I figured that if your writing was good in your fantastic short story, it would probably be as good in other things, and I couldn't resist clicking on this one-shot.
Your narrative here is so, so strong. I don't think there's any dialogue in here (well, besides the spell she hisses), and yet I completely know what is going on inside her head. It's very sincere; I think that's what I liked the most.
I'm actually very impressed you managed to use all of those prompts! And they work really flawlessly, too. It's not something I read and said, "Oh, she was just adding all these prompts in to make a story." It's all incorporated very well, so kudos!
Have a lovely day,
RinAuthor's Response: asdfghjkl you have no idea how much I'm blushing at that first line. Thank you!
I adore writing dialogue (as you probably know from reading TTONF) so yeah, it never actually occured to me now that the only dialogue was Cho's spell :p It was a little tough - ergh, description! - but I'm honestly pleased you thought it was okay.
I did read some of the other stories, and thought the same thing about the prompts fitting in naturally, and ohmygosh, really? I'm honestly blushing, I probably look like a strawberry right now, that is seriously so sweet! Kudos to you, too - you are absolutely excellent at reviews, did you know that?
See you around!
Linn Report Review
Hey there! I was trying to get my way through reading all of the task entries but here I am finally reviewing for Pass the Parcel!
I really liked the idea of this, Cho going to a dragon ranch as it is a quite easy way to incorperate the prompts, easy but still effective! It was also different as whilst it seemed like she was in the middle of a task, she had actually put herself in the situation herself.
To me, it did seem like you tried to cram in the names of the 4 dragons and the uses of dragon blood a little bit by listing them but I kind of understand as many prompts as possible had to be put in under a very limited word count!
You also made Cho seem to be very empowered within this story talking about Harry and how if he a mere fourth year defeated the Horntail then she, a former Ravenclaw should be able to get away from just one not so ferocious dragon now!
Well done on this!Author's Response: Pass the Parcel really is a nifty little thing, isn't it? :D So many lovely stories to read and review! I kind of noticed that myself was reading, mine next to some other stories appeared rather tame, but I'm glad you thought it was effective! Those two were the hardest prompts to fit in, but I'm glad you understand why *hugs*
Thanks a bunch for reviewing this, love, I'm not kidding when I say it means the world to me :) Report Review
It's Imerius Curse, not imperio.
Sorry. That's a mistake I've seen in a lot of task 1 stories. :) No biggie though.
You've used all the prompts. Something I wasn't able to do. the first bit I must say went smoothly. The use of the prompts wasn't that obvious. But the Dragon blood and wand part stood out. I think this is because I've been seeing a lot of stories with these two prompts standing out but hey, you used them all, so go you!
This is the first ever task 1 story of another house I've read. Cho is not among my favourites but you managed to make me not hate her throughout the story, so again, go you :D
I like the ending line. Very, what should I say, catchy.
All in all this is a very good story. apart from my paranoid remarks up there, I loved it. I love the fact that she still thinks about Cedric. I mean, he was like, the love of her life yeah?
Nice going love :)
*Hugs*Author's Response: Dang - I knew there was a mistake of some sort in there! Nice eye you've got there, though ;) No one else who've reviewed have spotted that mistake, so well done, you! To be honest with you, I didn't like Cho much at first, either, but I warmed up to her in this and I'm glad you did, too! This was one of the few times I managed to write an effective last line, so thanks!
All in all, this was a lovely review, so thanks a bunch! I really appreciate it :) See you around the forums, love. *hugs back* Report Review
This was really nice! It feels much lighter than many of the entries for this task, and I don't mean that in a bad way at all. It made me laugh, and I really enjoyed reading it.
I really think you slipped in the prompts nicely, they don't seem out of place or forced at all. Good job!
I enjoyed that this was just Cho, stumbling into a mess because she wanted to visit a friend. It's cute, and really shows what she can do when faced with things she doesn't expect.
Del<3Author's Response: Thank you! I've read some of the other entries, and a whole lot were serious, and looking back on my story - it was so different from theirs but I'm glad you liked it :) The humour had to be very subtle here, but I'm still pleased you picked up on it. Thanks for reviewing, and see you around at the forums!
Linn Report Review
I really enjoyed reading this, you used the prompts of the challenge really well and they each fitted into the story excellently without being just a mass of information.
I liked that Cho was faced with a Dragon just because she was visiting her friend, I admit I was a little frightened for Cho and was hoping that she was going to get away from the Dragon unharmed. I could really feel Cho's fear, you wrote it so well.
This was such a good one shot to read.Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad the prompts don't sound unnatural and this was a really sweet review :) I've read some of the other entries and a whole lot were serious when the champions faced up to a dragon (if they did) and I'm surprised by my own :p Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
I really liked this story :) It was really well written and kind of funny. I never would have guessed that Cho could make smart comments like she did. based off the text it's nice to see that even though she is finished with Hogwarts, she still has nightmares about Cedric and what happened to him. Great job on using all the prompts and they worked well together with your plot. Great characterization and Flow and all around great story.Author's Response: Thank you! I think somehow I end up slipping in humour subconsciously, but I'm glad it didn't take away from the overall seriousness of this story :p Thank you so, so much and I really appreciate the review :) Report Review
Hello - just to say I really enjoyed reading your House Cup entry. I thought you did a great job of bringing Cho's dash through the reserve with a dragon on her tail to life - and well done for using all the prompts!Author's Response: Did you? Thanks, love! It's great because I really enjoyed writing this, so I'm glad you liked reading it - so thanks a bunch for reviewing, and see you around the forums! Ravenclaw for the win!
--Linn Report Review
Hello :) I read this to vote in the Ravenclaw poll of course, but I've just now gotten around to reviewing *headdesk*
I really liked this both times I read it. That first word sets up the story perfectly. It got my attention immediately, and it set the action~y tone for the rest of the story really well. I liked all the hints back at Cedric and the First Task you threw in here as well. It was a nice touch of detail, which made Cho's thoughts seem more real. The description of that dragon was lovely as well. I could picture it perfectly, and that made me shudder xD
I also loved Cho's decleration of being a Ravenclaw, lol. She was definitely a deserving champion in this. Yay for House Pride!
Nice work :)
-NaidaAuthor's Response: Hi, Naida! I do that a lot, too, read, meant to review, but don't until the last minute :p I'm getting better and better with first and last lines of stories, so I'm glad this one caught your attention as soon as you read it :) Did you? Sometimes I get readers saying a bit of description would be nice, but I'm glad you could picture the dragon well xD Woops?
Yay for Ravenclaws! Writing Cho was fun, the bit about Ravenclaws more fun, but this piece altogether was the most fun I'd ever had writing a story. I'm glad you liked it, and thanks for reviewing! W.W.W.W.W!
-Linn Report Review
Go Ravenclaw! Awesome, awesome entry! I still am trying to absorb how many different stories were made out of the very same list of prompts! It truly is marvelling!
Anyway! I have really enjoyed reading this story! The chase was just so, so entertaining and you've described things perfectly, keeping everything going smoothly! I also loved the way you've included the prompts -especially the one that has to do with Hagrid and the Blast-Ended Skrewt.
Also, the bit where you mentioned the Sleeping Draught and how she sometimes intentionally forgets to make it made me stop for a moment and think about why she could possibly do so and try to put myself in her place. So I really liked that too!
Sorry if this was all gushing and hardly sensible, but you've got me very thrilled by the story!
W.W.W.W.W! Wonderful job and keep on writing!
-MannoAuthor's Response: Isn't it? I've read some absolutely wonderful stories, and I'm so glad you liked mine! It was my first time describing a proper action scene, so I'm glad it turned out well - and that jibe at the Blast-Ended Skrewts made me smile when I wrote it :) Thanks a bunch for reviewing this, Manno, and I'm terrifically glad you liked it! Ravenclaw for the the win :)
-Linn Report Review
I really liked this! :) I thought it was a great plot, and it seemed entirely plausible as well. Having Cho visit her friend - who is not there - at a dragon reserve made for quite the interesting story. The only plot thing that is slightly questionable in my mind is why she didn't just disapparate from the start.. but it was part of the plot at the end so I guess you can't really change that.
I loved the way you included all the prompts - it was done really well and didn't stand out that much. The writing itself is also of a very high quality - I really felt like I was in the moment, and your Cho is well done too. A really enjoyable story! :)
- MMAuthor's Response: Ooh o.O I did not think of that. (That just goes to show that I would've /probably/ died in that situation) I suppose she was panicking too much to think of it at the time? I love seeing everyone's Cho and they're all so different so I'm quite glad you liked mine :) Thanks for reviewing, and see you around the forums! W.W.W.W.W!
- Linn Report Review
Haha, I liked the last line! Overall, I thought you did a nice job of blending a bit of humor into an action-packed story. You did a good job of working the prompts in as well. I also enjoyed seeing Cho in a more capable light, without the emphasis on her teary, overwhelmed state after the Tournament. She seemed capable (though, obviously, aware of her limitations). Nice story. :)Author's Response: Hi, Alo! Sometimes I find that I end up sticking in humour in stories subconsciously, but I'm glad that it blended well with the action in this one. This was a terribly sweet review, and I can't wait to see who wins Best Overall :) Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
Hey there! Just going through and reading all the entries for the challenge one thingies and I really enjoyed reading this! It was really lovely how you integrated all the prompts (and really strange to see how differently people interpret things when I think of how I wrote this so differently) and I loved the way you wrote the action in this - it was really great! I'm a bit rubbish at writing action and to me this is exactly how it should be written.
I really enjoyed reading this and now I'm extra excited to read all the other entries. Good luck and go Claws! :)
-ACAuthor's Response: Is it really? I'm not used to writing action - I'm more of a 'let's write emotions!' kind of girl :p However, I'm glad it turned out well, and it's so interesting to see how people use the prompts, isn't it? Thanks a bunch for reviewing, AC, and see you around the forums! Go, go, Ravenclaw! ;)
-Linn Report Review
Hello there! This is DarkRose from the forums. I've been reviewing all the Task One entries. :] So! Yours was great! You definitely did Ravenclaw proud! I liked the fact that Cho wasn't actually supposed to be anywhere near the dragons, yet she stumbled there on accident. It made the story that much more exciting, since the readers know she's not qualified to be there. I also liked the way you worked in the prompts, especially all the ones about dragons. :] They flowed nicely. If you ever edit this, the one thing I might change if I were you would be to add in even more details. It was so fast-paced that there didn't seem to be time to describe all of Cho's emotions, fears, etc., let alone the setting and all. I had a pretty good idea of how everything looked, but details always help me envision things better. :] All-in-all, I think this story was great. Good job with Cho's character! I liked that she wasn't too "Gryffindor-ish." She was still a calculating 'Claw. :D Congratulations on such a nice story!
--EmilyAuthor's Response: Hi, there, Emily! Did I? All the prompts were surprisingly easy to work in, especially the dragons, of course, which was weird because I didn't think I could make it or anything :p I'm glad I did, though, because I'm quite proud of this one-shot *squishes* I think one day I'll go back to this - and some of my other stories, too - and add in some things and fix others, like the description in this one. There were so many takes on Cho's character so I'm glad you liked my one! Thanks for reviewing, and see you around the forums! Go, go, Ravenclaw!
--Linn Report Review
I like how you just drop the reader into the middle of some action. It was fun trying to figure out what was happening and where we were going with the story. At first I was like, is she breaking into Gringotts (with the mention of the bank) or is she out in some far flung field mission as an Auror, etc. You had me thinking which was fun :)
One of the things Iím enjoying in reading all our ĎClaw Task One submissions is the different takes we have on Cho. She was a character that I didnít have many good thoughts about in the books for whatever reasons but in reading through these stories, Iím starting to like her more so than because of our awesome sig :P What I like about your Cho is that she seems more mature and grown up than before and doesnít seem to be hung up on Harry or Cedric all that much and is her own person.
xCharAuthor's Response: Dropping the reader into action is different for me o.O I usually start off a few scenes /before/ the action, so this was new for me, but making the readers think was worth it ;) We could all use some 'Claw-ish tendencies, no? In my two drafts, Cho had always been out-of-Hogwarts-age - a grown-up, eighteen or nineteen'ish and getting over Harry and Cedric, so that was probably why she seems more mature and stuff, and I'm glad you picked up on that :) Thanks for the review, Char, and see you around the forums! W.W.W.W.W! Report Review
The imagery of the dragons in this one-shot were the most vivid, I think, and with a good result, since a lot of this was hinged on Cho's fear. I find it interesting that she thinks of Cedric in this life-threatening situation; I'm not sure if it's worded quite in the way I would expect to see to someone who's thinking about escape, but its' still an interesting association. Of course we think of the people we love in the time of greatest danger--and I think, though this was a bit of a silly, light-hearted story, mortal fear was still at the heart of it.
Something I'm unsure of is how the theme of flourishing in a time of adversity is part of this story--is it because she got away? or because she's plagued by thoughts of Cedric and her past but manages to live our her current life anyway? I know there's always going to be a certain amount of interpretation with these themes and prompts, but that's the only thing that I was a bit confused about. The others, I thought you did a great job interweaving with a natural progression :)
Good job, fellow 'Claw!Author's Response: Was it really? I only ended up picking the Hebridean Black because this one-shot originally had another plot, but it stuck with me because I found it an interesting sort of dragon and also because I figured that others would use the Horntail :p. I don't know either if I would have thought of Cedric in that situation if I was Cho, but it seemed fitting enough so I put it in.
Yeah, it's both of the ones you mentioned - that, surprisingly enough, was the hardest prompt to fit in, though that was how I saw it in the end. Thanks a bunch for reviewing, Aiedail, and see you around the forums! W.W.W.W.W! Report Review
Here to review your entry piece!! I thought this was a clever scenario to put our champion in to squeeze in all the prompts!! Good job! I know this was an action packed chapter (which I think you pulled of fantastically -- I am always envious of people who can write action), but it was also humourous. That last line. lolol. Too cute. I think you fit the prompts in fairly naturally for the most part, they didn't really jump out at me like "oh hey, I'm a prompt!" I was a little dubious of Cho thinking back to Cedric in such a intense dangerous situation, but I like that she didn't linger with those thoughts and quickly pushed them down. I did spot one little typo, "The Hebridean Black roared with fury, fire spurting from its flaring nostrils and incarnating several trees nearby." --I'm fairly sure you meant for the trees to be incinerated and not incarnated. :P
Other than that, this was a good, entertaining one-shot. W.W.W.W.W!!
MelissaAuthor's Response: Hi, Melissa! :) /Was/ it humourous? I think somehow all of my stories end up vaguely funny one way or another, but for this one-shot, it just fitted the story well enough. Dang - I definitely realised that something was wrong, though I didn't realise what it was until you pointed it out. I agree! W.W.W.W.W!
~ Linn xx Report Review
Not bad, Cho must have been crazy to wander into a situation like that. Good work there.Author's Response: She really must have been, huh? :) This was fun to write so I'm glad it turned out so well. Thanks so, so much for reviewing this, and see you around the forums! Report Review
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