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36 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Daphne Brown The Mission

2nd March 2017:
Ahem, typo: "grabbed at apple". It should be: "grabbed at an apple".


“Well maybe because you guys are soo annoying!”
*whips keyboard with string cheese* ;)

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Review #2, by Daphne Brown Mysteries everywhere.

2nd March 2017:
I would complain about "Awesomest" not being a word, but I'll let it slide because Albus said it. ;)

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Review #3, by Daphne Brown Trouble around every corner

1st March 2017:
You need to fix your grammar, like that quote from Mike: “Geez, just leave the poor guy alone. Women.”
it should be more like: “Geez, just leave the poor guy alone, Woman.” or: “Geez, just leave the poor guy alone. Girls these days.”
Also, "bothof" is not a word, it should be "both of".
Also, this has some problems. It should be: "partly becuase he is suffering the curse of the middle child, partly because his siblings are so annoying and loud."
The story is good, but you need to fix your grammar a little. Just some tips from me to you.

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Review #4, by Daphne Brown Charms, Potions, and a few other incidents

1st March 2017:
GO TEAM POTTER!!
GO TEAM MALFOY!!
GO TEAM RIDDLE!!

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Review #5, by Kendra The Sorting

25th February 2017:
dugged is NOT a word

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Review #6, by Sugar The Mission

23rd November 2016:
post soon pleeaasse!

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Review #7, by Sugar Mysteries everywhere.

23rd November 2016:
Wow. I think that yoki is weierdd.

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Review #8, by Sugar Gryffindor vs. Slytherin

23rd November 2016:
That was exellent! I looved it!

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Review #9, by Sugar Trouble around every corner

23rd November 2016:
Ahh. i dont like yoki. LUKE is a werewolf, know it.

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Review #10, by Sugar Charms, Potions, and a few other incidents

23rd November 2016:
good chapter. I liked it.

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Review #11, by Sugar The Sorting

23rd November 2016:
i think that luke is a werewolf. I thought so in ch 1, but the only one other boy like you could have been lupin. Its just that i have read many werewolf storys.

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Review #12, by Sugar To Hogwarts

23rd November 2016:
I THOUGHT THAT THE SLYTHERIN HUNT THING WAS FUNNY.

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Review #13, by Sugar The Letter Arrives

23rd November 2016:
I love Gryffin Ducks stories. OK. I like your storie so far.

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Review #14, by Gabriella Hunter Trouble around every corner

10th December 2012:
Hello!

Sorry that its taken me like, a century to get back to this but I've been really busy. I've got three WIPs and my real life has been sort of crazy so I haven't had as much time to read/review/stalk as I would have liked.
Anyhoo, we're back with your Albus and his gang! I like the easy pacing you have with this, I can follow it without getting distracted or overwhelmed by too many details. I think that you do need a bit more description though, I was wanting a bit more about Luke and Professor Yoki oddly cavorting around near the Forest.
Her and my Zabini need to chat. Hahah.
Rose's nosying around is really Hermione-ish and I guess that would be my only thing. I enjoy her though but I'd like you to add in a bit more about Luke to make her even MORe suspicious, so it just doesn't appear as if she's being annoying. Hahaha, not like I can talk with the way I have my Rose so its all up to you. I like alot of mystery in NG stories so I'm really enjoying the way you're setting this up and what's Professor Yoki's deal? I'm not liking that woman..picking on Albus! He had every right to listen in on her conversation! Hahahah. Not really, but I think she's up to something fishy and I don't like the smell of it. But that might just be me. Hehehe. :P
I'll be back, hopefully MUCH sooner rather than later so expect that! Also! My NG is validated and ready for you if you were wanting to continue reading on. My Albus says hello. :)
Scorpios doesn't but Lav sends you virtual hugs.
Hahah.
Much love,
Gabbie

Author's Response: Welcome back Gabbie! I had started to think that my Albus's journeys had exploded on your computer so you couldn't read it anymore XD well, now I know it hasn't.

I am sorry if you think that I am not putting enough detail with Luke and Professor Yoki, but I am trying to make them netrual for now, any reveal their secrets later. If I add too much at once, it would be too jumbled up... and my novel would be twice as shorter than planned. :/ so yeaah, sorry about that. :P

Zabini and Yoki should have a talk... along with the death eaters and Voldemort, just so they can let their anger and weirdness and darkness and whatever out on each other.

I am not making sense anymore.

So back to the point. Thanks for the amazing review and
Keep Reading!


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Review #15, by Pheonix Potioneer The Mission

9th December 2012:
Nooo! I hate your cliffhanger!

Oh, goody, Albus is finally going to tell his dad. Yipee!

AND they're confronting Professor Yoki. Things might turn out good after all.

Author's Response: maybe. he he hee
Keep Reading!


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Review #16, by Pheonix Potioneer Mysteries everywhere.

9th December 2012:
Oh, Albus, you really need to tell your Dad what you overheard. Please! The thought hasn't even occurred to him.

Yup, he is a werewolf. It is no coincidence that the moon is full.

Keep writing!

Author's Response: Luke might be a werewolf, or not... but if you keep reading you will find out soon!
Keep Reading!


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Review #17, by Pheonix Potioneer Gryffindor vs. Slytherin

9th December 2012:
Canary Creams are awesome. :)

Congratulations on the game, James! Of course James is a chaser.

Who is Cedric Weasley?

Loved the match!

Author's Response: Canary creams are awesome!
James will always be a chaser.
Cedric Weasley is one of the weasley's sons, who named his son Cedric after Cedric Diggory.
Thanks for loving the match!
Keep Reading!


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Review #18, by Pheonix Potioneer Trouble around every corner

9th December 2012:
I do NOT like Professor Yoki. She is horrible!

I think Luke is a werewolf! That would explain everything, right?

I'm scared for Albus. Professor Yoki is somebody you definitely don't want to cross.

Good work! :)

Author's Response: I don't think anybody likes professor yoki
Luke might be a werewolf... maybe... or maybe not... he he hee
I am also scared for Al. But being the author, I have to torture my characters some times!
Thanks for all of the reviews you made and
Keep Reading!


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Review #19, by Pheonix Potioneer Charms, Potions, and a few other incidents

9th December 2012:
Uh oh. Professor Yoki is certainly suspicious. It seems that the Hogwarts teachers are always up to something, doesn't it? The headmaster/headmistress should check out the teacher beforehand.

I love that line, "He told the prefects to 'Help' him do the work such as pickling slugs while he sat back and ate crystallized pineapple." So typical of Slughorn. I'm actually surprised you still have him at Hogwarts, in my Albus Potter fic, I had him retire after the war.

Yay! Albus gets to visit Hagrid.

Keep writing please!

Author's Response: Thanks so much for this awesome reveiw! Hogwarts teachers are always suspisous...
I was thinking of having Slughorn retire next year because Professor Yoki keeps on bothering him... :D But I am not sure yet...
I also loved the visit to Hagrid.
Keep Reading!


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Review #20, by Pheonix Potioneer The Sorting

9th December 2012:
Hmmm, Luke's sorting was certainly interesting. I wonder who was the one boy like him.

Yay! Albus was in Gryffindor!

Love your story!

Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing! I loved all the reviews you have been making to me!
Keep Reading!


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Review #21, by Pheonix Potioneer To Hogwarts

9th December 2012:
Hmm, I wonder what house Albus is going to be in. My guess is Gryffindor.

Mike sure has a mean sister. I feel a bit sorry for him.

Luke's parents thought he was going to be a squib! Wow.

Keep up the good work!

Author's Response: Mike sure does have a mean slytherin sister. x-( I almost regreted making her so mean.
Luke parent might of thought he was a squib, or Luke was lying... 0.O read and find out!
Keep Reading!


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Review #22, by Pheonix Potioneer The Letter Arrives

9th December 2012:
This is very good!

Hmm, the defense against the dark arts teacher has gone missing... that's not good.

I really like Lily. At her age, I wanted a unicorn too.

Good Work!

Author's Response: Thanks so much for this awesome reveiw!
My sister wanted a unicorn. I wanted to fly.
Thanks again, and Keep Reading!


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Review #23, by MargaretLane Mysteries everywhere.

25th November 2012:
Yikes, he's dead? I'm assuming he's been murdered. Thi has just gotten even more mysterious.

*pokes Daily Prophet for writing in the elf's stutter* It makes it harder to read for one thing and serves no purpose other than mocking the elf.

I am wondering why YOU chose to include it though. Is it just to show the bigotry of the wizarding world or are you trying to show US that Ella has something to hide? Could she be involved in some way? Or is she just upset or in shock at what happened? *ponders* I'm not inclined to take her word for what happened.

Love the comment about it being a load of dragon dung.

Hmm, maybe you are just showing the biases of the Daily Prophet since they seem to be pretty anti-Harry too, but I'm still a little suspicious.

And I love how in so many next gens, people start thinking "yikes, what if Voldemort or the Death Eaters have something to do with this?" whenever something odd happens. It makes sense, because it's only 19 years since Voldemort was defeated and many of his followers or at least people sympathetic to his ideas must still be out there and then there are any children the Death Eaters may have had who were probably virtually orphaned when their parents were sent to Azkaban. They'd be in their 20s now and could well want revenge.

I wonder who Jade is.

Your chapters getting shorter isn't a bad thing. Chapters should be as long as works for them. Longer doesn't mean better. Nor does shorter, of course. If they are saying what you want them to, then they're the right length.

Author's Response: Hi Margaret! Yes, he is dead. It is mysterious... I made the Ella stutter so you can tell that she is shocked. I am sorry if it made the story hard to read and it isn't important if the Elf is shocked, I just wrote it in and forgot all about it. :/

I love that in Next Gen as well! :) Though it is a bit Cliche huh?

Jade is the DADA teacher. At least, that is what she partically is.

thanks again and I hope to see you soon!
Keep Reading!


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Review #24, by Jchrissy The Letter Arrives

16th November 2012:
Hi darling! What an interesting start!

I really loved Lily in this. She fits the part of a little girl and youngest child perfectly. I could almost hear her crying when her doll was broken. Poor thing!

I also like that you had the family living at G. place. It seems like such an awesome way to honor Sirius, by putting a family in the home that never really had a decent one.

I do think you should look into getting a beta reader. I love having one to pick up on the little typos I don't catch. Nothing turns reader off faster than poor grammar, and sometimes it's just hard to stop your own mistakes, so I do think you could earn some more readers/followers by either going through and editing your grammar or getting a beta to do it. A reader wants to read story that someone loves enough to put all their efforts into, so even if proof reading is boring, it's important.

I really like the fact that the end brought a serious bit of mystery in! But I felt like I was kind of thrown into that... maybe setting the scene at the beginning of that section, kind of bringing us into it and giving details about what room they're in, is it the middle of the night because the kids didn't go to bed or barely into the evening, are they pacing back and forth or too stressed to move... those kinds of things that really bring this to life.

This first chapter absolutely got me interested though, which is what a first one should do! I think you have a great idea here and could really get a lot of people interested with a bit of work :)!

Jami

Author's Response: Thanks! I have a beta with the other chapters, but she doesn't have time to read the first chapters yet, as she is still working on the later ones.

But I promise that this chapter will get better soon and I am soo happy that you came to review this.
~Phoenix


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Review #25, by Gabriella Hunter Charms, Potions, and a few other incidents

31st October 2012:
Hello!

I told you that I would be back! And so, like a horrible nightmare, here I am! And speaking of nightmares, what an interesting take on Albus's fear of being put into Slytherin! Firstly, who wants to be dunked into the water by the giant squid and second, the Sorting Hat betrayed him! Hhaha. Dreams are crazy like that but I liked your pacing for this and all of the outrageous things that happened to the kids on their first week. I have a bad habit of not doing that more often, things just seem to happen in the same general time span. My fault! :p
Anyhoo, I do like the teachers that you've set up as well. They're all pretty interesting and I sort of want to know what their DADA class is going to be like. And poor Albus! Getting burns on his first Potions class? How horrible is that?! Well. At least he didn't explode or have my horrible Professor Zabini around to point out how much of a failure he was. Hahah.
Anyhoo, I noticed that someone enjoys writing about little boys making panties as well! :D Yes! Share in my enjoyment! And it was Scorpius! Hahah. Yes! That makes it even better and a purple bra? Nice touch! It was hilarious! I hadn't even thought of doing that to my Albus. ;)
Now. There were a few grammar things here and there but they weren't very bad and I thought that maybe you should have the kids saying "I'm" instead of "I am" because it seemed a bit too formal. But that's just me. Polite kids are awesome. :D
I'll be back! Promise! Meanwhile, there's another chapter for my NG and if you think you can handle the angst, I've got like, other stories that you may or may not like. :D
Either way, its always a nice time to chat with you!
Much love,
Gabbie

Author's Response: Your back! *dances around room*

I loved writing the nightmare. :D It was awesome... And I got the squid idea from when colin's brother, (dennis or something?) fell in the lake from the fourth book... (i think) so yeah... poor dream Albus. ;)

And thanks for liking the teachers. the DADA class is the next chapter, so read on and find out!

Pink panties and purple bra. amazing what you can turn needles into. :)

I have a beta now, so the grammar will get better.:D

And please come back soon!


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