12 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Pixileanin Chasing Bravery

24th July 2012:
Hi there!

I loved how you described Neville "falling into boredom" after slaying Nagini. That was a clearly plausible characterization for someone who so quickly rushed into heroics and now has nothing else that could compare to it in his life. I also loved how you made him into a thrill-seeker in his early adult life. He just can't get enough of the rush! Haha!

I think it was a wonderfully original idea to feature Hannah in all of this, to see Neville through adoring-yet-skeptical eyes, with the whole unrequitted feelings thing going on in the background. This was a very cute and original way to use the prompts given, and I enjoyed reading it.

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Review #2, by atellam Chasing Bravery

22nd July 2012:
I loved this. I loved that it was from Hannah's perspective, I loved how creative you were with the prompts given, and I loved the ending. You're a brilliant writer and I thougherly enjoyed this. I loved the opening with Neville coming out in his towel. I grinned so hard at that. Gah, I was grinning throughout this whole thing.

Well done, love. Excellent one-shot. :)

- Adele :)

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Review #3, by Moondanser83 Chasing Bravery

20th July 2012:
The beginning is such a great portrayal of Neville and how the war really forced him to be the hero we all knew was hiding inside. But this one sentence confused me a little...

"But most heroes of the second war left behind what happened that night along with the rubble of the Hogwarts castle."

I believe I understand what youíre getting at, but the wording seems a little muddled.

I find the idea that his brush with greatness during the war turned Neville into a thrill seeker hilarious, and believable. I could definitely see that happening!

Grown up Neville with a cheeky sense of humor is great! And even though Iíve always thought of Hannah as more of the quiet type, but youíve flushed out her character well. The only thing that bothered me a little was there were some points in the dialogue where she seemed very, I guess American teenager, to me and it felt a little out of place, But over all you had great characterization!
Over all it was a great story! I love how you told the story of how Neville and Hannah ended up together, and the line

"Impending doom, always a great time to ask someone out."

at the end had me literally laughing out loud.

All this story needs is a quick run through with spell check, (there were a few errors here and there, but nothing major) and youíll be all set.

Great work!
~Moon~

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Review #4, by Deltaris Chasing Bravery

18th July 2012:
First off, I love that this is told through Hannah instead of Neville! It's a great twist to the featuring your chamion prompt. (And I just love Hannah, haha.)

I adore the two of them together! It's just so adorable. And you're really setting this up nicely for the two of them to get together :)
'Impending doom, always a great time to ask someone out.' heh :D

I really, really enjoyed reading this. I like that it was light hearted and fun. I think that you did a fantastic job with the prompts and showcasing a really important moment in Hannah and Neville's life together.

Del<3

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Review #5, by NaidatheRavenclaw Chasing Bravery

13th July 2012:
Ooh, I loved this :D It was a really creative way to incorporate the prompts, and I love that even though this was from Hannah's point of view, Neville was still featured.

I think the first 4-5 paragraphs were my favorite part. Neville is awesome in the books, and you really captured why he's such a hero. I like that you took a slightly different view on him after the war. I've never seen him being portrayed as a thrill seeker, yet it worked so well. I'm glad he gained some confidence and courage through the Battle, and those paragraphs captured him so well.

The dragon race was really cool as well. That's canon, isn't it? Anyways, I love the idea of it and all the detail you put into it. And the bit with the donkey was hilarious, haha ;)

One thing I did notice was that you switched tenses every so often (like here: So thatís a win.) so just make sure you're sticking with past tense. A quick read through would fix that.

I really liked this though! Nice work :D

-Naida

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Review #6, by Debra20 Chasing Bravery

12th July 2012:
Hey there!

I thoroughly enjoyed your entry hun. I must say a very original idea you had. And as if that wasn't enough, the way you handled it was great! You created a fully developed Hannah which is a great achievement because we know very little of her and her relationship with Neville. How they got to know each other, started getting along. This little piece felt like a bit taken from that story we'd all love to hear more about. The humour and just the general atmosphere was a treat. I have always frowned upon this pair in canon but with more stories like yours, I might just change my mind.

Not to mention the ingenious way you handled the prompts. Kudos for your entry!

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Review #7, by ginerva_molly_weasley Chasing Bravery

11th July 2012:
Neville as a thrill seeker? I love it so much!

I love this entire story and think it is written so well! The whole idea of all the different thrill seeking activities Neville has been involved in (the broom diving and the dragon racing) is brilliant and such an original idea!

I also like the idea that Neville does not dragon race for the money but rather for his own enjoyment of thrill seeking is awesome! I also love how they weren't together before the dragon racing but somehow its brought them closer together by them finally agreeing to go on a date.

I think you did a fabulous job of writing this and including all of your chosen prompts pretty effortlessly really!

Author's Response: You are so awesome! You came back to review after Beta'ring my story too? Wow!
Thank you so much! I'm glad you liked the thrill-seeking Neville, I wasn't sure people would warm up to him :)
Thank you so much Summer, you're brilliant!


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Review #8, by FELTSON Chasing Bravery

11th July 2012:
WHOA!
That was BLOODY BRILLIANT!!!

Author's Response: Thanks Feltson! You're awesome ;)

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Review #9, by Shortie Chasing Bravery

11th July 2012:
"Oh no, not anything that could poison your lungs, damage your kidneys or kill you over a long time, just the kind that could kill you INSTANTLY!"

"Tethered to a pole behind one of the other desks was a donkey. It brayed loudly for great effect"

OMG!!! HAHAHAHAHAH THIS IS SO FUNNY!! I love this story Cali! This is the best! I love the beginning, the end, the context the characterization and the plot. THE PLOT! Man how DO you come up with such lovely plots? You're a genius Cali I'm telling you!! Whoaaa. I love this. I love this S O MUCH>

Author's Response: Hey Shortie :) Thank you so much for reviewing hun! I'm really glad you enjoyed this story so much! I can't tell you what this means to me :) Arrgh! I'm on cloud number nine right now!! :P
THANK YOU for telling me your favourite part, I LOVE it when reviewers do that! Hahahaha
Again thank you so so so very much! xx


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Review #10, by Ashling586 Chasing Bravery

10th July 2012:
I have to agree impending doom is a great way to ask someone that you have been living with on a first date. My fellow gryffindor I must admit that I really enjoyed this story. I liked the idea of Neville being a thrill seeker and the choice of his career seemed dead on. Over all it was a really interesting concept and I think you did a great job.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for taking the time to review Ash, really means a lot to me :) I'm glad you liked Neville and his thrill-seeking attitude. Thanks again!

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Review #11, by TyrannicFeenix Chasing Bravery

8th July 2012:
Oh brilliant work, a dragon race, hilarious. Nice work on Neville and Hannah. Both very interesting and fun to read. I really like this fic, top to bottom.

And what exactly is wrong with choosing impending doom as a time to ask someone out, sounds fine to me.

Everything comes together nicely, no bumps or hitches around the prompts. I could learn quite a bit from you, great writing.

Author's Response: Hey Ty,
Thanks so much for reviewing that was very nice of you! I'm thoroughly glad that you enjoyed this fic and the characters were likeable.
Lol I think we all learn little bits and pieces from every fic we read :) Thank you so much again for reviewing :)
~Cali.


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Review #12, by CambAngst Chasing Bravery

8th July 2012:
Hello, fellow Gryffie! I'm working through some of the stories that have been entered today, and I decided to start with yours.

I absolutely love the premise. The idea of Neville becoming a compulsive thrill-seeker after the war makes perfect sense to me. In the span of a year, he was completely liberated from a lifetime of feeling inadequate and being smothered by his overbearing (albeit well-meaning) grandmother. That kind of experience has to leave one with an appetite for living closer to the edge.

Hannah's characterization was also terrific. She is genuinely smitten with him, in that "best friend in denial" sort of way. And she can't say no to him, even when it's clearly in the best interests of her life and limb to do so.

As far as your prompts, let me take them in the order you list them:

-- features your Houseís Champion
Yep, no doubt.

-- mentions at least 4 specific breeds of dragon
Five, if I'm not mistaken.

-- mentions at least 1 Unforgivable Curse
Cruciatus

-- features a dragon
Hmnnn... I kind of wonder what's meant by "features". You describe Hannah's mount in some detail. That might be enough, but I think it's worth re-reading the explanation of the term "feature" from the challenge.

-- mentions a Blast-Ended Skrewt
Yes. Out of all the prompts you managed to work in, I'd say this was the most awkward, though. You don't really give a plausible explanation of "why" the security wizards had one. Did the confiscate it from somebody who was going to use it to cheat?

-- mentions a Sleeping Draught
Yep.

-- mentions 2 (underlined)of the following types of magic: a transfiguration spell, a sleeping spell, the conjunctivitis curse, the summoning charm (accio)
I saw the conjunctivitis curse, but I must have missed the other one?

-- mentions at least 2 (underlined) of the following types of Dark Detectors: Foe-Glass, Sneakoscope, Secrecy Sensor, or Probity-Probe.
You had the middle two

-- mentions the details of your Championís Wand, as provided by your Head of House
Yes, along with Hannah's wand.

So in summary, my constructive criticism would be to double-check the types of magic and maybe beef up the surrounding rationale for the Blast-Ended Skrewt appearing in the story. Your writing was superb. I couldn't find any typos, spelling errors or grammatical problems!

Gryffindor!

Author's Response: Hey CambAngst! So good to hear from you! :)

Thank you so much for reviewing my story, it means a lot. I'm also glad that you think Neville's thrill-seeking is a plausible story. I also think that someone who finally broke free of the down-trodden image and became a hero would do anything to feel that again, for however brief a time. I just think that Neville fit the description.

I'm really glad you liked Hannah, I've never explored her character before so I hope I did her justice :)

Prompts:

Yeah I wasn't sure about the "features" part either but since the dragon is important to the story I thought I'd add it and let the judges decide.

Thanks for your advice on the Blast-Ended Skrewt, btw I've edited to add a small explanation.

You missed the "transfiguration" spell, explained in the rules of the dragon race :)

Thank you so much for all your kind compliments and advice and thank you for taking the time to review :)

~Cali


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