Oh wow! I really, really enjoyed this :)
Lily is one of my favourite next-gen characters to read about, because I always feel as if she's the most neglected. Everything is always about Rose, Scor, Albus, James, Victorie and Teddy, but she's always been one of those characters who I felt never got the credit she deserved, and I love seeing her as a principle character in fanfiction. Even though we don't seem much of her here, I love how she's portrayed, and I can't wait to read more about her.
This story grabbed me right from the start - again, muggle main OC's aren't common either, so right away it was a wonderful thing to see. Your writing is brilliant, funny but not trying too hard to be, and incredibly clever. The whole concept of Muggle's Books made me laugh out loud, and the way you described it made me terribly intrigued, and want to pay a visit there XD
I quite like your OC, too. His name wasn't mentioned, was it? Unless I'm totally blind I don't think it was XD But I like the fact that it isn't - it just makes me want to read more, to learn more about this sister of his and his life, and who it is who attacked them in the store.
All in all it was an awesome first chapter, one that really grabbed my attention and made me desperate to read more, and I can't wait to continue on to the next one! Really well done, definitely favouriting :)
xx Molly Report Review
Stuck in a vault, poor things! Lily is amazing ;) I like her, she's one of my favorite next gen characters and i love reading about her :D keep up the good work, looking forward to read the rest :DAuthor's Response: Thanks for another review. It's hard for me to have "favorite" Next Gen characters, because they're all about a step away from OCs, but Lily fit in with this plot very nicely, as you can see. I can work with her. ;) Report Review
So I thought that this chapter was just as good as the first. It was a really origional thought to have them imprisoned in Gringotts. In fact I really loved the way you incorperated magic into this chapter, with the Disillusionment charm in the begginning and such.
I love the way you're writing Lily. She sort of reminds me of hermione in a way. When you look at it through your OC's eyes she does sort of come off like a wealth of magical knowledge. But then at the same time she has that rebelious persona that is something of her own. Its great.
And of course you left off on this cliff hanger. In fact the first chapter was a huge cliff hanger too. You have too write more now fast because I want to know what happens :P.
Anyway this story is really great. Its nice reading something thats so origional.
~House Cup 2012 Go 'Claws!Author's Response: Thanks for another great review! To be honest, the whole Gringotts idea was a total gamble-- I keep waiting for someone to point out the huge hole in my reasoning that I missed. Which isn't good, because pretty much the entire story balances on the fact that they get locked in Gringotts. We'll see how it goes. ;)
One of the best parts of this story is all the experimenting I get to do with the boundary between wizards and Muggles, and how they interact. There's a lot more of that in the next chapter.
I'm glad you like Lily, as her character is one I'm letting write herself a bit. I started out with this really clear image of her in my head, but that was more of her attitude, not of her life story or anything. So I'm going to see where things take me, and her, as the story progresses. I'm going on a couple wisps of ideas right now.
I was annoyed that it came down to two cliff hangers in a row, but they seemed natural stopping points, contradictory as it sounds. Both are the transitions between pretty long scenes. I'm trying to push through any more, otherwise it'd get boring.
I'm not sure how this reply got longer than your review, so I think I'll stop talking now. Anyway, thank you for dropping by, once again. I appreciate the feedback! Report Review
oh where this chapter ends is confusing.. And poor Muggle he got caught up in Wizarding problems :P which i don't even know --' I'm eager to find out though ;) Great chapter :DAuthor's Response: Confusing good or confusing bad? Anyway, thanks for the review. I'm planning to experiment a lot with Muggle/wizard interaction in this story, so that's a thread of thought that will not end with this chapter. Report Review
This was a great begginning to a story.
I loved that it was from a muggle's prospective, it was different. It was like seeing the wizarding world from an outside prospective, but at the same time he knew enough about the wizarding world that it kept it familiar.
The way you described Lily was also really interesting. Its always fun to see everyone's diffent takes on the next gen characters. Your Lily reminds be of both Ginny and Lily (I).
I thought the intro was different too. It felt like such a random little tidbit that it actually drew me in and made me wanting to read more.
Anyway this was a great start, very origional. I loved it :)
-LizAuthor's Response: Thanks for dropping by. :) I've been thinking a lot about wizard-Muggle relationships lately, because there are so many possibilities and combinations, yet I've seen few of them around here. This is one of endless scenarios, and I'm enjoying it so far.
Sometimes I feel like Next Gen characters are just a hair away from OCs, because for many of the characters the only canon info we have are their names. In fact, this was originally going to be about two OCs, until I realized that I could tie it into Lily II and her own story.
I'm glad you liked the beginning, considering I was at a loss for how to start it and that was the best I could do. If I find a better way, I'll probably swap it in, but that's what we have for now. ;) Anyway, thank you for taking the time to comment, I really appreciate it! Report Review
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