4 Reviews Found

Review #1, by 800 words of heaven My First Sanity Strive

6th August 2013:
Hello! Here from Slytherin review tag!

I know I should've reviewed something a bit newer, especially as you have this story listed as abandoned, but I couldn't help myself - I adore CS Lewis!

I would love to see you have another crack at this! I think you have a really fresh idea - anything with a crossover is fresh to me, because I don't read them that much. However, the way you've set the characters up here - it seems as if practically every Potter or Weasley person has had a little book adventure! And I'd love to read about James' adventures, mentioned here in passing (I'm not sure if this actually another story that I can read - I'd love to give it a go!) If nothing else, I could totally see this as a short story collection, detailing the adventures of each of the people mentioned here, although what you have here with Lily seemed super promising! The concept kind of reminded me of Jasper Fforde's stuff.

I should probably have read something newer before I read this, so I could give some proper feedback, seeing where your writing is now, but based on this story, I think your writing has a lot of potential! There is a bit of a lack of description (I thought they were at the Potters' house until you mentioned the Room of Requirement, and then I had a moment where I thought the Room of Requirement had moved...) and the flow felt a bit off. However, I think you have a very active imagination, and I'd love to see more of this!

I'm not sure if I've convinced you to continue - either way, I wish you the best of luck with your future endeavours. Write on, dude!

Author's Response: Wow! Thanks 800 words of heaven :) yeah I wrote the start of this story at three am. When I get the time I will start this all over and I plan to redo this story. I actually was working of the collection of the crazy adventures with all the Potter's and Hermione in Oz. I actually have the long story of Albus inside Wonderland. I know the description is poor at best so when I do go back I will have loads to add. I do have QUITE an imagination.. I have just one more chapter to keep you happy for now though :/

I think you have convinced me to take another look and I will keep on writing something :)

XOXOXO,
LLG


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Review #2, by silvertongue My second Strive

5th December 2012:
So the books have already happened and she is at the beginning of them? Struggling on this point. Also, very short chapter. This should have been included in the previous. Mr. Tumnus though...

Author's Response: See this story is after all the books have taken place (The series was set in a different time period and this is the next generation) I am just playing in the Narnia universe. As much as I would have loved to add in Mr. Tumnus it wouldn't have made much sense because he isn't around except for in the Lion Witch and the Wardrobe. I know the chapter was short but I couldn't put the poor thing off any longer to be honest or it might have been forgotten about... Anyways thank you for the reviews! They are always appricated!
XOXOXOX,
LLG


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Review #3, by silvertongue My First Sanity Strive

5th December 2012:
I very much like the condept of this. However, I feel like the writing style is very rushed. Take your time. Explain yourself. Add detail. IT will do wonders for this story. Also, you said that Wonderland belonged to C.S. Lewis, when in fact it belongs to Lewis Carrol. Be careful on that one! I might stick with this one for a bit, so please keep my advice in mind and keep writing! This is a very creative idea and I love it.

Author's Response: Thank you silvertounge for the CC I will try to slow down and explain a bit more. I just try to make my stories a faster pace because the longer they are the more I just ramble and add word vomit.. I ALWAYS confuse Lewis Carrol and C.S. Lewis! I'll go find and fix that. Thanks for saying you'll stick with this and I'll try to get the ball rolling on this story again.
XOXOX,
LLG


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Review #4, by MOGG My First Sanity Strive

1st September 2012:
Good job! I like it, I can't wait to see were you take the story!

Author's Response: Thanks :) I'll think up a lovely next chapter for you! Updates might be slower though since school just started up... but I hope you stick with me!
XOXOXOX,
LLG


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