Reading Reviews for Chasing Ghosts
  
16 Reviews Found

Review #1, by fauxthefox Tonight, It Would End

3rd March 2013:
I LOVE IT.

This relationship is so real that it made me cry because it reminds me of my own. I'm not even that sure what to say other than wow, but I'll do my best.

Astoria is a great character. Although the whole "I'm sexy and I know it," she's definitely flawed in the way that she makes generalizations about people, so I'm not really getting any Mary Sue vibes. And Draco seems to be nicely in canon. :) Great descriptions, great dialogue.

I think that the one thing you could do to improve the chapter would be to have Astoria come to a sort of catharsis where she realizes that the reason she has to, has to, HAS TO leave is that Draco's still in love with her sister. You started off the chapter with her being sort of huff about Draco not wanting her to smoke. I think it would be great if for most of the chapter, she's rationalizing wanting to leave him because she doesn't like him trying to make her act like a lady - and then at the end, she realizes that it's a lot deeper than that, that she knows he loves Daphne even though she's been trying to hide it from herself.

Really wonderful job. :)
10/10
Faux

Author's Response: Hi m'dear! Thank you so much for this awesome review! I actually saw that you reviewed it from your post in the Gryffindor common room :P!

I love your suggestion! Honestly, I probably won't end up ever editing this piece. It's one of my first, and it's nice to sort of compare the older and newer pieces and see what areas I've strengthened. That being said, I do think your suggestion was awesome! And if I ever do decide to edit it, I'll absolutely credit you!

Thank you again for stopping by ♥



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Review #2, by Splendiferously_Awesome Tonight, It Would End

10th February 2013:
Wow! This was simply heartbreaking - beautifully written and achingly sad. I loved the way you built up the tension and suspense :)

Author's Response: Hi there! I'm so happy you liked this! Thank you for stopping by to read and review :)!!

Jami ♥


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Review #3, by Father Christmas Tonight, It Would End

26th December 2012:
It's your Secret Santa here ;)

Well, this was definitely explosive and attention-grabbing! I would even go so far as to say it was faultless in its execution. The powerful, sensual opening set the precedence for exactly what the story was going to be about and really packed a punch for lack of a better phrase. I loved the way you characterised Astoria in such a recognisable way instantly that didn't slip the entire way through.

The way that Draco was shown in this was really well done too - it stuck to the 'essence' of his original character whilst allowing progression in the form of his hurt and pain. I felt like you really exploited that and did a good job of it. Well done!

The ending really threw me, as well! Although it can seem quite typical to introduce a sibling love triangle, you made it new with the shock factor and I like how you developed it with Draco and Astoria's argument. Factoring in the amazing writing and excellently versed sentences this is definitely a winner of a story!

Merry Christmas!

Author's Response: Ahhh! I was so excited when I saw this!

I have a really different head canon for Astoria than most people... eventually I'll probably do a novel with her and Draco, but yeah. She's just kind of dangerous in my head.. more sharp than soft. If that makes sense.

I'm so happy you liked this, and you have no idea what a huge compliment it is that you liked my writing in it ♥

Ahh this reviews was just such an awesome surprise. Thank you! ♥


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Review #4, by caoty Tonight, It Would End

1st November 2012:
Astoria!

She's so much fun. She's a bad girl with a heart of maybe-not-quite-gold-but-at-least-gold-plated, and you show that well. You've clearly had fun writing her, too.

Your imagery is gorgeous in this, especially near the beginning. Honestly, if this fic had been Astoria listening to music for 2000+ words, I would not have minded in the slightest.

That said, your perspective gets a bit muddled up, like it's from Astoria's POV but then:
>...he asked, after being sure his voice wouldn't shake.
Don't switch perspective like that in the middle of a fic unless you're trying to confuse people, it's weird.

And you've still got typos! Even with two betas! I don't know how you do it. :P

No, but really though. This was a fun read, and well done with the challenge, you deserved the win. :)

Author's Response: This marks the very last piece of mine you've read and reviewed, right?? Looks like I better write more so you have more to review ;).

My head Draco and Astoria are very different than most. I don't actually have Daphne dying an Astoria knowing that Draco truly loved her in my 'one day novel' plan.. but I do have Astoria as a not so good girl. Draco more saves her, gets her back to a healthy place where she isn't at bars until closing. And in turn, he basically saves himself. One day I WILL write it. After I finish BTF...

BUT! With the typos... I like to think that people get too wrapped up in my writing to notice the typos... :P. In reality, I'm always adding things so I just add new typos in, haha.

Thanks for review, darling!


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Review #5, by TenthWeasley Tonight, It Would End

29th July 2012:
Hello -- here with your requested review for this one-shot!

So, confession time: I don't normally like to read a lot about the Malfoys. They simply aren't characters that interest me, and I haven't written a terrible lot about them, either. That being said, when they're written well, I have no qualms about at least giving them a shot. And this -- you really wrote quite well here, Jami!

I can see where a lot of people are coming off disliking Astoria. I think throughout the first half of this, before I figured out what was going on -- why she was trying to break off her engagement, what her motivations were -- then I wasn't too keen on her character, either. I think it may just be a downfall of plot exposition, that disliking. At the end it did become clear that she was wary about the 'ghost' of her sister (as it were), but early on, when she's just smoking and drinking in the bar, it's quite unclear. Perhaps, if you didn't want that sort of adverse reaction, you might sprinkle clues throughout the first section. A brief reference to Daphne, or even a flash of the pain Astoria evidently feels at the end (which is somewhat lacking in the first half) might fix that very nicely. :3

Which sorts of leads me into talking about the emotions! Again, the first half of this story was quite different from the second in this department. Initially, in the bar, Astoria seems almost... empty of emotion, if that makes sense? She's so focused on what she's set to do, how she's going to make Draco angry, that we don't really get a sense of her pain or fear at all. By the time we do get this, the story has ended, and it's very hard to build up to the sort of pain I know that you're trying to achieve with this. If that makes any sense at all?

I suppose what I'm trying to say -- if you want your readers to feel Astoria's pain, then we must love her in some way, however minute. Her smoking and flirting and drinking without seeming cause doesn't allow for this; if you gave us an insight into her motives besides making her fiance angry, I think that might help a good deal. :)

This has potential, Jami -- it really does! Make us believe in your characters, and we'll believe in your story. ♥ Thank you for taking the time to request a review from me!

Author's Response: I am really happy that she comes off empty of emotion in the first half, I completely see what you mean by it ending before you get to see her pain. I think instead of showing her weakness before hand, I might actually lengthen it to give readers more time to adjust to what's actually going on. I don't think Astoria could have survived if she would have let herself think of what she was going to do for even a second, because hurting Draco is everything that she's afraid of. She loves him so much that knowing she's causing him pain is what will keep her in this relationship.

But, if she can make him angry enough that it over shadows his pain, then she can get out. I think that's really what I wanted the reader to be left with. Is yes, Astoria's earlier actions weren't exactly nice, but she's dying. Everything about being with Draco is killing her from not feeling good enough, to seeing her dead sister in his eyes, to loving him more than he can ever love her, and then of course to not being able to get out - because he does need her. And when she has tried to get out, his desperation pulls her back in and it's just the same cycle of her internal pain.

She's also not a great person. She's heartless to people who don't matter, as she demonstrates. I think that giving away more about why she was acting that way would is definitely the right course of action, even if it comes after. Thank you so much for the idea *hug*!

Or I could add a first chapter to come before this that just shows bits and pieces of their relationship...hmm. Now you have the wheels turning, Rachel!

Thank you so much for this wonderful review ♥ I'm off to enjoy Snape and Beth soon!


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Review #6, by Remus Tonight, It Would End

26th July 2012:
Alright so apparently I read this one some time ago and either 1) I didn't leave a review or 2) I didn't finish it because I started reading it at work. I think I'm going with the latter since halfway through, I didn't recognize any of it.

Seriously, the narrative is fantastic. The very first paragraph really pulled me in and I was immediately interested what was going to happen. Astoria here is being...well, a non 12+ word here! Haha! The way that she's poking at Draco's anger is making me cringe just a bit. Its like watching a train wreck and you can't look away!

Aww! This was horribly sad!! :( Now I understand where Astoria is coming from. At first you were great at portraying Draco as this mean, horrible human being and that Astoria wanted to leave. However, you were fantastic at slowly revealing the real reason why she 'hates' Draco. The detail...the narrative...it really made this story flow.

Draco's personality is amazing. I loved how he really, really tries to bring her back. To show Astoria that he loves her and when she leaves in the end...I just wanted to hug him.

Ever since Dan's story I've become more of a Draco/Astoria fan. So thank you for writing a story about my new favorite couple. XD

--Rosie

P.S. The Pass the Parcel rules said that it had to be a 'story'. So, idk if chapters counted...in order to not lose any points against Slytherin I reviewed this one-shot instead. :) Otherwise I would've read chapter 4 of Before They Fall! XD

Author's Response: Ahhh I'm so happy you like this ♥ ♥ when I finish Before They Fall, Astoria and Draco are next. These two really pull to me!

I'm so happy you understood where Astoria was coming from because a lot of people haven't. I think that only reading half of the story may contribute to that.. '

I can't imagine being in her situation. It would be heartbreaking. Dan is what actually sparked these two for me, also! Geez, we're going to have to send that man cookies or something!

Thank you so much for doing such am amazing review Rosie ♥

Jami


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Review #7, by academica Tonight, It Would End

22nd July 2012:
Hey Jami! Here with your requested review :)

So I don't really understand why people would just read bits and pieces for review tag - especially since you get to pick the story you read for that - and I'm sorry if that's ever happened to you. Even though I ship Draco pretty hard with an OC that I have, I still kind of like Draco/Astoria, and I think it's cool when I get to read them, so I appreciate you taking time out from J/L and requesting this :)

I actually really like the theme here. I think the variable emotions and tension work well with this idea of having a facade on top of a lot of vulnerability. It's clear to me that Astoria liked the weakness in Draco but hates to see it in herself. The irony is what makes this interesting to me. My opinion is that if people are actually reading the whole story, or at least most of it, then the meaning should make sense to them. I don't even think the idea of someone leaving their partner and struggling to be strong is really all that uncommon. If you want to strengthen it even more, you could try weaving Astoria's weakness more into her early interactions - make her more afraid to see Draco (mixed with her feeling of triumph), make her hands shake when she's talking to the bartender, etc. That way, it will be crystal clear to the reader that she's finally breaking down at the end of it.

I think both of them came across as being pretty sympathetic to me here. I definitely felt bad for Draco, who seemed totally shocked by her decision, and also for Astoria, who worked so hard to "fix him" and then realized her efforts were futile. There doesn't seem to be a winner here.

I loved the imagery here - to me, it was the strongest part of the piece. Little metaphors like "The poisonous words dripped from her thick lips, making sure to insert themselves into Draco and twist, mercilessly" and phrases like "Check. They were back on track as she spoke her first lie, forcing the anger back into him" really made this interesting for me, above all else. Great job there!

The emotions here are good, and I can see why they're so intense. As I stated earlier, it might help to temper things if you show the cracks in the facade a little earlier. You could even use that to develop Draco a bit further - under his anger, he's probably a little concerned about Astoria, and showing just one tiny hint of that (so as not to pull him way out of character) might be the perfect catalyst to let Astoria fall down on the job a little.

The ending was good - for a while there, I was trying to figure out who Astoria was referencing, assuming it was Pansy, but I like the use of Daphne. You could always add a little more to that metaphor of the infection, just to give more context to their relationship. I really liked that line.

Great job! I hope this review is helpful :)

-Amanda

Author's Response: Aww thank you for this wonderful review! I really like the idea of very small signs that she's scared to do what comes next. When I edit this piece I think I'll add that in, and of course credit you for the help :).

I had so much fun playing with imagery during this piece. It was the kind of situation where I really felt like I could take things to the extreme. Like you said, there really was no winner in this situation. Astoria still loves her sister so much and misses her, that she can't even hate the 'other woman' for lack of better terms.

Sometimes I get the most amazing reviews from review tag and end up starting a review tag sort of relationship. That's how I got started reading CoB.. do there are those few times that it is great then more than not I either get a two line review or don't get reviewed at all. I guess that's the chance you take! And I need to remember that review tag isn't meant to be full of in depth CC and well thought compliments... it's a quick thing... but I get spoiled by all these amazing reviewers I request for (cough, Amanda, cough).

Anyway, I am so happy you enjoyed this piece. I'm experimenting with a new style for a Sirius one shot, and the next chapter of BTF should be up today or tomorrow, so you will be seeing me soon ;).

I hope to review another one of your stories later on today, if you have a certain one that you would like opinions on, you are more than welcome to message it to me :)!

Jami


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Review #8, by slytherinchica08 Tonight, It Would End

21st July 2012:
Well I'm so sorry that it has taken me this long to be able to finally complete our review swap but alas I'm here! Really I just have one word to say... WOW! The description and emotional punch that this story had was just wonderful!

I really loved the idea behind this story.. that draco was in love with daphne but she ended up being killed in the war and that he has never really gotten over her even though he was engaged to her sister. The ending was pretty heartbreaking with her admitting that she does really love him but that she can't stand competing with a ghost and knowing that her love with him will never reach what his had with her sister.

I only found a couple of mistakes throughout the chapter. In this part "The hot, pounding sensation of it grabbed hold of her soul and forced her attention to it." you missed the a for ahold. In this part, "her blue sin found a pair of hazel that sat across the room, taking in the sight of her" I'm not sure what blue sin means or if its supposed to be blue eyes but I figured I would point it out. Really thats not bad to have only found the two errors so great job!

I really enjoyed reading this! It was so emotional and good it really did suck me in once I got started! Great Job on such a wonderful one shot!

~Slytherinchica08~

Author's Response: Thank you so much ♥ this was a very interesting story to write. I felt so very bad for both of them all the way through. I mean, he loves Daphne and Astoria, just not that once in a life time kind of love he had for Daphne... she loves her sister and her fiance, she can't even hate the 'other woman' because that other woman is her dead sister.. gahh just so much complication!

Ohh thank you for pointing out the A :)!

With the blue sin, I was working off the previous descriptions where it talks about her eyes being the color of purity but it the looks that she gave from them were that of sin :).

Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this! I really love this short story for some reason!!

Let me know if you ever want to do another swap :). ♥


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Review #9, by ariellem Tonight, It Would End

12th July 2012:
Hello! So I was stalking your page and I saw this, Drastoria is one of my favorite ships ever! So much better then Dramione. And I loved your story of this! Great job! :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much darling! It was interesting to write about Astoria having to make such a painful decision. I couldn't imagine the preson you love, loving your dead sister. It would not be easy!

I'm headed to your page right now :)! Thanks for the wonder review!!

Jami


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Review #10, by RosieQueen Tonight, It Would End

11th July 2012:
Hi! I'm having a review-spree at the moment, so that's why this review is unexpected. Did I surprise you? Well, you should be. x)

I love Drastoria so much, especially in Post-Hogwarts. Astoria's characterizations are always so different in each story, but I thought her characterization in this story was very interesting. Usually, people portray her as the doting wife of Draco Malfoy, but I liked how she was portrayed as a strong woman in your story. I think I also like Drastoria because I'm really sick of all the Dramiones on this site...

I also thought the description was really good. As this is one of your later pieces, I can see you improving as a writer, especially with description.

Overall, a very well-written one-shot! I really enjoyed reading this. :)

~Rosie

Author's Response: You surprised me so much! Thank you!!

I have a very different head canon for Astoria, and I hope after I finish Before They Fall I can start a project using those two.

You being able to see me improve as a writer is one of the best compliments I have gotten. *hugs*

I felt so bad for Astoria when she finally had to drop that last bombshell. Poor girl was trying to desperately to protect Draco, and save her own life. Can you imagine the love of your life still being in love with your dead sister? It would be horrible!

Ahh! Thank you again for this review


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Review #11, by LyrisLovegood Tonight, It Would End

3rd July 2012:
Hi :)

So this is my first time reading a Draco/Astoria story as I generally don't tend to read Hogwarts or Post-Hogwarts story.

Anyway I love your take on this and I can feel the emotions, clear as light of day. It really fits with my break-up challenge. I love how she still holds the Slytherin traits but at the same time she has a perfectly good reason to act in such a way.

The story was beautifully written and you had plenty of description and imagery for me to follow so I can pictured the atmosphere well. So kudos to you as I lack in my description sometimes, so I can use some tips from you.

Overall this is a very good story :)

Thanks for participating.

Author's Response: Hello, darling! I don't think I would ever write any Hogwarts post Hogwarts that had to revolve around it being that time.. if that makes sense. When I saw your break up challenge something just started spinning, and Astoria is such a different head canon for me than most.

It was really hard to try and make it clear that she did have a good reason, I'm so happy you picked up on that! She's trying so hard to avoid causing Draco any pain, she just can't take him hurting, so making him angry is a better option. The second he starts breaking, she knows she can't take it. But at the same time, it's killing her. The pain of being so in love with him, missing her sister, knowing Draco still loves her sister, she's just not capable of dealing with it.

I am so excited to make my way over to your one shot you requested in the review thread!

Thanks for holding such a creative challenge, my dear! I had so much fun writing this piece!!

Jami


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Review #12, by WitnesstoitAll Tonight, It Would End

2nd July 2012:
Sorry this review took me a bit to get done! Some unexpected things came up, but here I am at last. :)

This was an interesting take on Astoria's characterization -- more often I've seen her as a doting wife that becomes Draco's support beam. Here, she's very strong, very fiesty. I think that really made her character come to life. I was a bit taken aback by how, plotting and vindictive she is, but she has been through a lot. Your draco was nicely done -- though I do feel like you sort of got into tune with his characters the more you wrote him (especially his dialogue). Their relationship was so sad to read. I can't imagine being in either of their places. The ending didn't surprise me, but I think you executed the revelation of the knife in their relationship well.

My only real critique is related to your discription. I know at the start of this you were trying to describe Astoria and the setting and the like, but it was very concentrated there and then sort of floundered out towards the end which gave it a bit of a disjointed sort of feel. I write the same way... I feel obligated to set the scene and then let it play out and always have to be conscious of it when I go back to edit. Honestly, the one shot as a whole still read really well, I just figured I'd mention it to you since you were asking for feedback in your forum status. :)

I really did enjoy reading this!!
xoxo
Melissa

Author's Response: Hello! I am so happy you like Astoria, I have a very interesting head canon for her. I honestly see her as a incredibly messed up, sick of having to be perfect, and ready to fly off the deep end when her and Draco meet. In a way, they both save each other more or less. I've never seen her as the angelic form that offers him redemption, so putting them in this situation was really fun yet emotional for me.

She is very plotting in this, but I might have to take another look at it if Vindictive came across. Though I did want her to seem that way at the beginning, I was hoping to make it clear that it was really just her own facade to try and protect herself and get out. She could handle her own pain and live with it, it was Draco's that she couldn't stand. So by making him angry she hoped to make it easier on him when she delivered the final blow.

I know, I couldn't imagine it either. I wanted to write something about that feeling of the person you love not really belonging to you, but I also wanted it to be more original and emotional than just 'the other woman' type.

Ahhh I am so glad you commented on the way the descriptions do sort of slow down. I was wondering if it was my own self CC that noticed it, but obviously not. That's exactly what I felt obligated to do, also. As soon as things really started moving, I felt like I could let them be, but I do think I need to go back and add in more to give it a constant feel.

And thank you for mentioning it! I love CC, it is the only way I can get better!!

I do hope you understood Astoria's feelings, and that she was ultimately trying to save Draco from pain by replacing it with anger, because I didn't want to portray her as heartless by any means. Well, at least not until the end!

Thank you for your lovely and very helpful review, m'dear!

Jami


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Review #13, by EverDiggory Tonight, It Would End

1st July 2012:
I'm finally here with your review! Took me long enough, eh?

Before I start, let me tell you that this is really, really good! So now, perhaps I shall explain why!

Characterization: I love this! I really felt Astoria's grief and love, and I can see exactly why Draco would act that way. You really understood Astoria, which made her character very interesting to read. Both Draco and Astoria had such depth.

Flow: This was also good! Everything was very smooth and not one sentence was wasted!

Imagery/Descriptions: *claps excitedly* You did so good! I am so proud of you! This was just wonderful! I had a very clear picture from everything to Astoria to the bar setting. I really loved the eyes, and the way you described them. I had a very detailed and crystal clear picture of everything, and it really brought your story to life! HOORAY!

Grammar: This was also wonderful, and I didn't see many mistakes! I noticed one here and one there but otherwise it was great!

Plot: *jaw drops* I totally wouldn't have seen that ending coming if I hadn't stopped near the end and read the part where you said that the ending might be a bit of a shock. But even then I was thinking there is no way because it would just be too cruel. I loved the ending, it was so heartbreaking! Poor Astoria! Poor Draco! It was technically a love triangle, and an epic one at that!

Emotions: These were all also crystal clear. I felt every bit of grief yet love that Astoria felt. I felt terribly for Draco because he was just so...I don't think desperate is the best word, but it kind of fits. I couldn't even imagine being in such an awful situation. The emotions came across very strong and it was just fantastic!

The only bit of (MINOR) CC I have for you is this:

"ASTORIA GREENGRASS, Get your arse over here this instance!

While I laughed my butt off at this, I would recommend bolding or italicizing it. See, its very minor, but there's just something about capitalizing it all that just disrupts it all. I suppose thats also the effect you wanted, but still;P Bolding also looks more...professional, if you will!

Ultimately, I think this was a wonderful story! Everything was done so perfectly and I felt so many emotions, and I pictured everything so clearly! This is definitely some of your best work and I am so incredibly proud of you! This is such beautiful writing! *hugs*

More!

xx

Ever

Author's Response: Darling, darling, darling girl! This review is so amazing, I couldn't stop smiling for hours! I've had to wait to respond until I thought I could tangle together a real sentence instead of just going.. EYYYAY! But I did it anyway, so... oh well ;).

I have to add in also, that your constant reminder of wanting imagery went such a long way for me. I couldn't believe how much fun I had with this piece, everything from the way her hand moved to the way she sounded was so stuck in my mind.

The ending is shocking? Yay! I was really hoping it would be! When another woman is starting to get mentioned, I was assuming most people would think of Pansy. Not darling Daphne. But it makes sense, why would he date the 2 years younger one, unless he had to, ya know? All thought I don't think she actually died in my head Canon, I think she was probably just a troll and Astoria was gorgeous, but the idea that it could happen was very fun for this story.

It was so great to be able to create Astoria's safe wall, and make her think if she could only keep Draco mad, she could walk away with clean hands. Poor girl didn't take into account how deep her own pain would go...

Anyway, your review is amazing, I'm on cloud 100 where I think I will stay for quite some time! I hope to get to dive more into the word of D and A soon enough, but for now Lily and James are back sitting on my shoulders bugging the heck out of me to finish chapter 6. Lily is quite bossy! Oh, and Sirius is begging for his 'close up' in this chapter. Really, I can't get these characters to keep quite!

Thank you again for the wonderful review, miss Ever! xoxo


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Review #14, by xxstaindrosesxx Tonight, It Would End

1st July 2012:
Oh dang. I've never actually read an Astoria/Draco fic before! I have to say, I really enjoyed this.

First of all, I like your concept on Astoria with her being a very strong woman. I picture Draco needing a strong woman after everything he has been through at Hogwarts and after the war. I think that's part of the reason people like Dramione so much, besides the whole bad guy good girl theme. I just really liked your take on her, that she would turn heads because I doubt Draco would ever go for anyone who didn't meet high standards.

Second, your writing was very detailed, and I think you did a good job of summing up some of the reasons why Astoria would want to break up with Draco. The way he was kind of controlling. The way he didn't like her smoking cigarettes and was jealous of guys she talked to, even if she did kind of do that all on her own. He was suffocating her. Then you added the twist near the end about him loving her sister first, how he would always love Daphne and never be capable of loving Astoria the way he loved Daphne. I thought that was a very neat twist to the story.

Overall, this is a very good one-shot, and good luck in the challenge!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review! I am so happy you liked it, I'm rather fond of this one myself :)!

Yes, poor Astoria couldn't survive knowing he would always love Daphne more. She couldn't even hate him for it, because she misses and loved her sister just as much.

Astoria wanted to make sure and push every button on Draco before she delivered that final reasoning, it's so much easier to get into a fight and end things that way then by all the painful emotions coming out.

Okay, I'm rambling, thank you so much :)! I'm so happy you liked it!!! :)!!


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Review #15, by Thepheonixpen Tonight, It Would End

30th June 2012:
That was incredible !
So many emotions through this story I was completely enthralled
I had know idea how it was going to end until it did, it was so sad that even though she loved him she couldn't be with him because he was still in love with her dead sister!
This is probably my favourite one shot you have written, it was brilliantly written!
:) -s

Author's Response: Darling girl you spoil me!! Thank you so much for this amazing review. I'm happy that you didn't know what to expect! I didn't really know how people would respond to this, but it seems like so far so good :)!

Thank you so much :hug:


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Review #16, by CambAngst Tonight, It Would End

30th June 2012:
Hello, dear! I am here to review your latest and greatest.

This story is fantastic! You create so much atmosphere. It was so easy for me to picture every moment of this heart-breaking encounter. While the story was sad in the end, it was also invigorating in a way. Even though Astoria arguably goes about things in a cruel way, she's doing what she must.

In the beginning, I had the feeling that she was merely trying to make Draco jealous. That she simply wished to extort some favor or promise from him. Her intent quickly grows darker as she continues to repeat her mantra: "This ends tonight." she pushes his buttons. She toys with his emotions. She shamelessly uses the muggles around them to fan his fury. She's such a Slytherin!

But throughout the piece, she can't escape the reality that she loves him. His pain hurts her so deeply. Several times she almost cracks as she sees the sadness in his eyes. It was really touching and it kept me on the edge of my seat!

When she delivers the final blow to their relationship, it was a brilliant twist. You don't say what happened to Daphne and that's fine; you imply just enough. It's the one ghost that Astoria could never possibly compete with, because she loves and misses her sister too much. It was such a cruel blow, delivered at the perfect time and with a deft touch. It's the final nail in the miserable coffin of their relationship.

This story had it all: suspense, heartbreak and loads of atmosphere. I loved the way you wrote it. You're a great storyteller, you know that?

Author's Response: Are you trying to make up for all the times you've made me cry in CoB, by making me cry happy tears? You are amazingly wonderful, and I'm so happy you liked this. You know how scared I was getting..

You're very right about Astoria. She is trying so hard to be cruel, to get Draco to stay angry so that they can end this through that rage, and not through pain. What she didn't bet on, is how strong her emotions would fight against it. What a heart breaking situation, isn't it? How do you love something that's taking away everything, but how do you hate the memory of something you love? Poor girl.

Slytherin through and through... She's quite the girl, isn't she? ;)

I am so happy you picked up on the times she almost cracked. It took everything for her to reel back her own emotions and work on playing with his, ahh! You observant thing, you.

I am so happy you liked it. It was so such a fun/exhausting thing to write. Getting into Astoria's head was wonderful, and I can't say I'm not looking forward to doing it again. Lily gets bit jealous though... these women. ;)!

Thanks again, darling!!! :):):)!!!


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