Hello! Deeds here to review your challenge entry. I'm very excited about this because you got such an awesome pairing in my opinion. A bromance between them would be hard to write! Let's see what you have here...!
'Should the applicant be missing more than two of his body parts, he must report to a mind healer for psychological evaluation before the renewal of his license.' Usually these rules are very confusing, Sir, but this one is nicely specific."
^ Haha. That is really specific. Poor Moody! It kind of makes you wonder though how many other Aurors have lost their limbs too or if they made the rule just for him.
Moody's eye spun wildly in its socket, causing the boy-man to look down at his feet. "You people confound me," he said.
^ I love your characterization of him! You have his physical features down and that kind of always angry sound he has when he speaks.
as if there was something special about their mundane and vulnerable existence.
^ Oh boy! He's part of the Order and yet this is how he feels about muggles?
A thought suddenly occurred to Moody. Flatly, he asked, "Is the Order trying to throw me a surprise birthday party?"
^ I hope so! That would be hysterical.
"Only Albus would think that surprising a paranoid Ex-Auror like me could possibly have a funny outcome. I don't even celebrate my birthday! He knows that."
^ Potential Albus/Moody bromance right there. I think EVERYONE should know that he doesn't celebrate his birthday, considering most are afraid of him. What would you give him as a gift anyway?
"Now that's just ridiculous," said Arthur, with his irritatingly good-natured smile. "It's clearly some sort of Muggle medical device. Perhaps it provides her with oxygen?"
^ This was my favorite part! I read it over and over again. Still makes me laugh no matter how many times I read it.
"Oh, dear, I think Iím going to lose my artificial gut..." At the awkward silence he said, "Kidding, kidding! Get it? Because I'm already missing an eye and leg..."
^ Haha! Moody making jokes. Oh lord. He's a real comedian.
I loved this. It was exactly what the challenge was about. You took the two characters and kept them with their canon traits and were still able to find qualities in each of them that would compliment the other. Their relationship was fun, funny and very different. You were so clever to use Arthur's love of muggles in this because now I can't imagine it any other way.
Thanks so much for joining the challenge! The results should be up the day after the challenge closes. :D Good luck!Author's Response: This review makes me so happy! I'm glad I made you laugh. :)
Moody protects the wizarding world from the Death Eaters because they're evil murderers, and it's his duty as an Auror. In this part, I'm thinking that he views Muggles like children: vulnerable, unprotected, and unaware of the world around them (all things I've always thought Moody disapproves of). It's not that he dislikes them, just that he doesn't envy them or appreciate their technology. He doesn't understand Arthur's interest.
This bromance pairing was actually really fun to write! I thought I couldn't do it, when I first saw it. But a few hours later, I found myself typing up this one-shot anyway. Hah, hah. Thanks for the challenge!
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Wonderful first line, really. Also, I'll just add that you probably mean trousers in the second paragraph. Pants have a more specific meaning, as I gather, in the British lingo ;) Apart from that, apartment = flat.
Also, Apparition renewal is a splendidly hilarious idea--and on top of that someone like Mad-Eye having to go in for it. It's a tiny bit impossible to imagine another way than this, haha! The line Moody wished that Legilimency wasnít illegal for civilians to use made me actually laugh out loud--it's so perfect for Moody. And the paragraphs surrounding this, they're all so excellently characterized--and it's humorous, too, which is the best of both worlds somehow, since Moody, I don't think, doesn't see himself as the inherently humorous type. Arthur was silly, too, and ofc Moody would start analyzing him--Aurors! And then he gets Arthur to agree by tempting him with shopping in Muggle London. Perfect.
The scene with the shop, ahhh-hhh-hhh I'm dying, it's so good. This is totally a story about a big brother trying to get his younger one to help him do evil older brother things. And then, the hatchet, ahahaha that surprised me! Though I can't imagine what I was expecting they actually wanted the fake blood for, and then it's Moody after all, so it'll be a bit extreme anyway. Anyone who says "you make the perfect murder victim" without breaking into a grin would be a bit extreme, I think.
The turn this took at the end was also surprising even though I knew something was going to go wrong. I love how it ends where we began, but now two people are friends. I thought this was really well-written and obviously I found it quite amusing. Good luck with the challenge, I think this is an excellent entry :DAuthor's Response: Hah, hah. Yeah, Americanisms are everywhere in my stories. I should be more careful about those.
Thank you so much for your review! It was so nice and complimentary! :) It made me smile. I'm glad you found my characterizations believable. I was having trouble with the bromance because I'd never even really imagined them in the same room, let alone friends. I felt like I was bending canon a bit when I was writing this, but I'm glad you don't think I was!
Hahahah, this is exactly how I imagine Mad-Eye would react! Also your characterisation of Arthur Weasley is spot on. Good job :)Author's Response: Thanks so much for the review. I'm glad you think they are in character! :)
Aether Report Review
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