Reading Reviews for Sinking and Swimming
  
2 Reviews Found

Review #1, by lia_2390 one

22nd July 2012:
For some reason, I find the shy guys incredibly endearing and adorable. Perhaps that's how I found your Howard. I wanted to hug him - seriously. They are painfully awkward together, but so cute at the same time. I ship them already.

Your writing is very fresh. Please take that as a compliment, that's how I intended it. Anyway, it's fresh, and clear and not muddled down with overly complex things. I notice you rely a lot on description to get things across, which I don't mind one bit. It puts things into perspective for the reader.

I've read quite a few characterisations of Dominique Weasley, but this one is different to most. I love how you've made her more muggle than witch. Most of the Next-Gen characters I read about aren't remotely like that, the most they do is live in Muggle neighbourhoods. I also like that she's moved away to the country. Thinking of the other characters she could meet there makes me a bit excited.

I enjoyed reading this, Laura! I think you did a good job for the start!

Lia

Author's Response: Helloo! Sorry about the awful delay with this response!

Thank you ever so much for this review! It's really really lovely of you to drop by and read this!

I've been having loads of thoughts recently about rewriting this, so this review is really helpful. I'll keep Howard how he is :D I imagine him to be really nerdy and shy too, so I'm glad that comes across okay! I was a bit unsure with Dom - I didn't want her to be this silly Mary Sue, but I've had some more ideas for rewriting this and making her more lovely and genuine, and maybe giving her a reason why she is more muggle than witch.

Ahh thank you!! Trust me, I receive that as a compliment! I had in my head a really bright funky landscape with lots of sunlight, so fresh is the perfect word! thank you!

Eeep, this review has encouraged me no end :) Thank you again for dropping by :D

Laura xxx


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Review #2, by Arithmancy_Wiz one

29th June 2012:
Yeah! First review...unless someone else sneaks in here while I'm writing this.

What a great start to your story. I like Dom. She's got a relaxed air about her, even in the middle of this rather big life change. It's all very relatable. I've moved many times over the years and it's always a bit exciting and a bit scary, but most of all just straight-up exhausting. I also like that you've chosen to have her a bit on the older side - at least in Next-Gen terms. It's nice to read stories about characters post-Hogwarts age. And poor Howard. I bit on the awkward side, isn't he? Still, it doesn't hurt to have a cute boy living on the ground floor of your building.

I like the hints of humor laced throughout the story, be it through the characters' insecurities or wit as the narrator. One line that really made me smile was, "I much rather preferred knitting yarn to a string of boys, anyway." So very clever.

If I could be so bold as to offer one bit of CC: Almost every "section" of dialogue has some sort of qualifier or descriptive phrase added on to is. For example:

"Yep, that's...that's magnolia," he said lamely, before shaking his head," and "Sure," I replied, tilting my head to one side and forcing a smile as his face relaxed, "that would be nice."

I think the dialogue might flow more naturally if sometimes there were just the spoken words. With only two people in the conversation, you have the added perk of not having to identify the speaker very often since it's obvious by the context who is saying what. I only noticed it because it's something I've been trying to work on myself: letting the dialogue speak for itself sometimes - if you'll excuse the TERRIBLE pun.

Overall, super cute start to your story. Thanks for sharing it with me!

Author's Response: Hehe, the review challenge is making everyone peer over their shoulders! Thank you loads for choosing to review this one, though :)

I'm glad you like Dom - I really like her too. I'm trying not to make her into a massive Mary-Sue, so I'm trying to make her more kooky than anything else, like with the age thing. She is older and interesting! But alas sometimes I feel like I make characters too flat. Howard too - I was trying to just make him into a weirdo. A lovable weirdo. I'm glad that kinda worked, though!

Thank you! The fact that you have identified that there are like, fragments of humour is actually so reassuring. This was my first real stab at humour in any shape or form. Usually I stick to angst or...just weird rambling, haha! Thank you! The sad thing is is that I am an avid knitter - I feel as though Dom is channeling the inner loser of myself, bahaha!

I know what you mean about the dialogue. I haven't written in a long time, and since I finished school completely this was my first attempt at slipping back into writing. I am finding it so hard, though. I feel as though a lot of what I am writing is somewhat mechanical, and I couldn't quite put my finger on it - but actually, you pointing out what you feel the issue is is so helpful. Thank you! You're right - two characters = simpler dialogue. I needn't douse it all in description. Haha, no, I love the pun! Almost as good as my awful knitting jokes... :P

Thank you for reviewing this, lovely! You've made me feel so much more confident about this. I'm hoping to play around with a rewrite of this first chapter because I can't quite get the second one flowing, so your CC is so, so helpful and this review is a massive inspiration. Thank you!!

Laura xxx


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