This is really really good!! You had me captured from the first sentence. I love how you portrayed Cho, how you showed her strength in her youth. You never told us how good she was at her subjects, you showed us in a way that brought her character completely to life.
I really enjoyed the fact that this was mostly in flash back form. I also like how you hinted at the dragon long before the reader was able to put the pieces together.
I really liked how you didn't completely rely on Cedric's death as to how she got to where she was. The idea that her mother left her without saying goodbye or I love you is so heart wrenching. That must be horrible to have to endure as a 13 year old.
You turned all the things that had wronged her into dragons. I liked that. I liked how it made the experiences somehow more real, and it obviously made them easier for Cho to deal with.
I also liked how you eased the reader into the idea that Cho is now a dragon. It seems such a logical way to deal with her pain. And the way you built up her skills made it very easy to believe that she would be able to achieve that. I hope Cho finds her peace in that form.
One drawback I would have is the extra long AN at the end. I like reading them and I felt like it took away some of the magic of the piece knowing that it *had* to contain those elements. I know that they are there for a reason but I'm guessing the competition is over now. They could possibly be removed in a future edit. Aside from that, I have absolutely no quarrels with this piece. I enjoyed it from beginning to end.
Wonderful job :D Report Review
Wow, it's amazing! If it was longer, you could sell it as a book!Author's Response: haha. thank you so much for this review! Report Review
Gah, I wish I could write like you. This whole thing was just planned out really well and your style is to die for and I just love it.
xx RinAuthor's Response: Rin!! Hey... ohmygosh. Shush, you. You're fabulous and I'm blushing and thank you so, so much! Report Review
humm... this was written like a row of honey products in a supermarket. Let me explain because it's an odd metaphor xD
Your writing is stunning, it flows like honey, that's the actual feel I got from reading your story, but because of the content, the way it's all sectionned in seperate events is like glass, an invisble harsh line in between sections which forces the reader to start a brand new experience and restart like it was an introduction, for the honey in this bottle is different. but then at the end, all the bottles of honey are all honey and they all stand together on the shelf.
best way I found to explain what I meant lol :P
So personally, I feel it's interesting, but slightly dizzying, maybe if you made the paragraphs slightly longer so we'd get more time to get "used" to the "jar of honey"? ;)
Also, I thought your concept, with Cho loosing her innocence and struggling to finally get her freedom, was really interesting. I love the dragon you made out Cho to be, it's fascinating.^^
You did a fantastic job on this! :3
-JuneAuthor's Response: Oooh! Thank you so much for this review. Sometimes, an author has to stick to their decisions, and this is one such case.
It was a very precisely made stylistic decision to keep the scenes brief and fleeting. This story isn't long winded or whimsical, and in order to portray the atmosphere that I chose to portray, the short sentences and scenes -- her flashes of humanity flickering in the flames of her transformation -- were intentionally done. Sometimes less is more, and I feel that this is one of those instances. Maybe if you were inside the honey jar looking out at the world, you'd see a world equally concise -- flashes as shoppers walked by, memories of times gone by flickering in the darkness when the store's lights shut off for the night? But I digress. It is your metaphor and not mine. :) Sorry the style of this piece wasn't your cup of tea.
However, I am glad that you enjoyed the concept and the imagery here!! Thank you so, so much for this review and for your honest criticism. :)
Melissa Report Review
Wow. This was really beautiful. The imagery and the pace were most excellent. I am not surprised at all that this story was chosen to represent your House. It truly is gorgeous.
Her persistance in her Quidditch practice was really well written.
And the ghosts of her past being dragons of the pain she has been through was very creative and certainly unique and different.
When she spread her wings and took flight, I loved that you gave her the colors of Ravenclaw.
Dark WhisperAuthor's Response: Hey!!
Baw. Thank you so, so much for taking the time to review this. I really enjoyed your entry as well!! All of the houses put up good stories. Annnd you're the first person to comment on the color of the Cho-dragon. I couldn't help but throw that into the story in the name of House Cup spirit. :)
Melissa Report Review
This was stunning. I love her dedication to her studies, the way she wanted to perfect her spells and Quidditch skills alike. Even the most impressive raw talent must be refined to be useful, and Cho knows this - I love how she clings to it in the wake of all the tragedy she has experienced. You've brought a whole new light to the girl we thought we knew from canon, the one who cries. This is truly excellent!
-AmandaAuthor's Response: Hey!!
thank you so much for this review. I really felt like for this fic to be affective, Cho needed to be a real character rather than a crying characiture. I'm very glad you enjoyed this story and thank you for thinking of me during the review-a-thon!
Melissa Report Review
Wow, this is creative, unique and beautifully written! I love your metaphorical interpretation of the dragons in Cho's life.
You've also managed to work in all the other story prompts in a very organic way.
Great job!Author's Response: Thank you so much for you review!! I'm so glad that you enjoyed this story. Report Review
HEY MEL! I've been meaning to write a Cho fic for so long, so I am looking forward immensely to reading this :)
Wow. I normally review by inserting quotes and writing cracky comments, but this was so beautiful and I didn't want to ruin it. It just...flowed. Every sentence meant something, and every sentence counted.
You managed to capture not only sadness, but also beauty, which is something even the most accomplished writers can't do. It is truly breathtaking what you can do in just over 1700 words, and all the emotions you have stirred up within me.
Cho, whilst I adore her character in the book, was always in the background; and whenever she had any attention, it was because of those around her. But this story has given her so much depth, so much extra meaning, and I want to thank you.
Please never stop writing. And whenever you put something new up, tell me, because I want to read so much more of yours. Your writing is beautiful and so eloquent, and I am so proud to call you my friend :)Author's Response: Oh hay gurl, hay.
Ahh. I'm still sort of surprised and floored that people have enjoyed this little one shot as much as they have. I really enjoy writing stylistic one shots when I have the oppurtunity and inspiration to, so this was a lot of fun for me.
You're adorable. Stop. I will certainly let you know when I write things, but with school started up, I am fairly certain that it will primarily just be WAT and pretty how town updates. ;) I am very proud to call you my friend as well.
LOFF Report Review
What a unique way to interpret this challenge! I love that you took this story in a completely unexpected direction.
The use of the various types of dragons to describe obstacles in Cho's life was super creative and great use of imagery. I also really like that you created your own type of dragon that represented Cho's strength as she overcame everything thrown at her and stepped out stronger than ever (that's our girl!)
Overall, it was a lovely story, and you utilized the prompts really well. I enjoyed reading it :)Author's Response: Thank you so, so much for taking the time to leave a review!! I have no idea where this idea came from, and am ASTOUNDED that it turned out even halfway decent. I am like a mushy puddle everytime I look at reviews the lovely members and staffers have left for it -- everyone here (you included) is so lovely.
Gah. I don't know what else to say! Thank you, again. Report Review
Wonderful job on your entry! I was amazed at how well you were able to traverse the different moments of Cho's life in such short space without it feeling rushed. The mix of third and second person POV was also really showcased your skills as a writer. I loved the way you managed to integrate the prompts--some as actual plot devices, but also some as metaphors or figures of speech.
Overall, I thought it was just fantastic that you managed to turn the prompt of using a dragon into something so symbolic and beautiful.Author's Response: ;)
Baww. I'm literally blown away by all of the amazing entries and am still trying to process the fact that my off-beat sort of story was chosen. The writing talent at HPFF is out of this world!! I am very proud of this one-shot, but as I read other task entries I worried b/c mine was more stylistic than narrative -- so it's fabulous to hear that my use of prompts still /worked/ despite some of them being figurative.
The character of Cho is so under-explored in fanfiction that I really wanted her to have a defining moment, and somehow, soaring into the sky with all the majesty and greatness of a dragon followed from there. Wheter or not you take her transformation as a literal one or not is up to you! But that, I think, is the magic of the HP-verse... there is so much freedom to explore and create.
Gah, I can't even tell you how grateful I am for your review. As I said, I've been very nervous about this story since it's a little different from the other entries, but I'm very glad that you found it to be an enjoyable read!! Thank you so much for taking the time to leave me a review! Report Review
I'm speechless! Honestly, this was so beautiful that I need a moment or two to absorb how someone could write something so skillfully!
First of all, the way you've chosen to write the story -the two varying perspectives, I don't know how you managed to pull it of with making it confusing! It seemed to flow so easily from one paragraph to the next and the elegance with which you've composed each sentence always kept me wondering what other marvelling comparison you're going to make next.
I also admire the way you've incorporated the prompts! They're dispersed all over the story and almost hidden by how natural they seem to be among the rest of the words. At some point, I began to not notice their presence and just focus on the story and the descriptions!
I love the way you've 'personified' the events of her life -especially the Chinese Fireball. That was the first one to emerge and it was so beautiful and witty, it took me by surprise.
"Sixteen is too young to feel like a widow"
This line! It's such a special way to describe the grief that Cho felt after Cedric's death -one that is addressed in many of the entries, but never like this! It is just so strong and bold and absolutely brilliant!
And then she turned into a dragon! I'm not sure if that's meant figuratively or literally but I don't think that affects how wonderful that bit is. The way she feels that she's special, that despite everything she's lost, she's still worth a lot... Just simply wonderful!
I really envy your ability to write like this! This story is just amazing and makes me sure that I need to check out more of your stories like I had been planning to do for a while! Marvellous, marvellous job!
-Manno Report Review
Hello - what beautiful writing! Certainly a worthy house cup entry. Some of the imagery was just stunning, and no-one turns a phrase better than you. Your use of prompts was excellent, and the whoe thing flowed really well. Fab!Author's Response: Hey!! Thank you so, so much for this review!! It blows my mind how much support this story has garnered over the past few days. Again, Thank you! Report Review
I'm not sure where to begin with this, the amount of symbolism you used is truly amazing. I'd love to provide some detail here, but I'm struggling to form a coherent scentence while thinking through what you wrote.
Early in the story, there was a line 'pushes her nose into tombs' - I'm guessing you meant tomes, but it doesn't affect the understanding.
Still, despite that lone mistake, this is amazing, and to me sums up what it is to be a 'claw. I love the name of her Dragon - the Animi Chopacis.
-RHAuthor's Response: Hey!!
Thank you so, so much for taking the time to leave such a lovely review! And ack! Kudos and cookies to you for catching that typo. Thank you so much. I'm so glad that you enjoyed this. The support it's had over the past few days has been over-whelming.
Melissa Report Review
Okay. Let's chat.
Let me start with this - I do not like you very much right now. I am so so jealous of you. The way you twist words is amazing, you turn each sentence into an experience.
The concept of this is very different, but so amazing. I don't like Cho, but you make her so different than girl we've read about that I become enthralled with her story. Oh, and the fact that she turns into a Dragon (Literally, right? Or was I confused and it was meant figuratively?) is just so crazy that it's amazing.
You did an amazing job, I will be shocked if this isn't chosen for your House's best. You have a serious talent with metaphors and similes. The pictures you create are so vivid that they take my breath away.
I love the complected, heart breaking relationship with her mother leaving her at thirteen that you included. It really just ties together her own loss and pain of her life. I think that Dragon, the ghost of rejection, was my favorite.
I'm done, this review is getting closer and closer to turning from semi understandable gush, to complete mushiness.
Amazing Report Review
Hello there, this is DarkRose from the forums! :D What a great one-shot! You've definitely done Ravenclaw proud with this. I've now had to say this to like...three people, but this is one of the best entries that I've read for the Task One Challenge! I think you did an amazing job coming up with a unique plot and figuring out how to work in all of the prompts. I loved the Cho-dragon thing. I definitely haven't read anything even remotely like it so far. You did a really good job explaining all the things that had hurt Cho/fueled her fire throughout the story. I loved how emotional some of the scenes were. All-in-all, this was great. :D Well done!
--EmilyAuthor's Response: I know who you areee. You review WAT all the time. -hearts and confetti-
Thank you so, so much for this review. I'm honestly shocked at how much positive attention this little one shot has garnered over the past few days. I honesly have no idea where the idea for this plot came from... I had a vague idea of Cho /being/ a dragon and the rest sort of just flowed out from there.
Thank you again! Report Review
I did kind of suspect that Cho became a dragon (... Cho did become a dragon, didn't she?) but I'm SO IMPRESSED with how you did it. Somehow I'm reading it as more a figurative 'becoming a dragon,' and I don't know if that's your intention, but the bits about being being fueled by brandy intrigued me. I just skimmed through the other reviews to see if I'm being delusional, but Lily's review said something that I'd like to echo: this seems like a story that's profoundly sad at its core, which I guess any story that has 'overcoming adversity' as a major theme must be, but there's not a sense that the adversity, in whatever shapes and forms (and I love how you articulate the shapes and forms with the dragon breeds and their names), is completely gone, or even capable of being completely gone. I haven't read very many of the stories with these prompts, but I think that's something I hope to see in the rest of them, so thank you for setting such a high benchmark in that very important respect.
Also, your Cho! Again, haven't read many of the entries, but I love seeing Cho in this light, in stages of her life, and so succinctly described! I love the paragraph about her being thirteen and losing her mother; I don't know if I quite followed it because there are a lot of pronouns and my brain hasn't really worked at unraveling fic in a while, but I really liked the aura you set up in a few lines. And I love that you didn't dwell on Cedric especially, on his death and the aftermath instead of any specific memories of their relationship. I think that's a very smart, savvy choice, because I feel like that's something that happens when one loses someone young in life (in fiction, at least), where the death overshadows the reality of the relationship. And of course, the lines about how protective 'they' were of their Boy Who Lived were really astute and true and everything I believe to be the case as far as Cho goes in fanon. Oh, and the most notable line, I think, was the last one, because it's all full circle and beautiful and simple. (I love love love how you shape your sentences. Your syntax is complex but effortless and not run-on-y and I love that).
And... yeah. Report Review
Oh wow, this is beautiful! The fact that you were able to work so much style into a story with these prompts written in a short period of time is fabulous, if not downright astounding. Making Cho into a metaphorical dragon is a creative twist on the prompt that I didn't expect, though I feel that I should have. Using it in the way you have gives Cho's character a lot more depth than most authors, even JKR herself, ever did - you're able to explore her emotions about the events of GoF in addition to filling in the details about her quirks of personality and appearance. The descriptions are amazing throughout this, and I love how you were able to slip in the other prompts surreptitiously within these descriptions - it demonstrates great skill and ease that positively makes me green with envy.
Amazing work with this story! It reminds me that I really need to get reading more of your work because if it's like this, or even better, then I'm going to be addicted to your stories in no time! :DAuthor's Response: I think I should start this review by saying thank you! I really admire your writing and so am thrilled to goodness that you enjoyed this one shot. :)
I really have no idea where the idea for this story came from -- I initially intended to write a Cho/Charlie fic... and then somehow I end up with a stylistic cho-as-a-dragon story. I love reading in reviews whether readers took her transformation metaphorically or literally!! Truthfully which way I see it depends on the day and my mood. I really tried to bring some fullness to Cho's character in this story since we know so little of her in canon.
Thank you so, so much for this review!! If you ever do read some other pieces of my writing, I look forward to seeing what you think.
-Melissa Report Review
This was really strange and wonderful! I thought it was definitely one of the more unique interpretations and incorporations of the prompts, and your writing is unfailingly brilliant and beautiful. I liked the figurative dragon - I tried to come up with some idea like that where it would come through enough, but I had no idea how to do it, and you managed to pull it off really well. I loved the Cho you depicted here - we kind of went through the moments with her while she grew up, and the dragons of rejection, loss and judgement are a very good idea.
I also really like the made up dragon that Cho is - 'Heart of peace' - that just sounds so beautiful and so perfect. I went back and reread some of the second person dragon/Cho bits just to feel her even more - it comes through so strong, all the thoughts and feelings.. Really, this was a very original fic, and also fantastic writing as well. :)
- MMAuthor's Response: Hey there!!
Hee. Strange is a good word for this. I have no idea where the idea of dragon!cho came from, but it was there in my head so I ran with it. I'm shocked and pleased and overwhelmed with how much support this odd little one shot has garnered over the past few days, but thank you so, so much!!
xoxo Report Review
Wow. Your writing is so powerful and moving! The story seems to flow effortlessly, and the prompts blend together extremely well. Greaat job!!Author's Response: Thank you so much for this lovely review!! It's so good to hear that the prompts blended into the story. :) Report Review
Wow, this is a really interesting take on the prompt! There have been a ton of similarities in the stories I've read so far, and obviously this is similar too since it is using the same prompts, but it's definitely a unique interpretation. Nice job!
I like the flow of the story. It was pleasant to read. I also thought it was interesting the way you managed to incorporate dragons without having there be some "defeat a dragon" battle going on.
The way you focused on Cho's determination to master different tasks also was interesting and spoke to her Ravenclaw traits. I think sometimes people lose sight of that in all the weeping they complain about.Author's Response: Hello!!
Lol. I've gotten strange already to describe this, and now interesting!! I know it's a very weird concept. I'm not really sure where the idea come from, but I had the idea of Cho being a dragon and ran with it. I'm still stunned that I managed to work the prompts into it.
Thank you so, so much for your review!! I really appreciate it.
Melissa Report Review
That was just…brilliant. I didn’t read it like a Task One story, it read all on its own. Sure, I’ve been reading these with an eye to the prompts but I just simply forget and really didn’t care to look for them in reading the magic you wove in this story of Cho. What an unusual and amazing take on the whole thing. I can’t even…it’s just…I just…there are no words to how I felt in reading it. It was just unique.
xCharAuthor's Response: Hey, Char!
Thank you so, so much for your kind words. The support that this one shot has garnered thus far is really shocking and overwhelming. I didn't expect it at all. :) I still am pleasantly surprised I managed to work the prompts into the story, and am not questioning whatever muses are responsible. :P
Thank you, so, so much!!
Melissa Report Review
--oh my god are you serious
please i hate you
OMG MEL. THIS IS SO GOOD. I'm sorry for launching into infantile expressions but it's so late at night and this is such a--haunting--good, desperately beautiful, very nearly delicate piece of writing. And it really is a piece, I think, a chunk of your genius.
Let's think a second. A vet student, who spends her free time reading, whose love of literature and fic have carried her forward through her own angst and her own happiness, all parallels to what she finds in writing, and now, here in her latest creation, she has capitulated upon and drawn from this experience, the real body and movement, momentum and immortality of literature, has tapped into the fraying tapestry, I suppose of humanity. My wonder will never tire at the absolute magnificence you have been able to milk from language that most often tires of being used the way that it is but you're making it new; you always do, and you make it--you ARE making it--look effortless. Nobody else can do the metaphor like you. I believe the things you write in a way that I do not believe the things that people write and that is humbling and incredible. If you can't tell, I'm a bit--well--awed.
There are things about this--the imagery of the ghosts is so, so powerful. And this is a sad, sad story to me; you haven't written a sad ending and of course I have a good imagination so I can make myself see the goodness and strength in everything here, and I can imagine for a moment that a dragon is truly capable of magnifying a girl into her real self--but there is this, this feeling about this piece that when I read it I feel this desperation, a sadness, a real regret for what has happened and of course, the escape into this feral, fierce and intelligent animal, who is able to reflect on its own magic and its own abilities.
And I love the idea that, you've given magic its own tastes. I won't say that this is a different way of doing something I've already seen before, because I think it's something else entirely. But it's so lovely, that's what I'm saying, and when you take into consideration that a person is sort of what this magic is as you've presented it, this bodiless essence that's too big--because, you know, you pull essence out of something and yet people seem to be beyond this, the way that magic does. There's so much celestial imagery here but it's doing more than filling space and making use of beautiful language, it's doing more than filling a scene. This reads as an argument, to me, about what humanity is, and I see two things about it that I'd like to say, in specific and hopefully succinct terms.
One, that people are bigger than their bodies, and are somewhat like dragons at heart: strong, beautiful, capable, intelligent, noble, exactly unique. This is a magnificent thing. And, two, well, not quite so succinct: there is a sadness made manifest in a human body's inability to house its own true potential. And yet what is so wonderful and inspiring about this fic is that you leave us with this sense of hope anyway. My body's no good for my goodness? Fine! I'll become my own breed of dragon, don't even worry about it!
Oh, Mel, it's nearly two a.m. and I'm running out of characters. I have probably made a fool of myself, but something needs to be said. This was amazing. Thank you for writing and sharing ♥ Report Review
Another good one from the Ravenclaws. I am loving this challenge, so much great writing is flowing forth. Excellent work. One of the best yet.Author's Response: Heyy. Thanks so much for this review!! I'm thrilled to hear that you enjoyed this sort of weird little one shot. :) Report Review
Okay, so I hate you.
Not really, of course, because I love you, but SO MUCH ENVY. I read a portion of this earlier today and was also writhing in envy, and reading it as a whole made me even more jealous. I am just eternally so jealous, but also so in awe. I admire your writing greatly.
You took this challenge and ran with it, Mel - like, I can't envision many other pieces rivaling this one. Your descriptions and metaphors and imagery, and the way you used the prompts - especially with the ghost dragons - it's just so amazing. So, so amazing. Everything was beautifully done, and you fleshed out Cho like I've never seen her fleshed out before - the miniscule glint of gold and the pewter cauldron and the room full of perfectionists, and the ghost dragons again - just so stunned, I loved them, especially Harry's dragon. Just wow. Sorry about the lack of coherency here, I kind of just want to flap my arms around in fangirl-ness.
Also the swan-like neck and obsidian eyes - she is just strength embodied right there. I can picture her, like this massive eagle just taking flight, about to conquer the world.
So many feels. This ranks right up there with my favorite stuff you've written.
♥Author's Response: CREY. I now have two reviews for this one shot that begin with the words "I hate you" lololol 5eva. You are far, far too wonderful, and I'm continually flabergasted that you enjoy my writing and are so/so/so supportive of me and my little writing escapades.
Writer envy... is there a potion that cures it, because I suffer from it every single time I read anything you and the rest of the gang. If there's not a potion, I'll have to converse with dragon Cho and see if she'll come back and invent one -- she likes potions. :P
I swear, I have no idea where this idea came from... I initally intended to write a fluffy, learning-to-love-again one shot with Cho/Cedric as the ship. Crey. How these things happen I'll never know. Brains are /so/ weird. I'm so glad that you enjoyed the ghost dragons. Initially, I didn't think I'd be able to fit that prompt into the story and then BAM there they were haunting her. Like I said, /brains/
Baww. Sarah, you're too kind, but I am proud of this one shot. :) Thank you so so much.
xoxo Report Review
Amazing one-shot! So very creative and clever.
All of the prompts you weaved throughout this story were used wisely and fitted in perfectly but I have to say your use of the prompt - features a theme of flourishing in the face of adversity is by far my favourite (honourable mention for the brilliant creation Animus Chopacis). Also, brilliant and very fitting choice of quote to begin the story with.
I like how you wrote Cho and managed to fit so much of her into this one-shot; from being a perfectionist to reeling under the loss of loved ones and then to being reborn as an even more powerful woman- it is a brilliant cycle. The imagery is fantastic too, I can picture everything you wrote and I have to say that the image of Cho bursting out of an egg is quite an amazing thing to picture. Well done!Author's Response: Hey!! Thank you so much for this review!!
It's so great to hear that the prompts flowed with the rhythm of this one shot. I was a bit worried that they'd feel out of place with the more, stylistic, feel of this piece. I honestly have no idea where it all came from... this was the sort of story that wrote itself. I sat down and then, Cho was stretching her wings and taking to the sky.
Again, thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed this. :) Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection