric, I wanted to show that they would still have cared about each other.
Thanks again for R&Ring, I'm really glad you enjoyed this story!!
Go Snakes! Report Review
Wow. This was a wonderful read. Your descriptions were incredible. It was like I was there with him riding horseback through that scary forest. Excellent, beautiful job!
The first heir being raised by Godric was heartbreaking and very interesting twist to have in your story.
It is really touching that Salazar lives with his regrets and is saddened to hear of his old friend.
I love how you used the wand as well. That was genius!
Great work. Go Slytherin!
Dark WhisperAuthor's Response: Wow, thank you! I think I may have lost some of the descriptions as the story went on and became dialogue-focused, but I'm glad I set the scene well enough for you!
I do love a good twist, and I thought, Slytherin must have had kids in order to have an heir. Who would have looked after them if he disappeared? And Godric was the obvious answer. It reminded me of Harry and Sirius as godfathers, almost.
Thanks for all of your lovely comments, I'm glad you enjoyed this!
Athene xo Report Review
Hey, I wandered over here from the Slytherin Common Room and your story is great!
I like that Salazar Slytherin is depicted heroically, yet still comes off slightly sinister because of his bigoted views.
This is my favorite of the entries so far for task one.Author's Response: Wow, thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it. I'm particularly happy that you found Salazar somewhat sinister as well as heroic. Who ever said heroes are always nice people? :P
Athene xo Report Review
I'm amazed. I didn't think you could amaze me anymore than you already have, but here I sit with my jaw open and my eyes are even bigger than normal. This. Is. Incredible. You never once faltered on style, it was so consistent. Are you a fan of historical fiction? You are able to write in this old kind of style so well, it's incredible!
I want more! I want you to expand on this, please? I want to know where Salazar was headed to, how he happened upon his son. I want to know about how Hogwarts is currently doing. I want to now what happened to the other two creators of Hogwarts. You made me so interested in an era that I have NEVER been curious about before!!! How did you do that??
At first I felt a bit like I was cheating on the Weasley's, reading something written from you not involving them, but I'm over it. This was so good that they can't mind, can they?
You also slipped in the necessary details of the prompts with such subtly, that when I was finished I said, 'did she use 5?' then when I saw your list it was obvious. You just made them part of your story, instead of forcing them in there.
I am so impressed with you right now. I don't even know if I can ever be mad at you again for leaving me in suspense and misleading me and all that, because I'm just so in awe of you! But, as soon as you do something else to misguide me in one of your stories, I'm sure I'll get over that ;)
Okay, I have nothing constructive to add. I just have gushiness to spew at you because of how amazing this was. Really, I want more written in this style. I want more Weasley first, then more of this.
You have really shown how talented you are with this piece, my dear. Slytherin is lucky to have you!Author's Response: Jami, Jami, Jami... what am I going to do with you?! 'Cheating on the Weasleys' made me laugh, a lot.
Well, where do I start with a review like this? You are, once again, way too kind! But I appreciate it nonetheless ;) and am ecstatic that you enjoyed this story so much!
I am a big fan of historical fiction, I love Sharon Penman and Elizabeth Chadwick especially... so yeah, I definitely picked up on their language etc. So I'm glad I've interested you in the Founders- I'd been planning to write something in this style anyway, and then Task One came up, and I thought 'perfect!'.
I can definitely see myself expanding on this one at some point, I have ideas in mind already. I may answer some of your questions!
And I'll make sure to mislead you as soon as I can, it's just so much fun!
Thank you for the lovely review! Xoxoxoxo
I really liked that one. Very unique, and deeply interesting. Very well written aswell. Keeps you drawn in the whole way. A terrific entry.Author's Response: Thank you very much! What kind words. Very glad you enjoyed this one-shot, I enjoyed writing it very much! And well done you for ploughing through all the House Cup entries! Report Review
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