3 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Ramita Two

13th August 2015:
Niiice chapter :D I laughed when Teddy said "inner goddess". Maybe a bit of criticism - I'm not sure if I can actually see any guy saying "inner goddess" and meaning it seriously. Though it was a funny line haha :)

I like what you've presented here, with Victoire's struggle with her insecurities. I feel like everyone goes through that, especially at this age. It would be great to see her do lots of great things in the plot that push her forward - even if she doesn't push herself out there, but to search for that worth in herself.

Though I would like to hear more of why she feels insecure, because I feel like her hair might represent a bigger thing in her life that makes her feel insecure or overshadowed by her mother and sister. But personally, I'm not sure her hair itself is a big enough thing to be insecure about. :)

OH BUT please do not make her dye her hair blonde and then the guys like her. That makes me cringe thinking about it :P

LOTS OF IDEAS. See, good writing inspires ideas :D obviously loved it, I think I'm just excited to see where you go with this. Wonderful work! :)

Author's Response: Hey again! :D

LOL I know, it's pretty ridiculous for most 17-year-old guys to say that...but Ted is pretty silly hehe. And I think he said it there in that scene to be annoying, but I see where you're coming from :) I might edit that later.

I'm glad you're on board with the insecurities thing! Vic, like ANY and ALL girls out there, is a beautiful young woman, but that doesn't mean that she doesn't have any self-doubt. It's there in all of us, and I think it's cool to explore that in Vic in light of her family and what's expected of her...and what she expects of herself.

Oh yeah, you're right on the money with the hair and what it means regarding what else she's insecure about in life. YOU'RE TOO GOOD AT THIS, RAMITA. :P

Don't worry, I will NEVER do that to her hair hehe. I love my strawberry Vic! That's why the makeover was vetoed lol.

THANK YOU SO MUCH!! It truly means a lot coming from you. I promise that lots is coming up! Love you xx


 Report Review

Review #2, by Ramita One

13th August 2015:
Hey I'm starting to remember this! I like this, very well-written, you've established some distinctive characteristics for the characters... I like the sound of this. Good start, good start! :D

Author's Response: RAMITA!!! Hey girl heeey :p Thank you so much for the kind words, lovely! :) It really means a lot, and I'm so glad you like it. I hope you'll grow to love Ted as much as I do.

Thank you for the review! xx


 Report Review

Review #3, by LadyL8 One

13th August 2015:
Hi There.

I saw this story had no reviews, so I thought I should come by and leave you one. Now my reviewing style is usually what I call the sandwich-method, which basically means positive-negative-positive. Hopefully I'll manage to keep to that, cause I really do like the story and I don't want you to think anything else. I'm only saying stuff to help you, not to discourage you to keep writing. And I'll be sure to say lots of positive stuff as well.

First of all, I was a little surprised the story had no reviews, cause I actually think it looks really good. So I'd have thought other would've R&R it, but apparantely not. I don't know why. Maybe people's just been very busy or something like that. Hopefully they'll come around soon, cause it's definitely not a bad story.

Now, I like your writing style. There's a lot of dialogue and thoughts, which I often find to be the most interesting parts of a story. So I really liked that, and Victoire's got a good narrative voice and she's very easy to understand as a character. And to relate to, but that might be because my friends can't decide if my hair is just ginger or strawberry blonde (some say the first, some say the latter - I think it's the first though).

I like the relationship between Teddy and Victoire. You can very easily tell that they have a close friendship, and I like how playful they are. You can tell why they'll end up with each other eventually, cause they're so compatible and very ... tight. Yeah, I'll go for that word, since I can't come up with something else. So yeah, I loved that close friendship :)

I noticed one tiny typo here: "I considered as I detailed the want movement involved in the charm. He did give me twenty galleons for last Christmas, and Merlin knows he really is a brilliant uncleŚ". I think it's suppose to be "wand" instead of "want". Other than that I didn't notice any errors, but I'm Norwegian so my English is obviously not perfect.

Anyway, I also noticed a little thing. It's mostly a formatting issue. I don't know if you know this or not, but you can actually add in a line in the story. I - personally - would do that after the author's note, because it makes it even clearer where the story begins. Cause I found that a little confusing.

I think that's all really. The rest was so good. I think the story is humourous and entertaining, and it makes me want to read more. And that's the most important job of a first chapter, so well done. I enjoyed it, and I hope to see an update soon. Thanks for sharing and I hope to be back and read more soon :)

Hugs

LadyL8

Author's Response: Hello, LadyL8! The part about you relating to Vic because of your hair made me chuckle - that's awesome haha :) Thank you so much for your review. It truly means a lot! :) I'm so glad you like the story so far as well as the characters. Thank you for your critiques - typos are the bane of my existence!! Haha. I tend to be very meticulous about that, but I definitely missed the "wand" one, you're absolutely right. I'll try to edit that in later.

As for the formatting thing - thanks for the heads up! I'll do that for the next chapter I submit; the line definitely does keep everything organized. I've actually already submitted the second chapter, but for the following ones I'll try to insert a line :)

Thank you for all the kind words - I'm so happy that you enjoyed it! I love Ted and Vic, and I hope my readers do too.

By the way, your English is great! Have a great day xx


 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login