I like it so far! It's really good! Nothing wrong with it at all! Except, maybe make it longer; long chapters are awesome. But if you get tired after awhile; you can write it down first..then take a break and then contiue writing. That's what I usually do.
Yeah..I forget what else I was gonna say..oh yeah! I'm glad there's Peter in here; even though he's a traitor in the future, doesn't mean he wasn't there friend at some point. I mean, there had to be something about Peter that they like that made them friends or whatever..I hate it when people don't include Peter in stories and he usually ends up falling off the side of the earth..long forgotten..so I'm glad he's in your story.
Yeah, now I'm rambling..uh..so yup.. Great story!
So yeah.. c;
Can't wait for more! ^_^
10/10 Report Review
Ah, Sirius the oblivious...hey, that kind of rhymed, didn't it? Right? Right?
Okay, maybe not right...
Anywho, this is actually very impressive! Your grammar is practically perfect, and Sirius, as well as all the other Marauders, are in perfect character, which is a very important factor when it comes to fanfiction, as you probably already know...
*yet another awkward silence*
I really only have one piece of advice, given that's really all that this story needs: Perhaps you could make the chapter longer. It's not lacking description; in fact, it's quite the contrary. Maybe just add another little scene or bit of dialogue in the future if you're close to 1,000 words. That's usually what I do; of course, you'd need to make it just as well-written as the other parts of the story, or it'll be kind of pointless.
I'm seriously interested in this story; you're a very talented writer, from what I just read. I hope to see another chapter of this from you!
-Lily the Slytherin Report Review
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