Reading Reviews for Away From the Shadows
10 Reviews Found

Review #1, by TreacleTart Chapter 2--A Birthday I'd Rather Forget

6th September 2015:
Hi again Tasha,

I'm here for our review swap!

Wow! Ron really acted like a jerk in this. I can't believe that he would get that mad at his daughter for welcoming her uncle back into the family. Everyone else has already moved on and he's too stubborn to admit that he's wrong.

I was happy to see that Rose stood up for herself. She's absolutely right in the argument. She has an uncle she'll never know because of the war. It's foolish to lose another one because of a thirty year old grudge.

And Ron and Hermione's fight really broke my heart. I'm not necessarily the biggest Ron/Hermione shipper, but I hate to see them end things on this note. I always hoped that if it didn't work for them, the end would at least be amicable, but the way Ron is behaving seems to make that impossible.

I will say that I honestly have a hard time believing that Ron would act like this. Again, he isn't exactly my favorite character and he does get irrationally angry from time to time in cannon, but in my opinion this seems rather extreme. He's a hot head yes, but I've always thought his children would be the center of his world.

Anyway, this was an interesting take on the Weasley family dynamic. I'll be curious to see if Ron and Hermione do split and how long Ron stays mad at Rose. I really hope they can work it all out.

Thanks for the swaps!


Author's Response: Hi Thanks for the review.

So I've never liked Ron and I think his temper gets the best of him sometimes. This fic is currently abandoned and will undergo major rewrites and a possible deletion until I make time to redo it. At that time I invite you to R&R again. Maybe Ron's outburst will be a little bit milder or an explanation will come around.

Thanks for reviewing


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Review #2, by TreacleTart Prologue and Chapter 1--All about Percy

6th September 2015:
Hi Tasha,

I'm here for our review swap.

I don't often get to read much about Percy because he seems to be one of those characters that people don't write, so I was really excited about this.

It's kind of sad to think that after all of these years Percy still feels like the odd one out in the family. In cannon, when he returns just in time for the Battle of Hogwarts, it seems that everyone sort of forgives him and allows him back in, so maybe this awkwardness is in his head.

I liked that Rose made an effort to connect with Percy while he's off all by himself. She says a lot of really wise things to him and sounds incredibly smart for her age. She's absolutely right that he can't just shut himself away with grief over Audrey's death. He has to make an effort to be a part of the family again.

It was nice that Rose took him shopping and helped him to pick out a present for Harry. I think that Harry really appreciated the gesture and was surprised to see that Percy had put so much thought into it. If that doesn't heal things, I don't know what would.

Just a touch of concrit. I do notice that on occasion you tend to switch your verb tense in the middle of your sentences. I think either sticking to past or present would help it read a bit more smoothly.

All in all, I thought this was a nice start to the story and I'm curious to see what chapter two brings.

Good work!


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Review #3, by Penelope Inkwell Chapter 2--A Birthday I'd Rather Forget

21st August 2015:
Like, woah.


That was...that was really quite an outburst. Erm...

I can see why Ron and his kids don't really get on?

Man, I'm like, in shock. There was just a lot there. Like, a whole lot there. Ron just went off the deep end over a 20-something year feud and Hermione just left and took the kids and I do not even know.

Deep breaths.


Okay. That was a wild ride from start to finish. I'm trying to get my train of thought back.

Right, so the idea for an enchanted journal was really cool. If it could have immediately rendered illegible and take the fingerprints of anyone who tried to peek, then maybe I would have kept a journal when I was younger. I was always way too concerned someone would find it. Having all my secrets written down didn't really appeal to me. But that is my type of journal. Very cool idea.

And Percy got Rose a new broom? I'll bet that was expensive. I wonder if it's his way of trying to say thank you for the way she's been reaching out to him.

It was really sweet of her to include him, and Heather as well, in her birthday speech, and it's a shame that Ron ruined things that way.

That moment when Rose mentioned that her first instinct was to owl her friend was really tragic.


On the whole, I'd just suggest trying to break up some of those blocks of text with more description, and maybe saying less of it outright. Some places it might be better to just describe something happening than to have someone say that it's happening.

wither you’re referring
--I think that "wither" here should probably be "whether".

Man, what on earth is going to happen next? Will Ron and Hermione's break up be national news? What will that mean for the kids? What is Rose's relationship with Molly II and Lucy like, anyway.

There's certainly no shortage of questions!

--Penny (2/3 review swap)

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Review #4, by Penelope Inkwell Prologue and Chapter 1--All about Percy

21st August 2015:
Hey! Penny here for review 1/3 of our swap,

So, this is a really interesting headcanon you've got here. I haven't come across many things that really delve into the idea of Percy remaining the black sheep of the family. Sometimes it's on the periphery of a fic, but I've never seen it take front row and center like it does in this chapter. It made me sad, that Percy would continue to be ostracized after all those years, and that he'd have lost his wife on top of that. But I think Rose had the right idea. I was glad to see her being so forgiving and openminded. She certainly had a great deal of insight, and she really made a goal of being inclusive of Percy and trying to cheer him up, which shows great strength of character.

I really liked the idea of Molly accepting Percy back because she couldn't bear to lose two sons. It was a really good way to put it.

My biggest bit of CC would be that it would be good to split up the dialogue a bit more. Right now, it reads almost like a play script--almost everything is spoken, with very little description in between. It would be good to describe the characters fidgeting, sighing, tensing and relaxing, looking up as they searched for the right words...that sort of thing. And it would also be nice to have some details about their surroundings, and about what Percy looks like as he's voicing these opinions.

The other thing is that sometimes bits of these big blocks of text feel a bit expository. They're telling us all the information we need to know, but in a very sudden way. It might be better if it were gradual, or a bit broken up, so that it sounded more like natural speech and less like plugging in information for plot convenience. Like, for instance,

"When your Aunt Audrey died last year, I was devastated and almost left the family again, taking your cousins with me. What stopped me however, was remembering what happened last time and how I didn’t want to go through that again."

One example of how you could break that up would be:

"When your Aunt Audrey died last year, I was...devastated. I almost left the family again, and I'd have taken your cousins with me. But what stopped me was remembering what happened last time. I didn't want to go through that again." He sighed, rubbing a hand down his face, as if he could wipe away the sorrow, the regret. "I didn't want Molly and Lucy to go through it, either."

That's just one example. There are tons of ways you could do it. But I think with a few more details like that, and by breaking up your sentences a bit more, it would all be a bit easier to follow.

The other thing that might help break it up is to add more narration from Rose, in her head, instead of all the information coming through the dialogue with Percy. So, instead of a block, like this:

“Wow Uncle Percy. I had no idea that happened. Dad never talks about it for Uncle Harry’s sake since that’s the year Sirius Black died and he still has a hard time with it anytime someone mentions his godfather. Even when he told everyone the story of the prophecy during History of Magic last year, he had a hard time keeping it together when he mentioned Sirius. Grief does strange things to people but, you can’t rebuild relationships by sitting alone. You have to straighten your back, pull yourself together, remember that you’re a Weasley and own up to the past,” I paused for a moment, taking a deep breath, “Do you remember how bad I felt two years ago when my roommate Heather died from that accident in her family’s greenhouse?”

It would be split between internal narration and dialogue, like this:

"Wow, Uncle Percy. I had no idea."

Dad never talked about their fifth year out of consideration for Uncle Harry. That had been the year his godfather, Sirius, had died, and he still had a hard time with it anytime it was mentioned. Even when he told everyone the story of the prophecy during History of Magic last year, he had a hard time keeping it together when he got to the part about Sirius' death. Even after all that time.

Grief did strange thing strange things to people.

I shook my head and turned back to Uncle Percy, giving voice to my thoughts.

"You know, you can't rebuild relationships by sitting alone. You have to straighten your back, pul yourself together, remember that you're a Weasley, and own up to the past." I paused for a moment, taking a deep breath.

"Do you remember how bad I felt two years ago? When my roommate--Heather--when she died in that accident in her family's greenhouse?"

Anyway, those are just suggestions! Feel free to take them if they're helpful, and if not, then not. There are lots of ways to break things up; those are just a few possibilities.

I was really, really glad to see Percy be so accepted by Harry in the end! And he gave him such a thoughtful gift. That's exactly the sort of book Harry would love. I'm so happy to see Rose on her uncle's side. Hopefully his relationships with the rest of the Potter-Weasley clan can be repaired! Maybe it wasn't really as bad as he thought in the first place. Harry seems quite willing to accept him back.

Overall, I find the whole idea of this very interesting, and am definitely wondering where you're planning to take it. On to the next chapter!


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Review #5, by TheGirlOnFire Prologue and Chapter 1--All about Percy

2nd March 2014:
Hekki, this is for the blackout bingo:)

This was interesting. I like the way you wrote Rose as a character and showed that she had maturity that exceeded her years. She reminded me a bit of Hermione. But i guess that's what you where trying to do. This was a well written chapter and my only bit of criticism is that if Harry had truly hated Percy for all those years a book wouldn't have made up for it. Maybe you where trying to show that that the hatred wasn't as bad as Percy thought maybe not. But anyhooo, well done.


Author's Response: Hi and thanks for the review!

My intention was in fact to show that Harry had forgiven Percy years ago and that he didn't hate him and to show the contrast between Ron who still harbors hatred toward Percy and anyone else on the other side of the war, and Harry who has let things go after the war. I will have to go back in and try to clarify that a little better...

Thanks again for the review and I'm sorry it took so long to respond

Peace, Love, and Tacos


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Review #6, by Courtney Dark Prologue and Chapter 1--All about Percy

25th January 2013:

What an interesting chapter you have here! I was especially interested in it when I saw that Percy was in the title, because I have a secret little soft spot for him. Well, maybe not so secret:)

I think this was a really great start, and your grammar and spelling is generally quite good. You have already begun to develop Rose's character which is great, and I'd like to find out more about her being in Ravenclaw unlike the rest of her family.


Author's Response: Hi Courtney and thanks for the review!

There will definitely be more Percy in later chapters and he will play a bigger role than what people may think (or at least that's my intention)

I'm working on finding ways to develop Rose without her seeming "Perfect" I want her to have some major flaws but I'm not sure yet what I want those flaws to be.

We shall have to see what the future holds for her.

Thanks again for reviewing and I'm so sorry it took me so long to respond.

Peace, Love and Tacos


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Review #7, by Mystique Chapter 2--A Birthday I'd Rather Forget

28th September 2012:

I'm so sorry I'm late for reviewing your entry for the Percy Weasley Challenge. I liked this story - it definitely showed Percy in a good light. I'm interested to see what happens when Rose returns to school and what really happened with her friend Heather?

It's sad about Ron and Hermione. But I think you portrayed Ron's characteristics really well.


Author's Response: I'm sorry I'm so late in responding and Rose will go into detail with what happened later on in the story. And I love making Ron out to be a bigot and evil. hehehehehe

Thanks for the review


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Review #8, by ILOVEMRMEN Chapter 2--A Birthday I'd Rather Forget

23rd July 2012:
I love the chapter. honestly It was great you would be really happy with it. I would be if I could right like that.

Author's Response: aw Thanks :) I hope you read more when i get them posted

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Review #9, by Aether Chapter 2--A Birthday I'd Rather Forget

8th July 2012:
Nice second chapter! I feel that you really capture the drama and emotions that everyone is feeling through dialogue and descriptions. I feel that the bold font is distracting and unnecessary, since you wrote it so well without it. The exclamation points and the intensity of the things they're saying do plenty to show the emotions. Have you ever read a book with bold font used in blocks like that to portray anger? It makes it harder to read what you've written.

I feel really bad for Rose. Both Ron and Hermione are acting really badly now. Ron is the worst, but Hermione should know that making her children choose between parents is really the worse thing she can do. I hope her parents realize how irrational and self-centered they are being.

It may seem like a minor issue, but I feel like your commas could use some work. Learning about where to put commas is very important to improve the flow of the story. There are a lot of sites online you could probably find to explain these sorts of things better than I can.

Here's just a few rules I'm going to write out because I have time.

-If you have a phrase with a subject and a verb, it is an independent phrase. It could be a sentence on its own. Like: Rose (subject) loved (verb) the taste of cake.

-If you combine two independent phrases with a conjunction (but, and, yet, etc), you must use a comma. Like: Rose loved the taste of cake, and she savored every bit of it.

-If you have no subject in your sentence or the sentence cannot stand alone, it is a dependent phrase. If it were to stand alone it would be a sentence fragment (eg. Savored every bit of it.).

-If you combine a dependent and independent phrase, you don't use a comma. Like: Rose loved the taste of cake and savored every bit of it.

There are a lot more rules, some of them more/less complicated than that.

Rose seems very, well, perfect in this story, doesn't she? She has perfect OWLs, she's very mature and well-spoken, she is a house perfect, she's Quidditch captain, and on top of all that, she has to deal with a dysfunctional family. I wonder, though, if the story wouldn't be more compelling if she had some more personality flaws or room for improvement. Those sorts of things can make a character interesting. For example, people love Luna's character, even though she's sort of, well, crazy.

The plot of this story is very dramatic and compelling, though, and I am curious to see what happens next. I hope you update soon, and feel free to re-request when you do.

Hope this review was helpful! I can't believe you don't have any other reviews!


Author's Response: Thanks! And yes Rose will have some flaws as the story progresses I'm trying to write her where shes just like her mother but has her father's temper, She is a bossy know it all and more flaws will show most of which come about as a result of this chapter. And as soon as it gets fixed and the edits validated (I had to delete a paragraph per staff request) I'll change the formatting to resolve the Bold issue thanks for pointing that out. :) And there will be more bad parenting on both Ron and Hermione. Percy will become more of the father figure in later chapters and possibly Astoria as a mother figure for Rose. I'll have to find a beta that is a grammar freak to work on the comma thing as grammar is my weakness when it comes to writing. I also need one to fix the "American" terms that i'm sure will slip in somewhere.

Thanks for the Review! :)

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Review #10, by Aether Prologue and Chapter 1--All about Percy

8th July 2012:
I love Rose so far! She seems very insightful and intelligent, like her mother. I found it a bit strange to picture her giving advice to a man who has so much more experience with life than her. However, I think that her advice gave him the outside perspective he needed. I've always thought about Percy as someone who might be too proud to be ready to take advice from someone so much younger than him, but I guess his mistakes in the war could have tempered some of that pride.

I'm excited to learn more about Rose! I'm also really surprised this doesn't have any reviews. The grammar is good, and you give some great description. Reading on!


Author's Response: Thanks! Some of the events that occured during the war (witnessing Fred's death) and even after (the birth of his children and the death of his wife) have changed his outlook on life and he is more willing to listen to people. In my mind he's grown up and isn't the same prideful boy he was in school and even shortly after graduation. In later chapters (which i haven't written yet) The tables are turned and Percy winds up giving Rose advice the reason for which is in the next chapter and probably in chapters to follow. Rose is a very confused and sarcastic teenager.

Thanks For the Review :)

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