Hey there! Excellent take on the first mission the three had to undergo as fresh Aurors. The prompts were very well fitted into the story, making them part of the story entirely. I wish we could have seen a bit of battle, but that's just me and battle scenes wishes hehe. I enjoyed reading this entry a lot!Author's Response: thanks so much! yeah, i wish i could have included the battle too. but i'll edit this once the house cup and everything is over. i still have the battle-included version saved on my computer! (: thanks so much for your review! Report Review
Hello there! This is DarkRose from the forums, wandering around reviewing everyone's entries for this challenge.
Wonderful job with this story! I like how you worked in the prompts. Very few of them stuck out awkwardly. I also think the plot idea you used was quite interesting. I like the idea of Neville being an Auror with Ron and Harry. :] Good job working in some canon drama with the Death Eaters! And good job with showing all the emotions throughout this. I think you did quite a good job! :D Good luck to Gryffindor in the House Cup!
--EmilyAuthor's Response: Thank you so much for your insight! I'm glad that you enjoyed it. Report Review
I actually really loved this story completely!
The fact that it was just so different to all the other stories I'd read especially with the whole idea of them trecking through Romania on the search for death eaters who managed to escape the clutches of the final battle.
I also love the significance you placed into this with the two death eaters that they found there. It gave them a reason to be angry and in a way I really wanted to see more because of the way you'd written this! The cliff hanger you left this on was just wow and I really hope you will choose to either multi chapter or even extend this once the task and house cup is over because I think the scene would be amazing!
I also think you put all the prompts in very well although putting the prompts of dragon blood in seemed to be in a little bit of a list! Then again I know how hard it was to get them all in after writing them in myself!
Well done on this thoughAuthor's Response: thank you so much! yeah, i'm going to extend this after the task/house cup is over. i originally had planned for it to be a LOT longer but it was way over 2500 words so i had to cut it down. the only non awkward spot to cut it down was where i left off.
thank you so much, again! Report Review
Woot woot!!! I love the ending :D SHOW TIME is what we're upto right now :P And your story is amazing!! The first story so far about saving a Dragon and I like it. Good job love :DAuthor's Response: thanks so much! i appreciate your review! hehe yess!!! show time xD im glad you liked that part; i had been afraid it might be a little overly dramatic hehe thanks! Report Review
This is one of those story ideas that would be a wonderful short story. Part of me hates the 2500 word max count because there are some story ideas like this one that would be so great longer. I can tell that towards the end that it was shortened. The beginning starts out really strong and compelling and towards the end I feel like it was missing something.
You have a really good story idea and hopefully after this task is over you might edit it to the longer version I would love to see it. Go gryffindor!Author's Response: thankss so much!
yeah after the task is over and everything, i was thinking of editting it and making it longer like i planned. i have the longer version still on a file in my computer so yeah. i hate the word limit too = =
thanks so much! (: Report Review
Hello, darling! I'm working on reviewing the submissions for our house!
This is a creative idea, and I love that you have the three boys together! Something about them working with each other always warms my heart, so I am happy to see them in your entry :)!
You did cover the listed prompts, although I'm with you on the potentially features the last one. That one seems like a tricky one to be sure about, but you have well over 5 so that shouldn't matter :)!
I might be wrong, but I think you listed Neville's wand incorrectly? Unless I completely just missed part of it! That should be an easy fix though!
You did a wonderful job with the dailgue, I was constantly aware of who was speaking which is always nice!
I also like the sarcastic undertones you have, they were a joy to read!
Wonderful submission, our house is doing awesome!Author's Response: haha yeah, i got the wand information at first but thankfully someone pointed it out for me so i changed it.
thank you so much! your review was amazing! (: Report Review
Nice work Claire! I liked your descriptions and it flowed seemlessly. I'm not sure Neville would be one for revenge but it seems perfectly plausible in your story. :) also liked the nice touch of Neville buying the wand after the battle of the MOM, it adds more significance to why he's attached to his new wand and the details of it didn't seem out of place! Well done! :DAuthor's Response: thank you so much! (:
your review means a lot to me! hehe Report Review
Nice work there, one big issue, the Champions wand is meant to be as detailed by our Head of House rather than the one listed in the books, so you'll need to tweak that before the deadline.
Good premise, it amazes me that though everyone seemed to take to it at the same time we all managed to come up with different settings. So far I've found no double-ups in the Gryffindor fics.
Everything fits together well and the fic keeps you interested, so good writing there too. Maybe cut it a little short of the flourishing in adversity bit, sort of ended where I think that would have taken place but that's subjective so it could still count.
We're sure looking good on this task so far. Nice stuff.Author's Response: ooh thanks so much for that feedback. especially the one about the wand! i'll go back and change it. yeah, the theme of flourishing under adversity, at first when i had written it longer, it definitely would have fit but the it went over the word limit so i cut it down. i kept it in there because maybe it sort of fits so yeah, maybe it could still work.
thanks so much! (: Report Review
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