Reading Reviews for Curveball
  
17 Reviews Found

Review #1, by manno_malfoy Prologue

9th August 2012:
Hello, I'm here with your requested review!

First of all, YAY for Next-Gen! Even though I love Next-Gen, I have to admit that your story is probably the first one that I read about Roxanne. She's not written about often, but it's always nice to see her around! I also like the family spirit you've shown here. Lucy and Molly seem to be so, so supportive and they're just so charismatic and adorable.

I think you have a nice way with words; you describe things so simply yet manage to make them vivid enough for the emotions to come across. I believe that's a very important aspect when it comes to teen pregnancy stories; so well done! You went right into the action, there were no boring introductions and you let us get to know a bit about each Roxy, Lucy, Molly, and Bentley through their behaviour rather than telling us about them, so that's great as well.

As for grammar, I think that there have been a few mistakes, but mostly, it went well and nothing stood out.

For example: 'I honestly don't know how he thinks he's going to win an argument between two...'
Here, your tense shifted to present when all of your chapter was in past tense. I also believe that 'against' would work better than 'between', but maybe that's just me.

I like the mysterious bit that arose between Molly and Bentley and I would love to see where that's going to go. I think you've done well with this as a first chapter and that you've made Roxanne very special. Great job and keep on writing! :D

-Manno

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Review #2, by Ron 4 Hermione Kicking Curveball

9th August 2012:
This is another great chapter, I love how it develops.
I think you've got the characterisation good, it seems concise with what you had writen in the last chapter.
The grammer seems good, I didn't spot anything so good job!
The flow of the chapter is good, everything leads into the next and it's easy to follow. It's also going at a nice pace, so keep up the nice job! :D 10/10

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Review #3, by ScorpiusRose17 Kicking Curveball

29th July 2012:
Hi there! I am finally here with your review! Sorry it has taken me awhile to get to.

I really like this chapter and this story as a whole. I like seeing it based more around Roxanne, Molly, and Lucy. I am sure that the others will make an appearance, but it is really cool to see them in the spotlight right now.

I love the subtle descriptions that you use throught the chapter. They are strong and really help me picture everything that you are describing. The flow of this chapter is great and the pace is well balanced. I didn't feel rushed while reading it and I never felt lost.

I really feel for Roxanne in the story, but I know since she is a Weasley she is going to stay strong. I am curious to know how the other members of her family are going to react when they find out she is having a baby and I am curious to see if she even tells the father.

Overall, this is some great writing and I love the story line, characters, the way you characterize them and bring them to life. This is a hard topic to discuss and I am glad that you are handling it with such grace.

Keep up the awesome writing!!! =)

-SR17

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Review #4, by daretodream Kicking Curveball

22nd July 2012:
Hello!

I really like that Roxanne's best friends are her cousins. My best friend is my cousin, and it seems like everyone thinks this is odd. However, when you grow up doing everything with a person, it's hard not to love them.

I can't believe she hasn't told her mother yet though! That's going to cause a lot of drama when that one comes out, isn't it? And she hasn't told the father either yet? Oh man Roxanne (it rhymes!) that's going to cause a lot of problems.

I like that Fred is going to let her live with him though! What a nice older brother.

I'm looking forward to seeing more of your story!

~Cassie

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Review #5, by daretodream Prologue

22nd July 2012:
Hello!

Oh, I love next gen, so I like this right off the bat without you even doing anything.

I love that your story is about Roxanne. No one ever writes about her, and I hate that she is so neglected in fan fiction.

And a pregnancy story too! I love those. Though, who I am assuming is the baby's father seems to be a real jerk.

Intrigued for the next chapter!

~Cassie

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Review #6, by SeverusSnape15 Prologue

18th July 2012:
Helloo, thank you soo much for entering my challenge. I'm in love with this story already. Your description is simply amazing. This sentence: "I was grateful upon discovering that my broken dam had now dried out, grateful that the dam in fact was not bottomless. It had emptied out, no longer allowing my unwilling tears to flow." That is so wonderful. The metaphores you used are just simple wonderful. Your writing is magnificent. Wonderful job! I could feel her pain, and I could feel the love Lucy and Molly were giving her. This is very different from other Roxanne stories I have read. Wonderful job. 10/10, definately!

Author's Response: Thank you for this lovely review and sorry I couldn't get more chapters out before the deadline.

I'm glad you love this story already as this makes me smile :D

Thank you! I'm not so great at metaphors so when I do it right I'm very happy :)

Thanks for reviewing!


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Review #7, by Phoenix_Flames Prologue

15th July 2012:
Hello there! I'm here with your review as requested! I am so dreadfully sorry it took me ages to get around to this. With work and the House Cup going on, my review thread sort of got overlooked the past few weeks! So I'm really sorry about that, but I'm here now!

I think you're off to an awesome start! There's a great connection between all the cousins here in this chapter. I love it when you can feel that family bond just in the dialogue, and that definitely shines through here.

I've also read lots of next gen teen pregnancy stories, but never one that focuses on Roxanne! I love this change, and I can't wait to see how you do it!

I didn't pass too many mistakes. So that's awesome! Nothing that really stuck out to me.

I love how you didn't take forever to introduce characters. I hate that, and in a story that is going to have multiple chapters, I believe that you have to enthrall the reader right from the very beginning. There's no time for boring introductions, that came come later, and you did exactly that here in this! You captured me, pulled me in, and I would definitely be back for the next chapter.

And I love how you put in bits and pieces of Roxanne's personality as the chapter went. Like her smart comments in her head and everything. It really gives me an insight of her character without taking the time to explain it. Awesome!

I think you're off to a great start! Thanks for requesting! Feel free to come by again when the next chapter is up! Thanks again, and I hope I was somewhat helpful! :)

Author's Response: Thank you for this lovely review :)

I wanted to create a strong connection between all the cousin as I wanted a strong bond within the story as it'll be a taught time for them, especially with all lying to their parents and family so Roxanne would feel safe.

I don't tend to write pregnancy story but I came across this challenge and I just couldn't pass up this opportunity plus I wanted to write about a minor next generation character. That has always fascinate me.

I'm glad you liked that little bits and pieces of Roxanne's personality. I want to do it subtly and not too overwhelming.

Thank you for reviewing and I shall be sure to re-request when the next chapter is up.


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Review #8, by luciusobsessed Prologue

14th July 2012:
Hey there, luciusobsessed here with your review!

I love your flow and style of writing, not to mention your descriptions. You really do a great job of describing your characters and showing a slight tint of their personalities. I look forward to reading in depth of the story-line in the next few chapters :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review :D

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Review #9, by angel_speaks Prologue

30th June 2012:
Hiya!
Emesias here with your requested review!

This is very interesting! It surely did grab my attention and i surely do want to read more of this. Plot is definitely interesting and like i said, quite the attention grabber and the characters seem to go really well with the plot. I can't wait to see how Bentley develops throughout the chapters and how the other characters interact with him ^_^ At the moment, for a prologue, it flows really well so far. We'll just have to see with the up coming chapters ^_^ Lastly, this chapter is well written! I didn't see anything that's grammatically incorrect! (I noticed you have a beta; it's always good to have another set of eyes looking over you shoulder ^_^)

Overall, you're off to a good start! I love the uniqueness of the plot and the introduction of your OC! Good job!

Happy Writing!!! 10/10

Author's Response: Thank you for the review :)

I'm glad you found this story interesting as I know it's really difficult to be original and not mary-sue with it being a teen pregnancy story and all.

Thanks again.


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Review #10, by Jchrissy Prologue

28th June 2012:
The first sentence already has me amused! Thatís a good sign!

The sting had reached its maximum capacity; an overwhelmed feeling washed over me; I felt my eyes begin to water as tears trickled down my beautifully tanned skin, leaving a sticky trail in their path.

I like your use of the semicolon in this, but I think the second one should be changed to a period and that following sentence should begin with ĎMy eyes.í This is just a stylistics suggestion, feel free to ignore it!

I just let them flow; let myself be engulfed by the salty and undesirable tears. A semicolon must have a complete sentence on either side of it. BUT, a colon can have an incomplete sentence for the ending one. I would either change this it: I let them flow; I allowed myself to be engulfed by the salty and undesirable tears. Or, just change the semicolon to a colon :).

This is a very, very great first chapter! I LOVE your characterizations so far. Roxanne seems like a really strong character and Iím excited to see her fleshed out. Lucy and Molly are going to be a great for of comic relief, I bet. You did an amazing job with describing everything, so we know what is going on and who is saying what, and so on. You introduced a lot of characters, so Iím excited to see how their personalities are built upon in following chapters. I also love the way you brought the pregnancy about.

Your grammar is for the most part, perfect. You had another issue with semicolons earlier on, just remember they always have to separate two complete sentences. Penny has an amazing ppst under writers resources, titled semicolons and colons, that would be good to read! I learned so much from it!

I think you are starting really strong, and this first chapter does an amazing job at capturing my attention, wanting to force me to continue reading. Poor girl, that last sentence was the perfect amount of drama.

I hope I was helpful! Donít forget, anything I suggest are merely, well, suggestions ;)!

-JChrissy

Author's Response: Hi (second time writing this as I somehow deleted the first one...)

I have trouble with semicolon and colon and so on as it isn't my first language so I'll be sure to have a look into that more and try and fix what you've suggested above :) I will also have a look at Penny's colon and semicolon. Thanks for telling me about it :)

I'm glad you found my chapter great as it means a lot for a writer to hear things like that. I love that you love my characterization so far and I hope not to disappoint as the story/the characters progresses. Molly and Lucy makes Roxanne laugh when she's down so they are great best friends and cousins :) I know I introduced a lot of characters. Those are pretty much the main ones apart from Fred, who'll come into play in the next chapter.

I didn't just want to go right ahead and tell the reader she was pregnant straight away I wanted to create some suspense and I know most if not all the readers will already know she's pregnant but I didn't want to clarify it until the very end.

Thank you for reviewing and I'm glad it made you want to read on and find out all those unanswered questions :)

Your review has been very helpful!


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Review #11, by ScorpiusRose17 Prologue

27th June 2012:
Hi there!

I am here with your review!

I really enjoyed this first chapter!! I love the way you built up the characters. The characterization comes out clear. I really like the way that you portray Molly and Lucy. They remind me of a female version of Fred and George. =) I also really liked Roxanne. She seems like she has a lot on her plate caused by this boy. I don't know what to make of him yet, other than he reminds me of a younger version of James Potter with the way he talked about the spell he used. I am sure I will see them all in different ways as the story progresses.

The overall flow of the story is great. I didn't see any sentences that felt weird and when you transitioned your character POV and dialogue it was really smooth. I also liked the pace. It was short as you said, but I think it was well thoughtout and really made me want to read more.

The description you use is more subtle, but still creates that picture in my mind as I read through. I don't see any grammar errors either!

I really like the plot of this story. It isn't super strong and in my face, but you set it up nicely and really give it that slow build that brings on a really great story. I am going to be adding this to my favorites and I hope you will re-request when chapter two is ready!!

Until then, keep up the awesome writing!!! =)

-SR17

Author's Response: Hi :) and thank you for reviewing!

I'm glad you enjoyed the first chapter as it was pretty short and I usually write 2500-3000 words per chapter so to me I was kinda disappointed in the lack of writing in this one, but I'm glad people thought it was still good enough as a prologue though :)

Aw that's so sweet. That would be amazing to meet the female version of the twins haha and viola we may have one here :p

Yeah Roxanne and Bentley has some history, more from her side than his to be honest. As the story progresses I shall explain more on their relationship and how it came to be the way it has. But Bentley is very cocky and Roxanne know she should hate him but she can't bring herself to...

I often struggled with writing as I often have a lot of awkward sentences. I mean take Pining for You as an example so I'm glad this one doesn't have that problem, as of yet haha. I'm glad you found it somewhat satisfying even though this chapter was pretty short as like what is said above I usually write more than this.

I suppose I've been using the CC from Pining for You in this story as I tried to add more descriptions that I sometime tends to forget...

Thank you for putting it on your favourite! It means a lot :) and I shall definitely re-request don't you worry :p haha I'm glad you like Curveball so far!

Thanks again!


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Review #12, by ImagineHarmony Prologue

26th June 2012:
Hello! VividImagination from the forums at your service ;)
Honestly, I really, really loved this chapter!

The plot (this chapter) was very simple, very realistic and believable for a girl who is very strong. I think you portrayed her very good, you didn't make Roxanne like the usual characters, and I think you'll be able to do a good story because you have a good plot (this prologue is perfect as a prologue, it has suspense!) and great characters to base it on.

The flow is perfect, you weren't lagging at any points. I think you should add a bit more descriptive details in the next later chapters, but that's just me, so don't mind that if you don't want it. I think though the paragraph above "Then realization hit me." could be separated with more details in it, such as like sometimes answering the rhetorical question.

I haven't noticed any grammar mistakes except for 'realisation', the S should be a Z :) (or is it spelled with an S in other countries out of UK?)

I read the other reviews and I agree with Julie, try as much as to flesh the characters out because the next chapters, the characters are very important!

Overall this is a good start, so keep it up :) I can't wait to read more!
Do keep requesting :P

-IH

Author's Response: Hi thanks for the review :)

I'm glad you found the plot realistic and believable as that it's very hard to write. So thank you :) I'm also glad you thought there was suspense in this prologue as I wanted people to be left with a lot of unanswered questions so they would come back to find out :)

I'll put the Z back in realization when I look through it. Probably the middle of next month :) and I'll look through that too and add more to where you'd suggest. Thank you for pointing that out!!!

Yeah I know I need to tread carefully especially writing a story where my MC is pregnant. I'm trying me hardest not to make this story cliche and hopefully if I built a good enough characters it won't turn out in such a way.

I feel so much pressure to not slipped onto the cliche route haha

Thanks you for reviewing! It helped a lot and I shall be back to re-request for the next chapter :)


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Review #13, by Cleopatraa Prologue

25th June 2012:
First of all nice banner and I like the fact itís a Roxanne/OC as Iím in a progress writing a story about Roxanne also. It thought it was a really enjoyable read. Roxanne seems like a strong character and I never read a story before in which she was pregnant . She seemed very real to me and I though this was a great beginning for a new story. So well done!

Cleo

Author's Response: Yeah BL/ind did an amazing job on the banner, especially with fitting all my casts without any sort of animation :)

I thought I would try my hand at Roxanne's. To be honest I think I have a obsession with writing from NG first it was Louis, now Roxanne and there's a Hugo one coming out soon too. I think it's safe to say I want them all to shine individually :p

Please give me a PM when your Roxanne story is validated I would love to read :)

I'm glad you found her very real and thank you for the very nice review :D


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Review #14, by EverDiggory Prologue

25th June 2012:
I can't wait to read more! I have a hundred and two questions that I want to know all about, but I'm sure all will be revealed. I am way to excited about this, but this was seriously good quality writing and I am hooked! I anticipate the next chapter eagerly! Write faster, while the queue is short! *favorites*

I really enjoyed reading this, and can't wait to read more!

Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing :)

I realised this prologue left a lot of unanswered questions but as the story progresses more will be revealed :) I will explain everything from the relationship between Rocky and Bentley, how they'd come to such a situation. How she deals with her predicament and if she'll ever tell her parents.

I'm excited that you're hooked on this :) it means a lot especially when it hasn't been getting that much love.

Aw thanks for saying that. I'm glad you enjoy my writing :D

Chapter one is written and ready to be put in the queue I just need chapter 4 of Pining for You to be validated first and hopefully Curveball will be in next and should be validated before the validators go on holiday.

Thank you for putting it as your favourite :) hold tight more will come soon!


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Review #15, by luvinpadfoot Prologue

25th June 2012:
This was a great start to the story! Roxanne seems like such a strong character, I'm interested to see how she deals with the pregnancy and telling her family. I also like how you've written Molly and Lucy as twins- I don't think I've ever seen that before.

I can't help but wonder about the whole situation with Hunter. Is that something you'll be delving into more? It's peaked my curiosity!

Anyway, this story seems wonderful so far and I'm looking forward to the next chapter! =)

Author's Response: Thank you for swinging by to give me a review :)

Yeah there's not many stories where Lucy and Molly are portrayed as twins. I wanted to try something new and this was what I came up with. I'm glad I gave the impression that Roxanne's will be a strong character as that's hopefully where it's leaning to.

She's not dealing that well with her news as you'll find out in the next chapter. It'll hopefully be a huge thing when her parents finds out as she's afraid to disappoint them especially her mother.

The whole situation with Hunter will be reveal as the story progresses. He plays an important part in the story, not only because he's the baby daddy. Anyway all will be reveal later :)

Aw thanks for such a nice review. It means a lot :)


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Review #16, by WitnesstoitAll Prologue

25th June 2012:
Baww. I don't know why this chapter has so few reviews! It really was an enjoyable read. I do read many Hogwarts-pregnancy fics (or just out of Hogwarts-precnancy fics, for that matter) so I can't really comment on originality or cliches or anything like that, but I thought it was a lovely first chapter. I really enjoyed the strong friendship between Lucy, Molly and Roxanne. Friendships in fics is one of my favorite things to read, afterall... where would the HP books be without strong friendships?? My only critique would be to be cautious about the atmosphere of your narration. When we're inside Roxanne's head, the language you use is lofty and elegant, but when she starts talking, her speaking voice is poppy and fresh. I know you're trying to convey very strong emotions (afterall, she did just find out she's pregnant), but a little more continuity between the feel of the prose may help this read a bit better.

That being said, don't worry about it too much!! I think that you've made a really nice start to this story!! Well done. :)

xoxo
Melissa

Author's Response: Thank you for your review :) Yeah Curvenball is feeling a little bit under loved than my other story. I wish people would give it a chance but I think some people don't because they genuinly don't like pregnancy stories and so on as like you said they tend to be a little cliche.

I'm glad you like the bond between the three girls as I wanted to create a strong bond between them in some sort of sisterhood and whatnot.

Yeah thanks for pointing that out I'll bear that in mind as I write chapter two, since I've already got chapter one written out. I might try and out that in the queue before it closes for a week though.

Thank you :D


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Review #17, by Ron 4 Hermione Prologue

23rd June 2012:
A good start- an interesting chapter!
-The plot seems interesting, especially since there is so many questions left unanswered :)
-The flow is good- it doesn't just skip around to a random memory or anything.
-The characterisation seems good, can't wait to find out more about Bentley.
- I can't seem to see any grammar or spelling issues so well done to your beta :)
A good start and good luck in your challenges :) 9/0

Author's Response: Thanks for the review. Chapter one should be in the queue pretty soon :D

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