Reading Reviews for Task One Challenge: Moving on
  
11 Reviews Found

Review #1, by adluvshp Moving on

27th July 2012:
Here for Pass the Parcel!

I have to say, this was a very well written piece. You conveyed Neville's emotions very aptly. I also liked how Hannah was portrayed, and how she was always there for her husband throughout. I loved both their characterizations.

The narrative was really very sad, the grief Neville felt in losing his parents was really very evident in it throughout. I could really feel every emotion while reading this.

The way you wove in the prompts was very nicely done too, I liked the way you incorporated everything in here.

All in all, a very well written piece. I liked reading this.

10/10

Cheers!
AD
(AditiDraco95)

Author's Response: Thank you very much. It took a rather long time to write and it started off at over 5000 words so took a very long time to cut down too.

I think here Hannah needed to be there with Neville and I do like writing her. The grief is well evident because although he had already lost his parents a long time ago it doesnt make their death easier.

I tried to do the prompts very integrated so I'm glad you thought so!


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Review #2, by ScarletEye158 Moving on

18th July 2012:
Wow, this was so beautiful! You had me crying right away and I didn't stop until... well, actually, I'm still crying. :p I'm really glad you incorporated Hannah and Augusta into your story as well. I picture Neville as a big family person, so this really hit home for me because I love Neville and Hannah with a passion :) You did really well with all the prompts and congrats on making this exactly 2500 words, that is awesome! This was soo good and I'm glad I read and reviewed it :D

-Amanda

Author's Response: I'm glad you liked it but it wasn't meant to make people cry!

I love Hannah and now I can't see Neville without Hannah so I think she was th obvious choice to bring in to it!

I'm glad the prompts all worked!

Thank you!


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Review #3, by Deltaris Moving on

18th July 2012:
I was in tears at your first paragraph. I love Neville so much, and have read plenty of stories with him and his parents, but none of their actual death. This is just astoundingly touching.

I also really love Hannah in this. She's so supportive and reads Neville in a way that only she can, and you really show their love for one another.

The image of Neville on the floor is so powerful. I can't count the times I've ended up in that position out of grief, and to see Neville, someone who I view as incredibly strong, there is a bit overwhelming.

I completely lost it at that letter. You really did amazingly with this piece.

Del<3

Author's Response: Don't cry! It wasn't intended to make people cry!

I love Neville too and I think sometimes he gets a raw deal in fanfiction! I think Hannah is genuinely amazing at being supportive and from Canon I can simply imagine her being like that which is great.

Neville is just so heartbroken!

I'm glad you liked it!


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Review #4, by daliha Moving on

18th July 2012:
I never got the chance to write for the first task but I did look over the topic. It was a difficult prompt and I admire anyone who had the guts to write it.

Now on to the review: It was sweet story about Neville's parents though I understand you had to fit all the prompts I would have like to see more grieving on Neville's part. I think that a little more description would have I also got confused at a certain point about what had killed the Longbottoms.

I enjoyed the letter that Frank wrote to Neville I thought it was a nice detail and found myself wishing for it to be longer.

Author's Response: It really was a difficult prompt but so many people managed to do it really wekk. I'm glad you thought it was sweet and originally the story bordered into 3400 words but obviously I had to cut it down to fit into the prompts!

I'm glad you liked it!


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Review #5, by NaidatheRavenclaw Moving on

12th July 2012:
This was gorgeous!

I love love loved your descriptions in this. I'm a huge fan of authors that can use imagery like this, and oh my gosh yours was stunning. I love the paragraph about how avada kedavra would be better than crucio in particular. That was so true, and I could really feel Neville's pain in it. Well, I could feel his pain throughout this entire one shot, it being written so well.

The letter was a great touch. It makes sense that Frank would have written it, and Neville's Gran hiding it also makes sense, though in a sadder way. I'm glad he found it at the end, and I loved the transition from grief to determination. It was a perfect ending.

I did catch one typo: "There was a lot of my fatherís auror belongings in there too," that should be there were ;)

It was a lovely one shot. A whole new perspective on Neville and his Gran, and a really sweet ending. I adored every word. Excellent job!

-Naida

Author's Response: I'm so glad you liked the description in this! It was tough to do in a very short space of time.

Neville's pain is something that speaks to me quite a lot as it really was cruel how his life with his parents was taken away from his with such a cruel disease. The letter was hard for me to write as I could imagine any parent writing it to their child when they're small.

Thank you for the review!


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Review #6, by Debra20 Moving on

11th July 2012:
As I told you before this story was sooo so sad. It's just incredibly unfair. Even if his parents didn't recognise him, the war was finally over. He could have the quality time needed with them to get closer to each other. And they died!

A very very emotional entry you wrote. I didn't even notice the prompts so that's a good thing right? That means I was so caught up in the story that they blended in without you trying too much. Kudos for such a lovely lovely piece!

Author's Response: The story was meant to be a little bit sad mainly because it was the theme and I wanted Neville to seem really hard done to because he'd gone through so much. His parents dying was so sad and I tried to make it seem like it had really affected Neville!

It's great that you didn't notice the prompts!


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Review #7, by Shortie Moving on

11th July 2012:
Hey I wrote something very VERY similar :O But well done, this is way better than mine :D

Author's Response: Haha well it doesn't matter! Every little helps and i'm sure it wasn't better than yours!

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Review #8, by CambAngst Moving on

9th July 2012:
Hi, Summer! I'm trying to make my way through all of our house's entries in Task 1 tonight, reading and reviewing, hoping maybe I can help out here and there.

This story is really, really lovely. It didn't take long at all to recognize your distinctive style; the imprint of powerful emotions that you leave on most of your stories. You captured such a sad moment here, and one that was made all the more difficult by the fact that Neville's suffering seemed so unnecessary. Such a shame.

As far as the task goes, you got in all of your prompts. And I have to say that you did some really clever, original things with them. None of them felt forced or gratuitous. I especially loved what you did with the wand details. Comparing Frank's wand to Neville's was probably the most unique and interesting thing I've seen done with that prompt.

The scene in Neville's parents' hospital room was heart-breaking, but you ended it on such an uplifting note. All of the small details, especially the smells, made the scene really come to life. Frank's letter was beautifully done.

All in all, a terrific job representing our proud house!

Gryffindor!

Author's Response: Sorry for such a long time before responding. Life definitely got in the way. Thank you for reviewing for the house cup!

I tend to write a lot of angst and sad moments because I feel it really helps to connect with the reader in so many ways.I do try and capture sad moments because they're things many people relate to and as people love Neville it's just another way of making people feel for him a little bit more.

I tried to incorperate my prompts in quite a different way to make all the stories quite a bit different. The idea about the comparison actually came to me when I was reading HBP and it mentioned how Augusta had brought Neville a new wand.

I do try and not make it all sad! Thanks for the review!


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Review #9, by Ashling586 Moving on

9th July 2012:
This was a heart touchingly sweet story. The emotion that was put into this story was beautiful. It was so different from all the other entries our house has come up with for this task. It is so amazing to see such a wide range of stories come from the same list of prompts. I have to admit as a parent myself. I am in love with this story. You did an wonderful job.

Author's Response: Thank you for this review.

This story wasn't meant to be sad as such, I just wanted it to be a little bit different and I hope I achieved that.

I'm glad you liked it!


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Review #10, by Jchrissy Moving on

9th July 2012:
The more submissions I read, the prouder I feel to be a Gryffindor! I was really hoping someone would involve Alice and Frank, so I was really happy to see that you had! You did such a beautiful job touching in these heartbreaking emotions. I want more, but I know the word count limits that.

You really brought the characters to life, and I love your reasoning in Neville becoming an Auror. You made it ever more personal for him. His desire to make them proud is very sweet and sad at the same time.

All your prompts were mentioned in a smooth way, which was great.

Wonderful submission! I'm so proud if our house!!

Author's Response: I also read and reviewed all of the Gryffindor's submissions and I must admit, I had never been more proud to be a gryffindor to see so many people rallying together to get our house the points it really needed!

I like the idea of Alice and Frank in the story generally because I don't think they're given much credit for the people that they were. They were brave aurors who pretty much gave their lives and their soul for the cause.

I do have more of this story I'm planning to edit in at some point so we'll see how that goes!

Neville is a very personal character to me, I feel as if he did a lot of things to make his Gran happy when he was younger, but now he can make his own decisions and I really like that!

Thank you for the review


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Review #11, by TyrannicFeenix Moving on

8th July 2012:
Brilliant work, lovely story. Neville is such a deep character, it's a shame most people never pay him much mind, he's always there as a placeholder another face in the crowd. it is nice to see him finally recognised for the Gryffindor he is. Love this one, it's truely well written. Nothing feels disjointed or out of place. Top work. Let's go Gryffindor.

Author's Response: Hey thank you for the review!

I'm glad you think it was a good story! There wasn't much time for much else in this and originally the story ended up around 4000 words but obviously I had to cut a lot of it out to make the word count!

I'm glad you think this shows him as a Gryffindor! Thanks


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