I really like your story so far :) I can wait to see how Cassie develops as a witch. Keep writing :) x Report Review
oooh love the idea! excited to read more(: Report Review
Okay, so I'm reviewing this chapter and I'm so sorry for taking such a long time to get to this but I'm here writing it so that's something.
Anyway, I think you may have a little age malfunction because last I remember, Lily was two years younger than Albus. That's what it said in the epilogue in Deathly Hallows anyway.
I'm also wondering how exactly Cassie is going to learn six year's worth of spells, theories and potions in a few weeks. I'm pretty sure she's going to need a really good tutor to help her.
The part where you were talking about how McGonagall was a tough Headmaster, I'm pretty sure you meant Headmistress because we both know that McGonagall is a female and not a male.
I love that there's a lot of description in the story but there's not too much so that you end up getting bored.
I love Lily, she's nice but at the same time she's git sass and she doesn't beat around the bush when it comes to telling people the truth. But I also like the fact that she's encouraging to Cassie and doesn't treat her like she's stupid.
Lily actually reminds me of Ginny which I thought was really great since you said that Lily looked a lot like Ginny and she also acts like Ginny a lot too.
Awarrior, oh my God I started laughing at that. Cassie's ignorance of the Wizarding World is endearing but at the same time it's just so damn hilarious when she describes it because it's completely different to how everyone else refers to things.
The part where Harry started telling his story was hilarious. I was laughing so hard, Harry sounds like he's 90 and he talks about Voldemort as if he were a nephew of his that made bad decisions.
I didn't see and grammar or spelling errors as far as I could tell so great job on that. As for Albus and Cassie becoming something more, I can see it but I think you should take it slow and real so that Cassie learns more about Albus and what type of person he is. Plus, she just got cheated on, I don't think Cassie would really trust anyone in the romantic sense, I think Albus would have to show her that he isn't like her ex-boyfriend.
Anyway, that's just what I think. To sum up everything that I've said, this was a great chapter and you did an awesome job of it. I'll review chapter four when I have time again but keep a look out for the review. Report Review
That is all.
asdfghjkl. Report Review
I really like this story, I can't wait to see where you go with it. Please update as soon as you can. Report Review
I really like this! Cant wait to see what happens next and what house she is in. Post more soon! Report Review
Alrighty! Okay, so, this review won't be like the last one. It'll be more positive and have things that you did good (because I'll be honest, there was a lot of awesome stuff in this).
Hopefully, this won't be as long as the other review.
Nice save on the whole Albus Weasley thing (for some reason I went back to look for that part but I couldn't find it. I could've sworn I saw it! I think reading is really starting to mess up my eyes).
How was Cassie going to pay for her wand with American money if Albus hadn't paid for her?
Scorpius and Albus sound like a young James and Sirius would. I loved that about them, they just seemed so carefree and easy going.
How does Cassie know about Slytherin? Did Albus tell her about Hogwarts? Did Scorpius? And if they did, did they explain the houses? How does Cassie know that Scorpius is a Slytherin? Did Scorpius tell her?
None of this is told to us as a reader, nothing is explained about how Cassie knows this stuff because the reader hasn't been told. If you added in that explanation, it would make this chapter longer and a lot better.
Oh, and it's "Slytherin," but that's about the only mistake grammar-wise that you have in here.
How does Cassie know about wizard money? Did Albus tell her? Again, it would be awesome if this was explained.
I don't think they have Floo stations, I thought people just went to the Leaky Cauldron and used the fireplace there. Anyway, it's not that big of a deal and it makes the story unique.
The ending was hilarious, I couldn't stop laughing (you might want to add Humor as a category for this story because I have a feeling it'll turn out funny).
As for your summary it could go something like this
"Cassie was a model, she was rich, she was happy and she had a knack for walking in heels that not many girls had.
Cassie wanted something that modeling couldn't give her. She wanted real friendships, she didn't want to hear that she still wasn't skinny enough but most of all, Cassie wanted Magic."
Or something like that (wow, that came out really cheesy not that I read it over but I admit that it takes even me to come up with a decent summary sometimes).
The flow in dialogue was much better in this chapter than the last one.
Great job on the chapter!Author's Response: YAYAYAYAY!
I'm glad you liked it. I just combed through the first chapter and edited everything. I'm super pleased with how it turned out!
you're totally right about all those questions. sometimes I just get into this writing phase where I forget to leave out a bunch of important information. (or all of the information) plus I think it will be really entertaining for her to learn about the wizarding world. I will go over that second chap too and add in everything I left out! whoop whoop!
that summary is a lot better than what I have up right now! I like the format of it, I'll tweak it a bit and see how it looks.
and yikes! I screwed up the name of one of the houses! ***shame** I will fix that as well!
Oh boy! I am so excited! Your feedback is so incredibly helpful! Thanks again! Report Review
So, I'm here to do your review for ya! Now, I have a lot of things to mention so this will most likely end up being a really long review.
What I noticed when I started reading was that in the first paragraph it said "anything about to change," but it doesn't really make any sense because of how it's worded. You could try re-writing that bit so that it makes it easier for the reader to understand. It confused me a whole lot that's for sure.
You also had a little bit of a habit (in that same paragraph) with starting your sentences with the word "and". It's okay to start a sentence with the word "and" sometimes but technically speaking, you should avoid starting sentences with words like "and," "so."
Trust me, I've done it too.
My suggestion would be to change one of the sentences to something like this."
"And by a lot, I mean a lot; it would also give me an edge over Katelyn Wallace, my arch rival."
It makes the writing flow more and it's not as choppy. But, this is just a suggestion of mine so you don't have to take it.
I was going to ask why Cassie is so excited about getting engaged at sixteen but then she dumped her boyfriend for cheating on her and it didn't become such a problem for me.
Now, I do have some good things that I like about her. I like the fact that even though she's rich, she still has her own real problems. She lost her mother, and she'd always have to visit her wearing too much make-up. I like the fact that she also admits that she's not perfect.
She knows that she's skinny but she doesn't really see it as something to be proud of because she knows that she's underweight. She has feelings like a normal person because she hates being told she's too fat and I have a feeling that it hurts her feelings.
And judging by the end of this story, she also has a habit of falling for guys too hard and too fast.
These are just a couple of facts that you might want to know about so that it helps your story be more correct fact-wise (and trust me, readers hate it when a story is correct). Nothing major though.
First, Albus' name is Albus POTTER, not WEASLEY (and to be really exact, his name is Albus Severus Potter but I'm guessing [or hoping] that you already knew that). He's James' brother (as I'm sure that you know).
Second, Hogwarts only accepts students from Great Britain and Ireland so Cassie wouldn't get a letter from Hogwarts. She'd probably go somewhere like The Salem Witchs' Institute (which I'm pretty sure is in America). But other than that, you basically got everything right.
One last few things, the conversation at the end of the chapter was a little awkward and forced. Last thing, I promise, Cassie just met Albus, why is she in love with him? Understandable if she found him attractive but in love?
You punctuation was pretty good and overall the story flowed nicely. Good job.
You probably don't want me reviewing the rest of your chapters after reading this ridiculously long review do you? At least, I'm assuming.Author's Response: WOW! Thanks so much. this was an insanely great review. I will work on that sentence structure stuff. Thanks for noticing that! :)
Also, with the fact stuff you're totally right. I'll try and figure out a way for cassie's acceptence to work out and still be realistic. Salem's Insitute for witches. hahaha. I should use that!
To be honest, I already caught that error w/ Albus' last name being Weasley. I remedy it in the next chapter. (that sentence was definitely not gramatically correct!!!)
That little habit with "and" is really annoying! thanks for pointing it out! I'm glad you noticed it-- i'll start checking for that more in my writing.
Any-hoo, I'll get to work editing it and fixin' it up! You have no idea how much I appreciate all the edits!
Have a great weekend/ week! I'd love it if you had the extra time to review my other chapters, but certainly don't feel pressured or obligated!
You ROCK!! :) Report Review
So cute, so amazing! I loved it!
XOXO, NikkiAuthor's Response: haha, thanks nikki! Report Review
Mind=Blown Okay, first of all, when she was talking to Lily, she said 'your brother' does Lily think she meant James? :o oh and I noticed you spelt Slytherin like this 'Slitherin' but that was deffinetly the only thing wrong with this chapter.. So Al is a baby when it comes to getting hurt? I laughed at that, cause you always think the sons of the chosen one would be all tough.. But not Al :p I like how Samantha is really bold, and honest.. I like Vic's character...! I think it's good that the girls like and accept her instead of being stupid an jealous... And what is it about that boy she that helped her onto the train.. Is he interested in her, or was he just being a nice guy? :p sorry for the long review.. Just really liked this one :)Author's Response: Haha, I'm glad you noticed-- I was trying to set up a little drama in the future! Thanks for noticing that spelling error, I'll fix it! And I have special plans for the all of our new characters... (insert evil laugh) :) Report Review
I love this story! It's so good! :DAuthor's Response: Thanks, that's so sweet!! :D Report Review
Heyy again.. So I decided that I am going to write a comment on every chapter you put up in this story :) Just wanted to say HAHA!! At te fact that she thought Ginny was Harry :p And I love how she's worried about carbon monoxide poisoning when they're in the floo station :p (flu-station- LOL) anyways, brilliant story so far! :)Author's Response: That's so nice! You have no idea how grateful I am!!! I just wanted to capture the spirit of confusion and was trying to imagine all the things that I'd be bewildered by. Thanks again for all of your reviews, it means a lot to me! :) Report Review
I really like the plot line so far. I haven't really seen anything like it before and I think that it is really funny and good. I think you should make her talk to her ex-boyfriend again to give her a chance to tell him off. Have him call her apologizing and have her completely tell him off. I think that is the only thing that I would change to the story because like I said before, I really like it.Author's Response: Thanks so much for the review!! Later in the story I have great plans for her ex... haha. I'm so glad you like the story though, thanks for the review! Report Review
Wow..! I was gone for a weekend, and when I come back, two new chapters!! :) This one was great, you're doing a really good job writing this story..! Keep up the good work, I'm excited to see what happens next =)Author's Response: Thank you! I realized my first 2 chapters were incredibly short so I wanted to get some new material up soon! Thanks for sticking with it! Report Review
I love the story! I think the whole 'model' thing is pretty cool, but Al and Cassie are so cute together! I just hope that Cassie learns magic quickly, because I feel so bad for her, just starting.Author's Response: Yeah, that was a problem for me-- I didn't want to write about her struggling so I think she's going to pick it up pretty fast! I'm glad you think they're cute together. Thanks for the review. Report Review
Hey, I usually dont read stories that have just been started, but this one caught my interest.. It's pretty great so far! It's pretty lucky she managed to find the leaky cauldron, and two very popular, very hot boys ;) I'd also like to point out that Albus and James's last name would be potter, not weasley :)Author's Response: Thanks SO much for the review! Haha, I caught that mistake after submitting it and so I fixed it in the next chapter. Thanks again! Report Review
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