Reading Reviews for Task One Challenge: Square One
  
20 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Akussa Square One

14th March 2014:
Hi! I'm here for the Blackout battle!

I love Neville as a character and you didn't do him justice here. Neville with a memory loss? That is just mean to me!!! Seriously, I loves this story and your Neville, he looked so lost and yet so in controle when he was answering Lloyd's questions that I did not suspect one pbit he was having problems.

I was just going : wow, he's had quite the life after the war! So many great adventures of his own; he's really grown into his own fearless and brave inner Gryffindor! But then, utter sadness. It was all a lie and just like Lloyd, I was completly shocked.

I do wonder what attrocities must have sent him over the edge like that. What he must have suffered through in order to get in that locked cell in the hospital. To get even worst than his own parents. It's just so cruel to imagine that he faced the same fate as them...

I really enjoyed this story. The detailing and descriptions were just perfect and made the scene come to life. I liked the character of Lloyd in the sense that he was very lively and had this very sneaky journalist attitude...

Great work!

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Review #2, by MissesWeasley123 Square One

30th December 2013:
Jenny! Hi, I'm here for the 12 Days of Reviewing! I was so excited to see you had EXACTLY 10 stories! I made my way through the reviews just to check I hadn't already reviewed this anonymously... Because again, this is one of those fics I've read, but stupidly not reviewed because I was lazy. And then I saw someone named Naida reviewed and my feelings were crushed and I felt even more stupid because how do I manage to spell My own name wrong? But then I hadn't and YUS. VICTOREH.

AND SUCH PERFECTION, ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! I love Neville and I love this. This is truly why I have you favourited as an author. You are beyond talented. There were so many emotions in this, and at the end I was left feeling just sad. Very very sad.

He's in a state, just like his parents. That was gut wrenching. Like, nooo. I don't like you for doing that. UGH. It was so emotional to see him that way. I felt terrible for him.

Your descriptions are wonderful, and brilliant as always. I am both amazed and jealous at your talent. Reading pieces like these that are so well written makes me so happy.. but then this piece is so sad.

Lloyd was both despicable and likable. I don't know. I liked him, but then he left Neville in the end. That frustrated me and made me very angry. Because there was no hope at all.

GAH. Superb writing Jenny1

Author's Response: Hey Nadia! Thanks for checking out my author page for the reviewing challenge! I didn't actually know I had ten stories haha, I thought it was less! Pahaha you are so funny sometimes! :P

Aww thank you! I really loved writing this story because it was something a bit different and out of my comfort zone so I'm so pleased you enjoyed it. It's very much an AU piece because it's kind of a 'what if...' story. I'm glad you thought it was emotional! That was definitely the aim of the game.

Haha I didn't like me either ;) but I think Neville is one of those characters where it really could have gone either way for him because he had a parallel life to Harry. A much worse outcome definitely could have happened to him in the books and I wanted to explore that!

You are so cute! Thank you. :) That's a really interesting insight into Lloyd's character actually. He did leave him because to him Neville was just another war hero who he didn't really have any connection to. And he was just trying to save his own skin. ;)

Thanks for reviewing lovely!


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Review #3, by ScarletEye158 Square One

18th July 2012:
Aw this was so sad. Your interpretation on what happened to Neville was very clever and I thought it fit a lot with what happened to his parents and showed the similarity between them. I also liked how you kept us hanging until the very end. My eyes were practically glued to the screen and at the end I just felt really sad for Neville. He is a great character and I'm glad Gryffindor chose him as our champion because you wrote him very well(:

-Amanda

Author's Response: Hi! That's a good point - I wanted to possibly introduce the idea of some sort of 'genetic inheritance' and I was wondering if anyone would pick up on it. I'm really glad you liked it though!

Thank you for reviewing :)


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Review #4, by starryskies55 Square One

12th July 2012:
Oh, poor Neville. This is such a sad story, to see him in such a way- so similar to his parents! The fact that they had to forcibly restrain him and he was a compulsive liar were nice touches but so sad. :(

The way you characterised Lloyd was really good, and quite funny as well.

Great story, I really liked it. :)

Author's Response: Hi, and it's definitely sad to see him like that, it was definitely hard to write too! I'm glad you liked him and Lloyd though. :)

Thank you for reviewing!


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Review #5, by NaidatheRavenclaw Square One

11th July 2012:
Hi there! This was definitely a really unusual take on the prompts given, but I thoroughly enjoyed reading it :)

I like the backstory you gave this lawyer in the first couple paragraphs. It made him deeper, more relateable, especially as characterization is often thrown out of the window in one shots. I do wish you had brought that back somehow, as it seemed a bit of a waste to give him such a lovely backstory and then focus on Neville. I guess it was the prompt, though, to write about Neville, so that isn't a very big deal :P

And really, I loved Neville's stories as well. I sort of cringed at that ending, because I adore Neville and this is such a sad end for him, but you wrote it so well. The transition from seemingly normal to manic was really smooth and believable, so good job with that as well. It creeped me out a bit, to be honest, but that should be a compliment. You wrote it wonderfully!

Great use of the prompts and a lovely one shot :)

-Naida

Author's Response: Hi, and yes! I wish I'd been able to concentrate on Lloyd a little more too but it just wasn't meant to be. And thank you, it was actually quite hard to depict Neville, who turned into such a strong character, crushed and similar to his parents. Creepy was what I was going for, so excellent!

Thank you for your review! :)


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Review #6, by ginerva_molly_weasley Square One

11th July 2012:
This was a very different but so interesting take on the task and I think it's amazing the way everyone's interpreted this but honestly I think it is fabulous how yours is so different and it really shows your creativity and your skill as an author!

This is lovely because it shows just how much Neville has changed since the war and it is heartbreaking the fact that after he went through so much he has ended up in St Mungos as someone who can't reap the fruits of his success in a new free world!

Neville seems so different from that guy who slayed Nagini and i think you did really well in showing that here. I had never had him down as a compulsive liar and from the beginning I would never have guessed that was the direction the story was going in until you said and I thought that really did show your skill as an amazing writer!

Well done!

Author's Response: Hi, and thank you! I really wanted to do something different with Neville other than the obvious so I'm glad you thought I've achieved that. I wanted to show some sort of PTSD aspect which isn't really covered in canon and how war/traumatic circumstances can affect people.

Thank you for your wonderful review! :)


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Review #7, by Jchrissy Square One

11th July 2012:
This is such a sad, sad, sad concept! I should be able to think of a few synonyms for sad, but really, that's exactly what it was!

Anyway, I was wondering the whole way through what was wrong with Neville. Was he just recovering? How did he end up there? And all. I like that you used Lloyd to tell his story, it was a very creative idea.

It's so heartbreaking that Neville more or less ended up in the same place his parents were for the majority of their life :(. It is such a heartbreaking concept, you did an amazing job telling his story.

Great entry! I'm so excited to see all the variety coming from our house!

Author's Response: Thank you! I wanted it to be told from an outsider's point of view to make it a little more creepy and unnerving, and to not give the game away right at the start. And yes, there's definitely a bit of irony there - the poor Longbottoms :(

Thank you for your review! :)


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Review #8, by Debra20 Square One

11th July 2012:
Wow! Just wow! This has got to be one of the saddest stories I ever read. It's just incredibly creative how you managed to slip in the prompts without actually forcing them in. Not to mention the creativity and voice of the piece.

You just can't help but cry for Neville. I got very attached to him while reading the books, and more now with this year's House Cup. If this were canon it would be so so unfair for him. He does deserve a happy resolve and well in canon he got it. Masterfully done!

And Lloyd! I love Lloyd - from his detective name to his detective character he's such a well rounded OC: he stops to listen to Neville even when he starts speaking of something other than the case he was interested in. You managed so much in just less than 2000 words. Love it to bits!

Author's Response: Oh wow, thank you for such a huge compliment! I really loved writing this so it seems to have come across here. I wanted to write some sort of AU 'parallel universe' ending for Neville, and yes, if it were canon I would feel for him! Lloyd was very fun to write too, so I'm glad you liked him.

Thank you for your wonderful review! :)


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Review #9, by FELTSON Square One

11th July 2012:
Found it quite interesting!!! :D

Author's Response: Thank you! :)

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Review #10, by Shortie Square One

11th July 2012:
OMG! Jen this i AMAZING!! *cry* I can't believe... I don't know how you did it. It is sooo touchy and emotional and great and everything nice *cry* I feel so small now. My story sounds so insignificant :D Hehe well done. I'm on my way to read the third entry :) We'll see how it goes.

Author's Response: Haha, thank you lovely! Of course it isn't, I adore your story! I'm really glad you liked it! :)

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Review #11, by WitnesstoitAll Square One

10th July 2012:
Oh, this was delightful, Jenny!!

Such a unique take on your House Champion... poor Longbottom family can't catch a break. I loved that you created a reasonably well fleshed-out OC for this story. He sounds fab -- and he must be fit. He works out, after all. :P I was very intrigued by neville's fate and was completely invested in the story he told, never really questioning its truth or validity, and then BAM. Smacked upside the face by the sad, sad truth of it all.

This is a great entry and a fantastic story. :)

Author's Response: Hi, and thank you Melissa! Lloyd was sort of created on a whim so I had to pull out his details very quickly, but he is a bit of fun. I'm glad the ending got you, it was definitely supposed to be a shock ending!

Thank you for your review lovely!


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Review #12, by Aiedail Square One

9th July 2012:
What a romp! This was fantastically written--you got the feeling that because it was so orderly and because Lloyd was the perfect man (working out! I mean, come on, dream boat!) that Neville was going to be a bit out of order, though I didn't even doubt his stories! It's funny how crazy people are really so creative.

I thought your incorporation of the prompts was extremely natural and v. impressive. None of them stood out as having been mashed together with some other words or put in out of trying to get the points. This was a really creative piece and I like that it has a different take on featuring the champion :) Wonderful job!

Author's Response: Haha, yes! What a catch! ;) yes, it was just his mind making up this other reality because his current one was just too horrible. I'm really glad you liked it, and thank you for the review! :)

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Review #13, by xelha horse Square One

9th July 2012:
I liked the idea of a PTSD kind of thing happening after the war, and I think what you did with Neville was great!

Author's Response: Thank you! :D

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Review #14, by DracoFerret11 Square One

9th July 2012:
Hello there! This is DarkRose from the forums. I'm wandering around reviewing everyone's entries for Task One. :D GREAT Neville entry! This was definitely an original take on the challenge. I wouldn't have thought to do something like this...Wow. I loved how quickly this story shifted. I felt quite bad for Neville and all he'd been through. How sad to see one of our heroes fall...On the upside, you wrote his downfall beautifully. I loved how dramatic this was. It had me on the edge of my seat. And good job creating an OC to throw in here that really fit with the story. That's always a relief to see a well-suited OC. :] Again, good job! You fit in the prompts and formed a really cool story. Good luck to Gryffindor in the House Cup!

--Emily

Author's Response: Hi, and I'm really glad you liked it! I really wanted to write a different side or a 'what if' parallel to the ending, so I'm glad you felt that it came across. Lloyd was really fun to write too, even though I put him together very quickly!

Thank you for your review! :)


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Review #15, by StormThief17 Square One

8th July 2012:
Wow, this was really original! I certainly wasn't expecting it. It made me pretty sad to see Neville in such a state, but it was a very unique take on Task One! Only one thing I noticed--you mispelled "sharply" as "shaprly". Anyway great job and go Lions!

Author's Response: Hi, and thank you! I really wanted to show a different side, sort of like how soldiers suffer from PTSD after war. Thank you for pointing out the typo and for the review!

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Review #16, by TyrannicFeenix Square One

8th July 2012:
Really, really good. A nice unique approach, like the idea. The prompts fit quite well into the story, good work there too. Weird to see Neville in the hospital too. he always struck me as so strong, you did well to make that convincing. Top job.

Author's Response: Hi, and thank you! I'm so glad you liked it. The prompts were definitely the hardest part to incorporate!

Thank you for the review! :)


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Review #17, by Ashling586 Square One

8th July 2012:
Wow, Gryffindor does have some amazing writers. I thought I had figured that out during the Golden Paw awards but obviously it hadn't fully settled in.
I loved what you did with this story. I wouldn't change a thing.
Though I should point out there was one or two misspelled words in the story that I am sure you will see during a quick re-read, probably just from those moments where your fingers are moving faster than your brain.
Again, I loved this story and I think you did a great job including so many prompts into the story.

Author's Response: Aww, thank you so much! I'm really pleased you liked it. Yeah, typos always get me,I'll be sure to edit these out asap.

Thank you for your review! :)


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Review #18, by CambAngst Square One

8th July 2012:
Hello, fellow Gryffie! I'm checking out all of the stories posted for the House Cup challenge, seeing whether I can help.

Wow. That was a very unusual idea. I spent the entire story wondering why Neville had ended up in St. Mungo's. Then I found out why and it was sadder than I had imagined. I feel so terribly for him.

First off, though, Lloyd. I loved that you created this odd little man from whole cloth and used him as a foil to tell Neville's unhappy tale. It was a very clever set-up and I think it went a long way toward helping to conceal the big twist at the end.

Neville, himself, seemed nicely in character. His reactions to the questions seemed genuine. His memories seemed natural enough.

Let me spot-check your prompts:

-- features House Champion
Undeniably.

-- mentions at least 4 breeds of dragon
Yes.

-- mentions a Blast-Ended Skrewt
Yes. This seems to be the one that everybody's trying to use and having the toughest time with. Out of all of your prompts, this one seemed the most out-of-place to me.

-- mentions at least 1 Unforgivable curse
Cruciatus

-- mentions a Sleeping Draught
Yes

-- mentions 2 of the following types of magic: a transfiguration spell, a sleeping spell, the conjunctivitis curse, the summoning charm (accio)
Conjunctivitis curse and sleeping spell.

-- mentions at least 2 of the following types of Dark Detectors: Foe-Glass, Sneakoscope, Secrecy Sensor, or Probity-Probe
Secrecy Sensor and Sneakoscope

-- mentions the details of your Championís Wand
Definitely

Suggestions? I think you could have made the ending hit a bit harder if you had mentioned the "twenty pages of notes" up front, rather than waiting until the end. Maybe make it so that Lloyd is so eager to have found an eye-witness that he breezes through the notes? I also thought that Neville went from "pleased" to "attack mode" a bit quickly. I'm thinking that maybe Lloyd should accidentally provoke him a bit more. Maybe have him act just a bit doubtful when Neville drops Harry's name. Then Neville picks up on this and responds with something like, "Oh, you don't believe me?" and let it escalate from there. That would seem very consistent for a pathological liar.

Your writing was lovely. Very detailed and natural-sounding. Good mix of narrative and dialog/monologue. No mistakes that I could see.

Gryffindor!

Author's Response: Thank you for double checking the prompts for me, second pair of eyes and all that! Your suggestions are awesome, especially the escalation of Neville's rage, going to work them into the rewrite. Thanks for checking this over!

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Review #19, by AC_rules Square One

8th July 2012:
I really wasn't expecting this to happen and the ending really really shocked me! There was a sense of oncoming doom, a little, as I continue to read onwards but oh gosh poor Neville. It was horrible (and I mean that in a good way) and it just really really shocked me.

All the prompts fit in really smoothly and didn't just feel forced in like they could have done! This is the first entry I've read and I really really liked it and I'm really impressed :)

Can I hug Neville please? PoorNevillewhywouldthathappen.

Thanks for writing such a great entry and good luck :)

Author's Response: Hi!

Haha, I'm glad it was shocking! I think from the start it feels very 'oncoming' like you said, so I'm glad it got a reaction, even if it wasn't necessarily a nice one. Prompts are always the devil, haha, but thank you.

I'm glad you liked it and thank you for your review! :)


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Review #20, by Deltaris Square One

8th July 2012:
First off, I like how you didn't have Neville as the main character and narrator. I feel like this isn't going to be something we see a lot of in this task, and it really sets your piece apart.

Also, the way you've included the themes through Neville's speech is astounding. The manner in which Neville speaks is amazing; it really makes me wonder what happened to him. It's not eloquent or well thought out, it's choppy and emotional. The emotion Neville has when speaking to Lloyd is really touching.

Cruciatus damage. Oh my gosh. I did not expect that. At all. I thought maybe one of the dragons had caused so damage, or something.

I can't even think of what to say. Wow. This is more than amazing, I think you did an extraordinary job in turning the prompt on its head. I never would've expected something like this.

Del<3

Author's Response: Seriously, thank you so much for this review! It put a huge smile on my face. I wanted Neville's speech to come across as sort of regressive, like a child's perhaps, so I'm pleased that seems to have come across. The Cruciatus curse causing neurological damage also seemed perfectly plausible! Aww thank you, I've never been one for tradition when it comes to writing!

Thank you for reviewing!


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