Still my undisputed favorite story on the site. Your ability to both humanize and monstrocize Tom Riddly/Lord Voldemort still astonishes and amazes. Ginny's opinion of him, his opinions and conflicts about Ginny, all SPOT ON. So often I find I'm annoyed while reading other stories at the diversion from how the characters acted in the books but this story never ceases to impress me and in fact exceed my expectations. It ads another dimension to the story we already know instead of changing the story entirely. Sometimes alterations from the cannon are a needed break and are very fun, but this brand of a plot deepening story is so rare and satisfying, especially since it's well written. I keep hoping for an ending different from what I know is coming because of the little moments of humanity Tom shows towards Ginny. I keep hoping that her innocence will have a lasting affect. But then I remind myself that I know the ending. I've known the ending since I was 9 years old. I just really don't want it to happen. Report Review
This is insanely brilliant!!! Please continue writing - your ideas are completely original, and very enjoyable to read :) (I mean the entire story) Report Review
Hello! i enjoyed your story a lot and i can't wait for the next chapter. I like that this is about Ginny's first year, 'cause i think her experience with the diary was left aside in the books and i've always been curious about it. It's nice to read something that focuses on that. I think you're doing a great job! Report Review
So, this is a really interesting idea for a story. I've never read something with such short snippets. I would have thought it would be harder to convey the emotion, but you didn't seem to have a lot of trouble with that.
I think that though most of the time it was very clear what was going on, there were some moments when I got a bit confused. Some advice would be to always have Tom writing in italics. Sometimes, I would lose who was who in the conversation because you switched it around a few times.
This was a really intriguing start to a story! Good work!
~Cassie Report Review
This story is absolutely incredible!
You have this special gift of creating tension in a story that is so separate from the plot that it creates such an interesting pull of questions for the reader. For example I am constantly at war with myself about whether I like Tom or not..or Diary Tom I guess. Because the problem is that we tend to want to like the people who we're reading about but he's Voldemort so obviously he's evil but he's also so...charmingly sinister? Part of me is like "OH MY GOD ITS VOLDEMORT GINNY! NO DON'T TRUST HIM RUN!!" because obviously I've read the second book. But another part of me wants him to be a good guy somehow in the end even though obviously he can't be. I suppose it all depends on whether you're the type of author who's going to change the story or keep it true to the series. So far you've done a fantastic job at remaining true to the story (like seriously the best fanficiton I've ever read as far as relating realistically to the character's personalities and actual events in the book). But I'm also a bit surprised at myself because this is the first time I've found that I want the story to change a bit just so that Tom isn't evil because I'm kind of in love with his evil charm. I just felt a huge amount of conflict about how I feel about Tom because in this chapter I felt really really bad for him but kind of hated myself for feeling that way because he's Voldemort and he's the worst and most evil wizard pretty much ever. Again, excellent conflict building.
Ok, Ginny. Wow you captured the spirit of an 11 year old girl. At certain points I find myself thinking "God I'm so missing the kick-ass awesome Ginny of the later books" and then I remember SHE'S 11. You are able to realistically write an 11 year old so well and I'm sincerely impressed. In general actually you have a very nice talent for voice. I can always tell who's speaking immediately (and not just because of the perspective shift) Tom and Ginny just have such separate voices that it's easy and not at all confusing to tell who is speaking when.
Final note on the general way you've constructed the story so far: brilliant. I really love the way you show Tom gaining power in the form of being able to construct a body for himself within the diary and his small conversations with the real Voldemort. I'm just really enjoying the overall feel of this story and I really hope you keep writing it. :)
Sorry this review was so long, my first and last usually are but since I've heard it keeps writers going I'll be sure to review new chapters you publish.
Good Luck with everything and I hope you continue this story :)Author's Response: Oh wow, how flattering.
I've been told that it stays true to the series so much that I've been REALLY tempted to keep it that way except I can't because I already decided it's going to turn AU eventually.
I'm surprised someone likes the Tom talking to Voldemort part since me and a lot of other people actually don't like that part, heh. Go ahead and like Tom, I love Tom.
Ginny's easy to do... I just make her a little more innocent and somewhat of a pushover since she's so young. The fact I've never held much of a high opinion of her helps too. (And yet I have 2 stories with her...huh)
I've so far written about 400 100-word drabbles it's around the beginning of December and once Chapter 5 is validated that will be about half of them I've posted so it's a pretty long story...
These compliments, wow, seriously. Now I need to find a negative comment on another site so I don't get too full of myself. But thank you for it, reviews DO help a lot. Report Review
Em here with your requested review!
I apologize for taking awhile with your review.
This review covers for all chapters that you have requested on my thread. I hope that's ok ^_^
This is one of the most interesting stories that I've ever read. It's ridiculously brilliant ^_^ I love the formatting and each of the dialogue within them. So far I think that you are doing an excellent job with this. Grammar/ spelling is great and the plot is pacing really well. The characters are developing right as well. You're doing a really good job with them and I expect to see more of that in the following chapters.
I hope this helped ^_^
Happy Writing!Author's Response: I don't care how long it takes, but thank you for the review :D Report Review
Hello! Dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap here with your requested review. You wanted a general review and wanted to know about your pacing. Let's get started!
When she had been teased about her crush and her family had been insulted, she felt like she'd just seen through a window of how life at Hogwarts would be like.
It made sense for her to write in a blank diary she found. She knew she would feel better once all of her concerns were written down, even if it didn't mean the problems would go away.
^ Really great way to open up your chapter. Gives us a clear scene as to what is about unfold and a small insight into what Ginny is feeling.
With a terrified squeak, she slammed the door shut and pushed her back against it to keep it closed. When she heard the laughter at her behavior on the other side she sunk down to the ground and held the small black diary closer to her chest, flushing in embarrassment.
I really like how you write out her emotions. This entire thing so far is a different concept entirely. No one ever looks into what Ginny was feeling that would have made her start to write in the diary. I think a lot of us overlook her first year because we're all so focused on Voldemort and the fact that the diary was a Horcrux. If it hadn't been for Ginny, they never would have known that.
But Dark Artifacts weren't supposed to be polite, were they?
^ This line was really nice because it shows the growth or the change rather, in her views for the diary. As she feels worse, the diary starts to make her feel better and she creates an excuse to herself why the diary isnít all that bad and she wouldn't have to tell her parents, compared to the beginning when she was ready to tell them.
I was...sort of hoping to become your diary.
^That line gave me chills.
Okay so I just finished the entire chapter and what you have here is really interesting. I thought for Ginny's side you handle her emotions well. I was really invested in how she felt and interested in what she was writing.
Tom's side was a little different for me. I felt like at the end I really got a sense of his true character. I was confused when he was talking to himself and when we first met him I wasn't all that interested in what he had to say. I felt like the first half of his sections weren't all that deep and there's an emotion that you can explore there that you haven't.
I think my biggest critique is that the chapter lacks description. Nothing else happens except for the diary conversations which is perfectly fine but you need to add more. You need to dig deeper and add in things about scenery, where is Tom? What does he see? Of course he is really nowhere, but still, what is nowhere?
Also, what does Ginny see? Maybe she tries to imagine Tom? Or maybe she sees her mum or her family in her mind and you can describe the moment that Fred and George put honey in her hair or go deeper into describing Harry. I just think it would make this even better because you have something here.
Thanks so much for requesting! If you have any questions/concerns please feel free to PM me.
- DeedsAuthor's Response: First I'd like to thank you for your review and it was the longest one by far.
Ginny's side is much easier to do since she actually has a world to interact with while all Tom has at the moment is his boring little diary.
Descriptions are hard for me to do since this is a 100-word chapter a day on another site. A lot of it was removed between chapters 100 - now (about 400) since the story was (and still is) getting too long. I wish I had posted on this site first because the reviews on fanfiction . net mostly only say "update soon" and I could have fixed these problems earlier if they had ever been brought up. I suppose I could edit the chapters on this site so that they would be better but alas, I've been struck with a severe case of laziness. Report Review
It certainly kept me interested! :) And the pacing was really well done too. Honestly, it was a great read! Keep up the great work. Other than that I guess I really don't have much else to say. I was hooked to this story for sure! :) Great job! Report Review
Emesias here with your requested review!
Grammar/ spelling: I think that you are good with this one as I didn't spot anything errors that would be harmful to the presentation of your story.
Characterization: The set up of this first chapter is really interesting which brings about a different light on the characters of your story. I can't wait to see how they develop. I am a fan of the canon, but I'm even a more bigger fan of how authors can tweak these characters, just a little bit, to accommodate the creativity of their plot. This has a good concept going with it! Good Job!
Plot/ flow: This is quite an interesting plot that you've got here. I can't wait to see more. However, I think that more description on emotion will better enhance the imagery of the plot, especially since this chapter was more based on dialogue. The flow is somewhat questionable... maybe the addition of transitions in between each one might help. The use of line break however, are good in separating both POVs.
Hope this helped!
Happy Writing!Author's Response: Longer descriptions are probably going to be a problem throughout the whole story, I'm sad to say since these are daily 100-word drabbles on another site.
Thank you for the review and sorry for not replying sooner. Report Review
Hi here with your requested review.
Sorry I'm a little late, but I've been all distracted by the house cup. Anyway I'm here now :)
So I thought this was interesting take on this story. The one hundred word snippits was unique.
The way you did this allowed you to write about both their thoughts, the one that I found most interesting being Tom's. Just the way he thinks is really different. I feel like you acurately wrote him the way he would be- arrogant, but intelligent.
Ginny's narration was pretty good too. Although personally I liked Tom better (that's just personal preference though) Ginny's characterization was good. Everything she was feeling/saying/doing seemed right in character with the youngest girl in a big family at the age of eleven.
The one thing that could use some work would be the part in the middle when he starts talking to himself. I was sort of confused about what was happening here. If you could elaborate a bit more, or possibly add another explanitory snippit it would be clearer.
Anyway great start to the story. Keep up th good work.
-BW24Author's Response: The Tom talking to Tom was a part I didn't like and I probably should have removed or explained differently. It's funny how different people are divided between who the like better. Some like Tom and others like Ginny. I hope I'll be able to make them both appeal to everybody...
Thank you for the review. Report Review
this is a really good story and I look forward to more chapters! it's been added to my favourites!
Laurs x Report Review
I find this story hilarious! the banter Ginny and the diary have is incredibly entertaining! I'm definitely going to read more! :') Report Review
I am here with your requested review!
So I like this! It really gave us an insight to it all! I understand you think its been done a lot, but to be honest, I haven't read any of these before. Unless it was romantic, and that was just odd.
The only thing I would recommend working on is the flow!
Ever Report Review
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