Reading Reviews for Gold Speckles In The Sky
  
8 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Jchrissy Jezebelle: Yippe-Dee-Yay-Hah

21st July 2012:
This was an entertaining read :) Jez was so sweet/funny/dramatic that it was great. The chaotic feeling of it really fits what's happening, and I must say that I really like when she screams out that she will not be marrying James. I can totally see the Weasleys and Potter cousins getting so caught up in all this kind of stuff.

I mean can you imagine with all that family who would be trying to set who up with whose friend and who would be mad at who for breaking __ heart.. all of it would be insane!

Anyway, I think you created a very fun OC and put her in a good place with this :). There were a few parts where you would switch what was going on quickly without describing it, so maybe I would suggest more descriptions so we can really be part of the scene :).

Very funny! I'm anxious to know how she will get herself out of the Jez and James potter wedding ;) hahaha.

Author's Response: thanks for reviewing!! Sorry I didn't review yours yet, I'm getting to it promise!!!

haha yeah I know, wouldn't want to be in Jez's place, and she's so awkward too lol ^^

I'm glad you liked it!! :D

haha, you'll have to wait for chapter 2! ;)

xx

-June


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Review #2, by siriusgirl1 Jezebelle: Yippe-Dee-Yay-Hah

16th July 2012:
You have a lot of energy in your writing. And as my tennis instructor was fond of saying: aim first, then power. If you tone things down a little and work on precision, I think you will find your writing to be a lot more successful. Jez, while a hyper character, is so out of control that reading her is a little dizzying. She is more of a manic pixie girl than human. Give her a little space to breathe and the chapter will feel less like a tilt-a-whirl and more like an exciting roller coaster. Slowing the pace down will allow the readers to get to know her and the other characters as well. Currently, I suspect most don't have a good grasp on how you envision the characters. A little tightening and you will have an smooth, interesting intro to your story.

Author's Response: Thank you for this review! :) I'll definitely take all of this in consideration upon my next edit!^^

Thanks again for a nice little writing tip! ;)

xxx

-June


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Review #3, by Aether Jezebelle: Yippe-Dee-Yay-Hah

3rd July 2012:
I LOVE THIS STORY! Wow, it's well-written, flows great, and you're OC is my favorite person in the world, ever. Or, she would be if she were real and not fictional. I love the glasses and her inexperience. It's refreshing. Her relationship with James is really great also.

I had a few questions, though maybe I just missed them when I was reading. How old are they? Where are they? Are they at the Burrow? If so, why wasn't Molly/adult supervisor keeping James from sleeping in the same room as another girl? I feel like you could have described setting a bit better, but the way you show the relationships among the characters in this chapter is really great.

Nice job! I added this to my favorites. Sorry it took so long to get to your request.

Aether

Author's Response: Aww thanks!! :D I'm glad you liked it!!^^

Haha you like Jez? :P I'll tell that to my Best Friend ;) I've inspired Jez from her xD She is the best person in the world :/ *insert a lot of friend-love right here :P *

It'll all be clarified in the next chapter don't worry honey ;) Oh but they're 17. I think I should've clarified that...? The party was James' birthday :P And yes they are at the burrow. but you'll see there's a reason behind the non-supervising. I don't have plot holes. EVER (and if I do I patch them up with colorful tissues and super-glue and it looks awesome. xD)

YAY!! And no problem! ;) Sorry it took me so long to respond! :P Usually I respond within a day or so but I was on vacation so... I couldn't sorry! :/

xxx

-June


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Review #4, by Remus Jezebelle: Yippe-Dee-Yay-Hah

2nd July 2012:
Hey! Perelandra here with your requested review!

I spotted a handful of grammar issues but nothing big. For example, "When he'd told of his friends for laughing at my glasses..." 'of' should be replaced by 'off'. Nothing big though. A quick re-read through and you'll manage to spot the grammatical issues.

Plot wise, this is interesting but I really cannot comment much on it since its only the first chapter.

The other thing that I would add as a CC is description and imagery. Without it, the reader doesn't know where they are, what the characters look like or what really is going on. Your narrative is alright but description is what you need to work on.

I suppose that's it. Sorry for the short review, but I'm at work right now.

Thanks for requesting!

--Perelandra

Author's Response: Thanks for the CC! It was super helpful!! :)

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Review #5, by tangledconstellations Jezebelle: Yippe-Dee-Yay-Hah

1st July 2012:
Hey, lovely!

I don't usually read Next Gen romance/humour, but I thought I'd give this a go :) I really like the way you've set up the tone to be a little giggly, a little flirty and a little awkward; it makes this first chapter a lot of fun. James is a cutie, the definition of a massive Gryffindor ego :} I love Dom and Vic in this too - I bet they are gossipy and OTT, and I love that you've made them your own.

As of right now, you've set up the crisis that needs to be resolved as well as really getting us used to the characters - very effective. There are a few typos which I'm sure a quick reread will fix, and the only constructive criticism I can really think of is that in some places your characters do gush a little bit - but then, saying that, it kind of does fit in with the tone of your story.

But as I've said, a great first chapter :) Laura xxx

Author's Response: aww thanks!!^^ I'm glad you enjoyed it enven if you don,t usually read this kind of stuff :3

Sirry about the typos!! I keep getting them all the time... then I re-read and fix them, but...still xD

haha, I'm glad you like James!!^^ I love him!! :3 Oh yeah the Delacours are awefully girly in this xD

Oh, sorry about the gushing! I didn't have the choice though, it's supposed to be a little unrealistically awkward and Jez is supposed to be real immature, so... yeah :P

Thanks for reviewing this!!^^

xxx

-June


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Review #6, by angel_speaks Jezebelle: Yippe-Dee-Yay-Hah

26th June 2012:
Hiya!
Emesias with your requested review here!

Plot: The plot is very unique because of it whimsical features and the references that you've made such as the Wizard of Oz and Alice in Wonderland. I think that definitely added that humorous touch. I think that this story definitely has potential if more description is added such as description of the current surroundings where there characters are at and even how the characters look. Maybe add in more of their emotions so the audience will be drawn into the story and it can add more length.

Flow: There was one particular part in this chapter that state "To Freddie Weasley" that caught me off guard and I didn't quite understand this part and the following sentences after. Was this kinda like a signal to the audience as to whom the main character, Jez, was supposedly placing all her attention on? Was she saying this in her head? Also, the ending of the chapter, felt a little rushed to me as the characters are already discussing marriage after an event that happened after one night. Maybe there's a way that you can re- word that section that may carry the same concept yet, not seem too rushed.

Humor: I think you did a pretty good job here! I think that because of the humor element it helped picked up a little bot of who Jez is as a character and how she interacts with others. I would love to see how she develops out as the story progresses. So far so good with the humor part ^_^ and like I had previously mentioned, I enjoyed your reference to the Wizard of Oz and Alice in Wonderland!!!

Good job!!! You're story has a lot of potential, but please do look out for you grammar, punctuations and spellings as they do affect the presentation of your story.

I look forward to seeing more of your work ^_^

Happy Writing!!! 8/10

Author's Response: Thanks so much for reviewing!! This was super helpful!! :D

I'll be editing, eh, now xD With all the tips you gave me!^^

I'm glad you enjoyed it and thanks loads!! :3

xxx

-June


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Review #7, by Mihali1432 Jezebelle: Yippe-Dee-Yay-Hah

25th June 2012:
So I liked this :P I can't remember when I last read something of yours which is sad but yeah... Anyways, there were some typos so I'd scan it a bit to find them! :) I liked all the yippie-yay things :P Those were amusing. xD Anyways, YEAH James/OC or Fred/OC? Hm... Guess we'll find out? ;)

My review is so abysmal compared to yours xD
Mike.

Author's Response: How about I randomly turn it into a Lysander/Oc story? xD Not that the thought never crossed my mind, but my original plot line is better :P And OoO you evil person! it's yippee not yippie!! *shakes head in disappointment* And thanks I'll look for the evil little typos and well, kill them, may it sound cruel ^^

yes, it is, you should be ashamed!! lol :P
Thanks for reviewing! (not that you had that much of a choice ;) )

xx
-June


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Review #8, by Ever Jezebelle: Yippe-Dee-Yay-Hah

24th June 2012:
You are pure awesomeness.

I felt terrible for Jez! She was just...right off the bat, she was just destined for failure.

I think your characterization was good, and I simply cannot wait to see how she possibly digs herself out this one;P

You rock!

Author's Response: Yay!! Thanks so much for reviewing!^^ You'll meet Ever in chapter 2, I think she was just introduced at the end of chapter one right? :) Haha yes, poor Jez, she's the clumsiest person on the planet that little girl! :D

Thanks again!!!^^

xx

-June


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