Dear goodness I didn't know it was possible to feel so many emotions at once.
"Equilibrium has been reached, and their spheres of interaction-separate, but still somehow similar-are all the better for it." I loved this quote. It really helped sum up the entire story. It was closure for me because finally, finally, Albus and Melinda are equal. He is no longer controlling. He has learned his lesson. I find I dislike him just a bit less now.
They both can finally fly.
I like the imagery and symbolism of the house at the beginning. It was their life together. What they might have had before it all went sour. That's why it was crumbling and in the dream the closure finally achieved causes the pain and guiltt that was holding the house up to crumble and the house to fall. Closure.
I like to think that Melinda and Albus became friends after this. Not great friends, obivously, but someone that you send a Christmas card to.
Wonderful story! Thank you for introducing me to it! And with that I conclude my designated five reviews and say:
classicblackAuthor's Response: Thank you for so many wonderful reviews!! I know it must have been a bit of a project, especially since you went an extra mile and left me six reviews! :)
The quote is one of my favorites, too. When I saw it in your review I did a double-take because it seemed like something that some other person wrote. I really didn't mean to be so fancy and put-together!! I do what I can, and it somehow worked for this story. :)
Yes, Albus and Melinda can fly alone now. The house that bound them together is gone. This whole chapter was actually inspired by a dream I had. I was like, "Whoa, that was cool!" and then I wove it into my story.
I guess you could say that Albus and Melinda are friends now, but very, very distant friends. And the Christmas card only has a signature at the bottom. Knowing Albus, he doesn't have time, and knowing Melinda, she understands. It's just kind of the way of things, you know?
Thank you again so much for all the reviews you've left me!! In the future, I'll have to publish a new chapter if I want you to review my work!! (You've reviewed all I've got on HPFF!!!) :)
~UnluckyStar57 Report Review
I loved the beginning sentences again. It was heavily ironic how Albus didn't take after his namesake, "the bravest man Harry ever knew", and became a cowardly Slytherin. Nice parallels! Of course, then Albus had to go and ruin it by making it seem like he was better than Melinda all along and just was too cowardly to break up with her. It makes me feel so much more sympathy for Melinda because he was leading her on, but it makes me feel better that she was the one to get the final word in the end. Darn you, Albus. Just darn you.
But honestly how in the world did he grow up to have such a hatred of oddness when his own sister is named after the oddest girl of the century? Did he never experience Luna, who both his parents loved, as a child? What happened? Gah, you're too good. I don't normally have this many questions.
I liked how both Albus and Melinda turned away from love after their break up. However, where Melinda became free and happier, Albus tunred sour and cold and bitter. The connections are amazing.
I have to say that this chapter did not make me like Albus more. It made me want to slap him repeatedly, though. I would never put up with a controlling relationship like that and I'm sad Melinda didn't see it sooner.
classicblackAuthor's Response: Oh, you flatter me! I didn't even notice the parallels until you pointed them out!
Yes, I suppose that Snape gave up his life for love of a girl while Albus Severus shrank away from a girl he used to love so that he could find a new life. It all comes down to the fact that Albus and Melinda were together, and Snape never had his moment with Lily. Snape lost the most wonderful thing in his life and lived in regret until his death. Albus gave up the most wonderful thing in his life because she ceased to be wonderful to him. He changed, for better or for worse. He is a coward by nature because he's never actually had a real cause to stand up for--Snape had his undying guilt to turn him over to the good side, and Albus never really had that. So the difference is ironic, but not unnatural, really. (I hope this all makes sense!) Thank you for making me think about this parallel! That was awesome of you. :)
As for his hatred of oddness, well, there are all sorts of siblings in a family. Lily Luna was named after an odd woman, but does she take after her? Was this odd woman ever around in my version of the story? Even I don't know, unfortunately. It might be a good thing if I were to write other stories, showcasing Albus' friends and siblings in this alternate universe of their story, but I don't have anything planned, exactly. Now that I read your questions, however, my thoughts are racing with ideas. Perhaps this summer I can come up with something worth publishing? :)
But to answer in a more concrete fashion: Albus could have disliked Luna's oddness, even though his parents loved her. There's no accounting for taste, as they say, and maybe Albus is just one of those straight-laced, professional types.
OR... He was more open-minded at the beginning, and that's why he became interested in Melinda. As time passed and he met more professionals in the Ministry, he began to emulate their worldview and professionalism, but took it too far. He started to hold Melinda at arm's length because she wasn't professional like he was. (I think this is the best of all the possible explanations I can give you!!)
I'm glad that you want to slap Albus. He definitely deserves it!!!
Thank you so much for making me think! I hope I didn't bore you too very much! :)
Oh that beginning! You set it up so I was thinking that Melinda was happy and lovely and all was well and then you hit me with that "six months of being quite alone" part. Very clever, you.
I enjoyed the look into the background of Albus and Melinda's relationship. Albus is so cute when he asks her out! It was interesting to see the parallels- Melinda sees herself (and she is I suppose) as a social outcast, but it's Albus- the confident, smart son of Harry Potter- who is nervous and intimidated when asking her out. Perhaps she's not so out-there after all? And then that scene in the snow and Albus's moments of spontaneity- perfect!
And then I read the rest of the chapter. It seems to me, although Melinda is essentially finished with Albus and doesn't have feelings for him anymore, there is still a part of her that wishes they were still together. I suppose it's sometimes an after-effect of a controlling relationship? Because Albus certainly was very controlling. I have a friend who recently ended a relationship similar to that of Albus and Melinda and so it actually helped me really feel for Melinda. Props for making me love and then dislike Albus all in one chapter!
I was going to comment on why you switched from third to first person in this chapter, but then I saw the title of the next chapter and it all makes sense. You're going to do a chapter from Ablus's perspective next. Perhaps I'll hate him less after that.
There were a few lines that felt a bit awkward. Just places when Melinda would narrate "for crying out loud" or "for Merlin's sake" which did make her narration less formal and more personal, but didn't seem to quite fit with the generally angsty, serious, and dramatic tone of this chapter.
Overall, fantastic chapter. I'm excited to read more. I'm really loving the quotes at the begining and end of each chapter, too.
classicblackAuthor's Response: Hello again!
Yes, Melinda is happy, but she is reflective at the same time. I was trying not to make her seem too sad, but still, she misses the good times. They had a pretty good relationship before it all fell apart, and happy memories never really fade. However, Melinda also remembers the bad times, and they soon outweigh the happy ones. It's enough for her to finally lose her patience and her hope for a change in Albus' slowly deteriorating character.
I'm very sorry to hear about your friend. Boys and girls can really be awful to each other sometimes (all the time), and that's exactly what I was trying to show here. (And I may or may not have had a friend who went through the same sort of thing.)
As for the break in tone... Yeah. I'm sorry!! One day in the far-off future, I will edit and make it all better, I promise! :)
~UnluckyStar57 Report Review
I know you said you didn't want a review for this chapter, but I'm doing it (along with chapters 2, 3, and 4) anyway because I wanted to tell you how much I liked this chapter.
Really, you're a fantastic writer. I can't help being excited to read how Albus's character grows, hopefully away from a quite oblivious Slytherin? He seems so practical and cold-hearted but maybe that's a defense mechanism so he doesn't get hurt? I'm also looking forward seeing how Melinda and Albus's relationship grows in general. I liked the way you showed how their relationship grew slowly apart. How they weren't these polar opposites or best friends that fell in love, as those beautiful cliches go. They started out as strangers that grew in love and then fell apart.
I loved the quotes you used to begin and end this chapter. They fit excellently and helped set the mood of the story. Yet again, your description and detail were fantastic.
classicblackAuthor's Response: Thank you so much for giving me an extra review!! That was so nice of you, and I'm sorry that it took me almost a MONTH to respond!!
*blushes* I'm glad you think I'm a fantastic writer. That's what I'd like to pretend, anyways, but sometimes... I don't know.
As you saw in the following chapters, Albus did not grow away from his practical cold-heartedness. This was a break up story, after all, and I had to give him a flaw (because he's practically perfect otherwise... except when he's not!)!!
Thank you for loving the quotes, and I look forward to (finally!) responding to the rest of your reviews!
~UnluckyStar57 Report Review
Go Melinda! I like Melinda, as a character, a lot. She's one of those characters that proves that you can love a boy all you want, but they should never become your life or the one the person that you depend on for more than anything.
Anyway, good job, I enjoyed the flashbacks and Albus seems like such a jerk! In other fanfictions, he's usually all cute and nice but he's really mean in this one. That was a compliment (of sorts) not an insult.Author's Response: Thanks for your second review!! It was quite awesome of you to review TWICE in a row! :)
Because it was a breakup challenge, I had to make Albus a little rude. I wanted the change in both characters to be the reason they broke up, and I think I showed his mean side a little more than Melinda's bad side. :P
And don't worry, since I was aiming for him to be standoffish and rude, I definitely take it as a compliment!!
Thanks again for your review!
~UnluckyStar57 Report Review
Wow, that was just, wow. I really enjoyed that, I'll continue onto the next chapter when I have more time but for a first chapter, that was good. You've got me hooked.Author's Response: Wooohoo!! I love going fishing for readers. ;)
Just kidding. Thanks for saying you'll read on!!
~UnluckyStar57 Report Review
Oh I thought this was a great beginning to your story! I love the idea behind this, that instead of starting at the beginning of a relationship, you are starting at the end and seeing how they can pick up the pieces of their lives alone! I liked your characterizations as well. Your OC seemed to be very strongheaded and I liked how you added in that bit about Slytherin deception for Albus. You also seemed to have a nice balance between description and conversation so that was nice to see as well! There really isn't much else I can say other than that I liked it! Great Job!
~Slytherinchica08~Author's Response: Thank you for your review!! I'm glad you liked it! :)
When I wrote this story, I wanted both characters to embody the best and worst of their houses. Thank you for seeing some of that!! :)
~UnluckyStar57 Report Review
Hi, I'm here from the BVB review battle.
I just have to say first off that this story is really good. Its well written and I couldn't find any grammatical or spelling errors, which made it even more enjoyable to read.
This is a really interesting plot you've chosen. The aftermath of someone's breakup isn't written about that often and I think that you've captured really well.
I like all the flashbacks in the story - I feel like they add a greater depth to the story, its only the second chapter, but I've already learned quite a bit about Al and Melinda's relationship - the only thing I would say is that maybe their dominating it a little too much.
But apart from that, I really liked this chapter and I'm definitely going on to read the next chapters. Oh and I love the titles you've chosen for your chapters especially "The Bird Without Her Cage" and "The Snake Without His Prize."
CharlieAuthor's Response: Thank you for reading and reviewing!
I'm quite glad you liked my story, and I do hope that you enjoy what you read if you do decide to read on. :)
As for what you've said about Al and Melinda's relationship... I probably did say too much in the second chapter, but I was aiming for a 4-chapter fic, and it seemed like a logical way for the story to flow. If ever I have time to rearrange things, I will definitely try to make it a little more ambiguous about the nature of their dispute.
Thanks again for your review!! Feel free to leave another one if you have time. I love getting feedback from people because it makes me a better writer. :)
~UnluckyStar57 Report Review
Hi! Here from the Ravenclaw review battle! =]
First off, you have a definitely good plot. There aren't many break up stories here, so this one seemed original.
Melinda is an interesting character, but I thought she spoke to Al a bit too clearly. I mean, they're breaking up, aren't they? and they're breaking up after a long relationship so her speech should be something different. Like you can make her hesitate or something.
Otherwise a nice start! =]Author's Response: Thanks very much for your review!!
You're actually the first person to mention Melinda's style of speaking, and there's kind of a funny story behind it.
You see, I based this story off of a real-life event, one that actually happened to me. When I spoke, I spoke frankly, because I was disgusted with the way things were. My feelings were not considered, and so I wanted to make things as quick as possible. That's kind of the viewpoint I was writing from, if you can believe that!
But I like your suggestion. I do understand that probably no one speaks like Melinda, except me, and so it might be a little hard to stomach.
Thanks for taking the time to review!
~UnluckyStar57 Report Review
This was really good. The emotions that you had going on were really realistic. Your take on Albus was really interesting. He actually annoyed me sort of, and I really love that he annoyed me because it was something different. I am sort of pictureing him as Percy in Harry's body, if that makes any sense whatso ever.
I also really loved your OC's character. She seemed really ecentric, and quirky, but at the same time not crazy like Luna. So like a sensible Luna. Definitely not the stereotypical Ravenclaw (stingy know it all type of person).
The one thing would be the last line 'Better to be happy alone, than miserable together.' Its got this weird indent to it. Like its not centered but its not completly to the left. Its really not that big a deal, and I'm probably the only one who is going to take the time to point this out (I've got serious formatting OCD), but yeah you might want to pick a spot, either to the left completely, or centered completely.
Anyway this was quite good, I loved your characters, hope to see you around the BvB battle some time soon.
BW24Author's Response: Thanks for the review!
I'm glad you enjoyed my different take on Albus Potter. Because this was a break up story, I didn't want to make him too nice. I never thought about him being like Percy, but yeah... I guess I can picture that now! :)
Melinda (my OC) is rather quirky. She doesn't follow the crowd, much like Luna, but she is a bit more down-to-earth than Luna.
Aughhh... The last line? I never noticed that. When I edit this (sometime in the very distant future... Time is short!) I will definitely fix that!!
Thanks so much!
~~UnluckyStar57 Report Review
*blinks* did you just mention me in your author's note?! Aww you're welcome! This is one of my favorite stories that I got to review as a result of my review thread! Its nice to come across a story I can just go on about instead of trying to figure out how to say stuff.
Anyway, the actual chapter was such a perfect ending!! The whole house of dreams? Stunning. Really a perfect image for what they've gone through. And I'm really glad that they made peace with each other. Its good they've reached "equilibrium" but its not like they got back together. That would have been wrong. The way you wrote it is much more realistic! And great ending! That little sentence about dreams being stronger than grudges was a very solid note to end on. Congratulations on winning Third place!! You certainly deserve it :)
Please keep up your writing! It is really refreshing and unique!Author's Response: I'm so glad that you liked my story. :)
As for the AN mention, I felt that it was the least I could do after your lovely reviews!!
In this chapter, I really wanted a lot of symbolism to tie everything together and create a circle. Equilibrium seemed the best balance point for the pair, because they were too far apart to get back together.
Thank you for reviewing every chapter, and thanks for the congratulations!! I will definitely be writing more in the future. :) Report Review
Ugh, I really don't like Albus! And I mean that you wrote him very cleverly so that I can't stand his cowardice but I also feel sorry for him. Get ready for another gushy review, even though you didn't request ;)
That letter he wrote? Oh my gosh it made me want to slap him! You can't just do that to your girlfriend! Ahh it made me so angry! And the way he acted with his friends? Grrr its so mean! I genuinely can't stand the way he is acting! Such a jerk!! Of course I can't help feel a tiny bit sorry for him. He lost a lot! Basically what I'm trying to say is that this chapter was awesome and I loved it, even though I wanted to put Albus in his place.
The flashbacks were really well done again, I have to say! They helped a lot more than a whole chapter of Albus just reminiscing. I can't wait to read the last chapter!Author's Response: Thankyouthankyouthankyou!!!
When I wrote Albus, I felt like he was way too mean and heartless, and it seemed like he had no feelings about the break-up. I'm going to work on his character to make him seem a little more empathetic. I really didn't mean to make him so, so rude, but it just kind of happened...
Thank you so much for reviewing again!! Report Review
I'm sorry but this isn't actually a review of your story. You gave nice reviews on one of mine, Puppy love, and I couldn't find where I can send you a message, so this is how. I'm no longer putting it on HPFF, instead I put it on fanfiction . com. If you want to keep reading it its on:
http:// www. fanfiction. net /~misslizet
Just wanted to let you know.
MissLizetAuthor's Response: Thanks for letting me know. I'll try to check it out sometime. :) Report Review
Hi :) I'm back again!
Aw I got a shout out and it wasn't just to say it was my challenge haha ^.^ Thanks for that!!
Right I love this. The ending is perfect. I love how they sorted it out but didn't end up together as it feels more real and realistic. I mean not every couple gets back together and I like that take on your story, very much so :)
And finally I can't believe it is over :(
Keep up the great writing :) and can't wait to read more of your future story!Author's Response: Hello. :)
Thank you for loving the ending!! It was actually based on a dream I had, and I wanted the symbolism to really show through in this chapter.
I can't believe that it's over, either. I feel like it was so exciting to watch every day for my new chapters to come out on the archives, and now that it's finished, I'm just kind of floating around...
Thank you for reviewing my story!! :) Report Review
Hello there! I'm from the review tag, but I know you've seen me on the forums, and you reviewed my Heavy at Heart story awhile back!
First of all, I want to start out by saying that I don't normally read many NextGen stories, and I don't think of Albus as a Slytherin, but that's my own reasons. :D Just thought I would let you know so that there is no bias or anything in my review.
Okay, so I thought this story was very descriptive and detailed. It was really the little things that made the break up believable. You mention the fights, how Albus would simply kiss her and hug her and then move past it without even giving it a second's thought. It almost sounded like the arguing became so normal, that his apologies were basically a chore. They fought, and he carried out his chore. I really liked that. It can show how someone will stay in a relationship with no love, no companionship, and so the only thing there really is in the relationship is commitment. That's called empty love, and with Albus's cold heart and his reactions to her after arguments, that's almost the impression I got. Not sure that's what you were going for, but I liked it that way.
Also, I liked your OC, Melinda. I enjoyed your descriptions of her, how she enjoys the flowers in her hair and weird things that puts Albus off. How he can't accept those things but somehow feels the need to tell her about it, yet still be with her. It's the little things in relationships that matter, and if all the little things are going to annoy you, then it probably won't work, so kudos to you for contributing that to the story as well.
Overall, I think you did a very good job. I didn't really see any grammatical errors, or at least not that I know of. I guess my only complaint would be in one spot you have her speaking and then in parentheses you have a thought of Albus's and it continued with her line. That was a bit confusing, but other then that, it was good. :DAuthor's Response: Thanks for you review!
Honestly, I don't think of Albus as a Slytherin either, but for this story, I wanted his personality to match his house. Sometimes Albus is portrayed as very sweet, brave, and Gryffindor-ish, and sometimes he is a cunning, standoffish Slytherin. His ambition and cold calculation in this story is what ultimately made me decide to place him in Slytherin.
I definitely was going for the "empty love" angle, though I had no idea what it was called. As a real, live human being, I know that empty love can happen, and I wanted to show that in fanfiction as well. I'm very happy that you picked up on that, and I'm super happy that you analyzed it so well. :)
It definitely is the little things that matter the most, and Melinda's "imperfections" just kept adding up for Albus. I put that in to show that he isn't completely to blame in this mess!
Thank you very much! I try to write with as few grammatical errors as possible... It makes for a story that is easier to read, in my opinion. The parentheses thing is something that I will definitely look into when I edit this story... Sometime in the future, whenever that may be! :) Report Review
I'm at the crossroads with Al. CC? nothing except Christmastime should be two words.. right? Sorry in editor/nitpicking mode... *feeble smile*Author's Response: It's okay. I've seen "Christmastime" written both ways, and I just happened to choose that one. :)
Thanks for reviewing again!! Report Review
I like this chapter because Milenda (sorry if I spelled it wrong) is a strong girl. It takes a while to get as far as she has in the relationship aftermath process and I'm hoping I can get there too eventually. No real CC because i think it's greatAuthor's Response: You're too kind. :)
I tried to make her strong, because sometimes girls don't know how to get over a guy. I forced her to find her own way. :) Report Review
Awww this is soo sad. :( I never expected Albus this stiff of a person. I guess people seem that way when they are do distant.. hmmAuthor's Response: He is a bit stiff in my story, but only because I needed him to be for the break-up to happen. A nice Albus wouldn't be mean enough to break up with!
Thanks for your review!! Report Review
This is a faboulous ending and I just love the metaphors that you used with the house in the dream as it just seemed right. I nice to see that after all they have been through they eventually worked it out even if it was a happy romanatic ending it still worked well to provide a refief that the end of a story can offer.
While I'm not usually one for romantic stories I found this one rather interesting so well done on that as I can at time be hard to keep my attention which you certainly did!
While it might not be a heart warming tale I found it throughly enjoyable and a good read!Author's Response: Thank you ever so much for reviewing every chapter!! It really means a lot to me. (Though I know I did request it, you went above and beyond the call of duty!!)
Since the story was for a break-up challenge, I really didn't want to go the whole route of "let's-break-up-then-get-back-together-and-spend-the-rest-of-our-lives-together." I wanted to showcase what break-ups are often like, at least, the ones I've experienced. I do realize that not everyone is quite as distant after they break up, but it was fun to write characters who were. :)
Thank you for loving the house metaphor!! This chapter was actually based on a dream I had a while back, but of course I embellished it in the name of fanfiction!! :D
Much love for reviewing so much!! I hope your fingers aren't tired from typing! Report Review
Oh this deinfatly explains a lot of what happened and why which is something that reader will want to know. As while sometimes leaving things mysertious works it is also nice to know what actually happened too.
I like the fact that you chose to have this chapater from Albus's point of view as it helps the read to have a chance to sympathise with him and reveal his character's feelings. It also explains his actions and why he did them which I feel makes me not want to just out right hate a character without knowing there side of it.
I also think it's good that you have referanced events from earlier chapater's as it helps to tie everything together!Author's Response: Thanks so much!!
When I planned the story, I wanted to give each of them a chance to have their say, and I really tried to make neither of them the villain, though I was a little prejudiced against Albus. I really put off writing this chapter, because I didn't want to make him seem too mean!! D:
I tried to tie everything together... I may have been a little vague in Melinda's chapter, and I'll probably be editing a lot after the queue reopens in July. I made the first chapter a little vague (huge risk, I know) to try and catch people's attention...
Thank you!! :) Report Review
I think this was a nice little insight in the past between the two with the little snippets through out the chapater. How they met, why they broke up. It helps me to understand the events of the first chapater.
Though I am a little confused about what date Melinda herself is in with it bobbing from past to present as all I know is we are six month after the break up but not actually when that is. Though it's not all that important I suppose and just me being silly.
Again another good chapater keep it up.Author's Response: It's okay. I know it's a little bit confusing.
With the "six months later" bit, I was going for a general time, around six months after they broke up in late October.
Thank you!! :) Report Review
Oh this is quite interesting I must say! I would have never thought of portrarying Albus in such a way like this but I find that it makes me wonder why he is so. It was me wondering what they faught about that has come to ended their relationship.
While I'm not the keenest one people using houses to sterotype characteristic's of characters I do think that you have used it quite cleverly within your story so far. Also your descriptions are well written which is always good within a story and helps people to visualise things which is something I am very found of being artistic myself.
All in all a quite enjoyable chapater!Author's Response: Thank you so very much!! I['m glad you liked it!
And I'm not too big a fan of stereotyping the houses either, but I was trying to go for certain characteristics that made them be a Slytherin or a Ravenclaw, such as Albus' ambition and Melinda's brains. I wasn't trying to make them bad or good based on their house, but just trying to show that sometimes, they embodied the characteristics a little TOO well.
I'm glad you liked my descriptions! I always worry about whether I've described something adequately or not. :) Report Review
Firstly, I just want to say that I love your last sentence "Let the caged bired fly free", It's so pretty!
Flashbacks~ These aren't too confusing. I know it's hard as I use plenty of flashbacks when I write as well. Just be careful on the amount you use because if use too many more in one chapter your readers could get bored and you wouldn't want that :(
The characterisation of Albus was better. You gave the reader a better understanding of his personality changes and how much of a jerk he became.
A great 2nd chapter :)
ht 8.5/10Author's Response: Auughhh!! Thank you for loving my last sentence!! I really wanted each chapter to have something in common, and it seemed like a last sentence in italics was the right choice. In these sentences, I try to sum up the feelings and changes each character has gone through, which is a bit difficult, I found!
As for the flashbacks, I was trying to show how the relationship deteriorated, and then I read over it, and I thought, "Wowww... Too much doom and gloom." So I added in a happy moment from the relationship, just to even the balance. There were many more flashbacks that I wanted to put in, but I didn't, because I was afraid that they would be confusing/overwhelming.
Thank you for reviewing my story! :) Report Review
I'm here from my review thread :)
I enjoyed this chapter alot, you definitely worked hard to put alot of emotion into it.
Characterisation~ I think that you did well with this. Albus is not a character we know very well, since he is only metioned a couple of time in the epilogue. You have created him with a different personality to what I imagine him to have but it still works just fine. I think that you could have maybe described him a bit more.
Characterisation (OC)~ You described your OC better than Albus, but you could have described her more. You characterised her well (although it's hard for me to tell since she is an OC).
Plot~ Your plot seems good at the moment although obviously it's just the beginning of the story so it's hard to tell.
I really loved the flower bit :)
You did a great job so keep up the good work!
8.5/10Author's Response: Thank you so much for your input!!
I was a little worried that Albus seemed too rude to be realistic, so that's why I asked you to look at characterization in my request. I am definitely going to edit the story after the queue reopens in July, and I will look into trying to describe them a little better.
Thank you for loving the flower part!! I love hair clips, and I thought it would be fun to add them in my story. :) Report Review
Hi I'm back for another review.
This was a really good third chapter. I like it very much. It gave me more of an insight to who Albus' is as a person...however I wish I knew why he wants to be controlling or what triggers it. I love the ending of all your chapters, some very nice short and simple quotes.
The story flow really well and isn't too fast pace and everything seems to gel together.
I'm looking forward to reading the last chapter :D
Keep it up.Author's Response: Ah, thanks so much! I really struggled with getting into Albus' head for this chapter.
I tried to lay out why he became controlling, but I didn't really do quite as much with it as I should have... After the challenge ends, I'm going to revise and edit quite a lot on this one.
But it's really nice to know that you like the pace. I was going for a short story, but one that would carry some kind of meaning, whatever it may be. :)
Hearts for reviewing yet again!! Report Review
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