What a cute moment at The Borrow. It made me giggle thinking about all the Weasley children being so young.
There were a few things I noticed though.
In the begining you used "was sat" a couple times. I don't know where it stands gramaticly, but to me it sounds awkward.. like it should be "sitting" instead of "sat" in both cases. Also in the line:
"A second later to cheeky faces..."
Should be two instead of to.
My only other thing is when you give the time later on in the story I found the number distracting. In most cases it's best to write the numbers out, or use something like - "just after three o'clock to be precise" and the second time the time is mentioned it just seems a little repetitive... so maybe something like "it was still unreasonably early after all..."
All in all it was a very cute story thought... and for some reason it makes me think that Ron had a rather severe cowlick as a child.. LOL
Keep up the good work!
~Moon~Author's Response: Hey, thanks for reviewing! :)
Thanks for the CC, I'll take it into account when I edit the story.
I'm glad you liked it and thanks again for reviewing!
Aw, that was extremely cute! I can just imagine that being Ron's first piece of magic. That of course leads me to say that all the characterisations in this story are very good, very believable, even the characters which are only mentioned in passing.
The only crit I really have for this story is the fact that I don't really feel it flows very well, it's quite broken, in a way.
From what I could tell, your rammar use was totally perfect! Like I said before, this is a totally adorable story, and Molly seemed like really mothering.
If you ever want me to review anything else, my thread is always open.
Thanks for the chance to read a wonderful story,
CharlieAuthor's Response: Thanks for reviewing :)
I'm glad you think that the characters are believable,I don't normally write about the weasley's as a family so thanks! :)
I'll have a look back over the story and see if i can make it flow better and thanks again! Report Review
This is a wonderful piece. And so well written. You get the charaters perfect... but I guess you know that.. :-)
I hope you win.. good luck.
Now I must go and check out some of your other stories. They look good!
Again, lovely story.Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing :D
I got an honorary mention in the challenge!
Thanks again :) Report Review
Awh this is so cute! I'm just popping in to read your entry for the 'Ronald Weasley Challenge'. As you know the challenge aim was to portray Ron Weasley in a different light to how he is normally seen.
I really liked how you showed Ron performing his first magic - the idea that his first was connected to food is so Ron! Then with his teddies spinning round the room in the middle of the night was such a childish thing to do that it really related to his age!
Molly and Arthur portrayed a great family atmosphere which is always present in the books. I like how Molly immediately assumed that the noise was the twins. Your characterisation of all the Weasleys was very good - I like how Charlie was playing with the twins - he must be pretty lonely without Bill around!
A great entry, hopefully the results will be up soon! Keira :)Author's Response: Thank you :D
Cant wait to find out the results :) Report Review
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