Reading Reviews for In These Moments
  
9 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Secret Santa The Ministry Worker

29th December 2012:
I quite like these little scenes you have written. This one was the more cohesive one of these two. While the beginning had many similar elements to the first chapter, the tone was very different right from the start. You managed to introduce a bunch of characters naturally, and the urgency came through believably.

I admit that I've thought a lot about how the wizards were so unaffected about the Potters' deaths that they just partied like there was no tomorrow in canon. It's bit odd certainly. But then I thought, that maybe after so many deaths in the first war against Voldemort, they just were used to deaths. Like it was just norm that people either vanished or died regularly. I guess that after such a period, the fact that the oppressor was gone, was more reason to celebrate than mourning those who were lost. Quite like on the VE day when WW2 ended. It's really hard to understand, since we've been living in peace for so long.

I don't think I've read much about Millicent Bagnold before. She's one of those characters that could tell so many interesting stories in fanfics, but is just generally ignored. I love all the obscure characters Rowling has written about, there are so many of them. I'm totally going to write a one-shot featuring Archie (from GoF) who hates trousers one day. :)

The flow of this chapter was excellent. Again, I could have read more, but at the same time I'm very interested to see if you keep the same point of view, or shall we meet Millie or someone else for the next chapter. I hope that you'll continue this story soon, since I'm quite keen to know more about that meeting that's taking place in the Minister's office.

Your Secret Santa :)

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Review #2, by Secret Santa Prologue

29th December 2012:
It was quite an interesting idea to place a muggle neighbour to witness Lily's and James's demise. I'm not quite certain how would she be able to see their house and know them because of the Fidelius charm, but if we let that little detail slide, I really liked this chapter.

The beginning was really nicely done. It got us straight into the matter at hand, and the sense of foreboding was tangible. The little details like the worn slippers and moonlight made the scene vivid. I'm sure that seeing Voldemort would (even if it was a Halloween night) definitely scare a muggle thoroughly.

The idea of wizards enjoying opportunity to trick and treat muggles was a fun one. One day in a year when nobody looks at funnily when you put a witch's hat on. I quite liked the fact, that Jane realized, that she was living in a neighbourhood that was out of ordinary, but not in a threatening way.

The ending felt bit rushed, even though it was quite sad considering what was happening next door. She didn't react in very muggle way to a creepy cloaked fellow, who she saw breaking and entering in the house. I would have called for police stat.

Your writing was easy to follow and the flow kept me glued to the story until the end. In fact I would have liked to read more of it, since it was shortish. There were some spelling mistakes in this chapter, but nothing major. Although the Potters' death is very sad subject, you tackled it well and I'm quite looking forward to reading the next chapter to see if it's from a muggle's point of view as well.

Your Secret Santa :)

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Review #3, by Aether The Ministry Worker

18th August 2012:
Nice chapter! I'm so sorry for my super-late review response to your request. :-/

You do a nice job of introducing Tobias and his wife. You really capture his point of view, as well, concerning the fall of Voldemort. I can tell that he really believes celebration to be insensitive. I think maybe he's sort of blind to how relieved people are though. During Voldemort's reign they lived in constant fear that they'd come home to a dark mark hovering over their house or something like that. I imagine that everyone feels profound relief. I'm surprised that Tobias didn't seem to show any of that. You set up Tobias as being very sensitive to other people and sort of selfless as well.

You do a great job of setting a scene - your description is excellent, and I love how you add little bits like Fudge leaving the office or Crouch being a party-pooper. :)

Wonderful chapter! It flows well against the last chapter, and I'm excited to see where this story goes.

Aether

Author's Response: Sorry it's taken me so long to respond. :/

I'm glad you like Tobias. He's an interesting character, and one I'm still entirely trying to figure out, but he becomes more clear as time goes on. He understands how people lived with the reign of Voldemort - he lived that way too - but at the same time, he's shocked that no one seems upset that two people died and a baby was orphaned. Everyone's like, "Hooray! He killed the Potters and now he's gone!" He's relieved for sure, but mostly he's just upset that nobody cares about the cost of it all. Sure, it means that no one else will be dying, but a human life is a human life and their death shouldn't be overlooked like it is.

Anyway, that's how he feels, and you'll see more of that in the next chapter (when I find a time to write it, that is).

I'm glad you like the description, as that's something I often struggle with. Haha, yes. I love including canon characters on the side, just so you can see where everything fits in with the canon word, etc.

Thanks so much for the review, and once again, sorry it's taken me so long to reply. D:

- Adele :)


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Review #4, by Jchrissy Prologue

4th August 2012:
I do not like you very might right now. Blah.

Why do you want to make me sad?? This was so well written and so frightening, I just kept waiting for it to happen, knowing it would but obviously not wanting it to... thinking maybe Jane would somehow turn into Mad Eye and rush our of the house, screaming 'constant vigilance' and save the Potters. Then they would be alive and Sirius wouldn't be in jail and baw.

Mean girl.

Anyway, this was written so, so well and I'm almost positive as soon as I get time I'm going to be reading the next chapter. You had so many emotions and such perfect descriptions to really highlight those.

Great prologue, my dear!

Jami

PS: Thanks for being an awesome Gryffie!

Author's Response: No, you're the awesome Gryffie.

I didn't mean to make you sad! :( But I'm glad that you like it though. I was so unsure of this when I first posted it - it's so different from everything else, and I was worried about the reception it would get. Man, if she could have turned into Mad Eye, I would be so happy. But she can't, and therefore I'm not. :(

The next chapter is really different, so I hope you like that just as much!

Thanks so much, Jami, for offering reviews and for just generally being awesome. ^_^ It's really appreciated.

- Adele :) x


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Review #5, by Moonyxluna Prologue

1st August 2012:
Hi Adele! I'm here with your requested review :)

Okay, so I think the thing that I loved most about this was that you had it somewhat of a random person seeing everything first and finding Lily and James. I've read a few one-shots where its Sirius, or some other Marauder that were the first people to find them, which - while meaningful - doesn't make sense. So I loved that bit of realism that you incorporated there.

You could tell it was nearly November. - I think you should have 'she' instead of 'you' to keep things in the right perspective.

while the gardens of the residents were so beautiful it was almost like magic. - I loved this little moment for her. All of your stories have these beautiful magical touches that keeps us as readers so close to the world JKR created.

I think you took the view of what was happening at the Potter's house from a Muggle living in Godric's Hollow's point of view very effectively. The 'people in cloaks' and the green light burning in her mind even after she shut her eyes were both some of my favorite details of her thoughts.

Your details are fantastic. Not only can I picture everything, but I can really feel all of her feelings through waking up, and figuring out what is going on. So, as far as your question, yes, I really did think this was well written.

I hope this was at least a little helpful to you! Of course, re-request for the next chapter :)

-Julie

Author's Response: Julie! Thanks so much for stopping by, love. :) I'm so glad that you liked this prologue. It's really different from everything else of mine, so I was a bit nervous about posting it. I'll jump on that error as soon as I have a chance. :) Thanks for pointing it out.

Ahh, I'll defiantly re-request. I love you're reviews, they're always wonderful to read, and so helpful.

Thanks again, lovely, and I'm so glad that you liked it.

- Adele :)


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Review #6, by Susurrous The Ministry Worker

27th July 2012:
All of your stories are amazing, aren't they?! This is so interesting! It's fantastically written, real and you've kept the magic alive. I can't believe how much I love your stories! Well, I can because they're amazing but you know what I mean!

Your answer to my review made me cry! I can't believe it meant that much to you! I'm so touched! And everything I said was true! But last time I don't think I said what an amazing person you seem as well! I think it would be a privilege to know you, you seem humble, kind, funny and just generally a beautiful person!

Keep up the amazing work Adele! 10/10

Eleanor

You are the best writer on this entire site, and could probably match J.K. Rowling one day, if not now. Remember the English accent!

Author's Response: Oh my God, you're back! And it's not even Canis Major you're reviewing! You're way too amazing for words. ^_^

I'm so glad you like In These Moments. It's so different from Canis, and winging it as I go, but whatever :P It just won second in the competition I entered it into, so that makes me happy. ^_^

Eleanor! You're going to make me cry again! It really did mean that much to me. Honestly, it was the most amazing review to receive, as is this one. I cannot thank you enough.

And I will never forget the English accent! Promise! Haha.

Thanks again, Eleanor. It's wonderful to hear from you again.
- Adele :)


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Review #7, by Beeezie Prologue

25th July 2012:
Hey, here to review your challenge entry!

Huh. This was a really, really interesting story, and I'd love to see where you take it. I'm not completely sure it fulfills the letter of what your prompt was, but I honestly don't really care - it's a creative take on that line between the muggle world and the wizarding one, and that's really what I was trying to get at.

Okay. I'm still sitting here trying (and failing) to get over this chapter. I mean, it's short, but you just brought up so many questions for me, and the ways in which Lily and James might have interacted with the muggle population during the period they were hiding out for had honestly never really occurred to me. When I first finished this chapter, I thought, "But but the charm how could Jane have even seen?!"

Then I started thinking about it, and I realised that while they were obviously careful about who they told, someone needed to know, and who better than Muggles? They're obviously not going to go kill Lily and James themselves (well, not for the reason Voldemort did), and they wouldn't be able to tell anyone else.

I would have liked to have seen a little more about how the charm has affected Jane or how she knew them - not much, just a little hint or two (kind of along the lines of the comment about the parents of trick-or-treaters all going as witches and wizards). Other than that, though, this was a really thought-provoking prologue, and I can't wait to read chapter 2!

Author's Response: Hey hey. :)

I'm glad you like it. ^_^ I had a really good think about the prompt you gave me, but rewrote my first chapter four times before I was happy with it. It ended up becoming my first chapter while I uploaded this as the prologue.

I'm glad that you've got unanswered questions, and hopefully they'll be answered throughout the story. It won't be overly long. Probably a three or four-shot.

Anyway, I'm so glad that you liked this, particularly as it was inspired by your prompt, and I hope you like chapter two next as much.

- Adele. ^_^


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Review #8, by Aether Prologue

5th July 2012:
It's Aether from the forums here with your requested review! :) This is an excellent start to your three-shot.

I really like your opening of the chapter. I can tell right away that Jane's instincts are going haywire. You also do a really great job of setting up the scene. I can almost see myself waking up suddenly, being creeped out by the unusual darkness and silence.

I also like the way you characterize Jane. She's a young woman just starting to think about children, and who has some sort of neighborly relationship with Lily Potter.

It might have been nice to learn more about her connection to Lily in this chapter. Is Lily just a passing acquaintance? How did they meet? How can Jane see through the Fidelius charm? How well does Jane know Harry?

I was also unsure about how Jane knew that the green light meant that James and Lily were dead. She seemed to think immediately that the green light was supernatural, but couldn't it also just as well be some sort of colored flashlight? Aren't Muggles really good at explaining away these things? Also, she heard screams, but how did she know that the screams meant that "James and Lily were dead." She seemed very certain of it, so I was a little skeptical. I think I'd understand, perfectly, though if she were worried because her instincts were screaming that something was wrong with this situation.

Anyway, that's just my two-cents. Your descriptions are fabulous, and I really like how you characterize Jane in this chapter. I feel that you could explain a few things a little more to get a reader more interested, but I also think that the lack of information about Lily and Jane's connection might get a reader to click onto the next chapter.

I think you have a compelling idea here, but I'm not sure I know exactly what the central plot point is yet. Will this story continue to follow Jane's life? Will she spend it trying to figure out what became of Harry Potter? I wasn't sure, but that's what I gathered. I personally always feel more interested in continuing a story when I have a solid idea of where it's going. Something to keep me turning the page, you know?

Great job! I really enjoyed reading this chapter, and I'm curious about what will happen next. Thanks for requesting! Oh, and I'm adding this to my favorites, for sure. 10/10

Aether

Author's Response: Hey there! haha, i'm glad you like it. ^_^

Yeah, this story has been all over the place. Originally in first person of a character you have't met yet, then to third person, then I added in this prologue to help set the scene.

The rest of the story isn't actually from her perspective - it follows a muggle liaison officer and he comes to interview her and wipe her memory of the incident, but I thought this might help set all that up.

Seeing as it doesn't follow her, you learn a lot more about her and her relationship with Lily when Tobias (the main character) and Jane meet. Hopefully that makes sense?

Anyway, i'm really glad that you like it and i'll certainly re-request. Maybe the next chapter can sort out some of your questions? Fingers crossed (or i'm not doing my job as an author very well...)

Thanks so much for the review (and for being so quick!). I'll re-request when the next chapter is up.

- Adele. :)


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Review #9, by Elenia Prologue

11th June 2012:
I'm here, I'm here. I have the worst memory in the world but at least it worked now d:

I love this! But you already knew that! There's just something so amazing about your writing that I love every single thing you write. It's magical ♥

I can just paint the picture in front of me so well with all the little details and descriptions you give, you definitely have a knack for that!

I especially loved all those little observations Jane made. It's nice to read how Muggles see things that would make perfect sense in wizarding world, but is a mystery to them!

So yeah, can't wait to read the next chapter ^^ update soon d:

And good luck with your challenge!

Author's Response: Ah, I love you. ^_^


Yeah, I had fun writing this. Adding in all the little bit (like the trees grew by magic!) was wayy too amusing for me :P

Thank you so much for the review!

And finish chapter 15 ASAP! I need more Joshua. *love*

x


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