I love the message here! Will have to go back and find the picture you started with. Favorite line: "Teddy was so beautifully human, but wasn't for me." Loved that (and Secret Santa is a BIG Teddy/Vic shipper so good on you for making it alright).
I like most that you don't define what exactly happened, because it doesn't really matter. The important part is what came of it for Vic. NICE!
Have a fantastic holiday!
-Secret Santa Report Review
Hi! Duckie here with your requested review. :)
I really enjoyed the way you began this, with Victoire's thoughts on friendship. It was a good characterization tactic. Going back to the theme of friendship throughout the rest of the story, despite its obvious turn toward romance, was a good choice. It knit the story together, in my opinion.
However, I felt that there needed to be more characterization and more details on Victoire and Teddy's relationship. Teddy obviously betrayed Victoire's trust and friendship, but I feel that specifics would have given an even better insight into their relationship, and their individual characters.
The grammar was good, for the most part. I found a few sentences that needed commas. A good way to find out where you need a comma is to read your story out loud to see where the natural pauses would be. There was also one sentence that seemed awkward and a bit of a run-on. "You see so many 'popular' people who are adored by many and are constantly surrounded by friends who, but when it comes to some sort of bad drama they're out of there like there's a sale on at Gladrags, but you never expect your friends to be like that." I think it would work better if you split it up into two sentences.
The only other issue I had with it was that it was difficult to tell how old Victoire was in this. I knew she was out of Hogwarts because her thoughts on friendship seemed too mature for a teenager, but other than that, I wasn't sure. I also did not realize that she'd actually been married to Teddy until I read the extra information in your review request. I think it would be good to make that a bit more clear. I thought he was her boyfriend.
I really enjoyed the lack of dialogue! As someone who writes too much dialogue, your inner monologue style and description were refreshing! I definitely got the feel that Victoire is a strong woman and her situation with Teddy only made her stronger. Great one-shot! :) Feel free to re-request for another story! Report Review
Wow, I feel like I'm listening to a really insightful conversation right now. Like the kind that your aunt you love, because you can talk to them about more things than your mom - like that kind of close but still a bit separated conversation.
Your view (or Victoire's, I suppose) on friendship, the necessary part of life a *real* friendship is, counteracting with what we learned she had - a group of popular people that wanted to please her and gave her surface feelings only - was so real and so compelling to read about!
This just feels like a very honesty piece, I don't know if that makes sense, but it's like you're telling me all this through her and I just believe it.
I love the idea of being humanly flawed, because that's so true! Our friends, our significant others, whoever is close to us should love us for our flaws, and the way Victoire talks about that really puts a lot of things into prospective. It also hurts my heart that she had to learn all of that the hard way.
I think this is a really beautiful and interesting piece. I'm so happy you told me my mistake so I had a chance to read it!!
Sorry again about the mix up!
Wonderful writing, m'dear!!
JamiAuthor's Response: Ugh I know what you mean about the conversation-with-your-aunt thing, I've had many of them. :P
The funny thing about this is that I really don't like Victoire - she is my least favourite character and yet it felt very 'right' for my message to come through her. Its very odd, but there we go. :P
But yes I'm happy that you liked it so much and that you felt the same way and stuff, because you know its important to see other people's perspectives and to acknowledge them and let it encourage you to make your own thoughts progress and develop - especially about things you don't think very intricately about. :)
You've been so lovely with all your reviews and I can only apologise for getting to them so late, but you've honestly made my day.
Thank you xxx Report Review
Bah! Thank you for writing such a wonderful entry to my challenge! I'm blown away that I actually helped (in a miniscule way) to inspire it. And I can definitely see where you got your (subtle) inspiration from.
I love your big, narrative paragraphs. It's a lot of telling instead of showing, which usually absolutely drives me crazy, but for some reason, you completely made it work here. There's a lot of Victoire that shines through every paragraph, and her characterization is just so strong. It's incredible.
Your flow, too, is lovely. With very little dialogue, some stories get chunky and take a while to progress. I felt like yours, however, was very fluid, and each paragraph seemed to melt into the next.
Thanks for sharing your story with me! It was a wonder to read, and I'm very glad you tried the challenge.
xx RinAuthor's Response: Thank you for reviewing and being generally lovely and everything - you've been fab!
I had been thinking about the subject of teenage girls and them being obsessed with boyfriends and just generally wanting someone to make them feel better and your challenge helped me to channel my thoughts a lot better into writing this. What's really funny is that, well, Victoire is probably my least favourite character and yet I felt she was right for this topic that I was writing about. Strange, huh?
Anyway thank you for your compliments - you've been a lovely ego boost! :P Report Review
This is really beautiful. Its a far cry from what I normally see around here, and that's very refreshing. I now realise that Victoire, like so many other characters, is complex. I don't know why, but I always thought she was just one of those girls who only cared about beauty. Apparently Victoire cares about happiness too -especially her own happiness. I like how she walked us through her life, the questions and the thoughts she had were all revealed. She's so full of encouraging and smart words. In my opinion, this has got to be one of the best Victoire portrayal I have ever seen.
I don't know what it is; maybe its the fact that this is so real, maybe because Victoire is in it or this is just a really well-written story, the whole story stands out to me. And it is kind of overwhelming on how much the story speaks. This is such an amazing one-shot, I'm hoping my review made sense! :P
Izzy xxAuthor's Response: Hullo!
I'm so glad you liked it so much! You know what, I've always hated Victoire. (': She's portrayed as so horribly /shallow/ and just...ugh and I really don't like her or the Teddy/Vic pairing. Obviously that shines through here, but as I was writing this I just knew that even before I mentioned any names whatsoever that this was definitely Victoire.
How weird is that? It seems that a lot of the characters I /hate/ I seem to want to write them in a better light even though I just...don't like them. (':
But I felt like the message of this was really important, first and foremost because when a site as big as HPFF with a LOT of teenage girls who just always go for the romance era they just don't seem to realise that its not about getting a /boyfriend/ or even a /significant other/ its about getting through your life because its your own and only you can make yourself happy and only you can change it.
So hopefully I made my point!
Thanks ever so much for reviewing, because this was just a freaking wonderful review. :)
Hanzi xxx Report Review
This one shot was really, really lovely. It was so unique from a many of the things I've read on here - it felt kind of like a pep-talk, and it was really encouraging and inspiring too. I agree with everything Victoire, and you, have said. This line, here, "Oh, so beautifully human and flawed." is just super duper, because there is something so special about being human and about needing people close but really wanting to know them first. We can't win. Well, maybe we can. When we find the right person. It was really enlightening as Victoire has gone through this kind of...turmoil? - or hardship, or realisation (yes, I'll go with realisation) but she's come out the other side all the more strong and really knowing herself. It's just really effective and really magnetic.
Vic's narration is really entrancing, too, because she's not overly flowery and this piece isn't so poetic that I don't know where I stand. It's realistic, she's saying it how it is, and the fact that it is so down to earth makes this really attractive. Right from the beginning we slink through these thought transitions, from rhetorical questions to almost mantra like perspectives, witnessing how she grows in confidence in what she is saying. I have felt like this before, and I have asked these questions. I really truly believe that friendship, not loose-ended lust or admiration, keeps a relationship going, and I say this after being with my boyfriend for three years. It is honestly so true though, because you do blossom and you do live and forge these life experiences as Vic (and you) has said and you need to have a strong basis and room to grow and spread out if need be.
I really did like this, and as I said before, it is just so unique and really, really heartwarming!
Laura xxx Report Review
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