Reading Reviews for Chasing the Keeper
  
16 Reviews Found

Review #1, by JustBrilliant My Variable

8th March 2013:
Hey there sweet thang!

Firstly, I just want to apologize for not reviewing before now... How horribly crappy of me. :/

Secondly, I just re-read this first chapter and thought I'd say a few things - none of which have to do with grammar or any of that haha. ;)

Instead, I just want to point out that I actually really like your characters, especially Lily. I have to agree with some of your previous reviewers that she's getting close to being Mary Sue-ish, but she hasn't crossed that line yet. So it's OK :)

And, I actually read this first chapter before offering to be your beta ;) and I could see some real potential for a worthwhile story here. And I can STILL see that potential. So, I'm wondering why on earth you haven't sent me chapter four yet hahaha.

If you are having issues with it you can always PM me on the forums and I will try to help you however I can (If I don't respond in a timely fashion you can also e-mail me, I check my e-mail daily).

ANYWAY, I hope to hear from you soon, lovely!
-Caitlin

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Review #2, by sleepless_nights First Name Basis

12th August 2012:
I'm really enjoying this story so far and I look forward to the next chapter!

Author's Response: Thanks a bunch for the review :) I'm glad you liked my story

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Review #3, by Half_Empty First Name Basis

11th August 2012:
Why on earth haven't you got any reviews on this chapter yet?
This story's amazing! :D keep writing. :P

Author's Response: Thanks for the really nice review. I appreciate the feedback :)

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Review #4, by MagicalInk My Variable

10th August 2012:
Okay, so this is a great first chapter! It really pulls the reader in, and the fact that the narrator talks directly to us in a very casual fashion really helps in this.

So let me start with the plot. It's not everyday you see a sport-centered story, and the fact that you're taking the next gen out of Hogwarts is really original. I like the fact that it's Lily who's the fan of Quidditch, and that Al is in Slytherin; you're really defying some cliches here. Though on I feel you should really watch out is the love-hate relationship with that Mason guy. It's very overdone and you must be very careful as the 'hate' part shouldn't actually be hate for the relationship to work, but more like constant competing, teasing and bantering (I think Quidditch will really help you on this one).

Now to your characterizations. I loved Lily, I really did, how she says she isn't good enough but will do everything to get to her dream. Also her sarcasm is pretty funny, the way she describes Hugo to be really makes me want to meet him, it's intriguing. I love the fact that your Potters aren't pretentious, I hardly think they'd ever be like that and it's a pet peeve of mine, so kudos for that (and their sleeping until noon :p). I'm glad to see Teddy is doing fine, but I'll advise you to be careful with Mary Sueism both for him and Lily.

Now onto descriptions. This was really a strong point in this chapter. The way Lily is amazed by the stadium makes your reader be amazed by your descriptions and it's great since it's going to be an important place for her life. I wonder if she'll eve get over her overwhelming... And the 'rich people scent' was really spot on, criticizing society and all. I think a lt of people have smelled it ;)

So yeah, you're off to a great start with this great first chapter, it really makes me want to read more! Just be careful with cliches and Mary Sues and you're on!
-Val

Author's Response: Hey Val

I'm glad you like the plot of this one. I've read a lot of begginnings to Next gen stories, but I rarely get past the first chapters though because they are all basically the same. Then around nano time I had a really bad itch to write a more upbeat Next Gen (something that would be more of a feel good story after writing the very angsty Aly all the time). Well, I wasn't going to write another one of those JamesandorAlbus/OC's in which there is a love/hate relationship between the two and in which James or Albus is the amazing quidditch star whos super popular and such. So this is what I came up with. As I get into it more I plan on breaking up as many cliches with them as possible. Just wait until you actually meet Albus and you'll understand that its mucch more than him just being in Slytherin. Don't worry about Mason though. I'm going to try and make it as clear as possible that she doesn't hate him. Its more of a rivalryin the sense that they compete with each other to try and better each other type of sense.

Writing this batch of characters has been really enjoyable too. Its nice knowing that I'm not going to have to kill off/put into Azkaban/betray half of them like I am going to have to do with the marauders fic. You'll meet Hugo eventually I'm not sure when I'm introducing him just yet, but he will make a debut eventually) And I am definitely on the look out for the Mary Sue issue with both Teddy and Lily.

Anywho thanks for the review, I really appreciate it :)

-Liz


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Review #5, by justonemorefic My Variable

5th August 2012:
Pretty interesting beginning! Those first few paragraphs are totally the tricky ones. I like how you set it up with a Quidditch metaphor, I think it speaks a lot for how you characterized Lily. I could get into her thoughts, and see her line of reasoning well; you explained a lot on that ^__^ it was nice to see her observe the pitch and the keeper like that. The beginning section can be a little heavy on the information though, and it makes it seem kind of long, so it might be a good idea to pare it down or liven it up with Lily's gutsiness. I see a lot of her attitude in the way she looks at the world :)

Awh, Teddy getting his foot in for her 8D I like how she's kind of in awe around the stadium. Snort, the smell of rich people. Bahaha. It's nice to hear a bit about her family from the get go too. I like hearing about the brothers and cousins.

The little bit at the end is cute! Mason looks like an awkward head, shifting his weight around. I think I might like him.

Good job on an opening chapter! :)

Author's Response: Thanks a bunch for the review :)

The trickiness of those opening paragraphs is where the entire begginning theme came from in this chapter. I'm glad you liked the quidditch metaphore, I wanted to immediately introduce it in this chapter because half the characters in this story are obsessive with the sport, including Lily.

I've been told that the begginnings a bit info heavy.Believe it or not, this has been edited a bit. There used to be even more backround in there. I'll maybe try and liven up some gutsy narration or something I guess now, like you suggested.

I like Mason as a character too, writing him (even though its only 3 chapters in) has been a blast.

Thanks again for the review :)


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Review #6, by manno_malfoy My Variable

1st August 2012:
Hi! I'm here for the Ravenclaw review battle, and I couldn't be any happier that I am! Next Gen is my favorite era and it's always nice to come upon a new good novel!

First of all, the opening paragraph! I absolutely loved it! The beginning of your story was about beginning stories and it was compared to the beginning of a Qudditch game since, apparently, Quidditch is the only language your main character can speak! Not only did this open up the chapter gracefully, but, instantly, it made us see Lily's infatuation with Quidditch, which is great!

I like how you mentioned the reasons behind her dedication and passion for the game. Indeed, parents do influence us greatly and when it comes to the 'what I'm going to do in the future' question, we find ourselves wondering if we can walk in our parents' shoes... Or, at least, this is what I find myself doing, and seeing Lily in the same position, having been heavily influenced by her mother's career, made me smile.

Despite all of that, I do have a comment about this chapter as a whole. Though you've paved its beginning masterfully, personally, I felt like there was a lot about Lily's history included and all in one bundle. We went from general Hogwarts Quidditch days, to details of a certain match, to a description of her friends. And though I do feel right now that I know a lot about Lily and can see why she's doing things the way she is, I feel that the information could've been better distributed all over the chapter. That's only what I think though, and I'm no expert!

As for your descriptions, I found them rather rich and that they added a lot to the story. The way you've described Mason when Lily was telling us about the match in her seventh year, I could almost see him in my head. Also, I think you describe the dynamics of a Quidditch match really well; and that's an important skill when you're writing a story that's mainly about Quidditch. I loved how you described the way she felt about everything; it only added to my understanding of her!

A small note though, there are a few typos in the chapter, a few missing commas and a few extra ones, but it's nothing that can't be easily fixed.

But, aside from that, I think this story has a lot of potential and I would love to see what'll happen next with Lily. Hopefully, I'll be reading the next chapter soon. Also, I hope that I didn't come off as overly critical.

Good luck with the rest of the story!

-Manno

Author's Response: Hey thanks for the review

Alright so I'm glad you liked the opening paragraph. I must have re written this chapter a thousand times, and by the end of the third draft I was just like "Why are begginnings so hard?" and then the little light bulb went off and voila we have the overall theme of chapter 1.

That being said I'm aware that this chapter still needs some work. A lot of people told me that the amount of backround I put in here was a lot to take in. I put an edited version into the queue, which hopefully is at least a little better. I took out the bit on her friends, so that your pretty much just getting Quidditch related things. I also did some editing on some typos and such. I've also got a request up for a beta currently, so hopefully some time in the near future, I won't have so many grammar issues.

I'm glad that you liked my discriptions though, and that you think I've got an interesting idea going on here.

The next chapter has next to no back round in it so hopefully that one doesn't feel so crammed :)

Thanks again for this

-Liz


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Review #7, by Angelique Aspis My Variable

20th July 2012:
I'm enjoying this so far! I do have one thing to point out: She's a quidditch player. In a quidditch stadium. Exactly why is she CLIMBING to the 40th floor?

As I pointed out in your other story, marking pause points with punctuation marks would really take your writing up several levels, even if you don't change a single word.

Author's Response: Hi thanks for the review :)

So the whole climbing the stairs thing is a rule of the stadium- only players and coaches are allowed to ride their brooms in the stadium. Because Lily is only an intern she isn't authorized. If you think about it, with all the people that could potentially be moving around that stadium, if everyone used a broom the air traffic would be rediculous, so people have to use the stairs.

As for the punctuation, I have a beta that's curently working with my first chapter, hopefully things will improve once I put in the beta'd version of each chapter :)

Thanks again for the feed back

-Liz


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Review #8, by Aphoride Attack of the Rabid Mop

18th July 2012:
Haha, I loved this! Gosh, you need to write more - than I can read and review more! Win-win situation, yeah? ;)

Anyway, this was really good. It was less introspective than the first chapter, which was good, and it sped along at a nice pace - not too fast, but it's not going slowly either.

Poor Parker. Cleaning three week old jelly... :P Rather him than me, lol. He seems like an interesting character, you know - a bit strong-and-silent, maybe shy? Obviously not stupid and very talented... hm... I dunno, he just seems interesting.

Lily is wonderful! She's definitely inherited Ginny's spunk, that's for sure! At the same time, though, she's really nice and very competitive at the same time, which good. It's a lovely mix of traits and I can imagine some of them are going to cause trouble later on.

Anthony... what to say about Anthony... he seems lovely. Very lovely, if a bit arrogant. Then again, he did try to be nice, it's not his fault if Parker doesn't know what to do when being chatted at by a man in a towel. Yeah, I'm on his side :P

I did notice, though, that there was one paragraph where you changed to 'her', rather than 'me', which obviously didn't fit. If you have a quick look over it again, you'll find it I'm sure!

Ah, I really enjoyed this. It's really funny to think of interns cleaning out lockers and getting lost... I'm curious to see where you go with this and what else Joey makes them do :D

Aph xx

House Cup 2012! Go 'Claws!

Author's Response: Awww thanks so much for the nice review :D

I'm glad that you like Parker. I think you hit his personality spot on, although I'll get a little bit more into his character as the story goes on. I think I said this in my last response, but again Lily is really fun to write. Shes got that bit of Ginny in her, but at the same time I feel like she is her own person. You know?

And then there is Anthony. How could anyone not love Anthony right? Its not a party until the professional quidditch player shows up in a bathing towel :P.

Sorry about the typo. I do have a beta now, but he hasn't worked through all of the chapters yet (or really any yet), but we're getting there :)

Again thanks for the review this totally made my day.

-Liz


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Review #9, by Aphoride My Variable

18th July 2012:
Ooh, that's a bit of a cliffie! I have to say I'm kinda disappointed now that I haven't spotted you more often in the Review Battle - this sounds so good! Plus, what with your other story - Mrs Pettigrew - I wouldn't know which one I wanted to review first, you know? A bit annoying, but anyway...

This is so exciting! I really love Quidditch stories - the whole idea of the sport and the game and the mentality that you need to win - which you touched on so well in this first chapter - and this one is not going to be an exception, I promise you!

Lily is such a good character. I like how you mentioned some of her family - Hugo, James and Al, Teddy and Fred - but not all of them. It made it a little more realistic than just listing of all the Weasley kids, you know? Also, her internal monologue at the beginning was really, really good. I find them so hard to do, so I'm really impressed you managed to pull it off so well. The whole winning/losing angle was so good and it also made me really curious about the rest of the story as well.

I'm so excited about seeing where this goes. The little arrow button at the bottom of the chapter looks so inviting...

Keep going! (And please no more cliffie-style endings! Please?)

Aph xx

House Cup 2012! Go 'Claws! :D

Author's Response: Thanks for the nice review :)

I'm glad that you like Lily as a character, she's been really fun to write. Especially because of the entire mentality of playing quidditch (which she has to an extreme).

I've been trying not to mention every Next Gen character in one go. No person would ever go through and just say well this is my cousin, and so is this, and so is this ect. ect. I know for a fact I would never do that (and I have more cousins than Lily)

I won't make any promises about no more cliffies :P

Any who thanks again for the nice review :)

-Liz (and Go 'Claws)


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Review #10, by luciusobsessed Attack of the Rabid Mop

16th July 2012:
I love the humor of this chapter. I love when she met Anthony. I could practically feel her nervousness reverberating through the screen. I don't blame her though, I would be nervous/scared/amillionotherfeelings as well if I were her.
Your writing is amazing, once again. Very meticulous descriptions and dialogue, helps me envision all that is happening.

I can't wait for your next chapter. Let me know when it's up xx

Author's Response: Hi thanks for the review.

Writing Anthony was fun. Nothing beats a good scene where the star quidditch player shows up in only a bath towel :D

Thanks again for the review

-Liz


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Review #11, by luciusobsessed My Variable

16th July 2012:
I'm not much of a next gen fanatic, but your story has piqued my interest! I must say, I love the idea of Lily being a quidditch player. It adds so much spice to the story. Your writing style is great. Only a few grammar mistakes, but nothing that can't be fixed. On to the next chapter xx

Author's Response: Thanks for the review :) I'm glad you liked the idea of Lily being a quidditch player. I thought it would be nice to change things up a bit. I just got a beta, so the gramatical things will be fixed asap :)

Thanks again for stopping by
-BW24


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Review #12, by Cherry Bear My Variable

14th July 2012:
Hey there! I was really intrigued by the concept of this story, because I feel like Lily is so rarely portrayed as a Quidditch player in Next-Gen fanfiction. It seems like almost everyone assumes that James plays, but you don't see as many authors assuming that Lily plays. And I also really appreciated that you didn't give Lily this picture-perfect life, where she always won all of the games and she immediately got recruited after college. I'm curious to see how she handles the fact that her internship is almost solely because of connections, while Parker's is (seemingly) because of actual skill. But, anyway, I really like your Lily so far, because you've made her your own and not too perfect; it's great (:

This chapter felt like a lot of background and not so much action so it could be a bit tedious to read at times. You did an excellent job of tying all of the information Lily told us together (I especially loved how you kept going back to the theme of beginnings..that was really well-executed!) However, at the same time, it was still sort of an information overload and I almost would've liked to see you release this background information (i.e. what Parker did to her, her three best friends, her entire Quidditch history) more slowly and gradually throughout the story, or at least not quite so chunkily, if that makes sense? I don't mean to offend you at all, as I'm no expert and this is absolutely your prerogative as an author, so if you don't understand what I'm saying at all then please feel free to ignore me!

As I said before, I did really like the theme of beginnings that you tie through this and especially how you tied it all together with the variable at the end. It was really well-done, especially because I think it helped further your characterization of Lily. The way she related everything back to Quidditch really spoke volumes about her character (the way she narrates makes me think that you must know an awful lot about sports and sports lingo or, if not, you're very good at pretending you do). I think you really did an excellent job of showing and not telling Lily's character, which is definitely something that every author strives for. So good work with that!

I thought your descriptions in this were really fabulous (I really enjoyed Lily's first impression of the stadium, especially since it's going to be such a major part of her life) but it seems like your dialogue is a little less strong. For some reason, all of your dialogue came off as a weird and rushed to me, like you were hurrying to get through it or something? Maybe I'm just imagining things. Anyway, I'm going to attempt to make you understand what I mean. In this quote:
"No, Hugo isn't sarcastic, he's a pessimist. I on the other hand enjoy sarcasm, but at the same time have a generally upbeat attitude. I mean I just gave you a thumbs up didn't I?"
To me, it just seems like Lily says a lot here, in a short amount of time. Perhaps it's just that the punctuation feels off for me (I do think there should be a semicolon instead of a comma between "No, Hugo isn't sarcastic" and "he's a pessimist", and "on the other hand" should be separated from the rest of the sentence by commas) or maybe it's just the way Lily talks...? I can't really pinpoint it. I think it might help if you didn't group all your dialogue together as much, and instead allowed more room for the characters to interact in between sentences and such. For example, if you wrote something like this:
"Can I have a banana?" Teddy asked. Lily gave him an exasperated look. "What?" he said, defensively. "I'm really hungry!"
Er...ignore the weird example. My point is that I didn't really see you intersperse your action and dialogue so much and I think it would really add some variety to your dialogue parts and make them a little more fun, y'know? But again, I don't mean to offend you or anything and obviously all of my suggestions are just suggestions, I'm not god, etc. (;

Sort of on that same note, I almost always recommend that authors get betas if they don't have them, because I think it helps to have a second set of eyes to read things over and make sure everything makes sense. There were times when your sentences turned into run-ons and things got a tad confusing. In addition, there are a few lapses in tenses, overall lack of commas, and general typos (in "when suddenly, a voice interrupts my thoughts", 'interrupts' should be 'interrupted'; in "His raven hair, and coal black eyes where way too familiar", 'where' should be 'were', etc.). A beta would probably be really super helpful to you for all of this stuff, so I definitely recommend one! (:

But, all of that aside, I really did enjoy this! I'm excited to see where this Quidditch internship takes Lily, how things progress with Parker, and what exactly the world of Quidditch is like :o I understand sports very little so I have never attempted to write the insanity that is Quidditch, but - from this chapter alone - I get the impression that you'll be a lot better about writing about Quidditch than I could ever be (; Looking forward to the next chapter!

Cherry Bear

Author's Response: I swear I think I could kiss you right now. Ok well that might sound sort of odd, but you have no idea how antsy I've been over this story. I rewrote the first chapter like three times trying to make it sound halfway decent, and then when I put it up the best concrit I've had so far is a few people pointing out the typos. You have no idea how bad I needed someone to look at this and just sort of tear it to peices (ok that might be a little strong for what you did, but you get the point).

The backround thing I totally understand. I'm sure everyone has read a few stories that over load on the backround. In some of my first few drafts I actually started in her last game of her seventh year when she looses, and then having Parker showing up at the internship be chapter 2. My problem with that I guess was that I couldn't manage the transition between the game to the part where she mentions the internship as well as I might've liked to. After reading this, though, I might want to go back and attempt to write the first chapter like that again. That way I sort of could get down her quidditch history, and introduce her best friends (who would definitely have been there) without making it seem like back round.

As far as Lily goes as a character, I'm glad that you liked her :). I tried to tye everything back to quidditch on purpose because that is just totally who she is. And I guess I do know a lot about sports. I have a little brother who obsessively watches sports center in the room where I work on my stories so...

As far as the dialouge I can sort of see what you mean when you say that it seemed rushed. I'm sure it probably didn't help that Teddy and her sort of exchanged like five sentences before the apparated to the Quidditch pitch. Again that was a point that had been bugging me, but now I'll probably go back and edit it

Usually I am a bit better with the grammar than I was in this chapter (I've had quite a few people telling me this) and so I've been strongly considering getting a beta even before you said this. I used snippets of prior drafts when writing this (one of which was in the present tense) so that is why some of it lapses foward, instead of staying in the past. I suppose that I didn't edit it to the extent that I needed to. But yeah I'll probably eventually end up looking for a beta.

Anywho I'm glad to see that you enjoyed my first chatper :). You'll be seeing more of the world of professional sports in the comming chapters, I promise.

Thanks again for the con crit, I really needed someone to do this.

-BoOkWoRm24


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Review #13, by rogovjm My Variable

13th July 2012:
This is an awesome first start to a story! Nice job!

Author's Response: Thanks for the review. I'm glad that you liked it. The next chapter is in the queue so hopefully you will be seeing an update soon :)

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Review #14, by Tonks1247 My Variable

3rd July 2012:
Hello! This is Nymphie Tonks from the review battle in the common room.

I have to say, I really love how you started this. The first sentence really just threw me off, more so because it’s always what runs through my mind when I attempt to start writing a story. And it wasn’t how I expected a story to be started. But it was really clever, especially when you got in the connection to Quidditch. I thought it was just so clever and just…amazing. Great choice for the start.

I also like how you moved from that connection into Lily’s life, starting when she was little and building up to the start of the actual story. It added in some good background on how you have her character and it really gave some good insight into her character. I really liked reading just little snippets of her past for an introduction to what the main focus of the story was going to be.

How you wrote the chapter and the mystery behind Parker Mason’s character also has me very interested. Stellar Quidditch player at the same place as Lily? Another intern maybe? Not sure, but definitely cannot wait to find out!

And, before I’m done, I have a couple little things I noticed:

“It is at that point in which anything is possible, but at the same time it is those beginning moments that are the most crucial.” –There’s nothing wrong, necessarily, with this sentence, but I think it’s a bit wordy and that wordiness makes it a wee bit confusing. Maybe try cutting back or rewording the sentence?

“He was a lanky boy, with bodny limbs.” Spelling thing. Do you mean boney?

“He had messed up his curly blonde locks because he wanted to look, “dateable” in all and every picture hew was in.” You have a w at the end of he.

“While we climbed Teddy explained to me that I was headed to the box sweats, which were basically seating areas made for rich people.” “I said opening the door into the hallway that the box sweets were located in.” “I walked down the hallway a little reading the numbers on the doors before I find sweet forty two.” – All three of these sentences happen a couple paragraphs apart towards the middle and it’s just a word thing. You’re looking for the word ‘suites’ or ‘suite’.

Other than those few things, this really was a lovely chapter. I quite enjoyed it and cannot wait to see where you take this :D

~Grimmerz

Author's Response: Hi thanks for reading and reviewing :)

So the begginning of the story was actually inspired by exactly what you were talking about. I was trying to get this story onto its feet, and after two failed attempts and like a total of 6000 words that I had to throw out I was like "Why do first chapters have to be so hard?" Then it hit me that that would be an excellent way to start my story.

Sorry about the pleathera of typos and word errors. I wrote this chapter in the last week of nano, I was really busy at the time, and knew that it was a really rough. But I wanted to get it into the queue before it closed, so I put in this not-so-edited version. I'll go back and fix that a.s.a.p.

Anyway I'm glad that you enjoyed this, I can't wait to get into the story a bit more.

Hope to see you around the CR sometime soon :)

-Liz


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Review #15, by Jchrissy My Variable

29th June 2012:
I’m here, I’m here! And very excited about it because I’ve never really read a fanfic taht revolves a lot around quidditch. I’m happy the title worked for you, by the way! :)

Okay, you said brutally honest... so I will be.. ;).

Let’s start!
I’m not sure if this is a typo or not:
but at the same time it is those begging moments that are the most crucial

Is that begging supposed to be beginning? It actually kind of works as begging, haha.

I think your first two paragraphs are wonderful attention grabbers! I immediately wanted to know what kind of variables she would face!

Her desire to win the quidditch cup is conveyed perfectly,! I loved the way you expressed that, yes she was happy when her team one, but she couldn’t be part of it so it left that bitter sweet feeling I think that was a wonderful touch! I already don’t think that she will be close to Mary sue. Mary sues eitehr don’t have faults, or their faults are so cute that it’s perfect. That bit of resentment that she couldn’t be part of what happened, even though she was really pleased, makes her real already.


Your line about Hugo being a pessimist and her enjoying sarcasm is really great, it actually had me Lol-ing ;)!

Oh your description of the banner is just beautiful! It was so easy to imagine and was very well done!

Everything from the sheen polish on the hard wood floors to the delicate crystal chandeliers that hang every ten yards or so, screams ‘I’m too expensive for you.’ - This is another really, really great descriptive line.


What a strong closing paragraph! Oh my, her internship just got a lot more complicated, didn’t it?

Okay. I really, really wish I could have all these amazing ideas of different things to change, but I think this was great! It takes a bit of concentration, but I don’t think that’s bad thing. I love her narrative voice, and once again I do not think she’s shaping up into a Mary Sue what so ever. Like I said, this first chapter requires concentration and has a bit of a slow pace, but I really don’t think that’s a bad thing because I have a feeling things pick up from here.

I have such a good idea as to the kind of person she is already, and you make me really excited to learn more about Parker Mason!!

Thanks for requesting, darling! I hope to see you again!

-JChrissy

Author's Response: Thanks for reading and reviewing :)

So this was super helpful, and very reassureing. I feel like first chapters are like the most stressful thing in the world because they are you're first impression. That's how I actually came up with the beggining for this story. I rewrote it three times and went "arggg why are begginings always so hard!... wait a minute" and then the first two paragraphs were born :D.

The first thing you pointed out was a typo. I am a terrible speller and so every time I wrote the word begginning in word the thing auto corrected it to begging, I thought I had fixed all of them, but I must have missed one.

I'm also glad that you don't think that she is all that Mary Sue ish, and that you like the narration. I had a hard time getting her personallity just right, and I was still kind of worried I didn't have it yet.

Thanks again for the review :) It was really really helpful

-Liz


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Review #16, by Dezire_427 My Variable

29th June 2012:
A great beginning, if i might say so. I love the idea of Lily becoming a professional Quidditch player, its such a breather from all those stories where Al or James play pro. And I also like your writing style, the grammar is very good.
I hope you continue, cause I'm eager to read on.
Please update soonish,
Love,
-Dizzy.
P.S. I love the Title of the story. It's innovative and one-of-a-kind.

Author's Response: Thanks for the really nice review :)
I'm really excited to be writing about the entire pro quidditch world. I feel like there are a lot of fanfics out there with Al or James being pro quidditch players, but no one really goes into the details of how they get there. So you'll see more of that as my story goes on :)

Hopefully the next update will come soonish, but with the staff vacation coming up it will probably be updated on the later side of things, but I swear it will happen eventually

All credit to the tittle goes to JCrissy who thought it up for me. It's great isn't it :)

Anywho thanks again for the review


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