Reading Reviews for A Light in the Dark
  
9 Reviews Found

Review #1, by love_is_magic_ A Light in the Dark

20th February 2014:
Loved the prequel :) You have a really nice way of introducing their relationship and I think you're spot on about how it would have happened. You also just write really well. Everything flows and it is really well paced! I'm taking tips from you so hopefully my own writing can reach somewhere near the expertise of yours :D
Favouriting again and rubbing my hands together excitedly at the thought of whatever story of yours I will read next!
Christy

Author's Response: Aww, thank you so much! I'm so flattered that you liked it this much - I think I have a bit of a different picture in my head about how Lily felt about James than most people, so I'm really happy it came off as believable. I'm so sorry about the delay in my response, but please know that these really put a smile on my face. :)

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Review #2, by FredWeasleyIsMyKing A Light in the Dark

10th November 2012:
I really loved this story! It's so cute. James/Lily are def my favourite pairing to read and you brought everything together so well! I loved that he apolagised for Snape even though it wasn't his fault and I loved that you brought in the whole worrying about meeting Vernon in too. Well done again and I will certainly be reading your other story!

~FredWeasleyIsMyKing

Author's Response: Thank you so much for taking the time to review! I love Lily and James, too, and I'm so glad you feel like I've done a good job with them. :)

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Review #3, by Jess the Enthusiast A Light in the Dark

30th June 2012:
Awww, I love this!!! 10/10 :D

Author's Response: I'm glad! :) Thank you for the review!

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Review #4, by long_live_luna_bellatrix A Light in the Dark

27th June 2012:
Hello again. This was yet another solid story, very tidy, very sweet.

You accurately portrayed a lot of the bits and pieces that were involved in James and Lily's relationship at that time: the scene at the lake, James's improving attitude, Lily's home life, Sirius staying with James, all of those had a role here. There are a lot of those types of things floating around in the Marauders era, and you did a nice job with them.

There were a few things that did catch my eye as I read, however. Two of them are small: James made a comment about "that Vernon bloke," or something similar, though Lily hadn't mentioned the boyfriend's name to him at all during the conversation. So I wasn't sure how he could have known that. Also, I thought his "pushing one hundred" comment about his parents didn't sit quite right. Coming from James, I couldn't tell if it was a joke or not. Plus, even if wizards do live longer than Muggles, that doesn't necessarily mean they can still reproduce longer... Menopause and such would still limit them. It felt like too big an idea to pass off so casually. "My parents had me quite late" would have sufficed, in my opinion.

The only other thing that I felt you could have done better concerns the predictability of the story. You don't have a ton of wiggle room if you're keeping it canon, as you've done here: we all know the timeline of Lily and James, we know when he starts to shape up and she starts to fall for him. I knew what was going to happen as soon as James made an appearance. I would've liked to see something fresher than that, something either to make me wonder about the ending or to shed some light on one of the characters. It was a nicely done story, as it is, it just didn't leave me with any particular feelings at the end (as opposed to the last story of yours I read, with Daphne and Astoria).

So you've got a well written story here, as always, don't get me wrong. You've got none of that awkward phrasing or pacing that I see plenty of other places, you've got a grasp on your details, and can set a scene. Well done.

Author's Response: I actually summarised Lily's telling James about the problem, rather than spell it out with dialogue (When she’d finished outlining exactly what the problem was...) - it didn't seem necessary, and I felt like it would just slow the story down unnecessarily. She mentioned Vernon's name then.

I do see what you mean about James's parents - I actually do subscribe to the idea that they had him that late (I have them both at about 80 when he was born), for a few reasons. First, JKR has said that his parents died of natural causes. Since witches and wizards seem to live much longer than Muggles, even having children late by Muggle standards (say, 50) would have them die fairly young by Wizarding standards. I tend to think that things like childbearing years are extended, though his parents were quite abnormal in just how late they had him. YMMV; it is probably unnecessary in this story, though, since it's just a side mention, so I'll change it. :)

I do know what you mean about predictability, but I'm not quite sure what I could do differently - as you said, canon is a bit limiting in terms of the timeframe, and I want to show a gradual mellowing, since I see them as getting together early on in their seventh year. Hmm.

Thank you so much for the review, and again, I'm very sorry that it's taken me so long to answer it.


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Review #5, by Allison A Light in the Dark

26th June 2012:
I'm grinning so widely right now that it's hurting my face and my coworkers likely think I've gone insane. Thank you so, so much for the dedication! I am incredibly flattered. :)

I really can't say enough good things about this story. Wonderful plot, superb characterization, witty dialogue... all around brilliance. You do a wonderful job of writing Lily and James. I think looking at the Lily and James we see in Book Five, that your Lily and James are incredibly believable. They fit right in where JKR left off.

I loved James's explanation of why he wasn't such a jerk anymore. Also, I loved that Lily asked him why that was! I thought that you gave him a completely believable reason to have grown up a bit. It wasn't that he had changed his personality or something awful like that - he had just seen himself as others did and realized that he wasn't always very nice and that he was better and than he was currently acting. It can be very sobering to see yourself - especially your faults - through the eyes of others. I think it makes complete sense that that's what occurred after the lake scene. Far too many authors write that aftre scene with James deciding that he needs to change who he is for Lily, which is incredibly unhealthy. I also liked that Lily felt that she had acted badly that day. But in the end if all worked out.

I thought that Lily's apprehension for the Christmas holidays and meeting Vernon was a really good setting for the story. I think it is something she would have worried about given her very strained relationship with Petunia. It would be extremely difficult to have to hide you are from potential family members. And it would definitely be hurtful to think that Petunia could care more about what Vernon thought of her than of Lily's feelings.

James was fantastic, of course! He always is. My favorite line was "It was almost as though he was starting to grow up or something ludicrous like that." That's the perfect way to describe James growing up and Lily coming to the realization that he isn't as much of a jerk. It made me laugh out loud! Very clever.


Jane was a nice character - I'll have to check out your story that features her. Ha ha, I'm getting quite the extensive list of stories to keep up with - but that's all right! For me, Jane's comments about Lily having being attracted to James in their fifth year is spot on with what we saw in the books and what JKR has said. I adored Lily's line "James Potter? Really, self?" Ha ha! Been there, done that. It can be a bit disconcerting.

Absolutely wonderful! I would love to see more Lily/James oneshots from you in the future! You do such a nice job with characterizations. :)

Author's Response: Oh, I'm really glad you liked it! You're such an amazing reader - you deserved to have a story dedicated to you, and I was crossing my fingers that you wouldn't read it and say, "Er, thanks, but... um, this was a bit rubbish." :P

I'm glad that you liked my take on the scene at the lake! :) I don't think I ever really cover that in A Light That Never Goes Out, and I wanted to take the opportunity to, here. As you said, people often swing to one extreme or another in their characterisation of James and/or Lily based just on that one scene, and I almost never see Lily acknowledging that she was at fault. I never liked that take on their relationship - maybe partially because it's a bit cliche, but mostly because I just don't see it as being so one-sided or negative. They wouldn't have worked if it was, IMO.

Thank you so much for the review, and I'm really glad you liked this!

(Also, I'm sorry it's taken me so long to answer this - I thought I already had, and then stumbled across it tonight when I checked my 'unanswered reviews' folder. Oops. :()


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Review #6, by Analesh7 A Light in the Dark

23rd June 2012:
Hey Beeezie!

It's wickedana from the HPFFF! And here is your review...

First thing is that I'm glad the first story I'm reviewing is a James and Lily one, because I ship them so hard, so this was great to read.

I enjoyed this prequel and I assure you that I'm going to read the story that follows this because I really liked how this was going.

I did my research and found this out about prequels and how they should be "Like sequels, prequels may or may not concern the same plot as the work from which they are derived. Often, they explain the background which led to the events in the original, but sometimes the connections are not as explicit. Sometimes, prequels play on the fact that the audience knows what will happen next, using deliberate references to create dramatic irony." (wikipedia)

And this basically summarizes what you did. Someone who has read the other part would understand what happened here better than me because they know all the future events.

BUT what you did was awesome.

As I was reading this I kept thinking that this is something that is happening way before the proper time, blah, blah, blah, I was getting distracted with that thought. Once I stopped considering that and read it like I would for any one shot, I felt like it was a regular story. But better. I understood what was going on and Lily's growing feelings. It left me wanting to know where things are heading between James and lily.

You do very subtle things in your writing to show characterization. Sure its third person but leaning towards Lily, I can still see James personality shine and his reactions towards what Lily says, tells me that's there's more behind him. The fact that he feels uncomfortable telling Lily about his family shows how he's developed or mature because he's no longer shooting comebacks at her but real solid dialogue. Its like he's realizing that he really likes this girl because he's telling her this much. We all now that James likes Lily but now we can pretty much state it as a fact!
Plus, I liked the way you made James witty (with the whole kittens and mistletoe thing, I wish they could have kissed.)
For lily, I thought she was too guarded. Like her thoughts were rigid. But taking into consideration that she's worry about meeting her sisters boyfriend and trying to get into her good side, changes things. I think once she started taking to James, she relaxed, which also tells the writers what feelings she may have for him.

For the description worry that you have, I have the answer. One of the things I like to think about when I'm writing is that, if I have too much dialogue, I won't have too much descriptions on what happening around the characters. I think you did a great job spending time on writing the dialogue and yet fitting in some description. I think that if you included more descriptions it would take away the flow from they're convo.

For me, when I was reading it, I liked the fact they were responding back to each other quickly instead of having the reader waiting.

For a one shot this was really good! AND I'm looking forward on reading "the light that never goes off" AND I hope this was helpful! :D

Author's Response: Hey! I'm really sorry it's taken me awhile to answer this - I was away for awhile and didn't really have access to the internet.

I'm glad that you liked this so much - I think that a lot of people might have the "this is happening too early" reaction, but my personal take on James and Lily is that there had to be some softening of feelings somewhere along the way before they started going out, and that seems to have happened pretty early into their seventh year, you know?

Thank you so much for your review, and again, I'm really sorry about the delay!


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Review #7, by Hope's Mom A Light in the Dark

22nd June 2012:
This was really cute. James was so surprised when Lily kissed his cheek as he was leaving! His explanation about his changing behavior was really well done. Nice little one shot - thank you for sharing it!

Author's Response: Thank you for the review! :) I'm glad you liked it!

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Review #8, by atellam A Light in the Dark

22nd June 2012:
MY BABIES! OH MY GOD, PRECIOUS, PRECIOUS CHILDREN! I love you so much, it's ridiculous.

Oh, Branwen! It's perfect. They're perfect. You're perfect, and I feel i've left you a review almost exactly the same as this before, but I don't care because i'm crying over the fact that my OTP died in the first chapter of the book.

I can't. It's perfect. James is perfect. Lily is perfect. I love how you write them, and I just...

Nope. I love them.

That is all.

Author's Response: ♥ I'm so glad you like this. I had a lot of fun with it, and I was really hoping that people would. *hug* Thank you for the review.

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Review #9, by Jchrissy A Light in the Dark

22nd June 2012:
Okay, Beeezie. Im ashamed that this is the first story of yours Im reviewing. I do have a reason though, not a great one. I really cant read much Marauders while Im still trying to get down exactly what I want with Before They Fall, and that is what I want most to read of yours. Im too afraid Ill read someone so much better that ti will make me not want to write mine, or that Ill accidentally use someone else's ideas. With that being said, I was excited when I saw your Status Update about this one shot, because I LOVE this era and figured a one shot couldnt hurt me too much.

This was amazing. My worst fears have come true and you did such a great job with Lily and James that I dont even want to touch them anymore. haha!

I think the fact that you had this in 6th year and already showing James start to change. Its crazy when people have it go from them being brats to each other, to falling in love over night. This was the perfect prequel and it makes me even more excited to start A Light That Never Goes Out. I swear, the second I feel really confident in where my story is going, it will be the first one I start,

This was very smooth and each transition from dialogue to thought was perfect. You had their conversation a perfect balance between humor and serious. Lily didnt just blurt out what was bothering her the second that James asked. You showed them ease into the conversation, you had Lily clearly trying to hold back but really wanting to talk to him about it, then of course you keep James very Canon and remind us that he hasnt lost his playful personality with the mistletoe line ;). A guy can try, right?

You got Lilys family and James both in this, which I love. We understand how old they are so their death that will take place between the next... 1-4 years makes perfect sense.

Your imagery was perfect, I felt like I was there with them but didnt have to read, Lily moved her hand across the dark espresso table, her fingers touched the red placemat and began to fiddle with the loose seems of it.She glanced from James to the wall 5.4 feet across from here where approximately six pictures hung.. Haha okay, you get it. Im not sure if youve ever read the Red Badge of Courage, I had to read it my senior year of High School and that author spent pages and pages on the tiniest detail to the point where I thought my teacher had assigned it to us as pure cruelty. Sorry for rambling, my point is over descriptions can kill a great story very quickly. Theres a fine line between putting us there with the characters, and taking away every shred of imagination we could have used to fill in the story. You balanced that line perfectly.

The ending with Jane accusing Lily of wanting him.. it was perfect. I was cracking up. You broke us out of the seriousness and reminded us that this was a 16 year old girl, who was clearly beginging to have a crush.


I am so amazingly excited to read more of your work, Ill have to browse through some of your Non M era, and then the second I can safely read A Light That Never Goes Out, I will.

Amazing job, gorgeous!

Author's Response: Don't be ashamed! That's a perfectly valid reason to not want to read Marauders era fics - when I'm still figuring out characters, I absolutely avoid fics that feature them.

I'm really, really glad that you like this one, though. I love James/Lily, and I had a lot of fun with this fic. I've never really favoured the interpretation of Lily as hating James up until they started going out - it had to be a process, you know? I'm somehow not shocked that you agree with me, though. ;)

I'm always worried about my description - when I first started writing, I really didn't have enough description, and I've tried to improve on that. I'm glad you felt like it struck a good balance - that's exactly what I was going for.

Thank you so much for your review! I hope that you like A Light That Never Goes Out just as much. :)


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