I apologize for the delay in your review, the week kinda ran away from me. Anyway, I love how this is different from anything else I've read. You don't see many stories on Susan Bones and that's refreshing.
I also love how determined she was to get in with the others and do her job, no matter what got in her way. And the fact that the guys tried to scare her away and she didn't budge showed real courage and determination.
Great job so far. :) Report Review
Review tag! :)
I liked this little story! I've never really read anything about Susan Bones but I quite liked her as a main character and felt like she was really relatable. The awkwardness and confusion she felt definitely reminded me of any first day at a new job, although a new job with dragons is certainly more exciting!
I really liked the description of the facility in Romania and how much thought you put into how it was set up and functioned. The description of that nasty Horntail was great as well: you really captured its ferocious nature! :P Good job with smoothly incorporating all of those prompts as well, I thought the story flowed really well. The line about her hair and a Skrewt was one of my favourite lines!
The idea of needing to protect the dragons from people wanting to use their blood was creative as well, but made a lot of sense! I really liked the world you set up here, and I'm wondering where Charlie went! :) Good job!! :D Report Review
Well, I've come across a lot of Task One challenge entries and have gotten entirely bored of them, so I was a bit wary when I started reading this.
But I was wrong. This was definitely different from the many other entries I've read. You used the prompts nicely and they didn't seem forced into the story. The whole thing flowed really well. I liked your whole plot idea, of Susan Bones being a Dragon Keeper. I do think that it is slightly unrealistic for one stunning spell to stun a Hungarian Horntail, but small things like that in fanfics are acceptable.
All in all, this made a good read with a nice plot, good characterisation, accurate grammar, and fitting pace. I enjoyed reading this!
(AditiDraco95)Author's Response: Hi there AD! Thank you SO much for review-tagging me! :)
I'm really glad to hear that this challenge entry was different!! That was one of my main concerns while writing it!
Haha; I totally get what you're saying about the stunning spell. I really just needed a way to include that prompt, so that's what I wound up coming up with. I'm glad it wasn't TOO ridiculous, though! :)
Thank you SO much!! Report Review
Hello again! :D
I loved this one-shot; I've never read a Susan Bones fanfic before so this was interesting to read! You did excellently in providing background information without going into excessive detail, which was great to read!
I absolutely love that you've tied this one-shot into the Keeping Secrets universe! It's a little disappointing to see that the guys were so nice to Charlie yet so nasty and immediately disinclined towards Susan just because she's a girl, but don't get me wrong- this isn't a bad thing, it's a good thing because you've written those scenes so well that I can actually empathize with poor Susan having to prove herself in a male-dominated industry so this was well-done.
I did think that suggesting someone should hit her with a Cruciatus Curse was a slightly exaggerated reaction to her being a girl, until I saw your Author's Note and realized that it was for House points- and let's face it, the Cruciatus was probably the only acceptable Unforgivable to have named in that situation, so you did well, especially in incorporating all of the prompts- that must have been so hard to do!!
And I found the ending absolutely lovely; that the dragon keepers were willing to admit that they were wrong, and that Susan was allowed into their group after proving her worth and saving their lives. :D
I'm left wondering now what would happen if Charlie ever returns, because I can't see Susan actually leaving after all that she went through to become a part of the team. :( I would love to see how her character develops as she works at the reserve, especially as there wasn't a mention of why she wanted to become a dragon keeper. Sequel please? ;)
This is a really lovely one-shot, and definitely worth the read! I'm happy that I read this, as it's given me a whole new perspective on Susan Bones. Well done- you're doing excellently as an author! ♥Author's Response: Hi again, Santa!! :D
Aww yay! I'm really glad you liked it!! Haha; as soon as I came up with the idea for Susan to be a Dragon-Keeper, I just KNEW I was going to tie it in with "Keeping Secrets". In fact, I've been meaning to go back and put in the summary that this is a sort of companion piece; that's just something else I'll have to get around to when time permits!
And I know what you mean about Susan having to prove herself in a male-dominated industry; I actually found it pretty easy to write because I just-so-happen to work in a department with all guys at my job (no, I'm NOT kidding; I'm the ONLY girl!). Not that the guys I work with treat me badly or anything (on the contrary, I really like working with those guys), but I sort of channeled that experience while I was writing this. :P
Haha, yes, I completely agree! The Cruciatus was definitely an exaggeration, but, as you noted, I was getting down to the end of the one-shot and realized I hadn't incorporated that prompt yet, so I just kind of threw that in at the last minute so I could earn those extra points for the 'Puffs... Oops! :P
Hmm... I wonder what WOULD happen if Charlie returns... *Cackles evilly* Muahahaha! And that's all I'm going to say so that I don't spoil anything that may or may not happen later in "Keeping Secrets". :P And as soon as I get the time, I will DEFINITELY consider making a sequel (or prequel) to this; I promise!!
*Squees* Thank you SO MUCH SANTA!! When I find out who you are I'm going to hug-tackle you!! Report Review
Hey, this was a nice piece and good job on using all the prompts, they were really well encorporated into the piece, especially the dark detectors
I liked the idea of everyone judging her because she is a girl and they immediately assume she can't work with Dragons because of that so nice job!
The men are so mean but I'm glad she stood her ground and showed them that they were wrong, and I liked how her proving them wrong included a dragon.
This was verall a really nice piece, good job :) 10/10Author's Response: Hey there dear; thank you SO much for the review! I've really been anxious to see what other people thought of this piece, so I'm really glad you chose it!
I'm so thrilled that you thought I did a good job with incorporating all the prompts; it wasn't easy! I really liked how the dark detectors ended up being incorporated, myself. :)
I really enjoyed the whole discrimination bit; I loved that Susan was able to show those men that she can be just as tough as they were!
Thank you SO much for taking the time to read this, dear, and again, THANK YOU for the awesome review!! Report Review
Pass the parcel~
Ahh this was really lovely! I thought this was a really well written response to the task prompts, and the way you incorporated in all of them was extremely well done, really. The way you included the list of dragons, dragon blood uses and dark detectors were especially well done. I've been meaning to read through all the house cup task one stories, so I'm glad I get to review yours. There are a few dragon keeper stories but I really liked how in yours there was the gender discrimination that I didn't really see in others. It makes me think that at that time, there still could be discrimination, especially in a field like dragon keeping which I can see as being male dominated.
Not sure if you were aiming for it to be 100% realistic, but the actions of the men were a little too much maybe? I can't really picture any men doing this.. followed their leader to where Susan stood. Once they’d completely surrounded her, the men all started yelling insults either at her or about her. It just seems like something that wouldn't happen, even if the men were displeased - and it also feels a bit unrealistic that Susan shouting at them would not get their attention when she's in the middle of them. However, I suppose you needed that part for the plot. Along with those lines are the two insults: “Look at her hair!” one of them called. “It looks like she ran up on the bad end of a Blast-Ended Skrewt!”
“Someone hit her with the Cruciatus Curse!” another yelled. “That’ll scare her off!” Again, two insults that did not feel like something any man would really realistically say. One thing I did like was this: Mr. Jeffries said and did nothing; he simply stood to the side and smiled as they harassed her. He's so mean, and that line really highlighted just how mean he was from the start. Another thing was what Susan exclaimed to get their attention: “Merlin’s beard!” To me, it felt like an un-Susan-y thing to say, but that may just be my opinion. The only other thing that I questioned was why does Susan want to be a dragon keeper? It's at the very core of the story but I don't understand her passion for the job.
It was curious that Charlie had gone completely missing - but that's completely minor to the story. Anyway, I really enjoyed this - it was a really nice story to read, and I loved the positive way you portrayed Susan, staying strong through the men's harsh words and persevering in such a tough job. Nice story! :)Author's Response: Wow. I really, really don't even know how to begin to answer this amazing, thoughtful review! Let me start off by saying Thank you, Thank you, A million times, Thank you!
I'm really glad that you thought this was a well-written piece for the challenge; I worked on it really hard to get it done on time.
You're absolutely right about the men's actions; I know it isn't completely realistic, but as you said, it was sort of necessary for the plot. I was trying to get all the pieces to fit together while still having the required prompts, and unfortunately that's the only way I could think of to make that happen at the time.
And you're right, Mr. Jeffries was VERY mean in this... I really didn't intend for him to be, it just kind of... happened, you know? :D And I agree; I have a HORRIBLE time deciding which exclamations to use!
I really should have given more information about why Susan wanted to be a Dragon Keeper, it would have given the story a lot more depth. As for Charlie going missing, I've just started a novel (Keeping Secrets), in which Charlie will eventually 'disappear' for a while. Since I was already writing a Charlie fic, I figured I'd just make this challenge piece fit in with it, sort of as a companion piece almost. :)
Again, thank you SO much for your thoughtful review and the Constructive Criticism - I can't tell you how much I appreciate it! Report Review
Always nice to see bullies put in there place. Would have been funny to see Charlie return during there pitiful little show. I'm sure he'd have set them all straight, no way a Weasley would let that sort of thing go. And Susan really is from good stock herself. Those Bones women are really something. It's nice to see her doing so well despite all she went through in the war. Great fic, was a really enjoyable read.Author's Response: Aww! Thank you SO much for your sweet and thoughtful review dear! It's totally made my night! I'm super-thrilled that you enjoyed it; I wrote it in a span of about 2 hours today, so I was worried it might not be as good as some of my other work. I actually didn't think of having Charlie return, but you're right; that would have been awesome! Thank you SO, SO much for the feedback, dear! *hugs* Report Review
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