HI there, darling! And a very happy birthday!
I hope you don't mind me leaving your review myself. I enjoy your writing, and really wanted this chance to read a bit more of it!
This as such a light an entertaining story. Simple sibling arguments hardly ever get explored. It's usually a big huge someone got someones elses gf pregnant kind of ordeal, so just getting to read a bit of young children acting the way children do was such a treat!
I think you picked up Lily's voice perfectly. And she had every right to be annoying! You started us off in the head of a 12 (12, right? maybe 11?) year old so well with her thoughts of what she'd do for her future. I think we've all been there -- when a cowgirl whose also trained as a model and astronaut all seem like perfectly acceptable careers ;).
You also built up Lily's love of the singer really well, so that by the time James came down and tried to take over we were really annoyed along with her! That was such a good choice as opposed to just kind of beginning with the action.
Ohhh and she's a vengeful little thing! Go Lily! Woot! Not only was her idea creative, but it wasn't malicious enough to get her punished. Just ridiculous enough to make her older brother very angry! Awesome idea, Lily!
I think you had a great combination of dialogue and description in here. You let things take off after you set the scene and that worked beautifully!
Awesome story, m'dear! And again, a very happy birthday to you ♥ Report Review
hahaha go lily! she sounded like a perfect 12 year old! well done!
i also liked how you used a radio like the wizarding world really does and not a tv !
- relic :)Author's Response: Thank you! I always loved the scenes with the Weasleys and their radio and the Potterwatch radio station, so I thought that would be much more real! Report Review
Please credit your chapter image to the TDA artist who made it.Author's Response: I'm so sorry, I'll get right on that. Report Review
It's Rosie with your requested review! :)
Ooh, isn't this the story I made a chapter image for? =D. (Ahem, that aside...)
This was a very amusing one-shot. I can totally relate to Lily; brothers have to be the most annoying creatures on earth. :/ And I have to admit, three siblings arguing is very funny; especially siblings who are magical! :D
And then Lily's revenge; I was like: Oh gosh, James is going to kill her! I wish I could do that to my brother's wall, but I'm too lazy. :P
Very creative one-shot! I gigged quite a bit! :D
~RosieAuthor's Response: Why yes it is :)
I have brothers too--it was really fun to write!
I would never be brave enought to do that to my brother!
Thanks for the review (and chapter image!) Report Review
Hmm the first thing I would recommend is to get a banner. A lot of people donít read stories without a banner, The next thing I would recommend it to get another summary as yours doesnít really lure people in ( atleast in my opinion). But you donít have to listen to me itís your story b but Iím only trying to help. After all I though this was an really enjoyable story and it deserves much more reviews and reads. I really liked your Lilly and I liked the fact it seemed very realistic to me. Nice job!
CleoAuthor's Response: I have a requst in at TDA :) and I will work on the summary! Thanks for the review, I'm glad you liked it! Report Review
Please tell me this is not over!!! You're going to continue right?
I love it. I haven't read a Potter-kids-at-home fic you know. I love it :) Characterization, grammar, spellings - no mistakes.
You should continue. You are going to, right?
P.S - Unicorns??? Nice ;)Author's Response: Well, I'm thinking of doing another chapter, but technically its completed. Right now I'm focusing on my other writing, but who knows, maybe I'll write James' reaction some day... Report Review
Hi! I'm here with your requested review :)
I thought this was really cute. I felt like the squabble between Lily and James was realistic - it was nice not to see them arguing because Lily is dating Scorpius or James got some girl pregnant, but instead to be fighting over normal things like who gets to use the radio. I also liked how you touched on the way that magic can fix a lot of things. A Muggle parent probably wouldn't really be able to make ripped posters new again, but for wizarding parents, it's no big thing. Very neat.
The comments on improvement I have are very minor. I would consider adding something to set apart the label for the potion; you could use a line break, or you could just bold or italicize the text. Also, in the sentence where Lily is talking about not being a Seeker because she's not a big fan of Quidditch, you've got a comma splice. Just replace it with a semi-colon or split the two sentences, and you'll be good to go. Otherwise, technically, this looks good, so very nice job with that.
I liked your characterization of the Potter children a lot. Lily seems to have inherited her mother's spunk (no wonder she thinks Ginny will be on her side!) and I like the brotherly rivalry between James and Albus. I also thought this chapter flowed well and definitely made me chuckle at a few points.
Very nice job! I hope this review is helpful :)
-AmandaAuthor's Response: I'm glad you like it! I love writing about little mundane events, not just the huge life-changing ones.
I'll go over it and correct those problems!
It was very fun to write the Potters :)
Thanks again, I really appreciate it! Report Review
Hi, I'm here from tag.
Oh, this is so much fun. I like your Lily II, she's a great kid with lots of energy. She acts a little young for her age - she could have been eight in this story - but I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that that's because she's the youngest and therefore the most spoilt.
In fact, I think all the Potter kids' personalities shine through here, which is fantastic, so well done.
The only thing is, you may want to invest in a Britpicking beta, because your characters are very much American, which can be a little jarring at points.
Anyway - this was fun, and so good luck with the challenge! :)Author's Response: I think you're right, she does sound a bit young, but not only because she is the youngest, but also because she is in a fight. I think fights tend to make people act immature in general.
Haha I'll look into that!
Thanks, I really appreciate the review! Report Review
This. Is. Awesome.
I love Lily Potter II stories, but I think this one is one of the best. I think the characterisation is perfect, James and Albus were very realistic and I could definitely see a bit of Ginny in Lily, being the youngest and a girl, yet they both know how to deal with their big brothers ;) that's certainly passed down in DNA.
Lily was also the perfect 12-year-old, coming up with ideas of what she would be when she was older, all of them being high goals, as are they all at age 12.
I think it flowed very nicely, and wasn't too fast nor to slow.
I really wish I could see James' face >.<
--FallenAuthor's Response: Haha I love Lily II too! I'm glad she sounded like a twelve year old :) I may be writing a spin off of this with James, so maybe you WILL get to see his face... Report Review
That was amazing! I love your Lily, she's got spunk! I really think you should write another one the reactions to Lily's revenge, that should be rrally funny to read.Author's Response: Thanks! I'm definitely thinking about it... :) Report Review
This was a very creative and entertaining fanfic. It reminded me so much of how my sister and I quarrel.
I love how you didn't just write the story from Lily's perspective, but you also portrayed her thoughts as those of a 12-year-old's. You did a great job reflecting her feelings.
Wonderful one-shot! Keep up the writing! :)Author's Response: I'm glad you liked it! The inspiration comes form the many many fights I have had with my older brother :) It was fun to write! Report Review
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