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7 Reviews Found

Review #1, by UnluckyStar57 Wrong Side of the Door

14th March 2014:
Hello again! I'm back to review this chapter for the Review Battle! :D

Lily and Andrew in a Gringott's vault... That's a REALLY good place to hold someone hostage! No one would ever find them, especially if the vault that they were in belonged to one of the kidnappers. However, people shouldn't kidnap other people. (Duh. Sorry about this weird paragraph...)

I must say, I love Lily's character in this story. She's sarcastic and witty without being downright rude and/or crazy. She's good at problem-solving. She's independent, and it looks like SHE'S going to be Andrew's knight-in-shining-armor, rather than vice versa. :)

Now I realize that Andrew must be Alicia Spinnet's kid, or perhaps a relative of hers? (Maybe?) If so, then his mom and Lily's dad played on the same Quidditch team!! :D If not, then I'm silly and wrong. But if I'm right, I think that it's interesting that you chose to make him a Spinnet. I don't see many Spinnets in NextGen fics--it's mostly Finnegans and Thomases and a stray Brown or two. :P

This chapter was just as brilliant as the first! I urge you to update this story very soon. (Pretty please?)

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: Thank you for another lovely review! Your two reviews have inspired me to go back and reread the story, and I do like what I see. I think I'll try to get back into the story and see where it goes, though it may take awhile.

I definitely wanted to try something new with Lily as well as with Andrew, so I'm glad it's working. That, along with the fact that they don't have too much in common, should produce an interesting dynamic (hopefully).

I think for Andrew, I needed him to know about the wizarding world, so he was probably the child of someone Harry overlapped with at Hogwarts. So I settled on Spinnet. I think I wanted that small layer of familiarity, for the reader, rather than having him be any old brother of a witch.

Thanks for dropping by!


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Review #2, by UnluckyStar57 Wrong Side of the Saleslady

12th March 2014:
Hi! Sending some Review Battle love your way! Go Team Bronze! :D

The beginning of this story is incredibly epic. I love how it brings in some of the background of the characters, and it bridges the gap nicely between then and now. Muggle-wizard romances are always interesting to read, but I think that this one takes the cake for the "most plot twist-y first chapters" category. I was expecting the whole "unexpected romance" deal, but what I got was even better!!

This line was my favorite: "And, years later, it was the prospect of buying her a birthday gift that catapulted me right into the roiling mess between between the two worlds, where the magical and nonmagical brushed fingertips and sparks flew at the point of impact." Arrgghhh, it's so flow-y and poetical!! Lines like these make me sigh with happiness. I don't know why, but there's something really musical about the way you phrased things, like "brushed fingertips and sparks flew at the point of impact." I LOVE it!!

So... PLOT TWIST!!! Andrew gets in to the magical section of the bookstore using his street smarts (perhaps that isn't the right term...) and then suddenly, his world turns upside down!! The fact that he ended up holding Lily's wand upside down makes him different from your average hero. He's a normal guy who is suddenly shoved into a world that he's only ever heard about. Maybe he won't be the suave superhero that he could be (if he knew magic), but he'll definitely be some kind of hero (I hope!). And that's really cool.

The beginning of this is positively brilliant. I hope that you write more chapters in the near future! (Of course, I could always go and read the second chapter to find out what happens next, but after that, I won't have any more chapters to read!)

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: Thank you for the lovely review! You've reminded me how much I enjoyed writing this first chapter. I think, as I wrote beyond chapter 1, things got a little off course, and since I wasn't quite sure how to bring them back together, I put the story on pause. Now, however, I think enough time might have passed to take a second look. I was really excited to write this story.

I'm glad you liked that line! That didn't come in the first draft, certainly, but I remember trying to play around with words to describe the story, and that one stuck. I think it is an apt description of how I want the whole story to pan out.

I definitely made a conscious decision to make Andrew a truly ordinary hero, or something of the sort. I'm glad that came across, I think he has a lot of potential even though he is just an average guy.

Once again, thank you!


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Review #3, by slayground Wrong Side of the Saleslady

4th January 2013:
Oh wow! I really, really enjoyed this :)

Lily is one of my favourite next-gen characters to read about, because I always feel as if she's the most neglected. Everything is always about Rose, Scor, Albus, James, Victorie and Teddy, but she's always been one of those characters who I felt never got the credit she deserved, and I love seeing her as a principle character in fanfiction. Even though we don't seem much of her here, I love how she's portrayed, and I can't wait to read more about her.

This story grabbed me right from the start - again, muggle main OC's aren't common either, so right away it was a wonderful thing to see. Your writing is brilliant, funny but not trying too hard to be, and incredibly clever. The whole concept of Muggle's Books made me laugh out loud, and the way you described it made me terribly intrigued, and want to pay a visit there XD

I quite like your OC, too. His name wasn't mentioned, was it? Unless I'm totally blind I don't think it was XD But I like the fact that it isn't - it just makes me want to read more, to learn more about this sister of his and his life, and who it is who attacked them in the store.

All in all it was an awesome first chapter, one that really grabbed my attention and made me desperate to read more, and I can't wait to continue on to the next one! Really well done, definitely favouriting :)

xx Molly

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Review #4, by EnchantedGhost Wrong Side of the Door

18th July 2012:
Stuck in a vault, poor things! Lily is amazing ;) I like her, she's one of my favorite next gen characters and i love reading about her :D keep up the good work, looking forward to read the rest :D

Author's Response: Thanks for another review. It's hard for me to have "favorite" Next Gen characters, because they're all about a step away from OCs, but Lily fit in with this plot very nicely, as you can see. I can work with her. ;)

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Review #5, by BoOkWoRm24 Wrong Side of the Door

18th July 2012:
Hi!!!

So I thought that this chapter was just as good as the first. It was a really origional thought to have them imprisoned in Gringotts. In fact I really loved the way you incorperated magic into this chapter, with the Disillusionment charm in the begginning and such.

I love the way you're writing Lily. She sort of reminds me of hermione in a way. When you look at it through your OC's eyes she does sort of come off like a wealth of magical knowledge. But then at the same time she has that rebelious persona that is something of her own. Its great.

And of course you left off on this cliff hanger. In fact the first chapter was a huge cliff hanger too. You have too write more now fast because I want to know what happens :P.

Anyway this story is really great. Its nice reading something thats so origional.

Update soon

Bookworm24

~House Cup 2012 Go 'Claws!

Author's Response: Thanks for another great review! To be honest, the whole Gringotts idea was a total gamble-- I keep waiting for someone to point out the huge hole in my reasoning that I missed. Which isn't good, because pretty much the entire story balances on the fact that they get locked in Gringotts. We'll see how it goes. ;)

One of the best parts of this story is all the experimenting I get to do with the boundary between wizards and Muggles, and how they interact. There's a lot more of that in the next chapter.

I'm glad you like Lily, as her character is one I'm letting write herself a bit. I started out with this really clear image of her in my head, but that was more of her attitude, not of her life story or anything. So I'm going to see where things take me, and her, as the story progresses. I'm going on a couple wisps of ideas right now.

I was annoyed that it came down to two cliff hangers in a row, but they seemed natural stopping points, contradictory as it sounds. Both are the transitions between pretty long scenes. I'm trying to push through any more, otherwise it'd get boring.

I'm not sure how this reply got longer than your review, so I think I'll stop talking now. Anyway, thank you for dropping by, once again. I appreciate the feedback!


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Review #6, by EnchantedGhost Wrong Side of the Saleslady

18th July 2012:
oh where this chapter ends is confusing.. And poor Muggle he got caught up in Wizarding problems :P which i don't even know --' I'm eager to find out though ;) Great chapter :D

Author's Response: Confusing good or confusing bad? Anyway, thanks for the review. I'm planning to experiment a lot with Muggle/wizard interaction in this story, so that's a thread of thought that will not end with this chapter.

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Review #7, by BoOkWoRm24 Wrong Side of the Saleslady

2nd July 2012:
This was a great begginning to a story.

I loved that it was from a muggle's prospective, it was different. It was like seeing the wizarding world from an outside prospective, but at the same time he knew enough about the wizarding world that it kept it familiar.

The way you described Lily was also really interesting. Its always fun to see everyone's diffent takes on the next gen characters. Your Lily reminds be of both Ginny and Lily (I).

I thought the intro was different too. It felt like such a random little tidbit that it actually drew me in and made me wanting to read more.

Anyway this was a great start, very origional. I loved it :)

-Liz

Author's Response: Thanks for dropping by. :) I've been thinking a lot about wizard-Muggle relationships lately, because there are so many possibilities and combinations, yet I've seen few of them around here. This is one of endless scenarios, and I'm enjoying it so far.

Sometimes I feel like Next Gen characters are just a hair away from OCs, because for many of the characters the only canon info we have are their names. In fact, this was originally going to be about two OCs, until I realized that I could tie it into Lily II and her own story.

I'm glad you liked the beginning, considering I was at a loss for how to start it and that was the best I could do. If I find a better way, I'll probably swap it in, but that's what we have for now. ;) Anyway, thank you for taking the time to comment, I really appreciate it!


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