Reading Reviews for Goodbye
  
30 Reviews Found

Review #1, by CambAngst Charlie

25th August 2015:
Hi, Sara! One more...

GryCReMo (Review #32)

I thought the quotation went along really well with this chapter. And Charlie has a good point: you can read loss when it's felt by people you care about.

It was easy to get inside his head and live the surreal nightmare that he must have been feeling in the Great Hall. The scene itself was so chaotic and charged with adrenaline and emotion, and then to find his family mourning his list brother... it just felt like sensory overload.

I thought it was interesting that Ron was the one who found the momentary strength to answer Charlie's question. Ron has seen a fair bit of death by this point, however. He's probably better conditioned than the rest to be able to keep going.

The guilt that you wrote into Charlie's thoughts after the battle hit home just right. He couldn't have helped but to second-guess his life choices after losing a member of the family.

Fred's reaction was just about perfect.

There was only one little thing I could suggest. Instead of having Ron say "an AK", I think "killing curse" would have been a better choice. In the books, I don't remember the characters ever using the incantations of spells (or an abbreviation) to name or describe the spell.

Good job!

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Review #2, by CambAngst Percy

23rd August 2015:
Hi, Sara! Let's do one more before bed.

GryCReMo (Review #30)

I really liked the reflections that Percy shared with George. He has a lot of reasons to doubt himself, after his actions leading up to the war. But his family never completely gave up on him, and that probably helped him find the strength to come back. The way you wrote his dialog was really good. It sounded like Percy, only an older, very contrite version of Percy.

The scene in the delivery room was just lovely. Such a precious moment for a new family, and you captured it beautifully. Percy doesn't quite want to let go of the baby, which is the way it should be.

Nice chapter! You're doing a good job with this story.

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Review #3, by CambAngst Ron

23rd August 2015:
Hi, Sara! I'm back for another chapter.

GryCReMo (Review #29)

Fred seems like a really good spirit for his brothers and sister to evoke when they're facing one of life's challenging moments. None of them seem to have any problems imagining what Fred would say if he were there. He'd make fun of them for taking things too seriously and then he'd crack rude jokes until they were laughing too much to be nervous.

It doesn't quite work with Ron in this case, but I do think it helped him to talk to Fred. It must have been cathartic, in a way, to share this moment with Fred would never get to experience first-hand.

"When she comes down the aisle, you'll completely forget you were even nervous," he says, before leading me to my place in the front of the alter. -- Very true. It's an experience no groom ever forgets.

Fred's confidence in Ron is inspiring, even if Ron can't perfectly feel it, himself.

Good job!

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Review #4, by CambAngst Ginny

10th August 2015:
Hi, Sara! I'm starting off my GryCReMo attempt by reviewing stories from the other participants and you just came up next on the list. So first, let me get my little bit of housekeeping out of the way:

GryCReMo (Review #6)

You made Ginny's feelings completely relatable. The thing that people always associate most with Fred and George is laughter, and I can't imagine many things worse than trading that laughter for tears. Putting myself into Ginny's shoes -- you made that very easy, by the way -- I get that feeling like I'll never be happy again. On some level, we know it's not true, but it's so easy to become trapped in the moment.

The imagery of the tear stains on the wooden coffin was really well done. It has this terrible finality to it.

I like the voice you gave to Ginny's thoughts and feelings. She sounds like a young woman who's been aged prematurely, still showing some traits of youth but without the joy.

I saw one small typo as I was reading:

I want to remember to way you lived, not the way you died. -- I think you meant to say "the way you lived".

The only thing I felt a little iffy about was the last bit. I don't disagree with the concept of Fred looking down with a sad smile, but the phrase "could be referred to as heaven" sounded a little like you were trying to please all possible comers. Honestly, I don't think you need to do that. If you believe Fred's in heaven, I would say so. If you don't, then describe what you do believe. Either way, I don't think anyone could find fault with you.

You really did a nice job with this. I'm curious to see what you've done and will do with the other Weasley siblings.

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Review #5, by TreacleTart Charlie

28th July 2015:
Hi Sara!

Here for the first of our review swaps!

I'm not sure why I keep coming back to this story since it breaks my heart every single time! Also, it always seems to be when I'm at work and then I'm sitting at my desk sobbing like an idiot and no one knows why. Yeah. Thanks for that. :D

Wow. There was a lot of depth to this chapter. Charlie isn't a character that we really get to know a whole ton about, mainly due to his absence. I could imagine his reaction being quite like this. I mean it must've been awful for him to come home only to find his brother dead. I think you've nailed the regret and despair.

The quote that you chose to use for this chapter was spot on as well. It really added a very haunting quality to Charlie's words. He's absolutely right. You can read sadness and loss all over someone, particularly right when it happened. You really managed to capture that.

Now I have a bit of a conundrum. On one hand, I want to say don't write anymore because you're breaking my heart, but on the other hand, I want to say please write more because you do such a good job of detailing grief. You've managed thus far to capture a different voice for each character and that can be really tricky.

Seriously, great job with this Sara!

~Kaitlin

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Review #6, by Unicorn_Charm Percy

11th July 2015:
*Gryffindor House Cup 2015 - Amazing Race Review*

:'( Nope. Done. Broken. My feels are damaged beyond repair. *sits crying in the corner*

Ok this one hit me the hardest. Percy just felt so real and so human. He showed raw emotions - fear, remorse, sorrow, pride, happiness, determination. Ugh. I can't! That first section. The way he felt about becoming a father, wondering if he would screw it up because of how he acted as a young man. I wanted to hug him. I've NEVER wanted to hug Percy before! You got me wanting to comfort him. So that's a first!

You could really feel just how sorry he was for how he acted when he was younger; power-hungry, arrogant, pompous. The only thing he wants now is to be a good father. A good family man. It was just heartbreaking and heartwarming all at the same time.

It was funny picturing him bumbling around in the delivery room and Audrey eventually throwing him out. It's such a stark contrast from the Percy we saw in canon, which really shows how much this moment means to him and how nervous he truly was.

Him holding Molly and making that promise to her. More tears. All the tears.

Then once more with the final Fred line. How can you take something funny from canon and morph it in to something so bittersweet?! My emotions!

I know it's been a while since this was updated, but I hope that there is another update for this. George will destroy me. I know that. But I would love to read it. :)

Fantastic job on this. Really, really good work!

xoxo Meg

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Review #7, by Unicorn_Charm Ron

11th July 2015:
*Gryffindor House Cup 2015 - Amzing Race Review*

Oh my god, what are you doing to me?! Between that last chapter and now this, I'm an absolute mess! :'(

I know what you mean about Ron, I find him difficult to write myself. Which is why I don't really. But I thought you did a fine job with him here. It still felt like Ron and you managed to completely obliterate my feels in the process. So kudos! ;)

I love that you chose his wedding day and just had him kind of talking to Fred. It's such a human and relatable thing. I think we all "talk" to a passed on loved one when there is something major happening in our lives. And I really liked how natural it was. Just like a normal conversation.

The little details you threw in were lovely. We know that Harry and Ginny are already married. We know that Ron and Hermione are getting married 3 years after the war. We know Ron is working with George. For a chapter that is a little over 500-ish word chapter, you managed to not only pack a lot of emotion (again), but told us a lot. That's really difficult to do, so great job!

And again with Fred at the end! *wails again* Why must you hurt me in this way? I never thought the phrase, "ickle Ronniekins. would make me cry!

Another heartbreakingly wonderful chapter! Well done!!

xoxo Meg

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Review #8, by Unicorn_Charm Ginny

11th July 2015:
*Gryffindor House Cup 2015 - Amazing Race Review*

Um... Please excuse me while I sob quietly in the corner. Ok *wails* not quietly at all! My feels are broken. :(

Out of all the siblings, you always get this impression that Ginny was the cloeset to the twins and they were the closest with her. So this killed me. In the books and the films you saw the bond that Ginny had with the twins and, having brothers who are twins myself, I can't even begin to imagine how difficult this would had been for her.

This was so short but packed such a powerful and emotional punch. You very clearly expressed Ginny's grief, and also kind of the family's grief as well.

When she was talking about the reasons she was glad the casket was closed, that was when I first began to lose to. Talking about how warm and colorful and full of life he was compared to the cold shell of what laid in the coffin. It was such a wonderfully described contrast and really brought home the fact that Fred was gone.

Ugh and if all that with Ginny wasn't enough! You add that last bit with Fred saying it's not really goodbye! That's when I was just done. Lost it. Tears, streaming down my face. :'(

This was just beautifully written and terribly sad. Even though it's going to destroy me, I'm definitely continuing on with this. Well done!

xoxo Meg

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Review #9, by StarFeather Ginny

11th July 2015:
*Gryffindor / Amazing Race 5 House Cup

The saddest scene, Ginny saw Fred's body lying in the Great Hall. Ginny was always strong, but she couldn't, even her Harry was beside her. Readers feel the same way as her.
Dressing black itself let her depressed deeply, the reflection told her pale face, which are the contrast to the fond memories when he made his members of Weasley family laugh, his sister had fun with him.

Looking so serious is the most unsuitable for Fred. Readers sympathize her feeling. The sad description, her tears are falling on the dark and smooth wood, making dark stains spread across the warm wood, made us sad, but I think it's simply beautiful.

Then I remembered Fred not only made a joke but also protected his sister.

Kenny

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Review #10, by Pixileanin Percy

11th July 2015:
House Cup 2015 / Gryffindor / Amazing Race 5


Aww, I love this moment as the one you chose for Percy to remember his brother. What a stressful time for him! His concerns are very realistic. Everyone wonders what kind of parent they're going to turn out to be.

Again, just a bit of crit. I think if you took out the "It's been a while" part and just let Percy talk about things, it would push the piece into more of an immediate time frame. The reflection sort of throws us out of the action, and I would like to be more present when Percy's daughter is born.

It's so touching that Percy names his daughter after his mother. Molly truly was a great woman and it's lovely to see her honored here for it. I bet Fred is doubly pleased with it too, knowing him. It's funny, but I feel like Fred acknowledges the name choice of Molly being the first step in Percy's fatherhood as a good one. Anything after this will be good too. That's sort of the feel I get from this piece.

Pix

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Review #11, by TreacleTart Percy

11th July 2015:
Hello again Sara!

Here for the House Cup 2015 - Gryffindor!

Ok. Out of all the chapters this one is my absolute favorite. It's so bittersweet. There are moments of great happiness, but also moments that reflect sadness and regret. The way you juxtaposed the two against each other was great.

It's so rare to find stories written from Percy's POV, so I really liked that you chose to show him. He always seems to be forgotten. I think you've captured his voice perfectly and I think the regrets he has seem very realistic after everything that's happened. I could really see him talking to Fred trying to relieve a bit of that burden.

I also really loved that Percy was so nervous that he knocked ice chips down Audrey's shirt. He seems just the type to do something like that. I even chuckled a bit to see that Audrey kicked him out of the room.

Once again, I was crushed when I saw Fred's reaction. You would think I'd be used to it by now since I'm three chapters deep, but it still has a ton of emotional impact. Each time, it's short, but the impact is massive.

Great work!

~Kaitlin

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Review #12, by TreacleTart Ron

11th July 2015:
Hi Sara!

Here for the House Cup 2015- Gryffindor!

I saw in your Author's note at the end that you were unsure of this chapter, but I actually think it's great that you went a more lighthearted route. Since the first chapter was so emotional it was a really good balance. Again, I feel like when people focus on Fred's death they focus on the heartbreak and anger, so this was actually really refreshing.

I thought you did a great job of capturing Ron's voice. I know you mentioned that Ron is hard for you to write, but I thought he came through very strongly. I knew immediately who was talking.

I loved the internal thoughts that Ron was having and the way they correlated to the amount of time left before the wedding. That seemed very natural. And it was so sweet when Ron admitted that Harry was right.

The ending with Fred looking down on Ron's wedding day really brought the emotional impact back around. I can't think of much else sadder than Fred not being there for a day like that, but then I remember that he is actually there... in spirit and in everyone's heart.

Nicely done! On to chapter 3!

~Kaitlin

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Review #13, by Pixileanin Ron

11th July 2015:
House Cup 2015 / Gryffindor / Amazing Race 5

Ahh, Ron's talking to his brother right before he gets married. That's so sweet and sad. I'm glad he thinks about Fred in this time. I'm sure he'd wish that Fred were here now instead of not, but that can't be helped.

You've done a great job capturing Ron's voice in this. I can feel him talking and thinking this way in his nervousness. I like the language you use for him and it just feels right.

Okay, this is really nitpicky, but I like my numbers spelled out in prose, unless it's the year or something. It just looks more... wordy, I guess. I don't think there are any hard and fast rules about this, but it's my preference.

Also in the little section when Ron talks about Bill's kid, it would be nice to expand on that and instead of having Ron tell Fred about it like he doesn't know, he could maybe highlight a specific moment in the recent past about Victoire, like what she did during the wedding preparations or something. Just a suggestion.

It's a nice thought that Fred is still with his family and gets to watch from his resting place. I feel like he's giving his siblings some kind of peace with his presence, that they can feel him too if they relax enough in the moment. Fred is correct. What is this, compared to facing a dragon??


Pix

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Review #14, by TreacleTart Ginny

11th July 2015:
Hey there!

I'm here for the House Cup 2015- Gryffindor!

Ugh. I'm not sure why I chose to read this one since I knew immediately it would be a heartbreaker, but I love everything Fred and George, so I had to give it a shot.

I honestly thought this chapter was George speaking to Fred until about three fourths of he way through. I actually really liked that it was Ginny instead. I feel like most people focus on George's loss of Fred, but there are a ton of other family members who lost a brother or son, so it was a good choice to step outside of that.

The line at the end just about killed me. I've never given much thought to Fred sitting up in heaven looking down on his funeral, but jeez. Way to punch me in the gut. That was just heart wrenching.

Normally, with short chapters like this I would say that I want more detail, but in this case, I think the choice to keep it short is smart. I think had you gone any longer it could've been easily overdone. This length keeps the emotions simple and easy to relate to.

Great work here! I'm off to the next chapter now!

~Kaitlin

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Review #15, by Pixileanin Ginny

11th July 2015:
House Cup 2015 / Gryffindor / Amazing Race 5

Uh oh, I can feel that this is going to be a tear-jerker. Funerals can very much be out-of-body experiences. When someone is faced with overwhelming grief, the mind sometimes separates and drifts. Memories take precedence over the present. I think you captured that well.

I like how you highlighted how special Fred was to Ginny, how she remembers his kindness and how she's going to miss him terribly. Ginny is trying to figure out how to deal with it, but she's down in the muck of it right now so it's not going to be easy to get past the puffy eyes. I can feel that she wants to rejoice the way she thinks that Fred would want her to, but sometimes the grief takes over. It's an important part of acceptance, and later she'll understand that she has to wallow in it before she can rise above.

Nice capture of a sad moment.

Pix

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Review #16, by Here Comes Sandy Claws! Percy

29th December 2014:
THIS. This is just too much feels.. I just can't even right now!! Just... GAH!

Again, it is so wonderful and realistic for Percy to be talking to Fred at such a vital moment in his life, seeking guidance. And this is even more real and heart-wrenching because of his guilt and thoughts about not being a good older brother.

And again with Fred looking down, and his comedy - I really LOVE it, and it's a wonderful way to end every single chapter, with a reminder that "the ones that love us never really leave us", as Sirius said.

Everything about this chapter, like the two chapters before it, was just perfect. This is a wonderfully-written story dear, every single chapter, and I'm adding it to the list of stories I need to come back and favorite once I'm no longer anonymous! ♥

Author's Response: Thank you so much! Percy and Fred's relationship breaks my heart. I can't imagine the guilt Percy must have felt afterwards.

Thank you! I'm glad you liked this one :)
~Sara


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Review #17, by Here Comes Sandy Claws! Ron

29th December 2014:
AW!!! WHY are you so good with the feels?!?

I was honestly expecting this to also be about Fred's funeral, but I was pleasantly surprised when it wasn't!

I think it's SO believable, so realistic, for Ron to be reaching out to his older brother at a time like this, when he's so nervous. Even though the pain lessens a while after someone's death, you still always wish they were still around and want to talk to them, so that was SO realistic and just really lovely.

I loved the glimpse we got here of Ron and Hermione's wedding, and how George is standing up front with Ron and Harry, as well. And the flashback about the teddy bear being turned into a spider was adorable.

There's a lovely, happy but sad, bittersweet combination of emotions here, and it's incredibly written, seriously.

And again, with Fred watching down on the whole thing, and even calling Ron by his nickname... Aww!! &heaarts; and :'( at the same time!

Another great chapter, and off to the next!

Author's Response: :)
Yeah- I'm planning on doing a different point in time for each person in the family, since they'll all need Fred at different points in their lives. That is, if I ever actually finish this story.. :couch:

I'm glad you liked it! Thank you for the lovely review :)

~Sara


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Review #18, by Here Comes Sandy Claws! Ginny

29th December 2014:
Okay, I just read "Daddy's Girl" and I was already crying over that, and now I've got a whole new reason to cry - more feels! :'( You really do a wonderful job of conveying emotions, my dear, whether they're happy ones or sad!

I have three favorite parts in this chapter. The first, is when Ginny wished that Fred had been pulling some cruel prank, because that's just a testament to how truly hilarious he was. Of course he'd never pull such a cruel joke, but even at a time like that, he always knew how to lighten the mood. Again, your subtle way of conveying things about characters amazes me!

Favorite part #2 was when Ginny realized that Fred wouldn't want everyone to be upset, he'd want them to be celebrating and laughing. And I love that part because, again, you show us so much about Fred's character, just through his little sister's thoughts.

Annnd favorite part #3 goes to the end, and Fred's looking down on her from above... that got me right in the feels! That really was SO beautiful and powerful - I LOVED it!

I think you did an amazing job conveying what Ginny's (or really anyone's) thoughts would be at a funeral of someone they loved dearly. This is a really, really wonderful chapter, and although I know it's gonna be another tear-fest, I'm off to the next!

Author's Response: Ha, not the best combination of stories to read in a row. I'm glad you liked it, and thank you for thinking I convey emotions well-I'm glad that works!

I'm glad you liked this (even if it did make you cry). Thank you so much for the wonderful review!

~Sara


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Review #19, by PolyJuice_ Ron

13th March 2014:
BLACKOUT BATTLE~ 13/20

I'm back for more feels! I'm ready for whatever sadness you and Ron throw at me! Away I go to read!

Okay, now that I've actually read the chapter I'm not so sure I can hold up to my statement. That was absolutely gut-wrenching.

I loved all the little references everywhere abut the teddy bear, the joke shop, Ginny wanting to elope (that would be so typical Ginny) it really tied in to everything JKR has said and my own personal headcanons.

It was cute that Ron was still coming to Fred, even so long after his death. I'm glad he was marrying Hermione - whatever JKR has revealed since! :P

Anyway, that last bit about Fred. Oh Lordy. You're just trying to rip out my heart, aren't you? It's nice to think he was watching all those happy times.

Liz

Author's Response: Hi! I'm glad you liked it, and it fit with your headcanons :) Yeah, I think even after losing him, Ron would still go to his older brother for advice, even if he wasn't able to answer. I'm definitely a Romione/Hinny shipper- my penname makes that point a bit I suppose. I'm still in denial about that article. Anyway, I'm glad you liked it, and thanks for reviewing!
~Sara


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Review #20, by PolyJuice_ Ginny

13th March 2014:
BLACKOUT BATTLE~ 12/20

Aw, this was so good! You wrote this in first person which was a really hard thing to do, but you managed to pull it off and it turned out to work really well in your favour. I could practically feel everything as you were writing it. Your choice of words were so powerful, I completely empathised with Ginny.

I can't believe this is only six hundred some words, it seemed like both too short, but just the right length. On one hand I wanted more, and on the other it seemed to fit it well, and you brought forth everything that needed to in the short space you used.

This is completely heart breaking! By the end of this battle I swear I'm just gonna be a mess of tears.

Anywho, this was absolutely fantastic! Nice writing, I can't wait to see where you're going with this next chapter.

Liz

Author's Response: Hi! Thank you so much. I find it a lot harder to write in third person than first actually-at least with the girls. Ginny especially I relate with a lot, so 1st person is easier to write with her than like, Percy or someone.

I'm glad you liked it! Thanks for the review!
~Sara


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Review #21, by Rumpelstiltskin Ron

7th March 2014:
I'm here for Blackout Bingo (number 10/15 of square two, to keep track).

I really like the way this chapter is set up, where Ron is speaking directly to Fred. Perhaps it's easier to deal with his death that way, making Fred feel a little bit closer to him if he talks directly to him. Either way, it created a wonderful effect for the tone of the story.

I love that he's still basically looking to his older brother for moral support on his wedding day. He has the love of his entire family, including the members that are no longer with him.

I think that the end was especially sweet, with Fred watching over Ron, just like he watched over Ginny, and the rest of his family. ♥

This was an amazingly sweet piece and I'm glad that I read it. Fantastic job!

-Rumpel

Author's Response: Hello!
I'm glad you liked it. I know that if I ever lost someone that close to me, my sister or someone, then I would most likely still talk to them. I have this headcanon where all the dead characters can look down and see what's happening in their loved ones lives- and that is something Fred would definitely do. Thanks for reviewing!
~Sara


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Review #22, by Rumpelstiltskin Ginny

1st March 2014:
I'm here for Blackout Bingo!

Holy halibut, Fred feels. Er, let's start at the beginning. Describing Ginny's feeling as an out of body experience is extremely realistic. This is how I've felt when I've lost those closest to me. Nothing seems real or right, and the events, including the funeral feels like a dream. I think it may be a reaction to grief -- a way for the brain to deal with it -- but it happens and its almost as terrible as being lucid through everything.

It's true, that even if the person (especially somebody like Fred) would want their loved ones to move on and be happy. However, just as Ginny is experiencing, that generally does not happen...because you just can't.

Saying goodbye is terrible...and oh gods, you've made me cry! This was wonderfully sad...

Great job *sniffles*!

-Rumpel

Author's Response: Hello! Thanks for reading :) I'm glad I got the feeling right- I based it off of how I see people at funeral-I've been to quite a few, but I've never lost anyone very close to me- I'm glad that it worked out okay. I'm sorry I made you cry! Thanks for reviewing, and I'm glad you liked it.
~Sara


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Review #23, by nearlyheadlesshannah Ron

10th July 2013:
I thought this one was actually better than Ginny's pov probably because it was more light-hearted and I'm a light-hearted person. The reactions from Fred in heaven at the end are what really gets the tears flowing and I can't wait to read about the rest of the fam! Keep it up

Author's Response: Thank you! Yeah, I figured it would be a really depressing story if every chapter was depressing :) Thank you for the review!

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Review #24, by nearlyheadlesshannah Ginny

10th July 2013:
aw made me tear up! love your writing

Author's Response: Aww, thank you so much!

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Review #25, by Secret Santa Ginny

3rd January 2013:
I can't believe how heart breaking this is. This is one of the best stories involving Fred's funeral I have read particularly because it focus's on Ginny and this is one of the best just because there is so much emotion that has been poured into it.

I can imagine Ginny reacting this way at his funeral especially when she said she wouldn't have been able to cope with an open coffin and that is a very realistic. I also loved the touch of Fred at the end. That was absolutely lovely

Well done!

Author's Response: Aww thank you! I wanted to focus on each of the Weasley's individually since they are all having different reactions. I'm glad Ginny came across well! Thank you!

~Sara


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