Hi :) Here with the review swap :P
Let me just satrt off by saying I LOVE THIS PAIRING! And I like how the one-shot isn't centered around Luna and Dean and how they are oh-so perfect for each other, its about Dean helping heal Luna's relationship with her father, and that SHOWS that they are perfect for each other, without having to say anything!
Xenophilius on house arrest was a thought that never occured to me, but its a very good, original idea that I haven't seen done before :D
I think you got Luna's personality just right! Some people make her very ditzy, borderline crazy person, wheras others make her this sort of agony aunt when she really isn't! You balanced just the right about of Luna-ness with her blunt honesty and you really got it spot on :D
I love this one shot so much :D Eep! :) 10/10!Author's Response: Hey thanks! I'm so glad you enjoyed this, and that you liked the way I wrote Luna. You made my day with this review! :) Report Review
Oh my God. Oh.my.God.
This was perfect.
This story had every little thing there, whether outright or in between the lines, that makes me love this ship and the two characters together. By the end, I totally forgot canon and all the Scamander rubbish, it doesn't exist for me, because the love and support in this story made me smile stupidly into my computer and I just can't find enough words to describe this.
Firstly, I love simple things. I love the simplicity of life and what people do for each other. Some stories are so full of dramatic happenings and plots that get the two people together, but this is so real. This is what makes real people cling to each other and want to spend lives together.
Dean is so freaking amazing here. The way he thinks about Luna makes me want to be Luna and his girlfriend. I just died reading about how he thinks he's unworthy of her, because she's just so strong inside and different and giving his life an unforgettable glow. He understands her needs and knows who she is, and that just touched me, because there are relationships where people are together for years but they still can't grasp the basic thing that makes their other who they are. For Luna it was the relationship with her father clashing with her firm beliefs and I can totally imagine her entire conflict and understand it. Luna is viewed as this sweet little weird thing, but she's a woman with a belief and just as she's able to fiercely believe in nargles, she's as fiercely devoted to what she thinks is right. It's very believable to consider she must have taken her father's betrayal hard even though he did it for her. Okay, now I'm just repeating what this story was about, but that's because it's SO TRUE and it's now a part of my headcanon, yay!
The writing was fabulous and I'm forever jealous because I'll never be able to write so simply yet wonderfully. I just tumble with too many unnecessary words and it's a mess. This explained everything perfectly, created a wonderful imagery and inner world of the characters, especially Dean. I love Dean, have I said that before??
The way you described Xeno as a hunted animal was perfect. I could really feel his pain and regret. And then, the scene where they move into their new flat and paint the walls and then sit on the floor is just so unbelievably romantic!! I always imagined a situation like that in my life and I still want it like whoa. My heart was just bouncing reading that. It's this quiet soothing love they have, and you can really feel it, all of it.
And Luna. What I liked about her that it felt like Dean truly knew her. He knew all those ways she looks when she's angry or sad. But what I loved most is that she was Luna, but she was also so grown-up and mature. This is the thing that can be really problematic when writing Luna, because she's always such a wild child it's hard to imagine her as a grown woman with real problems and desires and everything. Here it was, and it all felt natural.
Oh my golly, I haven't written such a gushing review in such a LONG time, but I just enjoyed this so much. The way you divided this into sections gave the story a fresh and interesting pace, I really liked that, too. Soo, I think it's time for me to shut up now. One last time - I LOVED THIS.
ElizabethAuthor's Response: I cannot believe I'm just now seeing this! Thank you SO much for the amazing review! It really means the world to me that a fellow Dean/Luna shipper liked this so much :)
I figured Dean would have a sort of straightforward narrative voice, and so I tried not to get too out there with the language while using his point of view. So that might be part of the simplicity you caught :) But yeah, I definitely didn't want too much drama with this--I just wanted it to be about life and this couple making their way forward after the war and helping each other. I'm so glad you liked the style, and that the everyday-ish feel of the narrative spoke to you :)
Luna, oh Luna. She gave me such trouble, because I just couldn't seem to capture her exactly as I saw her in the books. But I've gotten several comments similar to yours, that she seems more grown-up and mature in this. Which is really great; after her experience in the war, it would only be natural for her to grow and change. But I did try to keep her true to the eccentric character we know and love, at least a little bit :P
I am SO HAPPY that Dean and Luna's relationship seems so real to you. I always thought they would be a sweet couple, and I wanted to show that they really understand each other and want the best for each other. And let's be honest, I did try to make it all fuzzy and heartwarming, so it makes me really happy that it brought such a smile to your face :)
How can I thank you for this? This review is just so wonderful, and I'm so happy you liked my take on the pairing. I'm so sorry I've taken this long to respond, but rest assured that this review just made my LIFE! Thank you so much, again! :)
--Maggie Report Review
Hello! I'm here with your requested review :)
First of all, thank you for writing this pairing! In the texts (especially Deathly Hallows) there are some lovely moments of friendship between the two, and implications of a possible relationship - and I'm not sure if many people think too much about the fact that Luna and Dean were both prisoners in the Malfoy Manor dungeons, and that both went through the same ordeal together, and possibly helped each other emotionally and mentally.
This is a very lovely post-Hogwarts story told through Dean Thomas' POV. I think you're pretty much spot on with Dean's characterisation. His POV is convincing enough, and as a narrator, his voice is dry, casual, honest, observant but not weighted down by too much detail. He is down-to-earth and practical, and I like that you've incorporated aspects of his Muggle-born upbringing into his present life (e.g. watching TV, buying things from the Muggle hardware store - lovely, especially when contrasted to the quick-drying Charms :))
Luna, however, is a more difficult character to pin down in writing. Rowling's Luna is, in my opinion all floaty and airy-fairy and yet is incredibly perceptive with a startling wisdom that none of the other characters possess. That being said, I think you've done a great job with Luna. You've taken into account her ordeal and her wartime experiences; your postwar Luna is convincing, more mature and sober than the Luna of the novels. There's also a sense of energy to her character which I really like - the painting scene was especially lovely and heartwarming, and the contrasts between her and Dean are wonderful and well-thought out. I'm not sure that Luna would be so unforgiving as to not talk to her father for months (I've always thought she would be forgiving and light-hearted), but then again this is just my opinion, and you have after all, taken into account her recent experiences.
The relationship and chemistry between the two is believable and heartfelt; their decision to live together and set up home just tugged at my heart! Their relationship is a warm cheerful and consoling picture against the postwar wizarding world. there was a reference to their shared experience of imprisonment in Malfoy Manor; I would liked to have read a bit more about it and how they survived before being rescued. I think including such a scene in your story would have perhaps added a whole new dimension to their relationship (possibly a darker side to it) and to its development across time.
I think after this story I just might go round looking for more Dean/Luna fanfics :D
As for the depiction of the rest of the wizarding world after the war, this was done very skillfully through allusion and other indirect references e.g. Xeno Lovegood's house arrest provides a deeper less cheerful look into the state of the outside world. As for Xeno himself, well done! You write his character flaws well, his strangeness (his refusal to come all the way down the stairs) and the final reunion with his daughter is beautifully done.
first of all, the numbering of the story segments. I understand that you want to start with action and you have broken up the linearity of the plot. This is fine. I read the story in the order as it appeared on the page, and it sounded great. I would, however, have preferred if you'd numbered them I to VII. I am not suggesting that you rearrange the segments into chronological order; they're fine as they are. Just...perhaps change the numbers so the numbers themselves are in order. I know you're trying to help your reader out - but I think the non-linearity of the story is perfectly understandable. There's no need to take the reader by the hand and absolutely explain everything. This is just my recommendation but it's up to you.
Repetitive information is another thing you should look out for. For example, at the beginning of the segment marked as II there is this sentence:
Since the moment she'd found out about his bargain with the Death Eaters (her life in exchange for Harry Potter), Luna hadn't spoken to her father once.
It just happens that the segment before II (no. IV), which shows the conversation between Xeno and Dean, has already gone into some detail into the current situation between Luna and her dad, and the falling-out. I don't think you need to repeat the information. This has probably something to do with the non-chronological story order but generally, there's no need to deliver the same information more than once, especially within the same POV.
Also, at certain moments of the story, I think that you could do with a bit more "showing" rather than "telling". Especially during the times when Dean describes Luna. For example:
She inspired me constantly. Her exterior was completely calm and serene, but underneath that she had more tenacity than anyone I knew. While I wallowed in my setbacks and failures, she rose above hers and kept going, often while helping other people move forward as well.
It might be nice to know exactly how Luna rises above and helps Dean overcome his "setbacks and failures". Rather than telling the reader directly this, you might choose to show us by perhaps writing a scene - perhaps a dialogue scene of Luna and Dean getting over their problems and helping each other out. This is just an example. I hope I'm not being too obscure here. But if you "show" more, I think you would have a more rounded relationship between the two, and subtler, more nuanced character development. (Feel free to PM me if you need further explanation)
OK, to wrap up: this is a lovely warm story of family and relationships. The tone is great; there is a lightness to your writing that suits Dean's character a lot and the pacing was easy and unforced. great, convincing characterisation.
Well done! This is a lovely piece of writing. Hope I've been helpful with this review!Author's Response: Hi! Thank you so much for this wonderful review! I really appreciate your feedback, and I'm glad you enjoyed reading the story :)
I absolutely loved writing from Dean's POV. His voice just seemed to come naturally for me, and I'm so happy you thought it sounded authentic. And I did want to add some maturity to Luna's character after what she's been through, because I did think her experiences would change her. But I also tried to keep her true to the personality JK gave her in the books, and I think I'll just have to keep working on it as I write more of her.
You're not the first person who's mentioned being curious about what happened between them in the Manor, so I'm think a one-shot about that might be in the works soon. And I'm glad you like Xeno! He was an interesting one to write as well.
You know, I didn't even notice that repetitiveness untill you mentioned. Thanks so much for pointing it out--I'll definitely keep that in mind as I keep writing. And I see what you mean about the segment numbering. I just wasn't sure if things would be as clear to other people as they were in my head, so I decided to map it out a little more clearly. But it's good to know that the non-linear thing was clear on its own, without the explanation.
Thanks again for the great feedback! I will keep all your suggestions in mind as I keep writing. This was so helpful and well-thought-out, and I appreciate it so much!
--Maggie Report Review
Hey, Mags! It's apocalypse, here with your review. It's about time too, isn't it? :p Sorry, I've taken such a long time in coming here! I've been too busy wasting my time and procrastinating :P
Well, onto the review. First and foremost, I think I'll talk about the characters, like you asked. Luna: I really liked her in this story! In the books Luna was slightly different than your version of her but honestly, I liked her a lot the way you've written her. She's more mature and way more cooler than she already was. :) I think that the main reason for that was the fact that you took her ordeals into account and made sure that sufferings were apparent in her personality. She's changed, definitely but that was bound to happen considering the fact that she had been through so much in the Final Battle. I really loved the fact that you took all that into consideration and based your version of Luna around all that. Great job! :)
Then, Dean. I've never ever actually read a Dean fic, do you know that? :P I didn't really pay attention to him in the books either. *grins sheepishly* But now, after reading this story, I forced myself to compare your version with the book's version and you know what? I was pretty happy with him here. He's way more mature than Luna, is impulsive but knows that his decisions are the right ones despite them being thoughtless. :P I think all in all, he was the perfect partner for Luna, especially in this story so I'm pretty happy with the pairing. :)
And Xeno was pretty well characterized too. It really wasn't his story, he was there for a shorter time but I think I liked his characterization when I was reading. The fact that his actions had caused problems between him and his daughter was something that anyone could relate to so it was good to see that you wrote that idea down pretty well. Dean being the middleman was the right thing to do. His actions actually told the entire story and the fact that he was doing this only for only made me love his character even more. Wonderful job with him! :)
For me, the description and the dialogue were balanced almost perfectly. I usually notice the difference pretty quickly but here, I don't think I had anything to notice. :) It was pretty well written and yes, did flow very well. The dialogue complimented the description and vice versa. :D It made me a pretty happy reader. :D
One thing I kept wondering throughout the story was why you arranged the scenes the way you did. I personally liked it but I was wondering how you got the idea. :P Would love to know that! XD I don't think I found it confusing in any way. I suppose there will be readers who might find arrangement of scenes confusing or disconcerting but I didn't. I loved the fact that you tried something different and succeeded at it pretty well. :D
The only small problem I had with the numbering was the fact that I kept forgetting what number scene I was reading and which number scene had been the previous one. Like I was at IV and I had forgotten what had happened at III because of other scenes in between so I had to go back and check it again. :P But that's just something I experienced. Pretty short attention span, you see. :P
Overall, I loved the relationship between Dean and Luna. You made it seem so light and easy, I enjoyed reading it a lot. One of my favourite scenes was the one when they were painting their place and Luna kept suggesting or bringing it awkward colours. It made me smile at her. She was SO cute in that scene. :D Love her there. Great job with her, really!
I loved this story a lot, Maggie. Keep it up. I suppose I should tell you that I'm pretty proud of you and your writing, buddy! :D Feel free to PM me if you need any help. :)
-CalAuthor's Response: Hey Cal, it's great to hear from you! And don't worry about being late. I totally understand procrastination...I tend to do a lot of it as well :)
Dude, your reviews are always so awesome and detailed...it's just so impressive :) I love hearing your thoughts about the characters, and I'm glad you like them! I did think the aftermath of the war would change Luna a bit. I love her in the books, but she definitely has some growing up to do, and I think a war would speed that process along. Glad you picked that up :)
Dean is based a lot on my headcanon version of him, honestly. But I did try to pick up a few details from the books, such as his interest in art and the way he takes care of the women in his life (Ginny didn't like it so much in their sixth year, but I think it would be different with Luna).
I tried to think realistically about how Xeno would react to losing contact with Luna, and I just saw him falling apart and losing hope. But luckily Dean was around to help patch things up for two people who just aren't very practical problem-solvers :P
As for the scene-jumping thing, I don't know...it just came out that way when I started writing it. I wanted to start out in the middle of the "action" instead of getting bogged down with backstory at the beginning. So I just ended up switching back and forth, and hoping I could pull it off :P I'm glad you enjoyed that part of it (because it was pretty experimental for me), but I definitely see what you mean about losing track of things. That was one thing I was a little worried about, but it makes me happy that you liked the overall result :)
Aww, the paint scene! I think that's cute too, and I'm glad it put a smile on your face. That was the goal of this oneshot, after all :)
Thanks so much for this awesome review! It's so great to hear that I'm improving, and I really appreciate all your encouragement. You're the best!
--Maggie Report Review
I am finally here with your review. Sorry it has taken me this long to get to it.
I really like your description and characterization. I loved how I was able to fall right into the story and picture it so easily. I think you worked magic with this couple because you certainly understand their differences quite well and their mannerisms to make them work together in the story. I thought that the dialogue for this was also great. It felt natural when I read it. You just did a great job at capturing how they talk and made it as real as possible.
The story flowed well and it had a great balance that built up as the story went one between Luna, her father, and Dean. It was really nice to see the progression of their characters and the plot line.
I really enjoyed this story and thought that it was nice to read about Luna and Dean. I haven't read many stories with them, but this was quite the treat and all other Luna/Dean stories will definitely have to compete to be as good as this one in my books.
I am adding this to my favorites. Keep up the awesome writing and thanks for sharing such a wonderful story! =)
-SR17Author's Response: Hi, thanks so much for coming by! And don't worry about being late. I'm perpetually slow when I review (as you've experienced :P), so no worries :)
I'm glad you thought the description was good, and that you were able to get into the story. That makes me very happy! And it's great that Dean and Luna seemed authentic to you, and that they work well together.
I'm glad you liked the plot line. I hadn't really seen many stories dealing with the aftermath of the war for Luna, so I thought I'd play with it :) Thanks so much for commenting on that.
Thank you so much for favoriting! I really appreciate that, and I'm glad you liked reading about this couple. This review just made my day!
--Maggie Report Review
Hey Maggie! I'm here with your requested review!
I thought this was very sweet, and a great way to show the love that you see between Dean and Luna. I really liked the flow of the piece, and I love that you numbered it so people could read it in chronological order or just as is (which is what I did). I wrote a non-chronological Snily for this same challenge, and now I kind of wish I had done the same thing, just to help my readers out.
I thought Dean was spot-on. We don't know him very well, but I think of him as being pretty logical and sensible and very loyal. It's just as you said - his Gryffindor spirit comes out in his bravery when it comes to defending someone that he loves. I felt like your characterization here reflected my head canon very well. Luna, though, I wasn't so sure about. There were times when I felt like you captured her perfectly, with her whimsical, matter-of-fact nature and gentle, soft way of speaking. However, I wasn't so sure about the parts where she's ranting and arguing with Dean. To me, Luna would be more likely to deal with conflict by shutting down and getting even quieter. Then again, that could just be my head canon again.
I thought the description here was good. I especially liked the beginning, when you were describing Xenophilius's house, and I also liked the comment you made about how anybody who lived through the war would understand wanting to do something impulsive because "life is short". I thought the dialogue between Dean and Luna's dad was good, and like I said earlier, I thought Luna's dialogue was perfect in her softer, kinder moments.
Overall, this really impressed me. It's the first Dean/Luna I can remember reading and I very much enjoyed it. Good luck in the challenge! :)
Great job. I hope this review is helpful!
-AmandaAuthor's Response: Hi Amanda! Thanks so much for the review! And I have to admit that when I requested a review for this, I had totally forgotten you were in this challenge too. I'm so sorry about that, but I really appreciate you coming by anyway, despite my rudeness in asking you :/
I'm glad you like the way it flowed. I was pretty paranoid that it wouldn't be clear, but it's good that you were able to follow it. Your comments definitely help me feel more confident about that :)
I definitely see what you mean about Luna. She was pretty difficult for me to relate to, whereas Dean was effortless to write, and I think that showed in the end result. I'll definitely try to work on making Luna more believable when I write her again
I'm glad you liked the dialogue, especially between Dean and Xenophilius. I worked really hard on it, so I'm especially glad you enjoyed that part of it.
I'm glad you enjoyed this! Good luck to you in the challenge as well! And thanks again for your time. This review is definitely helpful :)
--Maggie Report Review
I thought this was great, you wrote such a cute little one-shot, I actually have never minded the pairing of Dean and Luna, I believe they could have dated for awhile and I thought you writing this, just made my day.
LizzieAuthor's Response: Hey thanks! I'm so glad you enjoyed reading it, and that you like Dean and Luna together :)
--Maggie Report Review
Wow! This is very well written!!! There were minimal grammatical errors and it flowed really well. the amount of dialogue was proportionate to the a,punt of description incorporated in the story and that played a big role in the flow of the story!
Prior to reading this piece, it was a bit difficult for me to imagine Luna and D. Thomas together. As I always envisioned her, just like Harry Potter, the lone ranger type. Ya know, that one character in the story who you really can't imagine being with someone. However, after reading this, I'm honestly falling in love with the idea of them being together! I love it! You did a very good job indeed!!!
I'm looking forward to seeing more of your work. Please feel free to request another!
Happy Writing! 10/10Author's Response: Hi! Thanks so much for coming by with this great review! :)
Haha, I'm glad I've converted you to the Dean/Luna bandwagon! I totally get what you mean...it's hard to imagine someone working well with Luna. I could see Dean being very accepting of her and embracing the things that make her different, which is why I think they'd work so well :)
Thanks for the comments on description and dialogue balance. That's something I was a little unsure of, so you've helped me not worry so much about that.
You know, I think I will come by your thread with another story soon. Thanks for the offer! And thanks again for your time and comments :)
--Maggie Report Review
Hi! Here with your requested review :)
I honestly loved everything about this. I usually review as I read but with the way things were formatted (which, my praise for will come below :p ) I wanted to read everything all at once and give you my overall opinion.
I thought the formatting of this story was so neat; what you did with mixing up the parts of the story -- it flowed incredibly well being interchanged and I think it made this such a special and unique one-shot.
I love how Dean talks about Luna. Every time it was so heartwarming when he explained how much he loved her. My favorite parts were where he wasn't surprised by the way she worked; he just went on to tell how he embraced and loved the things about her. It was also neat to see you dig into some of the emotions she would have had about her Father's actions during the war. I never even thought about what the public would think of Xenophilius' temporary betrayal of Harry -- for Luna or not -- and the consequences of his actions. You wrote her being upset so well. I have a huge soft spot in my heart for Luna and she's normally portrayed as the weird, out there personality that Dean even thought at one point.
I know this was already 5000 words which is massively impressive in itself, but the one thing I would have liked to see brought up was a memory of the pair of them in the dungeon at Malfoy Manor. My own ideas of the Dean/Luna have always started there, and I did notice you mentioned the aftereffects, but maybe a little bit about what it was like seeing her stay strong for Ollivander or something. Honestly though, that was the only thing I sort of 'missed' reading this; I thought it was so well put together.
I loved the paint scene! It was SO adorable! Especially how well Luna took the 'no orange'. It was just as I said above, the way you write Dean, he just knows Luna, and they have such a great understanding for eachother, making this ship just work so naturally.
It was heart wrenching to see how Luna's dad fell apart without her. That was such a tough situation for Xenophilius to be in, being forced to pick between his own daughter and the war, and you wrote it with such careful consideration that it made everything so believable.
I honestly have nothing but the highest praise for this, I'm so glad you requested it! It was such an enjoyable read. Good luck in your challenge!Author's Response: Hi! Thank you so much for the awesome review! I am so flattered that you enjoyed this so much :)
Thanks for your comments on the way Dean and Luna work as a couple. You've mentioned some of the things I worked really hard to get across, like the way he accepts her quirks and doesn't try to change them. I'm so happy you like them together! This isn't a pairing that you see every day, and I wanted to make it realistic but still adorable. And the paint scene is one of my favorites too :)
I see Luna as someone who has really strong principles, and who values the secure relationship she has with her dad. Both of those things combined made it hard for her to accept what Xeno did. I think that would be a tough situation for everyone involved.
I'm glad you liked the way the scenes interchanged. I've seen it done in other stories and liked a lot, and I thought I'd give it a try myself. It's great to know that I pulled it off decently well :)
Hey, what an awesome idea about Malfoy Manor! I think you've inspired a plunny for a new oneshot :D
Thanks again for this wonderful review! You've seriously made my day, and I really appreciate your time and feedback :)
Hey Maggie! This is DarkRose (Emily) from the forums, here to review for you! I'm so glad you liked the title I suggested. I definitely think it fits the story. Let's get started!
Characterization: All right. So, we've got Dean, Luna, and Xenophilius here. And I love them all. :D I think you wrote all three of them terrifically. Dean, to begin with, was great. I could imagine him saying all of his dialogue and I loved the way he interacted with Luna and Xeno. Great job. Luna herself was just quirky enough without being obnoxious and over-the-top. I loved that you showed different emotions for her. In my opinion, it really helped to make her more realistic. Xeno was really quite good as well. I liked that you showed the contrast between how he was before Luna forgave him, and after. Spectacular job.
Descriptions: I think you definitely balanced these with the dialogue! I really could see everything happening, and it flowed together so nicely. You didn't leave me hanging when it came to descriptions, and the dialogue wasn't stilted or poorly done. Great balance.
Emotions: You know, this story actually almost brought me to tears. I think I'll favorite it. It's very rare for me to feel the emotions so much that I almost cry, but you pulled that off. When Luna was talking about how her dad had disappointed her, I almost lost it. That was wonderfully written. Really, really great job.
Plot: I think this was so sweet! I've never read a Dean/Luna (at least, not that I remember), and this really showed me that they can be a really sweet couple. I liked it a lot. You took a situation that was never explained in the books and really brought it to life. It was quite realistic. I think you more than pulled it off.
Interactions: As I mentioned, I'd never imagined Dean and Luna together. I LOVE them, now! This was terrific. They were so sweet, but you could tell that neither of them had lost their personality in their relationship. I loved how fiery Luna was when she was upset, but she didn't fly off the handle, which wouldn't have been believable. I think you wrote their relationship in an adorable way. Dean knew that Luna could handle the truth, and she doesn't get her feelings hurt easily, so it meshed really well. And the ending with Luna and Xeno hugging! Awww! :D Loved it.
I think this flowed perfectly. I wasn't confused by the fact that it jumped around. I think you did a terrific job with this. It's rare for me to like a story this much. Great job! (Sorry for my lack of constructive criticism...I just happen to love your story. :] )
--EmilyAuthor's Response: Emily! Thank you so much for this amazing review, and for getting here so quickly! (That's something I need to be working on with my reviews, I think :P)
Oh my goodness, what can I say? I am just floored by this review, and all the incredibly sweet things you said :) I'm so happy you like the characters, because I'm really proud of them too (especially Dean. Writing him was shockingly easy for me, and I'm super happy with the result.)
Thanks a lot for clearing up some of my worry about the flow, and also the description/dialogue balance. Those were two things I wasn't quite sure about, and it's great to hear that they worked for you! And I'm so glad you like Dean and Luna as a couple. I just love them together, and I can see them having a lot of really sweet moments :) And I didn't want to stifle either of their personalities, so it's awesome that you noticed that!
It means the world to me that this story brought out those emotions for you! That makes me feel great, and I'm really happy that you enjoyed reading it so much. Thanks again for this wonderful review. Coming from such an awesome writer, it definitely means a lot! You've made my day, for sure! :D
--Maggie Report Review
Hi, StormThief here with your review :)
This was very sweet! You can tell how much Dean and Luna care for each other. I like the events out of order, it adds to the story. It ws very smooth, but one sentence was a bit awkward--"But do you mind to come down now". Maybe you could just say"But do you mind coming down now". That would make it easier to read.
Luna did seem a bit out of character. She wasn't so whimsical and random, but that could obviously be a result of the war and not seeing her father. Dean was spot on :)Nice job!
~StormThief17Author's Response: Hi! Thank you so much for this lovely review, and for coming by so quickly! :)
I'm glad you like the structure of the events, and that you think Dean and Luna work as a couple. That makes me happy! I really enjoyed writing Dean, and I'm glad you like his character.
I definitely see what you mean about Luna here. She's difficult for me to relate to, so I may not have gotten her perfectly. And I'll take another look at that sentence you mentioned.
Thanks for the suggestions, and for the kind words. They mean a lot! :)
--Maggie Report Review
Oh my gosh! I love this, it's so sweet!
I really want your vocabulary, it's great and well varied.
I think the flow is fine, I was never once confused and I don't think it needs anything else to make it better. There was nothing I could spot that would need cutting - It was perfect.
As for characterisation, I love Dean's character, he fitted with what I expected of him from the canon and his relationship with Luna was, although quite different/unexpected, really really sweet and realistic.
Luna was well written, not quite as dreamy but still just as quirky as always. I loved it when she concluded that Dean was immune to Nargles. Brilliant.
As for Xenophilius, he was simply perfect. How he seemed so haggard and lost without his daughter, yet cleaned himself up at the slightest spark of hope that she would visit. I could almost feel his pain at losing his daughter, since I figure she's the only person he has had after her mother died.
It was beautifully written and, as I said, you have a lovely wide vocabulary.
--FallenAuthor's Response: Hi Fallen! Thank you so much for this fantastic review, and for getting here so quickly!
I'm really glad you like the vocabulary. That's something I've been working on, and I'm so glad it came out here! Also, I'm glad you like Dean. I loved writing from his POV, and I was really hoping people would like him as much as I do :)
He came easily, but Luna was more difficult, and I'm glad to hear that you like how she came across. And the Nargle comment is actually my favorite part of this :) I'm also glad you liked Xenophilius, and that you saw everything I tried to get across with him.
Thanks for clearing up some of my concerns about flow. I was worried it would be confusing, but I'm glad you didn't feel that way :)
Thanks so much, again! Sorry for the super long response, but I'm just really excited that you liked it :) I really appreciate your time and comments.
--Maggie Report Review
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