I'm back! So, I'm just jump right into the review! :P I'm gonna say that the grammar was perfectly fine! I didn't notice anything off with the grammar, so that's a good thing. Also all the spelling was fine too!

Although, I was confused when I started reading for a couple reasons I got mid way. You changed the point of view without stating that you did and you also skipped to some different day. Which, while can work sometimes, was not a good idea when you left on a cliff hanger last chapter :( Also, I feel the flow was disrupted because of this. There's also the numerous jumps that confused me throughout this chapter.

I'm gonna focus on something that was good though! The characterization was good throughout this chapter, even though I was confused I did notice how your characters seemed like... well people :p

Anyways, I'll be back to read chapter 3 soon!

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Wow. Ok, so when I read the beginning couple paragraphs I was like "Oh no. ScoRose." but then as I read I started thinking "Al? In Hufflepuff? Woah! This is original!" So I'll get onto what you asked me to look at *Shuffles fake papers* *Ahem* The characterization was nice, but there was one line of dialogue that I had to re-read cause it didn't... Flow right.

When Albus is talking and says "Where're you're Hogwarts robes?" Where're would flow better as where are. Or if you want Where're it'd sound better to put You are. But this is actually personal preference as all options work. :)

Hmm, I liked the end, and how Scorp spaced out a lot, missing questions. Also, his bluntness was nice. :p I didn't find anything grammar wise, but I'm not the best at finding that stuff.

All in all I actually like this and I will continue reading in a bit! :D Great start!

Mike.

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I loved the part at the end. I can't count the number of times I've said something about someone, only to turn around and find them standing over my shoulder. Foot - meet mouth. :)

A major grammatical problem that I see in this chapter are switches between first and third person. This is something you could fix in a read-through, or you could find a beta to help you out on the forums.

I enjoyed reading this fic. I'm sorry it took so long to get to your request! :) Keep writing! You have a great story going here.

Aether

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Back again! This chapter felt a bit more rushed than the last one, especially at the end. I feel like James Christopher was a little too willing to forgive Rose for being with Emmic. I was also surprised it was a dare because they looked like they were going a little beyond the realm of 'dare' territory. Overall, it felt very rushed. James Christopher and Rose became boyfriend and girlfriend very quickly, too.

I loved the part with Rose's little brother, though. That was great! I could just see him standing there, with his arms cross, scolding his big sister's potential 'boyfriend.'

Great chapter! I can't wait to read on.

Aether

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Great first chapter! The flow of this chapter is very nice, and it's well-written, too. I see no blatant grammar or spelling errors, which is great!

At this point, I can tell that Rose doesn't reciprocate Scorpius's feelings, right? Does she know that Scorpius has feelings for her? I feel like he's really being obvious about it, staring at her all the time. If she does know, does a part of her enjoy the attention? Does she like "playing" with Scorpius's feelings? Why doesn't she acknowledge his feelings? Is Rose the kind of girl that's, err, 'experienced'?

More questions about Scorpius: Why was Scorpius so insensitive to that girl that asked him out? I thought that the way Scorpius brushed off that other girl was really cruel, even if he was pining for Rose.

And finally about Hogwarts: Are all the students in cliques? Are there more relationships and flings than there used to be? I guess in the HP novels, there was always some great adventure going on, and never time for those sort of things to happen.

These are just some plot questions that came to mind during the chapter. I don't think they should have been answered in this chapter, but I thought it'd be helpful for you to know some of the things I was wondering about the characters. Use it as you will! Great job! Reading on...

Aether

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Hi, StormThief here with your review :)

This was very well written! The flow is very nice and it just kind of ran through my mind easily, if that makes sense! The beginning was very nice, a great hook that pulled me right in. I didn't notice any obvious grammar mistakes either so good job on that!

The only thing I would advise you on is not making it seem like everybody is sleeping together and anyone who's not is a total dork. I think that gets pretty stereotypical. I know that a lot of that does really go on, but there are also really normal, popular people that don't sleep around. Just a suggestion to avoid cliche :)

Hope this helps!

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Scorp/Rose all the way!

Aww poor Scorpious, get them together!!

It was a good thing that you cleared things at the end because I got confused with what houses they were in.

Even though I'm rooting for Scorpius and rose to become a thing, I want to know a little bit more about James, "Jay" and Rose's relationship and how they work. Like what they feel towards each other. Maybe a future chapter can be them sharing a personal convo/moment. I just feel they're relationship is just there.

I liked how you showed Scorpius's feel ins towards Rose and I hope that we can see Rises true feelings towards him, even if she likes Jay more.

Oh! And before it was Jay's P.O.V, it was third person and then it changed. A mild confusion when reading.

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A www poor Scorpio! That's so sad! ROSE ARE YOU BLIND!! Lol another humorous chapter and its great that we see Rose's P.O.V. I knew her character would conflict with Scorpio! He has a big ego :/

I think the flow of the chapter was going great until the end. I feel like it was a little bit rushed like James hears what she did, bam he's okay, bam girlfriend-boyfriend. I don't know, maybe some description on what Rose is feeling that James found out or how she hates Scorpio for having a big mouth and plainly, butting into her business, would have created more of a flow.

Going on to read the next chapter!

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Hey! It's wickedana from HPFFF,

So this is the first scrop/rose fix I've ever read and I liked it. When I read the summary I was like "oh somethings gonna go down oh."

I thought this was a great way to start off the chapter. We got to know about Scorpio's crush, we got to see an encounter with Rose AND Rose snogging another boys face off! What can be better than that?

I just know that Rose has her own attitude that's going to definitely conflict with Scorpio and bring his ego down a notch, so that should be interesting to see.

I'm going to just hurry this up and go to the next chapter :)

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Hi it's Ali with your review!

After reading your author's note- aaahh now it's all cleared up! I'm glad that you've an updated version of the chapter!

So I thought this chapter was rather cute.

I still feel as if you are rushing things, but maybe not as much as before. You've slowed down the pace.

I think what would really help you is to add some thought process behind each character's decision. It'll help make the chapters longer and help slow down the pace. I thought you did a good job of doing that in the beginning when Scorpius reprimanded James. You showed how Scorp was feeling before he actually did the act, which was nice.

I enjoyed reading from Jay's perspective. At the beginning of his section, you started out in 3rd person and then switched to first. Just thought I'd point that out.

I would really like to learn more about how Rose and James's relationship got started and their true feelings for each other. Thought process. Decisions. Like I said.

Although I think you did a great job with showing what Scorp was thinking in the beginning, I thought he reaction was a bit over-the-top, if you know what I mean. I know you were trying to portray his feelings for Rose, but I feel like they aren't in the position in their relationship for Scorp to being doing that to her. Also, it wasn't like James was doing anything wrong per say.

I thought you did a good job of showing Rose with her friends. I liked that they have a rather natural friendship and I'm looking forward to seeing why Rose is really upset.

I loved the Slughorn section. I actually laugh out loud. Really funny. Like I said, you have a gift for humour.

Really, you just need to focus on elongating your chapters (not too long. I actually like a shorter chapter, but a longer story) and showing the decision-making and feelings and reasons behind the events.

Overall, you've got a very good story so far. It's been a pleasure reviewing.
Happy writing,
classicblack from the forums

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Hi, it's Ali with your review!

I really liked the humour in this chapter! You truly have a gift for it. The leg comments and Lena really made me laugh. I also liked that you gave us a Rose perspective because it's always nice to know what both characters in a destined romance are thinking.

However, I thought the development of the relationships was a little too fast for me. All in one chapter, Rose seems to have a guy crushing on her, then she suddenly feels comfortable enough to snog him under a tree, and then she takes him on a date and they're boyfriend and girlfriend. I don't mind that happening, per say, but it was more the fact that it happened with so little explanation. I didn't get to know Rose's thought process about it. I was just like 'oh hey, Scorpius has a possible competitor. Okay, now the James guy is making his move, umm now Scorpius is calling Rose something I will not repeat because this review has to be 12+ ;) and James/Jay is saying he trusts Rose...' It was just a little too fast for me. I would have liked to know why Rose's feelings were suddenly changing to liking James a lot. And if she actually kissed Emmic on a dare. Also, I think part of it was that we had just met James/Jay. He was just sort of thrown in there. It was just all a bit rushed to me. Sorry if I seem harsh, I certianly didn't mean to.

I did like the Scorpius/ Rose interaction in the beginning. You showed that Rose is going to have to mature/ grow-up a little before she can stop hating Scorpius and the relationship can develop.

Nice chapter!
Happy writing,
classicblack from the forums

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Hi it's Ali with your review!

I think this story has great potential. You're really a talented writer.

I liked the spunk and sense of humour you've given Scorpius. I've never actually read a Rose/Scorp where Scorpius narrated most of the time, so I'm really excited to see where you take it. Funny narrators are always worth bonus points on my list. I also like how you've set Scorp up for a maturing session in future chapters, what with him being a lady's man/ girl-taunter right now.

I love that Albus seems to be pretty okay with Scorpius 'ogling his cousin', despite what Scorp said about Rose being off-limits because she's Albus's cousin.

I liked the cliffhanger you put at the end, with Rose getting back together with Emmic. I'd definitely like to learn why in future chapters, especially as he cheated on her with her cousin. Rose is supposed to be smart, so she should have a good reason.

To me, it's a bit confusing as to why and when Scorpius started actually noticing and liking Rose. In the beginning, Scorpius said how she had changed over the summer and how he liked her. But then it mentioned that he had sworn revenge on Emmic after 5th year. I was pretty good as to when until you mentioned that he was going to take his NEWTS (7th year).

That was really the only complaint I could find with this chapter. You're doing well with grammar and conventions. I'll have to read more to really see how your flow and characterization is.

Wonderful chapter. It made me smile.
Happy writing,
classicblack from the forums

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Aw... Poor Scorpius. Looks like he will have to endure James for a little while.
Chapter two was very good, I enjoyed the read :)

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Poor Scorpius :( A little bit dodgy and skipped around. You move rather quickly through the plot. Im also not quite clear on Roses character. Im waiting to see if it is intentional or not though. She seemed almost slutty before but now im getting more of an innocently permiscuous sense if you get my drift. More from Scorpius though, like she wants the relationship and romance and won't skip out on an opportunity for it. Hmmm I'm gonnalove see more. I speculate too much haha. I'm still loving your humor by the way! Keep writing Liz!

Love and sparkles, Gabby

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I enjoyed this a lot. Its definitely a fun piece. The only thing I would suggest is perhaps adding chapter titles. Little silly ones, you know? I always get a kick out of those and if it gives you an edge, why not? You keep writing girl, I'll keep reviewing :) loving the fluff and a somewhat slutty Rose. It's a very different take on it and it's interesting, kept me hooked. I'm eager for more. Happy writing! Also, your banner is fantastic!

Love and sparkles, Gabby

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Never read anything from Scorpius' point of view before. I really enjoyed it!

The girls in the bathroom were awful, they made my nose wrinkle! hehe

Oh la la, who is Rose literally shagging in the corridor! And why?

Great first chappie :)

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Oh good story! Seems interesting!
Please update soon!
And agh rose kissing emmic? Not a good idea...
Keen to read more ASAP!

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Haha, for some reason, I found this hilarious.
It must be the 'corny' Scorp, or maybe just the usual fluff accompanying next-gens, the point being I enjoy reading lighten-mooders ^-^

I liked that you payed attention to her scent and not to the stereotypical fiery red hair and freckles. It's also interesting that she wilted, and that she's still with his cheating boyfriend. Is that a Wotter with low self-esteem or something? Oh, I want to find out!

Although besides her smell and the awkwardness of Scorp's life, there wasn't too much description so I'd recommend you to work on that to also help slow the flow. And I didn't really get how old they were and their houses, so you could also go back and check it as it easily defines them.

I'm glad I found this because it left me smiling from irrational giggles, keep working and break the cliches!

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This is quite a beginning, you made it interesting enough to want to find out what happens in the next chapter. Well done :)

Author's Response: Yay! Thanks for the review! :) The next chapter is already in the queue, hope you come back for it! :)

Liz ~

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This was fun! I like this start. A little fast but enjoyable and amusing. A bit confusing, I'm guessing you're writing about them in their sixth or seventh year? I would say the only thing is that his thoughts and the way you write them make him sound a bit younger, you can imagine more second year. Well keep up the good work, and maybe some more details - as in what house they are all in? I couldn't workout whether Malfoy was in Gryff or Slyth or where albus was. ANYWAY looking forward to the next chapter!

Author's Response: Thank you for the review! I know, I found it confusing too, so I edited it, but this was still in the queue, and I wanted this up before I sumbitted the edit. ;)

Clarification - Al is a Puff, Scorp is a 'Claw as is Rose. :) The three of them are in sixth year. Sorry.

Liz. ~

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