10 Reviews Found

Review #1, by maskedmuggle Within the Darkness

27th July 2012:
Pass the parcel~
This was really great! I've been meaning to read the task one stories so I'm glad I've got the chance to read yours! What I really loved was the unique plot idea and the setting of the Ministry. It made for a really interesting story that was a bit more different to the others, which was really great. I really loved the idea of a guard of the Ministry of Magic, allowed to do anything - it makes sense after the war and I really liked how Neville was the Auror this night round.

I really liked how Neville has grown up, strong enough to stand up for himself so well when he was against Harry. I found it really surprising that Harry had become a man of hate and anger. I can see it happening, but it's just a very surprising idea. Neville's behaviour and actions after that also felt slightly strange to me - it didn't quite capture Neville's character for me - the way he spoke made it seem like he was the boss, he was in total control. Especially this: Harry was thrown back against the stands. It just seemed a bit too forceful for my taste. However, I guess both Neville and Harry's character could just be highlighting the fact that both are changed men.

The plot was interesting - going to the Department of Mysteries and the prophecy.. and the flashback was nicely written too. The way you incorporated all the prompts was really well done - they all fit in so well. All in all, a great story with a different but really well thought out plot! :)

- Charlotte

Author's Response: Thanks for such a wonderful review! I knew at parts people wouldn't like harry and Neville. They are men scarred from war though. Neville knew what the stakes were if he let harry through, and his aurora training would not allow it. This story was fun to write, and for the first time, I did not struggle as much with it. It was just a joy to write as an author and for my team. Thanks again for the Review.
Love,
Am.Ginny


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Review #2, by StEpH_M Within the Darkness

26th July 2012:
I really enjoyed this story. I think my favourite part would have to be that Neville went up against Harry again, this time to protect him more then he had to in first year. It was kind of good to see a side of Harry you don't usually see in fanfic, a dark side, showing that the war actually did have a rather large toll on his life, probably more then it did on anyone elses. So I really liked that he was the 'bad guy' in this story.

Another thing I really liked was that you managed to depict the Department of mysteries in a sort of dark way, that no one wanted to enter them, I am guessing after what happened in Harry and Nevilles fifth year?

This was a really good story, there were parts, around where Harry came in where it got a bit confusing? But otherwise I didn't see any problems with it. :)

Author's Response: Thanks for the review! I felt very much like both characters need a little twist to them so i decided to make them the opposite of what they are normally. I'm so glad you enjoyed it though. I know it got confusing a bit, because that's what i felt like Neville was feeling like and a bit how it felt to write it. I'm glad you enjoyed it overall though and thanks again for the review!

Love,
Am.Ginny


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Review #3, by xelha horse Within the Darkness

26th July 2012:
That was SUCH a great take on the task! I loved how you considered that Harry wouldn't be just 100% normal again, that he would suffer from grief and depression. I also liked the "Voldemort had once considered me an enemy, and this time I am going to prove why I was ever a threat." because it just describes Neville: always underestimated, and BAM you're regretting ever messing with him! This was a great story; great writing!!

Author's Response: Thanks so much! I definitely wanted a different out look on the task one challenge. I figured most people would try to recount the task 1 in the books from neville's eyes or put him in there so I wanted to avoid those at all cost. Plus most people would use a physical dragon so scratch that. So i thought hey people love the Aurora Neville so let's put a spin on that and there you go. My only personal requirement was keep as close to canon Neville as possible and from your review and everyone elses i think I accomplished that. So thanks again for the review. It helps me know how i'm doing!

Love,
Am.Ginny


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Review #4, by ScarletEye158 Within the Darkness

18th July 2012:
This was a really good story. I love how you made Neville the hero of the story and not Harry. Its I nice breath of fresh air. It was interesting that you came up with a prophecy and had Harry be the one to become obsessed with it. I bet Neville was scared and nervous to see his friend like that, but he did really well with keeping cool and disarming Harry. I also liked that Neville kept his loyalties to Harry, too. Wiping his memory so only he knows what really happened was really a really brave, risky, and nice thing to do. I just hope nothing else happens to Harry where he goes down that path again! Nice job with this, I was happy to read such a good story created by a fellow Gryffindor :D

-Amanda

Author's Response: ah ha! Thanks so much for the review!!! I loved writing this story. Neville was really new territory to me especially as an ministry worker. The prophecy had to happen. If i was going to make them go back to the DOM then I had to involve a prophecy, but Neville definitely had to remain Neville and protect his friends. Well i'm proud to have written it for my fellow gryffies!!! Thanks again for the review!
Love,
Am.Ginny


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Review #5, by Summer Within the Darkness

11th July 2012:
A metaphorical dragon? I like it!

The fact Neville is facing what could be one of his hardest ever encounters is so hard for me to read because I love all the six who went to the ministry so its hard to read something which has them back in the department of mysteries (the place which sirius died *sobs*) and turning against each other in a way.

I also love Neville's sense of loyalty! Both to his job and his friend but when he comes down to it he remembers what is right and what he should do rather than focus on loyalties to a friend. Although I would love to know what possessed Harry to act in the way he did although i understand about the word count!

The fact that he also wiped harry's memory in the end is nice because it shows that although Harry could have been a complete danger to Neville, himself and everyone else in the building he didnt want his friend to become someone people would see as a risk nor did he want Harry to remember the horrid way he had treated Neville as his friend.

I really enjoyed reading this story!

Author's Response: Ah Thanks for the review! metaphorical, of course! I love metaphors! You just can't beat them! :)

I really loved the six that went to the ministry as well, and i just really have a distaste for the 4th book so anything related to that was just not going to be my best piece. I figured this allowed my connection to the characters show through that it just seemed right. Plus it allowed a little more freedom for me :)

I thought that Neville's loyalty was a very important part of his story. It was what made him him, and I think you really got to respect and focus on that. Like you said though in the end he still show the loyalty to Harry in the end as well as his job. I think that was really important! :)

Glad you enjoyed reading it! Thanks again for the review!

Love,
Am.Ginny


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Review #6, by Debra20 Within the Darkness

11th July 2012:
Hey there!

I really enjoyed the mystery tone of this story. I must say at some point I even got scared. Harry acting evil is just a scary thought. And not only the thought but how you described him. From your words I imagine him half sane, half disturbed with the ghosts of his past. A truly scary image. Positively loved it :D

Author's Response: Hey hey hey! Thanks for the review!!! o you got scared!!! That's always a good sign! it means the emotions and connection were there! I'm glad it turned out so well, and I'm so glad you took the time to review! And what a positive review! Your review really just is an authors delight to hear! Thanks again!

Love,
Am.Ginny


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Review #7, by Shortie Within the Darkness

11th July 2012:
Whoa you've used a lot of prompts :) I'm reading a ministry scene after a long time, specially a scene that involves the department of mysteries. I must say, great job love :)

Author's Response: whoa glad you think so! :) Not going to lie some of the prompts you didn't know for sure if they were all there you know?! I'm so glad you enjoyed it though. Not going to lie it was great getting back to writing me some fan fiction :) Thanks for the review. It is greatly appreciated!

Love,
Am.Ginny


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Review #8, by Erised Within the Darkness

10th July 2012:
Hellooo! :)

This is a great fic! The plot is interesting and keeps the reader entertained right through it. I love Neville's interior monologue and I thought you fitted in the prompts really well! The dragon's blood one is really hard to work with but you managed it excellently.

Your take on Harry was also very interesting - it's intriguing to see a different interpretation of Harry where he isn't all good, like he'd so often portrayed as. I also liked how Neville was the one who 'saved' him in a sense, which would have been the other way round in school, truly showing Neville's journey as a person.

I think you should be super proud of this and all your hard work! Go go Gryffindor!

Author's Response: Thanks Erised! Thanks for reading it so many you times that you didn't have to. I'm so grateful for your help. I'm glad you enjoyed it. I wanted to bring something new to the board. I figured a lot would have to do with an actual dragon because of the featured part which just means it is important to the plot. So I figured a metaphorical dragon was a great twist... Hahahah I loved the dragon's blood. best part of the whole story! Blood as a coffee sweetner ew so gross, but so brilliant :)
thanks for all your help with this :)

Love,
Am.Ginny


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Review #9, by Ashling586 Within the Darkness

9th July 2012:
Hello my fellow Gryffindor, here doing some reviews for all the task one challenge entries. I have to admit with each entry that I read I am amazed by all the talent we have here on this site. I like how you never really tell the reader who is speaking, you give the reader enough information that they can guess that the speaker is Neville, but at the beginning you never really know which adds a bit of mystery to the story.
I have to point out that there are a few grammar issues that you might want to look at in the first paragraph. For example: "walking down the hallway of the hallway" -- that reads a bit odd.
"I was only hearing because..." from the context of the rest of the sentence I am guessing that hearing should be hear.
I also wanted to point out that I really liked the dragons blood sweetner, that was pretty funny and put a smile on my face.
Overall you did a great job and I liked the cliff hanger about the prophecy at the end, it leaves room that if you want to after the house cup you can expand on that plot.

Author's Response: oh goodness walk away from the computer for a few days and all the sudden reviews are waiting to be answered hahaha. THanks so much for the review! Yeah I know it is crazy. We have amazing authors here on this sight, and we have an amazing staff to thank for that. :) Thanks for the review. I really appreciate it! Thanks for the criticism. I corrected all you pointed out to me! Thanks again for everything! Happy Voting!

Love,
Am.Ginny


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Review #10, by TyrannicFeenix Within the Darkness

8th July 2012:
Good work overall, a nicely done fic with a good setting. haven't seen many set in the Ministry and this one of the best so far.

A few minor side notes for you, couple of things I noticed while reading.

That first line has a few issues:
"I walked down the hallway of the hallway"
Not sure what you were aiming at there, whether its just a double up as happens a bit or meant to be halfway down the hallway.
Also "I was only hearing because it was my shift" should be "I was only here because it was my shift"

The two paragraphs about halfway down that suddenly have an indented first line look a little off. Might want to use the indent feature for the flashback too, make it stand out a little more. It's < blockquote >< /blockquote > (without the spaces) in simple editor, not sure in the advanced because I rarely use that one.

Other than that really good stuff. Everything fits together well. Good job getting in so many prompts to, nicely done.

Author's Response: Thanks so much! I really appreciate all the constructive criticism. I will definitely go and fix those errors right away! :) Thanks again!
Love,
Am.Ginny


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