Reading Reviews for One Last Time
  
7 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Matthew1991 One Last Time

14th August 2013:
Loved it, although Gellert does come across as too naÔve to be the forerunner to Voldemort.

Both of them depicted as true gentlemen to the end with grace and dignity.

It's all very British and I can't get enough of it!

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Review #2, by Serendipitous_love One Last Time

1st September 2012:
Starting with two big paragraphs is not a good idea. They look kind of daunting, like it is too much to read. This can be easily changed with a few spaces though so it is nothing to worry. Just make it into a few, easy to read paragraphs. The first line was really interesting. In addition to the explanation below, it works wonders. Itís not something a person reads about every day.

I just loved the use of pitter-patter. Personally, I would have just developed on the whole rain. Like, did you know it intensifies smells and with them being on the hillside it would have really added to it. How they got wet too, how heavy it was, would have added. That is just me though, it works so perfectly as it is. The scene is easily seen from your explanation already so well done.

ĎThe brilliant mind of Albus Dumbledore had gone blank on words.í This really is such a powerful line, Iím not sure youíre aware. It might do with some elaborating, just for some emphasis.

The whole scene is brilliant. I think you did well with slash and two very strong characters. Albus seems torn and Gellert is boyish and naive, perfect. This can be done differently, the characters can be changed and even made to maddeningly hate eachother. Each to their own then, you went with your own idea. You did brilliantly, might I add! I loved this whole idea- itís not something I get to see much so well done. (:

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Review #3, by SilentConfession One Last Time

16th July 2012:
Hi, i'm here for your review request on the forums! I'm so sorry it's taken this long but life has gotten too crazy!

So you asked specifically about the fluidity and structure of this story so i'll talk a little about that first. I think it flowed really well actually and there wasn't any point that I felt like i had to come out of the story your telling to figure out what you were trying to say if that makes sense. It's a very good thing because it was smooth the whole way through. However, you have really big paragraphs and they are chunky and hard to to read. That is when i come out of the story and was always trying to find my place again.

Characterization wise, i thought it was an interesting dynamic you have going here. When i put myself back in that time and in Dumbledore's shoes i can barely imagine it because it be so hard to duel the person you love. Which is definitely something you worked with here and came up with the theory that there was no duel. You read that it was this famous battle that sort of went down in history but you've written it as if there was no witnesses and in one of their special places as young lads. I think it worked for the purposes of your story though and i didn't find myself questioning it.

I also found myself believing Dumbledore's feelings and you did a great job at showing his reservations of having to be the one to stop Gellert and put him in prison. It wasn't easy for him to face that because not only did he love him but in a way he was faced with his own failures (especially with Ariana). However, although he may have felt this way, i have a hard time thinking that Dumbledore would be open with it with Gellert but rather i'd think he'd be a little more closed off because he'd see it as his punishment for his mistakes all those years ago.

You even mentioned that Gellert was a little soft here in your a/n and i do agree with you. Although you've set up some nice characterizations for him as we know that he did later seem to regret a little what he did and we see that peeking out here and those regrets may have come from Dumbeldore here, i think he'd be a little... well just a little more here. I'm not sure if there is another word i could use but i hope you understand. I did like though how you wrote him as this boy almost who just didn't understand why people didn't agree with him as if it should have just been natural that people also see it his way. He seemed like an overgrown child here and there was a part of that that i really liked actually as it seems like he's juts used to having his own way.

I think overall you did a fairly good job with this and your characters were consistently written all the way through your story (this is excellent by the way because that made me want to believe it all the more). Thank you for requesting me, i enjoyed reading this and i hope that you found this little review useful! :D

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Review #4, by Roots in Water One Last Time

2nd July 2012:
It's Roots in Water here with your review!

This was a very interesting piece- I don't think I've ever read an Albus/Gellert story before. You had a good perspective here on Albus' feelings- it makes sense that he would have separated the Gellert he had fallen in love with as a child from the man who had committed such horrible crimes.

As well, I found the conversation between Albus and Gellert interesting (in a very good way, of course). You definitely put a human spin on Gellert: he's just a misunderstood man who never learned that not everyone had to agree with his ideas and that sometimes he should just leave well enough alone. And when he finally starts to understand, thanks to Albus, it's too late. He's already done too much harm.

However, as you pointed out in your author's note, I did feel that they were both a little "soft" in this piece. I understand that they had (have?) romantic feelings for each other but I don't think that Albus would have opened himself up so much to Gellert. You mentioned in the piece how Albus had resigned himself to spending his life alone and I think that this resignment would have led him to distance himself emotionally from Gellert. However, I think that your plot could still work if you had Albus break his vow to himself and feel sympathetic towards Gellert. Does that make sense? I just think it's unlikely that Albus would made himself so vulnerable before Gellert so easily.

I think that you definitely did a good job with the flow between sentences and paragraphs. Nothing felt jarring as I read through the story and you managed to capture me with the emotions you were portraying, so you did a great job there! However, I felt that you should break your first two paragraphs into smaller pieces. I felt that the large pieces of text diminished the power behind your words because it made it harder to read.

Here are just a few thoughts about your sentences. With "Forty Two" I believe it should actually be written as "forty-two". As well, I think that the sentence "as he stood on top this darkened hill which overlooked a small, sleeping town..." focuses on the description of too many things, thus making the flow sound awkward. If I were you, I would take out part about atmosphere of night and put in a different sentence. Sometimes when you have too many commas it makes it hard to follow the direction of the sentence. Finally, the phrase "had gone blank on words" sounds awkward and I don't believe that that's how it is supposed to go. I think that it's better phrased as "had forgotten all manner of speech" or, if you want to still use the term "blank", "had blanked on words".

As a whole, I believe that you've written a really good piece. You've definitely done a great job of transmitting the emotions of the two men to the readers as well as of using the physical description of the setting to great effect. Thanks for requesting a review and I hope that my comments are helpful!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your time and effort! I felt they were kind of 'soft' too, so will be something to work on in the future. I agree with what you said about Dumbledore not making himself so vulnerable too. I will definitely look into that in future stories. Thanks for the writing tips too! ^^

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Review #5, by Remus One Last Time

2nd July 2012:
Hey! Perelandra here with your review! Sorry it has taken a while but I'm here!

I've never read a Dumbledore/Grindelwald fic before but I'm glad I did now.

I like the characterization of Dumbledore. However, Gellert here is the one that I think needs a little more anger about his defeat? I think that's what I'm trying to say. Everything about Gellert's love for Albus is great, the emotions were there except for the anger of being defeated by the person who made the plans along side him.

Love the vivid description that you give us. It felt like I was with them sharing that moment.

The only CC that I would give you is to break up the first 2 paragraphs into four. Specially in the first paragraph where you begin talking about Gellert and then you're talking about rain. I would break it where it says "Then the rain started" to make your story look better. But that's just my opinion.

Anyway, thanks for requesting! :D

Author's Response: No worries. Thank you so much for reviewing! I really appreciate it, especially as it seems to be quite a rare pairing. Will definitely have to work on making my paragraphs smaller :) Again, thank you ^^

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Review #6, by Jchrissy One Last Time

29th June 2012:
Hello darling, there were some issues with my first review, so I'm back to re-do it.

I don't have a ton of time, but I didn't want to leave you hanging, so this one is going to be kind of condensed.

I think your emotions between the two are amazing. They are very strong, and so easy to feel through reading this piece.

Gellert is so much different than I would have imagined, but I actually really like him. I think you have done a really great job with Dumbledore, too.

Your theory that there was no duel is actually a really cool one, and I can see something along these lines happening. Part of me wished Gellert could just leave with Albus, so they could be happy together forever, but I know the things he did deserve justice. It just makes me so sad for Dumbledore to lose him...

I think your descriptions were amazing. The words you used really made a vivid picture. Along with the flow, everything is very smooth and easy to read. Well, not easy because the content of this piece is so sad, but you know what I mean :)!

I hope I see you back for a re-request!

JChrissy

Author's Response: No worries. Many thanks for re-doing it! I'm really appreciative of all the help I can get. Will definitely be back for a re-request once I have the current one-shot I'm working on finished. ^^/

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Review #7, by angel_speaks One Last Time

27th June 2012:
Hiya!
Emesias here with your requested review!

Flow: You did an excellent job with maintaining the fluidity of this story. The characters weren't jumping from one place to another.

Structure: In my opinion, having the dialogue separated from the descriptive sentences will make the paragraphs a lot less overwhelming. It's good that you incorporated the use of italics and quotation marks. They really help with differentiating and giving the body more structure.

Characterization: I love it! I'm a big fan of the canon but i appreciate the author's imagination even more! I love how Gellert and Albus was portrayed here. They interacted really well and they accommodated the plot which contributed a lot to the fluidity of the story.

Overall, I think that you did an excellent job! This is my first time reading a fanfic such as this ^_^ Keep up the excellent work!

Happy Writing!!! 10/10

Author's Response: Hey~ Thank you for reviewing so mega-quickly ^-^/ I'll bear in mind for the future what you said about the dialogue and description sentences. Again, thanks so much for helping me ^^

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