Really enjoyed reading the first chapter and look forward to seeing the others. Just two very small details you might think about changing. In the description of Carolyn's eyes; "Carolyn rolls her slanted eyes" some might find that offensive - "Carolyn rolls her almond shaped eyes" might be better.
And you mention that Hugo is making soup, but in one line you say "letting the delicious scent of the stew fill my lungs"
"letting the delicious scent of the soup fill my nose" may work better. But this is just minor criticism, the soup/stew thing.
Great work overall.Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing! I haven't really looked back at the previous chapters to edit them, but I completely understand what you're saying about Carolyn's eyes and the soup thing. I'll definitely go back and fix those soon :) Report Review
Writers block, how? The way you write this story, it just flows :) So many directions, and so much possible dialogue. You must have had something else on your mind. School starting again possibly?
Nice of Harry to keep the crush hush hush. Also I liked that Harry also left Scorpius an opening to get to know Rose on an adult level.
Wouldn't it be the ultimate twist if it was Caroline doing the shootings and just added Rose to the threat to get her partner together with her by means of a twisted minded love plot?
Just my mind going off the wall lol what can I say, it's early in the morning here .
Awesome story :)Author's Response: Thank you so much :) Yes, school just started again for me (sophomore year in college) and it's a tad stressful :/ I think this chapter ended perfectly for that relationship to begin to develop and I'm glad you thought so too :) And that would be a twist, but I'm not giving anything awwwaaay :P And thank you so much for sticking with the story!! Report Review
For a writers block chapter I thought you did really well! Wasn't as long as your usual, bit shattered about haha! Lots of anticipation for the next chapter! My favorite part is still in one of the previous chapters when rose and scorp both look back and share a look- so cute! XAuthor's Response: Thank you so much. Once I started writing this chapter, it just started to flow. Now, I have to worry about continuing the chapters like that :) I love that moment too from that past chapter :) I'm trying to create more moments like that for this story :D Report Review
So, is Harry going to keep the secret or post it on the evidence bullitin board? I know, that sounds to evil ;) Good update, keep up the good work!Author's Response: Oh that would be too evil lol :P I like to think that Harry wants to keep Scorpius' dirty little secret hidden between themselves. And thanks for keeping with my story! :) Report Review
I really don't like how Sienna always comes before Rose. But apart from that please give me more togetherness for scorp & Rose! xxAuthor's Response: I only put Sienna before Rose because Sienna is such a fresh wound for Scorpius and he still cares for her deeply, especially since they were best friends before they dated. But as the story goes on, Rose will become more important. I promise :) Report Review
LOVE LOVE LOVE finally there interacting!! cant wait for the next update! xAuthor's Response: I love that they're finally interacting too!! I'm so excited that it's finally getting to that point! Report Review
The shared smile works for me. They said hello without throwing heavy objects at each other, thats a win :)Author's Response: Definitely a big win :) There will be more to come, I promise. Just writing up chapter twelve now. I hope I'll be able to send it in for validation by tonight :) Report Review
Hihi, I'm glad you enjoyed my last review that much. The story's really good, you write well and I think you deserve a lot more reviews that make you smile ;)
That encounter between Rose and Scorpius is precious! The smiles, the attraction, the awkwardness. I liked it. I also like that you brought Hermione into the story and that you -unlike most fanfiction authors- didn't make the House Elve rights into such an easy thing to change. Way more believable.
I like the mother-daughter dynamic. And also the friendship between Rose and Carolyn. I feel like you reveal a lot more of the characters in this chapter and I really like that.Author's Response: Ahhh thank you!! That was exactly what I was aiming for with Hermione and especially with Rose and Carolyn. I try to make it as believable as I can. I just played it off how my friendship is with my closest friends and my relationship with my mother, so I love that it came across as realistic :) Report Review
Hey! I really enjoyed reading this. It's a great story and you write really well.
Why do you call the suitemates? They shared a dormitory at Hogwarts -is that what you mean? Very sad, that the two of them died. That's got to be really, really hard for all of their friends. And in such a short span of time. Good to see them sticking together.
I don't really understand why Rose has to be so defensive about saving Scorpius. She's a healer and did her job -it's what was expected of her and she should always try her best, no matter if she knows the victim or not.
I think it's cool that Sienna turned out to be more than the stereotypical stupid, crazy ex. I kinda like her. I hope her and Scorpius can really still be friends.
Griffin's still into all the pureblood stuff? Doesn't that make it really hard for him to work with other people? Just take Carolyn -her dad's a Muggle. And it didn't seem as though he avoided her because of it.
I like how you portray your characters and their relationships with one another -Rose and Hugo and Al. Her girlfriends. Going out. All that normal-life-stuff.
I wonder how Rose would/will react to an explanation and/or apology from Scorpius. I'm glad to hear she's over it (and I hope very much that she doesn't just say that. Seriously. Three years is a long time.)
So -when will they meet? ...I'm looking forward to reading more of this. Very well written and I like it! ;) ThanksAuthor's Response: OMG I love this entire review. You just made my night :))
I call them suitemates, but yeah it's the same as the dormmates. In coming chapters, I'll show Scorpius banding together with his other suitemates in light of what has happened with Anthony and Phillip.
I don't know if I explained clearly about why Rose is so defensive about saving Scorpius. She just didn't want Scorpius to know because she didn't want him to feel obliged to owe her something. Also, she thinks that he's still disgusted with her from the Hogwarts days.
I sorta went with a different route with Sienna. I was first expecting her to be an ex that was barely in the story, but I just sorta got attached to her, so I made her into a bigger part in the story.
Griffin only really speaks to Carolyn when needed. I haven't really delved into that relationship yet, but Griffin doesn't like anybody who he sees as blood traitors or as mudbloods, i.e. the Potters and Weasleys. He's sorta an ass to everybody else besides Scorpius.
You'll see in a few chapters (I'm not quite sure when since I haven't written that far into the future) Rose and Scorpius actually beginning to speak to each other amicably. I think it'll be a while until Scorpius formally apologizes to her, but that's because Scorpius is still nervous about Rose not being able to fully forgive him. But she really has fully forgiven him. Like you said, three years is a very long time to hold a grudge.
Actually, they just meet again in the next chapter that was just validated, so you should read it and review!!! PLEASE. And seriously, this review made my night :) Report Review
I feel so bad for rose! Great chapter please
Give me some scorose soon!Author's Response: I promise it'll happen soon!! :) It can't just happen out of nowhere, you know? I gotta build up to it, then it EXPLODES!! Thanks for sticking around though :) Report Review
Thats funny that everyone Rose runs into realized it was Rose the Profit was talking about. Will Rose arrive in time for the latest hit?
Very good chapter :)Author's Response: It looks like her family just knows her too well!! :P Thanks for continuing to read my story! I've noticed you reading it the most :) Report Review
Wow I really love this story. It's reall addicting! I can't wait to read more. I actually found you on the Meet the Author forums and asked you a few questions! :)Author's Response: Really?! OMG I love you :D I'll be updating it soon since I just got a one-shot validated, so chapter nine (I believe) should be up soon :) Report Review
Suppose the jig is up. Scorpius knows. Wonder what Rose will tell her friend as to why? This was great! I could see the shock on Scorpius's face when Harry told him who saved his life. See you soon next chapter :)Author's Response: Thanks! It may be a little bit since I'm getting a one-shot validated. But, once that goes through, I'll post chapter nine :) Report Review
It's killing me waiting for the Rose/scorp action!! but i will wait patiently as i'm sure it'll be amazing! Keep up the great writing and the quick updates! xAuthor's Response: I totally will! I'm updating as quick as I can with the whole validation period thing. I'm currently typing up chapter eleven and I hope to stay ahead of the validation :) And I promise you'll be getting some Rose/Scorpius action, but not too soon :P Report Review
Wow, looks like someone is picking off Purebloods. Who in the world would want to do that? I think this might be a mystery :) see you next chapterAuthor's Response: I can assure you may not be exactly expecting who it is in the end :P Thank you so much for reviewing!! Report Review
Ooh the intrigue. I really like this plot. It's original and not too fluffy. The thing is though, sometimes it's hard to follow when all the characters thoughts are about expanding the plot. Sometimes their thoughts should be a little unrelated or random, just to mix it up a little. But I really liked it.
Shindig :DAuthor's Response: Thank you so much for responding! It's such a compliment that people actually like it! I've always been afraid that nobody would like my writing :/
I'll be sure to make the characters' thoughts more random. I completely understand where you're coming from :) Report Review
I like how Rose told Carolyn not to mention her name. I guess she wants to stay low while Scorpius is under foot.
Good chapter :)Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing! Sorry it's taken me so long to reply. I just figured out that I had reviews since I hadn't gotten any messages for me to know. And I love that you like it! Report Review
A confession, boy, I bet I know who he is thinking about :) a chapter well doneAuthor's Response: Thank you for reviewing! And I'm sure you do know who he is thinking about :P It isn't exactly a secret now :P Report Review
Eeeek update soon please!!! XxAuthor's Response: I have been! I love that you're so excited about it like I am! :D Report Review
YAY finally a bit of sco/ro! Can't wait for the heat to turn up.Author's Response: It'll definitely turn up, but it may take a while :P Report Review
oh :) it gets really interesting! :D
I love how subtle you made the connection between Scorpius and Rose. It's a really interesting chapter, really well written :) I wished your chapters were longer though :) can't get enough of it :)
Please update soon!Author's Response: I've been trying to get my chapters longer, but it's difficult when I get everything I need into a chapter! I'll take note of your review :D Report Review
:O CUTE... Nice story... Could use a bit more detail :) Good jobAuthor's Response: Thank you so much! :D I'll try to put in more detail :) Report Review
I like the humor please update Report Review
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